by Jen Turano
Grayson tilted his head. “I wouldn’t be opposed to marrying you.”
Felicia raised a hand to her heart. “And doesn’t that just make me feel all aflutter.”
“Are you being sarcastic?”
Her response to that was one extremely unladylike snort.
“You are being sarcastic.”
“Why in the world would you believe I need to descend into sarcasm? I’ve been having such a pleasant time this evening. First, I’ve been forced to spend time with Reverend Bannes, who, it turns out, has traveled here to offer me a lovely proposal—one that would have me assuming the role of mother to his four children. Then you announce to him that we’re engaged, but it turns out you didn’t really mean it, so apparently you are now reconsidering and wouldn’t be opposed to giving me your esteemed name.”
“At least I don’t want you for the sole reason of becoming a mother to Ming,” Grayson said with a distinct trace of sulkiness in his voice.
Felicia blinked. She hadn’t realized he was prone to that particular emotion. For some reason, odd as it seemed, she found it rather endearing. She shook herself. Now was not the time to dwell on that type of nonsense. She cleared her throat. “You probably decided not to point out what an excellent mother I’d be to Ming only because Piper advised you against it.”
Grayson’s face turned a shade darker, causing Felicia’s mouth to drop open. “She did warn you against bringing that up, didn’t she?”
“Ah, well . . .”
“Is everything all right, Miss Murdock?”
Felicia turned and discovered Mr. Blackheart lurking beside the stone wall that encompassed the balcony. She motioned him forward. “Mr. Blackheart, I need your assistance, if you please.”
Mr. Blackheart was by her side in less than a second, causing Felicia to blink. For such a large gentleman, he was remarkably light on his feet.
“Did you need me to dispose of Mr. Sumner?” Mr. Blackheart asked in a soft voice that one might use when inquiring about the weather.
Felicia swallowed the laugh that threatened to escape and settled for shaking her head. “That won’t be necessary. What I need from you is a man’s opinion, and you’re a man, so you’ll do nicely.”
Mr. Blackheart turned the scowl he’d been sending Grayson on her. “I’m not paid to offer opinions, Miss Murdock.”
“I understand, Mr. Blackheart, but as you’re paid to look after my welfare, and my welfare is unquestionably at risk at the moment, I’m really going to have to insist.”
Mr. Blackheart crossed his arms over his chest and let out a grunt.
Felicia smiled. “Mr. Sumner believes I have no reason to be put out with him because he’s announced to Reverend Bannes that we’re engaged when it turns out he didn’t actually mean it. Now he has decided he wouldn’t be opposed to marrying me since there will be repercussions from his rash statement, and I was just wondering whether you think I’m being silly or if I have just cause to be annoyed.”
Mr. Blackheart shot a glance to Grayson and then turned on his heel and strode away as quickly as he could without a single word, disappearing over the balcony wall.
Men were certainly strange creatures. She lifted her head and found Grayson grinning, the sight causing her temper to flare once again.
“It’s not amusing.”
Grayson’s grin widened. “I do believe you terrify that poor man. He just jumped over the balcony, and we’re two stories up.”
“Good heavens, you’re right.” Felicia rushed over to the edge, peered down, and felt her lips curl when the sight of Mr. Blackheart casually strolling over to stand beneath a gas lamppost met her gaze. She’d expected to find his poor, mangled body lying on the cobblestones. Instead he sent her a tip of his hat, crossed his arms over his chest, and began to turn his head this way and that, evidently returning to what he was paid to do, search for trouble.
She straightened and turned. “He’s fine, but just to be clear, I’m hardly terrifying. It not my fault Mr. Blackheart has issues with the simple act of conversing.”
Grayson blew out a breath. “I wasn’t insulting you, Felicia. I find your formidable nature delightful, but you must know that many gentlemen aren’t comfortable associating with an opinionated lady.” He smiled. “You don’t terrify me in the least, and for that reason alone, I really believe you should consider marrying me, especially since I’m sure you’re right that word about our engagement will spread quickly.”
