“It actually didn’t have anything to do with the kiss,” she lied again. The mistruths came easier now. She even had the balls to raise her chin and look him in the eye as she said, “I think Ryan and I would agree that it was a stupid mistake and nothing to dwell on. He was drunk and dealing with an extremely emotional moment in his life, and I was in the wrong place at the wrong time.”
Ryan didn’t comment, didn’t move. The only indication he listened at all was the unmistakable flare of his nostrils.
“I left because…” She frowned and focused on her wine glass. “I guess I lost sight of myself, and while I was away, I came to realize just how disconnected I’ve become.”
“Shit.” Sean wiggled his shoulders. “I just got a chill down my spine.”
“Mmm.” Mason frowned at her. “This sounds ominous, Leah.”
She shrugged. “Maybe. But it doesn’t have to be.” She met his gaze and gave him a half-hearted smile. “I’ve dedicated everything to my job. To the band. I quit doing things for myself, and spent every waking moment working on how to get more visibility and make more sales. I’ve pushed away my friends and family, and hadn’t even realized until now.”
Well, she’d realized, but the vulnerability of putting all her eggs in one basket hadn’t become apparent until yesterday.
“We’re more than just a job, Lee.” Mitch sat on the armrest of the sofa, his brows furrowed. “You’re as much a part of this band as I am. We’ve all given up everything for success.”
“Really?” It was her turn to frown. “Because to me, your life, with your beautiful wife, worldwide fame, and bright future, seems far from the bleak outlook of mine.”
He balked at her, but the more confronting issue was the silence. She wasn’t sure if it was contemplative or from offense.
“Look.” She sighed. “It’s my fault I’ve gotten to this point. I know that. But what I’m trying to say is that I need some time to myself. I need to find a better balance. I want to reconnect with old friends. I want to learn how to relax. I want—”
“So you’re pulling away from the band?” Mason asked.
“No.” She recoiled. “God, no. I love this job. All I’m asking for is something of my own. Something outside this world we live in. Just in case…” What? She didn’t want them to know how hard it was to work around a man she loved and couldn’t have. Or how her boss could make an example out of her behavior with Ryan and fire her on the spot.
“What, Leah?” Blake asked, soft and warm.
“All I need is time to find myself again.”
“OK.” Mason nodded. “I’m fine with that.”
She released the heavy breath weighing down her chest.
“It might help that I’ve been talking to Gabi about the possibility of her coming on board as a personal assistant,” Mason added. “It might take some of the workload off your hands.”
Personal assistant? Leah schooled her expression, hoping to hide her disappointment. Was this what Gabi had wanted to talk about?
“When was this brought up?” She sipped her wine, trying to hide behind her glass.
“It has barely been discussed,” Gabi growled in an annoyingly charming Aussie accent. “Mason, you only mentioned it once.”
He shrugged a shoulder. “Merely pointing out the option is there.”
“The option isn’t there.” Blake stood from the sofa and strode toward Gabi. “She won’t be working with the band.” He dragged her to his side, placing a kiss on her cheek. “And now that everyone is together, I’d like to share more news that concerns all of you.”
Leah froze, her Spidey senses predicting drama. She glanced at Gabi for a clue, hoping to see a beaming smile, one that spoke of maternal happiness. Instead, Blake’s wife sucked in a deep breath, and looked back at her husband with a sigh.
“I’m quitting the band.”
Nobody spoke. Nobody moved. They all stared, dumbstruck as a smile kicked up the corner of the bass guitarist’s lips.
“Blake.” Gabi elbowed him in the ribs. “Don’t be cruel.”
Blake hunched over and began to laugh. “OK. OK. I guess laughter isn’t the best medicine.”
Medicine? Leah’s stomach dropped. Did he have a medical condition? “Blake, can you please spit it out?” She could fix band drama, no worries. If she could talk Mason out of walking away from the band, she could easily do it with Blake. But illness? She wasn’t a miracle worker. “Are you sick?”
