“I like when you say my name,” she whispered, cutting off his oxygen with her fragility. “I’ve always had nicknames. Too many to list. But very few people call me Melody. I like the way you say it.”
And here he was thinking his endearments would make him stand out from the sea of past lovers. “So you’re telling me you don’t like when I call you pixie? Or fairy?”
Her lips curved against his. “What I’m saying is, if you continue to say my name in that smooth, deep tone of yours, you might get more than you bargained for once we’re alone.”
“Melody, oh, sweet Melod—”
She cut him off with a kiss. Her delicate hand rested on his chest, right over his heart, as their tongues entwined and assets south of the equator began to stir. When she pulled back, her brown eyes beamed with lust-filled determination. Her confidence, although fleeting, was a fucking brilliant sight. He felt her self-assurance consume him, giving him the patience to hold his temper when all he wanted to do was smack Ryan and Mason in the back of the head.
Nobody realized how much he needed this. Her. His friends had it all, the limelight, the popularity, and the women. All Sean wanted was the opportunity to obtain the same. And Melody wasn’t merely about filling a gap in his life. The few days apart had cemented his interest. He needed more of her. He needed all of her.
The balcony door slid open, and he fought the need to groan.
“Sorry to interrupt.” Sidney. Of course, it had to be her. “Mason was asking for the tongs.”
Sean straightened and released a huff of frustration. “I’ll bring them out in a minute.”
He waited until the door opened and closed again before he relaxed. “Can I get you a glass of wine?”
“I have to drive.”
“You can spend the night.” He grinned, not only because the offer was too tempting to deny, but because Sidney hadn’t even lasted a moment in his mind. He was done. Over her. And the more he thought on it, the more the heavy weight of guilt eased off his shoulders.
“I could, but I won’t. Not tonight.”
“Work?” He pecked her lips and dropped his hold on her hand.
“Yeah. I have another early start in the morning.”
He inclined his head. “I’m beginning to hate your job.”
She snickered and flashed him a brilliant smile. “You didn’t hate it so much when your hands were all over me in the studio.”
“The world doesn’t exist when I’m touching you, let alone your job.” He strode to the kitchen, sensing the heat of her stare on the back of his neck. He removed the garden and potato salads from the fridge, enjoying the contemplation of her silence. She wasn’t the type to fill a void with unnecessary chatter. He liked it.
“Is there a problem between you and Sidney?”
Fuck. Maybe her quiet contemplation wasn’t entirely fan-fucking-tastic. He shouldn’t have stiffened. It was instinctual. Unavoidable. And probably the biggest red flag to wave in front of Red’s face.
“Why do you say that?” Great diversion tactic. Answer a question with a question. There’s no way she’ll notice you sweating now, asshole.
“I guess you don’t seem comfortable around her. You stiffen whenever she speaks to you, and I noticed you don’t make eye contact.”
“Hmm.” He frowned, feigning ignorance so poorly he was sure she was going to latch onto the guilt permeating the air and call him out. “I don’t mean to.” He focused on the path toward the tongs and tried to find an exit strategy. “We’ve been friends for years.” There, that was a hint at their past. A hint was better than nothing. And if Melody did happen to ask for details, he’d spill. He wasn’t sure how, all he knew was that he wasn’t going to lie.
“I guess I haven’t really seen you around your friends before.”
“Yeah.” He pulled open the second drawer beside the dishwasher and grabbed the utensils he needed. “Apart from the time I was passed out at the engagement party. You can’t forget that.” He met her gaze, hoping for a smile she thankfully flashed his way.
“No. I don’t think I’ll ever forget that.”
He smirked, two parts proud for the diversion and a whole heap satisfied at her grin. “I love your smile.”
Her lips curved higher. “And I love that you love my smile.” Her cheeks darkened and she glanced away, hiding her embarrassment.
He couldn’t hold back, he strode for her, the utensils tight in his grip. She was the woman for him, the one he wanted to pop his relationship cherry with. All he had to do was get her to open up and let him in.
