Royce went home and eased Justin in his bed and put the cover over him and kissed his sweet little cheek, this has been a rough day for you I know little buddy. The mess was cleaned up and Duke was back in the house; he was right by his side as he put Justin down, “Watch over him Duke, I’ll be back,” he said. He led Duke out the room and closed the door, “Stay,” he said and Duke lay down outside Justin’s door and he went back out to the car and started unloading his purchases and the shopping bag full of the precious breast milk. The breast milk he was worried Tammy might destroy. They also had a refrigerator out in the garage, he tied a knot at the top of the shopping bag and placed it with its precious cargo on the bottom shelf in the back of the freezer out of sight, he hoped Tammy wouldn’t find it and if she did, she wouldn’t do anything to it. She hurt him tonight and she didn’t know it but he was thinking differently about her now, not as a loving partner but as a person to be wary of.
He took the bags of baby food and diapers into Justin’s room and sat in the rocking chair thinking. Duke lay beside him, he stroked his furry head and thought, how long is it going to take for Tammy and the kids to get use to the idea of Justin being around? That was his biggest question, they’d treated him like shit today and he didn’t like that. He was a baby and they treated him like shit, and he watched him sleeping peacefully and his heart went out to him and he loved him with all his heart and he was going to protect him through this no matter what. He got up and went to sleep in the guest room; it was closer to Justin anyway. He couldn’t imagine being in the same room with Tammy tonight.
Joy was crying in the bathroom, crying for what she’d done to Michael, I made him like this, I made him like this, she cried to herself over and over, what I did with Royce, he hates Royce and seeing him makes him crazy, but she didn’t hate Royce. She thought he was a good guy and there was something about Royce. She smiled through her tears, he messed up tonight, he actually threw away all the babies milk. Is he crazy, what if I didn’t have any more? She shook her head but she couldn’t hate him, he gave her Justin and in the back of her mind she saw them at The Club. Royce riding her so good, her legs wrapped around him and him stroking her so sweetly, holding her and looking into her eyes, his deep blue eyes, his smile infectious, she wiped her eyes. Yeah, there was something about Royce, and just then the bathroom door opened and Michael walked in.
Michael saw her tears, she was seating on the toilet seat, the trash can full of used toilet paper from her tears. He’d startled her and her heart jumped and her mind thought, Oh god. “Did I wake you I’m sorry,” she said, but she was thinking, Oh God, oh no, oh God no! He walked towards her and knelt in front of her. She could see the concern in his eyes, “Oh Joy I’m sorry. I don’t know what comes over me I’m so sorry,” and she thought Royce comes over you, seeing Royce comes over you and you hurt me that’s what, “Please forgive me, I’m sorry,” he pleaded with her.
He stood up and took her hand and gently pulled her towards him. Her heart was racing and he took her in his arms and held her tight, “I don’t know what else to say Joy. I love you, I always have, believe me when I say that okay, even when I do crazy shit,” he said and held her tighter. Then he looked her in the eye, his eyes begging her to understand. She gave him a smile, a smile that reassured him she understood, but she was scared and this was Michael. Even though there was something about Royce she loved Michael and when he led her to their bed her heart raced not knowing what to expect, but he took her in his arms and held her. “I love you Joy and I promise I will not act like that again, okay,” he said, his embrace warm and secure, “I promise you that.”
“Okay Michael, I love you too, I love you so much,” she said and kissed him softly on the lips. She wanted him to love her like he used to, passionate but loving and good, he held her tighter. “I love you too, I love you too,” and that was the first night in a while Joy went to sleep happy.
The next morning Royce woke up. The first thing he was going to do was give Justin a bath. He’d intended to last night; he had to show Joy he could do this, she was so worried he couldn’t, and last night almost proved her right. He was thankful Joy had shown him how to take care of Justin in the few weeks before the trial; he had to admit he hadn’t done much baby care with Karen and Dillon. He was working trying to make a living so Tammy took personal care of them and he’d come home and play with them, but she changed most of the diapers. fed and bathed them, but in the weeks he went by to see Justin, Joy let him do everything she would have done. She let him feed, bathe, and dress him, and do whatever needed to be done in the few hours he was there and now he was grateful he was comfortable doing things for him.