A chorus of whispered concern overtook the room. Leah leap-frogged her gaze from one person to the next, seeing their fear, their panic… all except Ryan, who stared at her with intent, his focused filled with something she couldn’t handle right now.
“I’m not sick,” Blake continued. “But my wife has been.” He smiled at Gabi and tugged her closer to his side. “Every morning for the last six weeks.”
Vertigo stole Leah’s focus. There were a lot of defining moments in her life—graduation, her first day working for Reckless Beat, that kiss. But this moment, this pause in time, knocked the air from her lungs, and she clung to the counter for support.
“I’m pregnant.” Gabi bit her lip. “And this time we’ve made it past the three-month cautionary period with flying colors.”
Emotion hit Leah like a ton of bricks—the stress of her career, the sorrow of loving Ryan, the desolation of being alone, and now the prospect of happiness for two very deserving people. Tears pricked her eyes, blurred her vision, and hope filled her chest. So much overwhelming hope that she wanted to double over from the pleasured pain of it.
How could she take a step back now, when the first Reckless Beat baby was on the way? Leah was going to be an aunt, a non-biological, absolutely awesome aunt who couldn’t stand the thought of missing even one day in the life of this beautiful baby.
No. She couldn’t. She took a step forward instead, toward Blake, and clucked her tongue as she approached. “Quitting the band? Really? Do I look like I needed an added spike in my blood pressure?”
He beamed a smile at her and yanked her in for a hug. “I’ve been so damn scared, Lee. I’m surprised nobody picked up on it.”
His words stung, because somebody should’ve picked up on it. That somebody was her. It had been months since Blake announced the miscarriage of their first pregnancy. It was Leah’s job to pay them more attention. She should’ve known. Or at least had some hint to what Gabi had been wanting to discuss with her.
God. She was losing her grip. Had she already been taking backward steps from the band without realizing it? The thought of her own time, to reestablish her own life and distance herself from Reckless Beat, seemed repugnant now.
Nothing seemed right.
“You’ll be a great dad,” she murmured against his shoulder.
“Yeah.” He pulled back, the tint of fear in his glazed eyes. “I can only hope we make it to the finish line this time.”
Her heart fell to the floor. Blake had always been vulnerable. His heart too big to hide. “You will.” She squeezed his shoulders and was thankful when Sidney came to take her place in the congratulation line.
The heat pricking her eyes grew, the threat of an uncontrollable waterworks display imminent. She turned to Gabi and enveloped the woman in her arms, squeezing her tight.
“I wish I could explain how happy I am for you.” There were no words to describe it. None. There was only emotion and the lone tear blazing a trail down her cheek.
“Thank you,” Gabi whispered. “This hasn’t been easy. The miscarriage is still in the back of my mind. We’re truly grateful to have all of you here to support us, no matter what happens.”
“I’ll always be here for you.”
“I know you need your space.” Gabi grasped Leah’s upper arms and held her in place. “Blake and I have discussed our future, and we’re determined to make sure it doesn’t affect the band.”
“Space?” Leah scoffed. “That thought flew off the table as soon as you announced your little bun
dle.”
Gabi’s smile faltered, her seriousness in contrast from the excited chatter at Leah’s back. “Are you OK, Leah?”
Nobody had ever asked her face to face before. The text messages this week had been confronting enough. Maybe she was wrong. Maybe these people were a family fit to rely upon, even if her job was in jeopardy. She didn’t know. She didn’t know much of anything.
“I’m fine.” Not only a lie, but the most prevalent lie in a female’s vocabulary. She glanced over her shoulder at Mitch, who was riding her ass.
“Quit hogging the sexy momma.” He nudged her out of the way. “It’s my turn to cuddle.”
Leah stepped back, once, twice, fading into the background as the room continued to build with laughter, smiles, and happy tears. She couldn’t breathe. There was so much happiness and equal amounts of confusion.