* * *
Melody’s high was short lived. She followed Sean onto the balcony, sipping her soda as they chatted amongst themselves, and filled her in on back story whenever necessary. It would’ve been fun—living it up with world-famous musicians, laughing, joking, shooting the breeze. Only she couldn’t get rid of the flutters in her belly.
It couldn’t be intuition. Apart from the engagement party and her work in the studio, this was the first time she’d mingled with anyone other than dance students since the accident. It had to be her confidence playing havoc and pushing her to have an unhealthy focus on a woman she didn’t even know. Still, she couldn’t stop herself from zoning in on the way Sean frowned whenever Sidney addressed him. Or how the other woman spoke with affection in her tone, then barely hid the crumpling of her features when Sean gave a gruff reply.
Damn it. No self-confidence, now jealousy. What was she turning into? She didn’t like the new Melody. The old one had never bothered with the green-eyed monster. She’d never needed to. Guys fawned over her. If they cheated or broke up with her, it was a case of onward and upward. Relationships had never been something she looked at in a long-term kind of way. Being on tour and constantly working didn’t allow for love-filled attachments, only extended hookups. Things were different now. Sean was different. And this whole envy thing was entirely unwanted.
“The past is in the past.” Sidney smiled as she spoke. “I’m no longer going back there. The future is our only focus now.” She nestled into Mason’s arms, resting her head against his neck.
Melody had missed something. “Why is that? Did something happen in the past?”
It was more than Sidney’s personal history she wanted to learn. If at all possible, she was dying to know if other people could simply let go of devastating parts of their life and move on.
The conversation died. Silence hung heavy. Only the sizzle of meat on the grill entered her ears. “Sorry,” she murmured, not entirely sure what she was apologizing for. “Forget I asked.”
“No, it’s fine.” Sidney straightened in Mason’s arms.
Sean cleared his throat, in threat or discomfort, she wasn’t sure, but Sidney’s gaze turned to his for a brief, uncomfortable moment.
“It’s a long story. One that I’m sure you would’ve briefly skimmed over in the papers. My previous assistant had some mental issues I wasn’t aware of, and threatened us with a gun.”
Melody’s mouth dropped. “Us? You and Mason.”
Sidney inclined her head and spoke softly, “And Sean.”
Melody’s gaze snapped to the man she’d grown attached to. “Oh my god. When did this happen?”
“A few months—”
“I think the meat is done.” Sean began tonging the steaks from the grill onto a clean plate. “I hope you’re all ready to eat.”
There was more awkward silence as the four of them watched Sean clear the grill and walk inside with the tray. Mason scowled. Sidney seemed broken and defeated, and Ryan turned his gaze to the sky pretending to be intently focused on something Melody was sure wasn’t there.
“We shouldn’t have come,” Sidney murmured.
“Why?” Mason drawled. “This awkward conversation isn’t your idea of fun?”
Sidney patted her fiancé lightly on the chest. “Come on. Let’s eat and leave them in peace.”
The couple followed after Sean, reaching the door before
Ryan did the same.
“Ryan, wait.” Melody spoke in a whisper she was sure Mason and Sidney would’ve heard. She was just thankful they ignored her and closed the door behind them.
“Yeah.” He spun around, slamming her back into nervousness with his scowl. “What’s up?”
She swallowed over the dryness consuming her throat and jerked her head in the direction of the apartment. “Is there something I should know? About the shooting, I mean. Sean hasn’t mentioned it before.”
Ryan let out a breath of laughter. “There’s a lot you should know, but it’s not my place to tell.”
Not good enough. She needed something. Anything to stop the pain building in her chest. “He told me when we first met that he needed a distraction. Is the gunman the issue? Does Sean have PTSD?”
Originally, she hadn’t cared about his need for a distraction. Things were different now. For one, her confidence was at an all-time low, and she didn’t want to lose the opportunity to learn more about the man pushing her boundaries. And two, finding out he had issues made her more comfortable with her own, no matter how nasty that made her.
“He told you he needed a distraction? Jesus Christ.” Ryan ran a hand over the close-cropped hair of his beard and shook his head. “And he thinks Mitch says stupid shit.”
