“I don’t know, I’m kind of not in the mood to go out,” Gene said, hands in his pockets, kicking the air.
“Yeah, well neither am I, but your sister here thinks it will be good for me to drink myself stupid for the night, so come be stupid with us.” I encouraged.
Shay finally came out of her room in a cute little black dress and some 5 inch heels. “Oh, get over your shit, Gene. Come out with us. People will think you’re a pimp with Lan and me. Maybe you can find yourself a chick to bring home for the night.”
“Fine, I’ll go out with you guys, but please do not get me kicked out of anywhere.” Linking arms with Shay, I put a hand up to my chest in mock surprise.
“Who, us? We would never do anything to get you in trouble.” Laughing, we made our way out the door.
We ended up going to a small Irish pub that was by no means on any good eats guide, but had the best beer on tap. The bar was older and had booths with maroon upholstery that was worn and duct taped together in some spots. It was a locals’ favorite, and a place just to unwind. We all sat at the bar and ordered our drinks. Shay nudged me, “Hey Lan, see those guys over there? What do you say we go talk to them and get buddy-buddy with them? You know, flirt, and they can pay our tab.”
“Um, no Shay, what do you say we stay here and I’ll pay for my own drinks?” I really wasn’t in the mood to do any flirting, but that didn’t stop Shay. She made her way across the bar in search of a free drink, while I sat talking to Gene about the proper habitat for a baby chimp.
After a while Shay came back and slammed her purse on the bar. “What, no drink?” I asked.
“Those guys have no clue how to treat a woman. All they kept asking me about was if I was single and if I wanted to get out of here. You would think that at least one of them would have bought me something!“ Shay complained.
“Damn, you should have stayed here. Gene and I are on our fourth beer, and the bartender gave us one on the house.”
Shay sat down and slammed her hand on the bar, “Shots, please,” she demanded.
We did a lot of shots, and I was feeling really good—so good I wanted to dance. I’m usually not much of a dancer, but I was lit. We put some money in the jukebox and made our way over to the little makeshift dance floor. We dragged Gene onto the floor and put him into a dance sandwich, raising our hands up in the air and shaking our asses for everyone to see. After a while we got a fan club, and the guys took turns dancing with us. Gene found himself a little hottie and was swaying in the corner with her. It was nice to see him with someone, and he even had a little grin on his face.
Soon it was closing time. I had not closed a bar down in ages. Gene took off with the mystery woman, and Shay had found herself a hottie while we were dancing, so I decided to go home alone so she could have some private time. Shay grabbed me and put me in the back of a taxi. ”You want me to go home with you?” she asked.
I smiled at her, leaned up and kissed her cheek. “No, I’ll be fine. But call me tomorrow.” Alone in the back of the cab, I thought it was time to call Tayla. It was only one AM in California, so I figured she would be awake. I pulled out my cell phone and dialed. The phone rang once, and the minute she answered I wished I hadn’t called her.
“What the hell is going on Lan? I’ve been trying to reach you for weeks. I thought you were dead!” she yelled. “And Zaine has been blowing my phone up asking where you are.”
“Oh yeah, well fuck Zaine. Did he tell you what he did?” I spit back.
“Yeah, he did,” Tayla said, still angry.
“And you’re not mad at him?”
“No Landrey, I am mad at him, believe me, but I have never seen someone so messed up over a mistake.”
“Now you’re defending him?” I asked angrily. I could not believe this, my best friend was defending someone that was lying to my face!
“Landrey, listen to me, I’m sorry you’re hurt, and probably just as much of a mess as he is, but in his defense, you did come out of nowhere, and he had wanted you forever. You showed up and he didn’t think about anything but you until he realized his girlfriend would be in London, and he knew he had to end it. Should he have lied? No. Should he have told you? Yes. But Lan, he gave up a relationship he has been in for three years for someone he hadn’t seen in eight. Doesn’t that say something?”