Would she ever have the opportunity to experience what Blake and Gabi had with the limitations of her career?
She backtracked from the room, sneaking into the hall and to the sanctuary of her bedroom. Uncertainty and indecisiveness assailed her. She’d never been this way. Her compass had always had a destination in mind. There was always a plan for her future. Now, the puzzle she’d been piecing together for years didn’t fit together. The image appeared skewed.
She slumped onto the edge of her bed, breathing through the breakdown she could feel hovering at the edges of her mind. She exhaled all her fears and heartache, all the loneliness and uncertainty. This was a blip. That’s all.
Life couldn’t be peachy all the time.
She hung her head and felt his presence before a knock sounded at her door. The hinges squeaked, his footfalls approached. She raised her gaze, holding her breath as Ryan came into view in all his stomach-fluttering glory.
“Can we talk?” That voice had haunted her. Those eyes, too.
She pasted on a fake smile and nodded. “Sure. What’s up?”
He took his time, his gaze appraising her, his concern evident in the wrinkle of his forehead. “You didn’t return my calls.”
“I didn’t return anyone’s calls.” She stared at the clear plastic covering her right middle finger. “I needed space.”
“I know.” The softness of his voice sliced her open and left her waiting for the ravens to devour her insides. “But I was worried. My stupidity knows no bounds lately.”
“Your stupidity?” She glanced up at him through her lashes, the mere glimpse of his perfection causing her to lower her focus again. “You were drunk and distraught. I was sober.”
“I seem to recall giving you no choice.” He began to pace. “Fuck, Leah. I’m so sorry. I never should’ve kissed you. I don’t know what came over me.”
Obviously, not lust like she’d hoped. “It’s in the past. Let’s keep it there.”
He stopped, his brown shoes pressing into the carpet before her. “Have I ruined things between us?”
She frowned down at her hands. “Things between us were ruined on the Australian tour.” When she’d made an executive decision to keep rumors about his wife to herself. At least until they were substantiated. “I chose to protect you from gossip, and it cost me my best friend.”
The silence between them was cruel. It pinched at her skin and played with her heart.
“I was hurt.”
She nodded. “I know.” There was nothing she could do about it now. Like the kiss, her decision was in the past and couldn’t be changed. “I made a mistake.”
“Just like I did by kissing you.”
She rolled her eyes, her head still lowered. He didn’t need to rub it in. She knew he regretted what happened. But for her, the press of their lips had been the most fortunate moment of her life. No matter how much it complicated her future.
He slumped onto the bed beside her, his thigh brushing hers. She wanted to scoot over, to stop the connection, to cease the fire igniting in her veins from the mere friction. There was only so much restraint a woman could have. A heart-broken woman had even less.
“Does that mean we’re even?” he asked. “Because I’d like to get my best friend back.”
Best friend. That title was a taunt and a blessing all in one. They once shared everything. Well…almost. “Do you really think we can get back to that point?”
“I miss you too much not to try.”
She glanced at him, their gazes connecting. His eyes had always fascinated her. They changed in color. Sometimes deep blue, and at others, sea green. She wondered if anyone else had ever noticed their beauty.
“I can’t get through this divorce without you, Leah.”
She smiled through the pain and ignored the tear that rushed down her cheek. More followed. One after the other until the sight of him blurred.
“Please don’t be upset,” he begged. “I’ve never seen you cry before.”
He pulled her into his side, not knowing he killed her with every touch. Temptation had her by the throat. She could kiss him. She could stop fighting and place her lips over his. She could…but she wouldn’t.
“You got a tattoo?”
His fingers skimmed her right hand, dragging it to his lap. His touch was light. Delicate. What she wouldn’t give to feel it everywhere. “Yeah.” She scrubbed her tears away with her free hand. “Three birds.” She pointed at each through the clear plastic wrap.
He nodded, still staring at her hand, his fingers now trailing back and forth along her index finger. It was gentle. Painfully intimate, yet she would never ask him to stop.
