by Jen Turano
Swallowing past the lump that had grown in his throat, Grayson told his sister everything, not bothering to soften what he’d done, and unable to help but notice that, although her eyes widened every now and again, they never filled with disdain.
“So I told Felicia all of this,” he finally concluded, “and although I do believe she was somewhat distressed, she didn’t seem as if she wanted nothing more to do with me.”
“Hmm . . .”
Grayson sat forward. “What does that mean?”
“It means I’m thinking.”
“Think faster.”
Eliza arched a brow. “You’re so impatient.”
“It runs in the family.”
“True.” She smiled. “Very well, here’s what I’m thinking. Felicia is a lady any gentleman would be proud to call his own—though not many have noticed her the past few years, given her odd sense of fashion. She’s a lady possessed of an incredibly strong faith, and that faith is what probably allowed her to see beyond your many faults—current and past, I might add—and perhaps forgive you for the sins you’ve obviously committed.” Her smile faded as she reached out once again to touch his knee. “She would make you a worthy partner.”
“She’s far too good for me.”
“Perhaps, but I think you’re selling yourself short, Gray. You’re an honorable man. Yes, that honor has definitely been tarnished, but that doesn’t mean your future has to continuously be affected by your past. You’ve admitted you’ve done wrong. You’re accepting responsibility by that admission, and now I’m going to encourage you to finally put your past behind you and embrace a future that could be filled with love, and hopefully love with Felicia.”
Grayson’s throat seemed somewhat constricted. “I didn’t say anything about love. I barely know Felicia, so it is entirely too soon to even consider that alarming emotion.”
“Stop being such a man. Love doesn’t have a time limit, Gray. Since Felicia has firmly come out of her shell—or out from her outlandish fashion sense—and she’s no longer trying so hard to behave in a demure manner, other gentlemen are going to take note of her appeal. You don’t want someone else to swoop in and steal her heart, do you?”
“She would be better off finding a gentleman who shares her strong faith,” he heard come pouring out of his mouth, wondering when that notion had started plaguing him. “I have so much for God to forgive.”
“I believe the day is quickly coming when you will finally ask Him for that forgiveness. But until then . . .” She tilted her head. “Sometimes God throws us together with people we don’t believe we’d get along with, but He knows differently. That certainly can be said for me and Hamilton. I know God put us together, which makes me wonder if maybe He’s doing the same for you.”
“I don’t believe God will ever be willing to truly forgive me, Eliza. I’ve done too many horrible things—for totally selfish reasons.”
Eliza straightened in her chair and looked at him for a long moment. “Hmm . . .”
“There’s that ‘hmm’ again.”
Eliza frowned. “Did you ever consider that perhaps you’ve accepted entirely too much responsibility for what happened to the Wu family?”
“Ah, well, no.”
She tilted her head. “Was this Wu Wah Hing and his family involved with the opium trade before you landed in China?”
“The Wu family was probably involved with opium for generations.”
“And they had rivals all that time?”
Grayson nodded.
“And were these rivals known to be ruthless?”
“It’s the opium trade, Eliza. Everyone’s ruthless.”
“Exactly. So violence was expected.”
“Yes, violence was expected, but what happened was not your typical retaliation. The entire family was slaughtered, and it was my fault.”
“Did you lure that shipping account away through nefarious means?”
“Does it make any difference if I did?”
“It might.”
Grayson released a breath. “No, I didn’t do anything underhanded to win the account. I simply offered them a more lucrative profit margin, and my offer was accepted.”
“To be clear, you acted in a way that businessmen around the world behave every day—except you were dealing in less than reputable goods.”
“I guess you could say that, but again, I knew the risks. I knew there might be repercussions, but I still went forward.”
“Are you suggesting you made this decision on your own?”
Grayson frowned. “Wu Wah Hing had the final say, but I was very persuasive.”