“Yeah, it says he’s a liar and can’t be trusted,” I said. “I am done. And I am done with this conversation with you. How could you defend him? Do you know what I have been going through? I can’t work. I don’t eat. I barely sleep, unless I drink myself there. Do you realize that I’ve been waiting forever too? That if I hadn’t gone to that café to surprise him, he probably would have never told me?
“I really think this whole thing is a cruel joke; that he was getting back at me. He wanted to mind-fuck me the way I did it to him so long ago.” The poor cab driver was staring at me in the rearview mirror, probably thinking no wonder this bitch is alone.
Tayla was quiet for a minute and so was I. I couldn’t deny that she was right, but God help me if I wasn’t too. “I really don’t know what to do. I’m alone and right now I am drunk and alone,” I said, then paused. “How bad is he?”
“He’s pretty bad, Lan. Aaron said he hasn’t been to work in days and when he stops by Zaine’s house, he’s just sitting by the lake drinking whiskey straight out of the bottle. I think he’s going to come after you.”
“Well it has been three weeks Tayla, where is he?” I asked pointedly. Then, fed up with the conversation and wanted just to be alone, I said, “I’ve got to go. I just want to go to bed.”
Tayla said she would call me in the morning and hung up. Why do I have to deal with this shit, I thought. I really don’t know what to do. I want him back, I really do, but can I trust him? If what Tayla said was true, then I would have to make a decision soon. If I decided to take him back, he would have to work to earn my trust again. Either way I knew I wasn’t going anywhere—he would have to come to me. I had no more fight in me.
I got out of the cab and went inside. When I entered my apartment, I was shocked to see Tayla sitting on the couch with a sexy, blue-eyed man next to her. Fuck, what is wrong with my best friend?
I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. The one person I had thought about killing was here in my apartment, and the other person I was now thinking about killing was here with him!
“I thought you were still in California, Tayla,” I said angrily. “That phone call was mighty convincing. Oh wait, you’re here with one of the best liars I know, so maybe since I’ve been away he’s been training you on how to stab someone in the back and twist the knife.” I was so incredibly mad at that moment. I really didn’t feel like fighting at four o’clock in the morning, and especially didn’t need mind games from Zaine right now.
Tayla stepped in, trying to calm me down. “Lan, just listen to me. Zaine had nothing to do with this.” I stepped up to the couch where they were sitting and looked straight at her. Zaine did not say one word or move a muscle, he was looking like a deer in headlights.
“Okay, do you want to tell me whose idea it was?” I challenged.
Zaine finally stirred, looked at Tayla and shook his head, signaling her to stand down. “It was mine,” he said, rising off the couch and standing so close to me that I could smell his cologne. He looked like he hadn’t slept in weeks. God, I wanted to grab him and kiss him, but then I remembered what he had done and I stepped away from him.
“Well, I’m tired. I am going to, um, go lay down for a bit.” Tayla got off the couch, stretching her arms with a fake yawn.
I grabbed her arm and said through my teeth, “We are not finished. I will talk to you tomorrow. Or are you and your road trip buddy going on another adventure in the land of lies?” She yanked her arm away and went to her room.
Zaine and I were alone. I wanted to go downstairs, get in a cab and go somewhere... anywhere but here. “I am giving you five minutes, Zaine, so you better be q
uick and get your story over with so I can go kill my best friend.”
“Look, I know you probably don’t want to see me, Lan, and I don’t blame you, but I had to see you,” he said. “I just missed you so much. I really am sorry for what happened. Things were not supposed to have happened the way they did.”
I looked at him with disgust. “Really? Do you want to tell me how it was supposed to go down? Were you just going to go there and break up with what’s her name—oh yeah, Stacy—and then come back to me as if you’d just closed a big deal and we needed to celebrate? Tell me, because it looked like you were just fucking with me, Zaine. How could you do that to me? Were you just playing a cruel joke on me, getting me back for old times for not being with you?