Felicia opened her mouth and discovered that, once again, she was completely at a loss for words. Disappointment cascaded over her, and she found she was no longer willing to ignore the reason behind it. She’d allowed Grayson—unwisely, it now seemed—to burrow into her heart over the past few weeks. In fact, if she were honest with herself, the thought of marriage to him had flickered through her mind more than once. She’d tried to push her feelings aside, especially after he’d disclosed the nastiness of his past, but she’d come to realize that his past did not define the man he was today.
He wasn’t a comfortable gentleman by any stretch of the imagination. He was impetuous, surly, and downright grumpy at times, but he was also chivalrous and kind and seemed to make a habit of coming to her defense.
If only he’d declared himself to be a bit in love with her, she would have been the happiest woman alive, because somehow, even knowing his past, she’d fallen a touch in love with him.
That was the reason behind her disappointment.
She wanted him to love her, but it was becoming perfectly clear he did not.
Oh, he cared for her—she realized that—but . . . it wasn’t enough.
A knot formed in her stomach, caused when another uncomfortable truth sprang to mind.
She’d never truly loved Reverend Fraser, because her heart had never felt this heavy even when that gentleman had done the unthinkable and married someone else.
What she felt for Grayson was completely different. It was unruly, messy, and frustrating. Her eyes welled with tears. Even though she wanted more than anything to accept his offer, she knew she was going to have to refuse.
She couldn’t marry the man simply because he felt obligated to right the situation he’d created.
She drew in a deep breath and slowly released it, turning her head ever so slightly to blink away the tears without him detecting them.
She didn’t want his pity.
She blinked again when she noticed a slight shifting in the shadows on the far side of the balcony. She turned to Grayson, took a step closer to him, and lowered her voice. “Someone’s watching us.”
“What?”
“Over there. Go see.”
Grayson ignored her request, taking her arm instead and pulling her toward the door. “You need to get inside.”
She shook out of his hold.
“Get inside,” Grayson said.
“Mr. Sumner, wait up. It’s just me—Sam.”
Grayson dropped his hold on her and spun around, as did Felicia. To her surprise, she discovered a ragged-looking boy standing on the balcony, shifting on his feet and smiling at Grayson.
“You know this boy?” she asked, moving forward until she was right in front of the lad.
Grayson joined her. “Felicia, this is Sam. Sam, this is Miss Murdock.” He nodded to Felicia. “He’s the young man who helped me get my horse after that debacle in the pub.” He ruffled Sam’s hair. “I’ve been waiting for Eliza to tell me you’ve gone to see her. I thought we had an understanding.”
Sam scuffed his shoe against the stone floor. “My sisters didn’t want to go to the orphanage.”
Felicia frowned. “You live on the streets?”
Sam nodded.
She rounded on Grayson. “You knew this and didn’t do anything?”
“I did, and before you begin giving me another lecture, I’ve tried to locate him numerous times, taking quite a few rides on my horse through the slums, but Sam’s a tricky little guy, and I never met with any success.
”
Grayson would have been entirely more unlovable if he’d simply turned his back on the boy instead of trying to find him.
Sam tugged on the skirt of her gown, drawing her attention. “You shouldn’t be mad at Mr. Sumner, Miss Murdock. He gave me money. It was my choice to stay on the streets, mostly because of my sisters. For now, we’re fine.”
“Why don’t your sisters want to go to an orphanage?” Grayson asked.
“They’ve heard too many stories.” Sam shrugged. “Even though I told them Mrs. Beckett’s orphanage is different, I think they’re afraid we’ll get separated. But that’s not why I’m here. Something strange is going on with the opium dens.”
“You’ve been snooping around the opium dens?”
“No one notices me, Mr. Sumner, so I hear things. It wasn’t hard for me to snoop, and you did help me out with that money. I owed you, and I knew you were somehow involved with those Chinese, since you had me scoot around to avoid them on the streets that day.”