“Even though you didn’t speak Chinese and he spoke limited English?” Eliza rolled her eyes. “Honestly, Grayson, I’m surprised you haven’t thought this through more thoroughly. Your deceased father-in-law wasn’t the type to be easily persuaded. Quite frankly, I believe he was a horrible man. He forced his own daughters to marry you and that Francisco fellow, knowing full well it was hardly fair to expect his daughters to find happiness with men who didn’t even speak their language.”
“Not to interrupt your tirade, Eliza, but though we didn’t communicate much, I could tell that, by marrying me, Lin was able to obtain a small amount of freedom. She also was able to escape her father’s constant tormenting regarding her lack of a husband, so I don’t believe she was completely miserable being married to me.”
“And were you miserable being married to her?”
“I wasn’t miserable, but I did have regrets. I hadn’t considered the consequences when I agreed to Wu Wah Hing’s deal, but it fairly quickly occurred to me that Lin and I were going to be stuck together forever.”
“You could have sought an annulment.”
“No, I couldn’t. Lin would have been put in an incredibly difficult position if I would have abandoned our marriage.”
Satisfaction seemed to ooze out of Eliza’s every pore. “See, this proves it. You are an honorable man, Grayson. Don’t you think it’s about time you remembered that? And while you’re remembering, may I suggest you finally try to forgive yourself?” She smiled. “As for the matter of God and His forgiveness, surely you must realize that all you need to do is ask. He’ll take it from there.”
“I’m sure you believe that, Eliza, but I can’t say—” He stopped speaking in midsentence when Eliza’s daughter, Piper, charged into the room, her golden curls flying about her small face and her expression decidedly put out. She set her sights on him, marched over to stand in front of his chair, plopped her hands on her slim hips, tilted her head, and considered him for a long moment.
“Have you been crying, Uncle Grayson?”
Piper was far too observant for her tender years. “I wouldn’t say I was exactly crying, more like choked up.”
“Are you done being choked up?”
“I believe so. Why?”
Piper wrinkled her nose. “Because I have something just awful to tell you, but if bad news is going to turn you into a watering pot, I’ll come back later.”
Grayson swallowed a laugh. “I have never in my life been a watering pot, so please, feel free to state your bad news.”
“Ming just tore the head off my favorite doll.”
Grayson frowned. “Was it an accident?”
“Ah, no, I don’t think so, since she twisted it around and around until it popped off, even though I told her to stop.”
“Where was her nanny?”
Piper sent him a rather pitying look. “Ming waited until the nanny left the room to fetch us a snack before she attacked my doll.”
“She deliberately made certain no one was there to see her?”
Piper nodded. “Ming’s very smart. How else do you think she’s been able to learn English so quickly?” She shook her head, causing her curls to fly around her face. “But things with her have gotten way out of hand, so I’m afraid I’m going to have to charge you for my services tonight.”
“I’m sorry?”
&n
bsp; “I’m sorry too, because I did tell Mama I’d help keep an eye on Ming at the ball, but really, she’s turning out to be work, and Daddy always says a person should be paid for work. I think a dollar should do the trick.”
Eliza got to her feet. “Piper, you’re not going to charge your uncle for helping out with your cousin. She’s family, and sometimes one has to put up with all sorts of nonsense when one is dealing with a small child.”
“I bet no one tore the head off of your favorite doll and then made you watch over the criminal,” Piper argued.
Eliza’s lips curled just a touch. “Ming’s not a criminal, Piper. She’s just a baby.”
“If I walked into a store and started ripping heads off the dolls, I’d land in jail.”
Grayson turned his head to hide his grin. Piper was always relentless with her objections, which made it incredibly difficult to win a point from her. When he felt he’d gotten his grin sufficiently under control, he turned back. “Tell me, Piper, why do you think Ming is suddenly acting so differently? She used to be a shy, pleasant child, and remarkably well behaved.”
Piper sent him yet another pitying look. “You don’t really understand children, do you?”