He filled Justin’s bathtub and picked him up, his diaper was full to almost bursting, he made a mental note, change him before you put him to bed, and once he had him clean and dressed he went into the kitchen. Tammy was scrambling eggs and he would have liked some for Justin but he thought she might throw the whole pan away just so he wouldn’t have any. She looked at him holding Justin, rolled her eyes and turned back to the pan. He smirked and went to the pantry, but then he remembered Justin’s food wasn’t in there, he left taking Justin with him.
The shopping bags of food were still where he left them, I’m going to have to find a spot for these, he took out the cereal and jar of apricots. He took the new bottles out and read the back of the package, “Shit,” it said something about boiling them before use. Tammy really screwed him around and he was mad at her all over again. He took the empty bottle he’d used last night and for a moment he stood there not sure what to do; he needed to do things that required two hands and asking Tammy to hold Justin was out of the question. He picked him up and put him back in his crib, he called Duke in, “Stay boy,” he said to Duke.
He went into the kitchen where he washed the bottle as best he could; he didn’t know he needed a bottle brush, he warmed up the milk and made a bottle and prepared his cereal like Joy showed him.
When his cereal and bottle was ready he thought about going to get Justin, but he’d have to leave his food and he knew deep in his soul if Tammy did anything to that bowl of cereal he would beat the living shit out of her. He’d never hit a woman in his life, but some button had been turned on last night after what she’d done he knew he was capable of doing things he’d never thought possible. He looked over at her; she was taking strips of bacon off the skillet and placing them on a paper towel, he couldn’t chance it. He put the bottle in his pajama bottoms pocket and took the bowl with him and went to Justin’s room and he heard him giggling and laughing.
When he opened the door Duke had rose up on his hind legs on the side of his crib and was licking Justin all over his face, and Justin was laughing and giggling like it was the best thing in the world. Royce just shook his head and laughed, “Down Duke,” he chuckled, so much for a clean baby.
After he washed his face he went into the kitchen with a smiling Justin, Duke at his side, the kids and Tammy were eating breakfast. He sat Justin in his high chair, I thought of everything when preparing for him to come here, a new nursery, high chair, all the comforts for a baby, everything except a loving family, he thought as he looked at his family sitting around the table. They were quiet, no one was saying anything, he decided to break the silence, “So Karen who are you playing today?”
Karen was on a select soccer team, she played year round, soccer, soccer, soccer was all she thought about. “The Heat, they’re good too, one of the best,” she said. “Good, then they’ll offer a good challenge, but I know you’re ready for that,” he said. “Yep.” “Okay as soon as I’m ready we can go,” he said and Tammy looked up,
“What are you going to do about…” she looked over at Justin.
“Justin,” he said looking squarely at her.
“I’m taking him with us of course” and he was thinking what kind of question is that. Her mouth dropped.
“What?” She looked at him in disbelief, “Oh no you’re not Royce, wh
at kind of example is that? To bring your…your…lover’s child with us!” She yelled at him horrified.
“He’s part of this family now, get used to it! All of you! Get used to it!” He said looking at all of them for emphasis.
“The hell I will! The hell any of us will! Take him home! Take him to hell I don’t care but he’s not coming to the game with us!” Tammy yelled at him and got up hard from the table so that her chair scraped loud against the tile. She took her plate and angrily scraped her food into the sink, “Do you know how crazy this is, do you! Do you actually get it in that thick head of yours how crazy this is!” She screamed at the top of her lungs.
“It’s only crazy because you’re making it crazy! It doesn’t have to be, but you’re creating all the chaos, destroying his food and creating a scene right now in front of the kids Tammy!”