“Please.” She couldn’t dislodge the feeling she was missing a big part of the picture. Like someone was holding up a sign, right in front of her eyes, yet she couldn’t read it clearly.
Ryan continued to frown at her. Or maybe he was just scowling at the world in general, either way, those dark-blue eyes didn’t hold any happiness. “Ask Sean. I’m already going to get a beat down once you leave. I don’t need two.”
Beat down? Really? “For alluding that he couldn’t remember my name?”
“Yeah.” His smile was feral. “Anyone would think I got him in trouble on purpose, just to get my ass kicked.”
Holy hell, who had she surrounded herself with? These people were all broken. At least fractured. She should feel at home, but she didn’t. Far from it. She felt on the outside of Sean’s life, looking in. There was distance between them where there never had been before. And she could no longer ignore the need to know why she’d been a distraction in the first place. Originally, it hadn’t mattered. She’d had her own secrets and knew what it was like for people to pry. Now the weight of not knowing was making it hard to breathe.
“Come on.” Ryan turned and strode for the door. “Dinner will get cold.”
God, damn it. No. “Ryan, please.”
He glanced over his shoulder and hit her with a look so solemn tears began to well in her eyes. “Let it go, Melody. Honestly, you don’t want to know.”
Chapter Nineteen
Melody closed the door behind her and diverted her attention from the busy kitchen. Sean ignored her, focused on organizing plates and food, while Sidney did the same.
“I’m going to go freshen up before we eat,” she murmured as she passed. “I’ll be back in a sec.”
It didn’t matter anyway. Nobody paid her attention. She slunk to the bathroom, feeling sorry for herself every step of the way. She was jealous. Of an engaged woman, no less. A year ago, she never would’ve believed her self-image would’ve sank this low, yet here she was, envy eating away at her while insecurities left permanent marks on her soul.
She closed herself in the marble-tiled bathroom and placed the toilet seat down, not needing to use the facilities. All she wanted was a breather to reclaim her focus and maybe a little time to use the good ol’ trusted Google.
Retrieving her cell from her pants pocket, she unlocked the screen and then navigated to the search engine. There were too many secrets. If Sean was suffering from a post-traumatic stress disorder, she needed to know.
She’d pushed herself to the limit to be with him in whatever connection they currently shared. She’d had sex for the first time in over eleven months. She lowered her guard and gave him her trust. The least she could have in return was a little clarity.
Whatever he went through with Sidney was a big part of his life, and as delusional as it may seem, she thought she had a right to know. Hell, he’d already messed up and called her by the other woman’s name. Any sane female would’ve checked up on Sidney after that, and Melody was far from sane.
She typed both their details into the text box, hoping Sidney’s given name would be enough to come up with a site or two because she couldn’t recall her full name. The moment she pressed enter, her heart pounded waiting for her phone as it took its sweet-ass time thinking.
In the blink of an eye, she was back to her performing days, her hands sweating, her throat dry waiting for the moment of truth. Sean’s smile resonated in her mind, teasing and sexy as hell.
This was ridiculous. She hadn’t even known him for three weeks, and here she was Internet stalking him. Not cool. Pathetic actually. Utterly pathetic.
As the page started to load, she locked her screen, not allowing herself to glimpse the results. She needed to give Sean time to tell her, no matter how painful the waiting process became. Sidney, no matter how sincere, talented and excessively beautiful, had an equally charming fiancé by her side. She had nothing to worry about, right?
Pushing to her feet, she flushed the toilet to maintain the pretense and then left the small room to focus on her reflection in the main bathroom mirror. The woman staring back at her still resembled the woman she’d been last year, and two years before that. Her scars were hidden under her clothes. Her mental anguish smothered under a smiling mask she’d perfected from years in front of the spotlight. Nobody here knew of her disfigurements.
Sean deserved to hide his scars, too, physical or mental. She couldn’t judge him for hiding parts of his life when she wasn’t ready to share her own, and probably never would be.