Grayson chanced a glance at Eliza and found her staring in the opposite direction, much as he’d done only a moment before. Realizing there was to be no help from that corner, he set his sights back on Piper. “I’m afraid you might be right about my understanding of children, which means I’m going to have to throw myself at your feet and beg you to give me your explanation as to what’s happening with Ming.”
Piper grinned. “Fair enough.”
“So?”
She glanced at the floor. “You’re not at my feet.”
Grayson laughed, pushed himself out of the chair, sat on the floor, and lifted his head. “There, I’m literally at your feet. So tell me, why is it that even though I’ve hired numerous highly qualified nannies to deal with my daughter, no one seems capable of controlling her unruly behavior?”
Piper looked down at him. “Uncle Grayson, that’s the problem right there. Ming doesn’t want a nanny—she wants a mother.”
He pushed himself to his feet, but before he could even process Piper’s response, Eliza swung her attention away from the wall, stepped closer to Piper, and cupped her daughter’s chin with her hand. “That makes perfect sense, darling, and what a clever girl you are to realize what we’ve missed. Of course Ming wants a mother.”
Piper moved closer to Eliza and snuggled against her as Eliza put her arm around the little girl’s shoulder and pulled her to her side. “That’s why I don’t want to be mad at her, Mama. She’s acting just like Ben used to act when he went through that biting business, but he stopped doing that soon after you and Daddy met.”
Eliza kissed the top of Piper’s head and met Grayson’s gaze. “She’s jealous, Gray. That’s why she’s being so horrible to Piper and Ben.”
“But why would she be jealous? Ming gets to spend time with you almost every day.”
Piper stepped away from Eliza, scooted over to him, gave him a quick hug, and then stepped back. “Ming sees how happy Ben and I are with a mama, and it must bother her.” Her eyes suddenly went huge. “You have to get married.”
Grayson blinked. “I’m afraid it’s not quite that easy.”
“Sure it is. You just have to find someone you think would be a good mother and then ask her to marry you.” She bit her lip and then shook one of her small fingers at him. “Just don’t tell whatever lady you decide to marry that you want to marry her because she’d make a good mother. Daddy tried that with Mama, and it didn’t work out very well for him at first.”
She drew back the finger she’d been shaking at him and tapped her chin with it, looking for all intents and purposes as if she were in deep thought, right before she nodded. “You’ll need to write a love poem. Girls like stuff like that. I can help you if you don’t know how.”
“What could you possibly know about a love poem?” Grayson asked. “You’re six.”
Piper shrugged. “Mama says I have quite the imagination.” She stopped talking, appeared to be lost in thought once again, and then brightened. “You can ask Miss Agatha to marry you. She’s lovely, and I would adore having her for an aunt.”
“I’m sure you would, seeing as how you and Agatha seem to be kindred spirits.”
“Thank you,” Piper said primly.
He refused to allow himself the luxury of a good snort. “I’m not certain I was complimenting you, but that’s beside the point. I’m sorry to disappoint you, Piper, but I don’t think Agatha and I would suit.”
“She’s beautiful,” Piper said, a mulish expression crossing her face, reminding Grayson immediately of Felicia.
Now, there was a beautiful woman.
“You could always marry Miss Felicia.”
Grayson rubbed his forehead. It almost seemed as if Piper were tiptoeing around his thoughts.
“Piper, Uncle Grayson isn’t ready to marry anyone at the moment,” Eliza said, finally coming to his rescue.
“But Miss Felicia would be a good choice for him when he is ready,” Piper argued. “Ming adores her. She watches for her at church—I’ve seen her.” Piper batted big eyes at Grayson. “You don’t want to disappoint your daughter, do you?”
Grayson found himself shaking his head.
“Good, then it’s settled,” Piper said. “When you’re ready, I’ll help you write a love poem for Miss Felicia.” She turned and skipped to the door. “I’m going to go and rescue my doll now.”