“Me! Me! You’re the one causing the problem! You and her…her…seed from hell is what he is, her fucking seed from hell!” She yelled at him, “He’s not going with us, you can’t take him with us! You can’t do that to us, you can’t embarrass us like that Royce!”
“Embarrass you! How is a baby, a little baby going to embarrass you? People will talk Tammy you can’t stop that, but they’ll move on to something else once they know we’re okay with this, if we stand together…”
“You think I’m okay with this! How in the hell can you think I’m okay with this? I’ll never be okay with this! Get that through your thick skull, I’ll never be okay with this!”
Justin was starting to cry at the outburst. He picked him up and stormed out, especially when he saw the looks the kids were giving them, disbelief and shock among them, and he had never known Tammy to curse in front of them, but she was that mad this morning to do the unthinkable. He went into his bedroom; he soothed Justin, “What am I doing? What am I doing?” He said to himself, but he was in too deep now and determined to make this work and make Justin a part of their lives.
When he was ready he walked out; Tammy was cleaning the dishes off the table and glared at him. He went into the garage and placed Justin in his car seat and took out his stroller and followed the direction in opening it and closing it. Tammy and the kids came out and he could see Karen was clearly upset and Dillon just looked like he wanted to get as far away as possible and Tammy was upset too. “Don’t do this to us Royce,” she begged. “We’re going, we’re all going,” he said adamantly.
They quietly piled into the car. Justin seemed to feel the undercurrent, he looked at all of them, he squirmed and wiped his eyes. He shook his head from side to side as if he could talk he’d say, “No, no, this isn’t how a family feels,” his car seat was in the middle between Karen and Dillon. Justin looked over at Karen and she glared at him and he looked away, he looked over at Dillon. Dillon had his back to him looking out the window, he looked at his father and he saw the determination on his face as he backed out of the driveway.
Royce drove to the soccer field anger and determination fueled him. Alongside the street there was a big grassy meadow they had to cross between the cars and the soccer fields, it was there Royce found a parking spot. No one had said a word during the drive. Justin sucked on his pacifier, Tammy and Karen wiped tears, and Dillon looked out the window. His family piled out the car and he was left alone. On the one hand he was grateful and on the other he was not that they’d left him to fend for himself. He watched them walk together across the grassy meadow, all with their heads down. He recognized long ago he was in this alone, but now with his family it was spelled out even clearer, no one wanted this but him.
Royce took out the stroller and locked the latch in place, “Okay Justin I think we’re all set,” he placed him in his new stroller, “Yep, this’ll work little buddy, you can get heavy you know that?” He said to Justin smiling at him and Justin returned the smile, clapping his little hands sucking on his pacifier. Man, it’s already getting hot, he grabbed the diaper bag and rummaged through it and found the sunscreen, “You mother would not be happy if I let you burn,” he thoroughly rubbed sunscreen on Justin’s pale arms and legs; he smiled at Justin as he rubbed it on his little face and his heart melted at the little blue eyed boy smiling back at him.
He sun screened himself, and put on his baseball cap and sunglasses. He’d put in the one bottle that was sterilized and he hoped it was enough. “This is it buddy, the moment of truth,” he pushed Justin towards the soccer field and he was relieved he had to walk a little before getting to the sideline, it gave him time to get his courage up to face whatever was coming.
Royce walked up and saw his crowd. Tammy was already sitting in a lawn chair crying, the wives were surrounding her, soothing and patting her on the back. Karen was clearly upset, her eyes red and watery, she was standing with her teammates waiting for the current game to end so they could go warm up, and Dillon was standing there not paying attention to any of it playing his Nintendo Game Boy but his face showed he wasn’t happy. The wives glared at him when he walked up. Amanda gave him the worse look, and Sarah looked like she didn’t know what to do, and so did the husbands. They looked at him and then at their wives, but they did acknowledge him, “Hey Royce,” they said, but looked over at their wives to see what they’d done, if they’d crossed a line or not.