“You owe me nothing, Sam. You did me a huge favor, and I don’t like the idea of you mingling with those men. You have no idea what they’re capable of, and I would hate to see you hurt. I can only hope you haven’t drawn their attention.”
“No, they haven’t seen me,” Sam said. “I’m very good at going undetected.” He looked at Felicia. “Except for tonight, that is.”
Felicia grinned. “I have three brothers, Sam. Like you, I’m very good at going undetected when I spy, so that’s probably why I saw you. But in all honesty, I only saw your shadow.”
“Mr. Sumner hasn’t seen me at all since I’ve been following him.”
“You’ve been following me?”
Sam nodded. “Because you gave me all that money, I didn’t have to scrounge for food, so I had some time. I figured I’d keep an eye on you. I thought you might be the type of fellow to get into trouble.”
“Which I’m perfectly capable of handling on my own, but I do thank you for your thoughtfulness.” Grayson tilted his head. “Were you watching me when I arrived here tonight?”
“I followed your carriage. I was hoping to catch you at your house, but there was an awful lot of screaming coming out of it all day, so I just bided my time. I must have fallen asleep, because the next thing I knew, your carriage was trundling past me. A nice bloke offered me a ride on the back of his horse and dropped me off right as you got out of your carriage.”
Felicia bent down. “But how in the world did you get on the balcony? It’s two stories above ground.”
“Oh, that was easy. There are vines on the side of the house, and I used them to help me climb.” He smiled. “I was trying to figure out how to sneak into the ball, or at least get a message to Mr. Sumner, but then, well, both of you came out here and . . . I didn’t want to interrupt.”
“How much did you overhear?” Felicia asked.
“Um, not much,” Sam said as he scuffed his toe against the stones once again.
Felicia began to tap her toe against the same stones Sam was scuffing.
Sam stilled and blew out a huff. “I don’t want you to be offended, Miss Murdock, but if I was you, I’d take him up on his offer. You’re not getting any younger, and you might not get another chance.”
The night just kept getting better and better. Grayson had turned away from her, and his shoulders were shaking suspiciously, but before she could come up with a suitable response to Sam’s statement without hurting the child’s feelings, the door burst open and her mother, followed by Gloria and Cora, rushed out.
“My dears, I’ve just heard the exciting news,” Ruth exclaimed as she came to a stop in front of Felicia and beamed. “I had high hopes this would happen, but I never imagined it would occur so quickly.” She turned to Grayson and swatted him on the arm. “You gave me no indication at all that you were truly considering a proposal.”
“Ahh . . . I . . . ”
Felicia lifted her chin. “He didn’t really propose.”
Gloria shook her head. “Oh no, not again.”
“It’s Eliza and Hamilton all over,” Cora added.
“Or Arabella and Theodore,” Gloria added. “We mustn’t forget that disastrous proposal.” She looked to Grayson. “What, pray tell, did you do?”
“Ahh . . .”
Sam stepped forward and coughed, attracting everyone’s attention. “That reverend fellow insulted Miss Murdock, and Mr. Sumner didn’t care for that, so he suddenly announced they were engaged, which got rid of the reverend, but then . . . Miss Murdock got mad at Mr. Sumner because she didn’t think he really meant it, and I can see her point, seeing as how he was a bit dodgy about the whole thing, and so, I’m not sure they’re getting married.”
Ruth tilted her head. “Who are you?”
“This is Sam, Mother,” Felicia said. “He’s a friend of Grayson’s.”
“And is what he said true?” Ruth pressed.
Felicia shrugged. “More or less.”
Ruth looked from Felicia to Grayson, back to Felicia again. “I cannot believe how the two of you turn every simple little matter into a fiasco.” She turned to Grayson. “If you were uncertain how to go about a proposal, you should have just said so when we spoke earlier.”
Felicia moved closer to Grayson, ignoring the wariness now residing in his eyes. “Did you, besides speaking with Piper, speak to my mother regarding marriage?”
“Well, not exactly, I mean, it was a rather vague conversation.”
“Vague in regard to what?”