“You went back to Vegas.”
It wasn’t a question, so she didn’t answer. She couldn’t even if she wanted to. The guilt was too thick in her throat.
Silence descended again, the noise from outside her bedroom growing between them. “I better get back out there…being the host and all.”
He chuckled, the sound weak and fake. “OK.”
She stood, but he didn’t release her hand. He held tight to her fingers, waiting until she turned to him to raise his gaze.
“We’re going to go back to the way we were, right?” He released his grip. “Back to being friends, like we were before Australia?”
Leah turned toward the hall, hiding her wince as she took the first step into an unknown future. The months of emotional distance from Ryan had been hard. The last few days even harder. But as she strode for the door, the man she loved behind her, and the people she considered family up ahead, she knew her future wouldn’t compare.
The taste of Ryan’s passion was inside her now. The feel of his lips continuously on her skin. There was no friendship for her. Only love veiled in deceit, and pain hidden behind a smile.
“Of course,” she lied. “That kiss didn’t change a thing.”
Undeniable Temptation
Reckless Beat #5
Prologue
Leah stared at the glossy paint of the door, the heavy wood holding back her dreams and protecting her from stupidity.
“Ryan, let me in.” Fantasies and idiocy be damned, she needed to be in there with him. “Talk to me.”
The response was an eruption of noise—a harsh shout, a smash, a thump. He was going postal, entirely destroyed from the news of his impending divorce.
“Ryan.” She banged her fist against the wood. “Open the fucking door.”
Whispers skittered toward her, the flutter of curiosity coming from other hotel guests who cautiously stepped into the hall to snoop.
If she didn’t smother this outburst it would become gossip column news. All those tabloid bastards needed was a sniff of drama and they’d pounce. There’d be photos, old or new, it didn’t matter, and a provoking headline that lacked an ounce of truth. Then she’d have to deal with more chaos. More than the monumental amount she already predicted with his inevitable divorce.
“Ryan… Please.”
The heavy thud of approaching footsteps made her inch back. Then the door flew open, and before her stood the man she adored, his pain and anger transforming hi
s usual at-peace appeal into something toxic.
“Ryan—”
“What do you want?” he sneered.
His gorgeous ocean eyes tried to belittle her, and the heavy rise and fall of his chest aimed to intimidate. His ferocity would’ve worked if she hadn’t anticipated it. She had already prepared herself for the worst, because this moment was exactly that for him.
It was his time to break, and she had to be the one to pick up the pieces. Not because she hoped it would save their rocky friendship. Not because it was her job to do so. And definitely not because her feelings for him were far from platonic.
Nope. His appeal to her needy senses had nothing to do with this. None whatsoever.
She wanted to fix this because he deserved to be the one who was coddled for once. Every other member of Reckless Beat had stolen the dramatic limelight more than a handful of times over the years. Mason, Sean, Blake, and Mitch had all driven her crazy with moments of melodrama, while Ryan had been the peace and civility. The charmer. The goodness that kept her smiling.
“Get out of my face, Leah.”
OK, so maybe he wasn’t the peace and civility right now. But it was only a matter of time before the restoration of the man she admired.
She raised her chin, meeting his defiance with a dose of her own. “Let me in.”
“Why?” He scowled. “Why do you care?”
Ouch. That hurt. “Don’t take your anger out on me.” She strode forward and squeezed past him into the suite. “We’ll talk this out. It’ll ease the shock.”
She could smell alcohol. Scotch. It was potent, the mere scent like a tranquilizer to her senses. Obviously, she’d made the wrong decision to wait in the lobby for ten minutes so he could pull himself together. The only thing he’d been amassing was a more delirious arsenal for the impending explosion.
He wasn’t himself. She couldn’t see the gentle friend under his wavy shoulder-length hair and the close cropped beard. His fierce scowl washed away his easy charm, making her the tiniest bit fearful for his mental state.
Reckless Beat Box Set #2 Page 35