He saw the row of parents of both teams lined up on the sideline, there was a grassy space that separated the opposing team’s spectators and theirs. There were no bleachers, everyone brought their own chairs, blankets, or big umbrellas to sit under. He decided to go a little further down than he would’ve normally, closer to the opponents team parents than theirs, he strolled into the empty grassy space. He parked Justin’s stroller and locked it down, it was May and already hot this morning so he decided to leave Justin’s canopy up to keep the sun off him. Now Justin was sitting up clapping his hands when he heard the teams clapping as they ran on the field.
Bobby came over. “Man you really stepped in it this time,” he said. Royce gave a little laugh, “Did I, are you sure you want to be seen with me man?” Bobby laughed, “I have too you’re the boss,” and Royce laughed, knowing that was not true. Bobby peered in at Justin, “Oh man he’s cute Royce.” “I know, how can you not love a face like that?” He joked and reached down and unstrapped Justin so Bobby could see him, “Say hi to Uncle Bobby,” Royce said waving Justin’s hand at Bobby. “Can I hold him or will he scream bloody murder if someone touches him?” Bobby asked with a laugh. “Oh no he loves people,” and Royce thought, people who like him and will give him the benefit of the doubt, he handed him to Bobby. “Hey little fellow, man you are cute,” Bobby said bouncing him a bit. Justin smiled at him, “I’m your Uncle Bobby,” he cooed and just then Royce heard a little girl say, “Mommy look at that baby he’s so cute,” and then a woman looked up and squealed.
And the next thing he knew the opponents teams mothers and children were over there oohing and ahhhing over Justin. They wanted to hold him, the little girls giggling and touching him and his hair, and soon a few other ladies came over and he couldn’t stop the adoration and Justin ate it up, he laughed with them as they cooed or tickled his little cheeks. This is what he hoped would happen with his family and friends, this is what a baby in the midst should do, it should bring out the cooing and happiness, not what he was getting.
He looked down the row of his friends and he saw disbelief, shock and when Amanda saw him looking her shock turned to anger, and Sarah looked uncomfortable, and he saw her mouth at him, “I’m sorry,” he nodded his acknowledgement, and Tammy was looking at him a used tissue wadded up in her hand, her eyes tear filled. The men wore the same expressions as the women accept kinder as if they were still wondering how to handle this situation.
He tried to relax and watch as much of the game as he could, and Karen was having a hard time of it, she was messing up big time.
At half time he was able to wriggle Justin away from the ladies. Bobby stayed with him talking and he could see Karen crying under the team’s tent
and her coach consoling her. This doesn’t look good, he thought.
After the game Karen was visibly upset and so was Tammy and Dillon still seemed to be in his own world. They got in the car and he strapped in Justin, as soon as the doors were shut. “How could you do that to us?” Tammy cried, “Now everyone is talking, how could you Royce?” She asked through her tears, and he could hear Karen crying in the back seat. He drove home and Karen went up to her room and slammed the door and Tammy went crying to their bedroom, Dillon went to the family room and turned on the TV and popped in a video game and began to play. He put Justin on the floor and he immediately crawled over to Dillon who like yesterday acted as if he didn’t exist. “He’s trying to play with you Dillon,” Dillon didn’t look at him or Justin, he just said, “Oh okay,” but he didn’t acknowledge Justin, he just played the game.
Royce hurriedly went and got the bottles, he couldn’t trust anybody in this house and when he came back sure enough Justin had crawled into the kitchen and was about to get into Duke’s food and water. “No, no buddy,” he said and scooped him up and put him in his high chair. He was going to feed him, change him, put him down for a nap, and boil the bottles, it was up to him to take care of Justin until his family came around and he wasn’t going to let himself or Joy down. He’d fought for this and he’d damn well better do it.
Royce Page 19