“I knew I should have never done any of this. Now look at me, I’m worse than I was before. I’m never going to be able to move on. Is that what you wanted? Well look, because guess what, Mr. Brooks, you got what you wanted. I am done. Now get the fuck out of my house!” A rush of emotions flooded through me as I spoke, and I started to cry. Zaine didn’t know what to do. His five minutes were up and I had used all of them.
“I’m not going anywhere until you let me explain. Just listen. I am sorry. I cannot tell you how afraid I was that if I told you about Stacy, you would leave me again. And I couldn’t let that happen. Damn, Lan, don’t you get how much you mean to me? I would do anything to take back what happened, but you have to understand I was ending it with her. Everything was happening so fast with you. I didn’t have a chance to pry myself away to break up with her before you and I got really close. We were in our own bubble and no one could pop it.
“I really miss you,” he continued. “It hurts me so badly that you ran away from me again, and this time I caused it. So please, just give me a chance. I’m begging you to let me make things right. I want you back so much!” He stepped closer to me, but I stepped back against the wall. Overwhelmed, I rested against it and slid down to the floor. Zaine leaned forward to steady me, but I put my arm out to stop him from lifting me up and sat on the floor with my head between my knees.
“Babe, are you all right?” he asked, concern mixing with grief in his eyes.
“Don’t call me that.”
“I am calling you that, and I will keep calling you that,” he said. “You will always be my baby, no matter what happens, Lan. Now, are you okay? Do you want me to get you some water?”
God this man was stubborn. Deep down I really did want him to carry me to the couch and have him hold me. It’s what I’d wanted for weeks now, but he had lied to me and I couldn’t let him back in so easily. I felt my stomach start to cramp up, and I wanted to vomit. I started to crawl to the bathroom, and made it there just in time to throw up what little I had consumed that day. Zaine came in with a glass of water and handed it to me. I took a sip, and he gave me a cold washcloth for my face. I took it because I felt like shit and the cool cloth against my skin felt really good.
“Look, I really just want to go to bed, so can you please go?” I pleaded.
“I’m not leaving you until I know you’re all right, Lan. Let me help you to bed.” Zaine helped me up to my feet and walked me down the hallway to my bedroom. On the way there I stopped in front of Tayla’s door. I opened it quickly and heard her head hit the back of it. I smiled at the thought of giving her a headache for being nosy. That was the best I could do for now, but I was still angry with her. I closed the door and yelled to her to go to bed.
“How did you know she would be listening to us?” Zaine said.
“I know my friend very well, Zaine. We’ve lived with each other for a long time. She needs to know everything about me and I love her for that, but sometimes she needs to give me some space. That’s how I get through to her. We do little things like that to give each other a hint to back off for a minute.”
Zaine smiled a little, then considered his words carefully. “I know you’re mad at her, Landrey, but just so you know she did give me a really hard time. When I asked her for your address she said I couldn’t come here alone. She basically hijacked my plane to come with me. I really had no choice but to bring her.” I suddenly realized that Zaine and I were having a rational conversation and that my stomach was feeling better. My anger had died down for now.
I pulled a nightshirt and some shorts out of my dresser. Zaine was watching me. I wanted to let him know what he was missing, so I slowly undressed in front of him. I took off my dress and let it fall to the ground, leaving only my bra and panties. Then I unhooked my bra and put on my tank top. Screw the shorts, I thought. I want to make him suffer. I climbed into bed and faced him. He was so fucking sexy. God, why did he have to mess things up and make me want to torment him?
“Where are you staying, Zaine?” I asked, in as cold a voice as I could manage. I could feel my resolve starting to weaken already.
“I didn’t get a room,” he said. “I came straight here from the airport.” I really wanted him in bed with me, but to stick with my original plan, I decided to make him sleep on the floor.
“I guess you can stay here if you want,” I said. He smiled and started to get undressed. I let him get down to his boxer briefs, and man, he looked so hot with just those things on. He started coming toward the bed and I threw a pillow and the afghan from the end of my bed at him. “On the floor.”