She sighed and rested her hip against the bathroom counter. Hiding in here wouldn’t accomplish anything. It would only drag out her apprehension and drain her strength. She needed to move on and stop being paranoid about the connection between Sean and his best friend’s fiancée.
“You can do this,” she whispered to her reflection.
With a heavy breath, she strode from the bathroom and down the hall. As she reached the dining room, she focused on Ryan standing beside the floor to ceiling windows, glancing down at the river below.
“Where is everyone?” She entered the room and pulled out a seat at the empty table.
“Mason went downstairs to get a bottle of wine,” he murmured, still focused outside. “And Sidney and Sean are dishing up the food.”
Melody nodded, trying not to focus on how familiar Sean and Sidney’s names sounded together. Her chest wildly beat out of control, and the pounding only increased every time she heard Sidney’s soft voice drift from the nearby kitchen.
Her cell phone started to burn into her leg, nagging at her to finish what she started in the bathroom. All it would take is a brief outline of what happened with the gunman and maybe a double-check to see if Sean and Sidney had a romantic past. That’s all. It wasn’t really snooping when the people concerned were celebrities and the information was already public knowledge, right?
“Ryan.” His name brushed past her lips, and she held her breath as he slowly turned to face her. He knew what was coming, she could tell by the annoyance in his features, and still she couldn’t stop herself.
“Am I being paranoid?” She paused, struggling to continue. “About Sidney and Sean, I mean.”
Ryan’s focus went from her to the doorway leading to the kitchen and back again. “I’m not getting in the middle of this.”
Her lips parted to apologize, yet nothing came out. If she had nothing to be concerned about, his answer would’ve been simple. There would’ve been no betrayal to his friends and no drama to be had. Instead, he confirmed her suspicions without even saying it.
“As soon as lunch is over, Sidney and Mason are leaving. And I plan to hide in my room,” he mutte
red and returned his focus to the glass window. “You can ask Sean all your questions then.”
She nodded at Ryan’s back and winced at her own weakness as she pulled her cell from her pocket. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. She unlocked the device and tilted her gaze to the screen, immediately greeted by link after link with information on Sean and Sidney. Their names alone probably wouldn’t have stolen her breath. Having each link with the accompanying words—sex scandal, sex tape, or threesome—did.
“Are you OK?”
She could feel Ryan’s attention on her as the blood drained from her face.
Melody pushed from her chair, and struggled to stop her hands from shaking. “Yeah.” She gave a jerky nod. “I’m just reading a message from my sister that I wasn’t expecting.” The guilt of lying didn’t even penetrate over the acid burning in her veins.
She couldn’t stop herself. There was no restraint whatsoever. She watched, almost like an out of body experience as her finger lowered to the cell screen, and she clicked on the first link which directed her to a porn site.
Rockstar spit roast.
Melody closed her eyes briefly at the title, already anticipating what she would see before scrolling below the buffering video screen to the text below. Threesome, famous, celebrity, most watched—just a few of the tags.
Darkness blurred her vision, and this time the limited visibility wasn’t comforting. She couldn’t think. Could barely breathe as she scrolled up to the video and watched Sean fucking Sidney right in the palm of her hand.
“Keep your eyes on me.” Mason’s voice came loud over her cell speaker, making her heart shoot painfully to her throat.
The following moan was louder—wake-the-neighbors-louder. Her fingers fumbled, the phone almost slipping from her grasp as she anxiously worked to shut off the noise, the video, any damn thing to stop the sex-crazed sounds from echoing through the room.
“I want you watching me while Sean gets to sink into your pretty pussy.”
Oh, Jesus Christ.
She muted the sound on the side of the cell and re-locked the screen again and again. Panted breaths left her lungs as she stood frozen in place, noticing all too well that Sean’s apartment was now bathed in silence. The darkness faded from her periphery, and movement entered her vision. More than one body came into the room from the kitchen, and she steeled herself against their stares. It was times like these where she detested her complexion. The burn in her face announced her skin would be bright red from her cheeks all the way to her chest, not just from humiliation but anger, too.
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