Ruth blew out a breath. “Darling, I was just concerned that perhaps you might—just might—form an unrealistic attachment to Reverend Bannes. He is a man of the cloth, after all. It seemed to me that you’d made a decision you were meant to marry one of them, and I’m not certain you’ve abandoned that decision quite yet.”
Hurt and anger warred inside her. She took a deep breath and was pleased when the tears she longed to shed did not appear. “I know everyone believes I’ve been a bit of an idiot regarding my belief that God had a specific plan for me, but I understand now what His true intentions were. It’s just taken me a while to understand. I’m not meant to specifically marry a minister—I’m meant to marry a man who can love and accept me for who I am, even with my many faults.”
She squared her shoulders and forced herself to meet Grayson’s gaze. “Since you don’t seem to possess that emotion toward me, we have nothing further to say to each other.” She sent a nod to her mother. “And you need to have more faith in me instead of thinking I would jump at the chance to marry a complete stranger simply because he’s a man committed to spreading God’s word.”
Feeling a single tear leak out of her eye, Felicia spun on her heel and with her head held high set her sights on the ballroom, determined to keep what little dignity she had remaining. She heard Grayson call to her but didn’t pause as she entered the house, marched through the throngs of guests and down the stairs, and stalked through the front door, not surprised in the least to find Mr. Blackheart waiting for her with the carriage.
She paused for a just a moment. “How will my mother and brothers get home?”
“No need to worry about that, Miss Murdock. I’ll send the coachman back after we get you settled.”
She swallowed past the lump that had formed in her throat. “Thank you,” she managed to get out as Mr. Blackheart helped her into the carriage.
He waited until she settled down against the seat, and then he leaned forward, surprising her when he gave her arm a gentle pat. “You’re a special lady, Miss Murdock—annoying, but special. Never forget that, and never forget that you deserve love.”
With that, Mr. Blackheart closed the door and said something to the coachman. Felicia felt the carriage sway, leaving her to believe Mr. Blackheart had once again resumed his position of guard. The carriage rumbled into motion a moment later, and as she watched the Beckett house disappear from view, she felt tears begin to fall. Not bothering to wipe them away, she allowed he
rself the luxury of crying all the way home, wondering why, if she was so special, Grayson couldn’t love her.
19
Grayson was rapidly coming to the conclusion that his life was unraveling right before his eyes. Felicia was no longing speaking to him, Ming’s behavior had not improved—if anything, it had gotten worse—and . . . he’d somehow managed to obtain three additional children, all of whom were counting on him to find them a permanent home, one where they could live together. But until that time, he was responsible for their welfare.
Grayson pulled his attention away from the carriage window and glanced at Sam, then Beatrice, and then Harriet, all of whom were wearing new clothing and sporting remarkably clean faces in preparation for the Fourth of July picnic.
The very idea that he was now responsible for them was a little daunting, given his abysmal performance thus far as Ming’s father.
Ming wasn’t exactly happy with this new circumstance. In fact, she’d spent a lot of her time during the past week tormenting Beatrice and Harriet. When she’d taken to trying to divest the two little girls of any new clothing Grayson bought them, he’d saddled up his horse, rode to B. Altman’s, and placed a large order for matching dresses for all three girls. That decision had create a small amount of peace in his household and explained why all three girls were currently dressed in identical pink dresses, white shoes with bows on them, and matching pink ribbons in their hair.
To top matters off, matchmaking mothers and their eligible daughters had descended on his house in droves, apparently believing he was distraught over Felicia turning down his proposal.
She’d been right about rumors starting regarding that, and in order to spare her the pity she’d been loath to garner, he’d let it be known that she was the one who’d rejected his suit.
“Do you think Miss Murdock will be at the celebration?”
Grayson looked to the left and smiled at Sam, who was looking dapper in his pristine white shirt, trousers, and a straw hat Sam had proclaimed made him feel like a gentleman. “I’m certain she will be, Sam, but I’m also certain she’ll do her best to avoid me.”