His smile faded, and he started laying his makeshift bed on the floor. I felt a little bad for him, but just a little. Maybe I should make him sleep on the couch instead, I thought, because all I can think about is climbing down on the floor and making love to him until the sun comes up.
I lay in bed looking up at the ceiling. God, who was I kidding? I couldn’t be angry with him when he was being so sweet, and so sexy! I’d had time to think over everything, and I honestly believed that he’d just gotten in over his head with our relationship. But I felt that if I just let him back into my bed so easily, he might think it was okay to do something like that again. Also, I needed to know whether he was still sleeping with Stacy after we got together.
I couldn’t tell whether he was sleeping, so I sat up and leaned over the side of the bed. He was lying there wide awake. He looked at me without speaking, and I got off the bed and sat down next to him Indian-style. “Zaine, I need to ask you something, and the answer to this question would help me out in maybe trying to forgive you,” I leveled with him. “I just need to know if you slept with Stacy while we were together.”
He rolled to his side and faced me. “I did not sleep with her. She never even popped into my head once when we were together. You erased her from my mind the moment I saw you again.”
“Why didn’t you tell me, Zaine?” I asked. “The whole time we were together, you could have said something and you didn’t. You made me look stupid in front of your brothers, and the sad part is that they could have told me too, but they didn’t. I guess that’s some sort of bro code, huh? Damn, I’m such an idiot to have thought that you wouldn’t have anyone in your life. I mean, you must still have feelings for this girl. You were with her for three years.”
“At first I did have feelings for her, and yes, I will always consider her a friend, but the love, if you want to call it that, faded for me a long time ago,” Zaine said earnestly. “After a while it was just convenient, as selfish as that sounds. She wanted the high life; my money, the gifts. The thing is, she expected them. And you … you never asked me for anything and never expected anything. That’s one of the things I love about you, Lan. You’re just you. I was afraid if I told you I had a girlfriend you would be gone, like you….”
“Like before? See, it always has to come up,” I said, throwing my hands up in air.
He sighed in exasperation. “You wanted the truth, and there it is. God, Lan, what do you want me to say? That is the truth. Yes, I’m afraid of losing you again. Have you ever been with someone who makes all the bad go away for a little while? Have you ever hugged someone or kissed them and still felt their arms around you o
r their lips the next day, just because it felt so right? I have that with you, don’t you get that? What more do I have to say to make you forgive me?”
Zaine ran his fingers through his hair with frustration. I was numb. This man had just told me that I made his bad go away. How was I supposed to keep him on punishment? Who was I kidding, putting him in a time out? It seemed almost cruel. Even so, a part of me was still so angry, and I didn’t feel like I could just let it go that easily. I sat on the floor, saying nothing, until he jumped up and started pacing.
“Okay, fine. Punish me if you want,” he said. “I’ll go get a hotel tomorrow, and you can have some time to think. I can arrange to have meetings while I’m here. I have some business to take care of.”
I couldn’t help myself from blurting out, “What, gotta break up with another girlfriend?” I immediately knew that I’d gone too far. If I’d wanted drama, I could tell it was coming by the look he gave me.
“No, I do not have another girlfriend!” he yelled. “You know what? I was fucking stupid coming here, because I thought you, of all people, would be mature enough to forgive someone who made a mistake.”
That did it. As I realized he was about to storm out, I relented. “No, wait Zaine,” I said. “I’m sorry. You’re right. What you did was wrong, and I’m angry so I get to be a bitch. But I don’t want you to go.” Zaine was clearly confused by my sudden turnaround, but when I finally leaned in and kissed him, he took all he could get.
“So this means I don’t have to get a hotel?” he asked.
“No. You don’t have to get a hotel.”
“And you want to be with me?”
“I’ve always wanted to be with you Zaine, but if there’s anything else you’re hiding from me, please tell me now. I can’t go through this last three weeks ever again.”
Forever Waiting Page 9