“I’ll come with you,” Grayson said. “I need to see the damage she’s done and talk to her about it. I’ll replace whatever she’s ruined, Piper, and I will pay you for helping with her tonight. She’s obviously more difficult than I believed, and you should be compensated for your troubles.”
“You don’t really have to pay me, Uncle Grayson, and you don’t have to buy me a new doll. I’ve pulled plenty of heads off dolls in the past, and I’m pretty good at sewing them back together.”
Grayson grinned down at her and felt his heart warm when she took his hand in hers and pulled him down the hallway and then down the stairs. A frown replaced the grin when Ben suddenly barreled through the door of the drawing room, toy soldiers clutched in each hand as he muttered something under his breath. He stopped and looked up, and Grayson noticed his little lip was trembling. Grayson dropped Piper’s hand and bent down. “Is something the matter, Ben?”
“Sorry, Uncle Gray. I don’t want to play with Ming. She stomped on my men. I don’t want them to be like Piper’s dolls.” He gave a sniff, put his head down, and rushed away.
“I’ll see to him,” Eliza said, hurrying after the fleeing boy.
Grayson straightened and looked down at Piper. “Did you happen to notice how Ben said dolls instead of doll?”
Piper released a sigh. “Do you want me to go in first?”
“No, I think you should stay out here. Ming and I need to have a little chat.”
Piper nodded, and Grayson patted her on the head before he strode into the drawing room. Even though the house had a well-stocked nursery, it was clear to him that Eliza and Hamilton wanted their children to have the full run of the house, hence the reason there were always so many toys scattered throughout every room. Ming was standing in the midst of some of those toys, and it was immediately clear she hadn’t been expecting him. She had a doll in her hand, and right before his eyes, she began to rip the doll’s head from its neck. He strode forward, and—his footsteps evidently catching her attention—she dropped the doll to the floor, stuck her hands behind her back, and began blinking remarkably innocent-looking eyes back at him.
Concern flowed through him as he reached her side and squatted down to meet her gaze. “What were you doing, Ming?”
“Playin’.”
“How many of Piper’s dolls did you ruin?”
Silence met his question. He picked up Ming, placed her in a c
hair, and began picking up headless dolls, placing each one of them at her feet. She remained silent, and almost defiant, which was more disturbing than the silence.
By the time he’d recovered eight mangled dolls, anxiety had replaced the concern. He had a real problem on his hands.
How could he have not realized she was harboring such resentment?
He pulled up a chair next to her, waved away the nanny who’d reentered the room holding a tray filled with snacks, and sat down to face his daughter. Because that’s what she was—his daughter. It was time he began treating her as such instead of treating her as if she were some pampered little princess, indulged with anything she might desire, except his undivided attention.
He realized in that moment that his attention was what she needed more than anything. She was his responsibility, and because of that, he was going to have to finally act like the father he was.
“We’re going to go home now, and we’re not coming back here until you can promise me you’re going to behave.”
“I wanna go to ball.”
He blew out a breath. “I’m sure you do, Ming, but I’m afraid that won’t be possible now. You hurt Piper’s feelings, and Ben’s, and you don’t deserve a treat.”
Ming’s bottom lip jutted out. “Don’t like you.”
“I’m sure you don’t, at least not at the moment, but I love you, and you’ll just have to learn to accept that.”
Grayson rose to his feet, picked Ming up, and with her kicking and screaming through the entire house, made his way to his carriage.
16
On my word, Felicia,” Ruth said, “if you weren’t so attached to the Beckett family, I swear I would seriously consider forgoing this ball tonight.”
The thought flashed through Felicia’s mind that she almost missed the mother who’d previously opted to give her the cold shoulder and refrain from speaking a single word to her.
That mother was nowhere to be found and hadn’t been seen since Felicia had climbed into the carriage at the jail.
The fact that her mother had apparently gone along so readily with Mr. Blackheart’s suggestion that they check the jail was clear testimony to the likelihood that Ruth Murdock had come to the conclusion her daughter was headed for a bad end.