by Carly Marie
Carl and Kathryn took the kids tonight, so I’m probably just going to play around some.
I palmed my erection in my suit pants.
Oh yeah? Get a new toy?
My eyes bugged out of my head. Before I could respond, Jeff sent another text.
The few times I’ve been home alone for a few days, I get a new Xbox game or sometimes, when I really want to splurge, I’ll buy a new LEGO set. Drives the kids nuts when they get home to find I’ve built the Death Star or some equally elaborate LEGO creation. *evil laugh*
Oh… an actual toy… not a sex toy. Jesus.
Actually, there’s a puzzle that’s been in my closet for over a year that I thought I’d start working on.
I sounded boring even to me. Jeff surprised me when he responded a moment later.
Oh, I love puzzles. Let me know if you want help. I’ll let you concentrate. See you tomorrow.
Part of me felt guilty for lying to Jeff, or at least omitting some of the truth, but I felt like I needed to do this on my own. I knew it was going to be amazing, but I didn’t want any additional pressure.
Later. See you tomorrow. Looking forward to the movie.
When I read the exchange back, I sounded like a reasonably functional human being. I didn’t know if I looked like one while we’d been texting, but thankfully he couldn’t see my eyes widening in shock, the pot of boiling sex toys, or my obscenely hard dick that I’d been absently stroking while we’d been texting. At least the conversation had lasted long enough that the toys were sanitized.
As I pulled them out of the water with tongs, I worked hard to force the conversation with Jeff out of my mind. The persistent erection rubbing at my pants was a good distraction, and I was back to having my only goal be my bed.
By the time I walked down the hallway and into the master bedroom, my belt buckle and the button and zipper on my pants were already undone, and my pants were slipping off my legs as I walked. I stepped out of them and left them in a heap on the floor as I collapsed onto my bed.
I was still shocked at how I’d gone from years of almost no contact with my dick other than for hygiene purposes to jacking myself off at least once a day, and sharing a number of orgasms with Jeff. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d gone more than twenty-four hours without an orgasm. The few times I’d breached myself with my fingers, I’d had orgasms that left me weak and shaking. I clearly hadn’t lost my love of ass play after all those years, and I regretted that I’d let myself ignore a part of me for as long as I had.
College me would have cringed if I’d known it would be twenty years between breaking up with Dwayne and exploring ass play again. Looking at the toys I’d tossed down, I was reminded how much I’d always loved being filled. The desire had come back with startling speed when I’d seen the first dildo come out of the packaging. Long and slender, a slight curve upward with a big vein running down the underside, it looked shockingly similar to Jeff’s cock, and I knew immediately which toy I was going to try first.
It took a few extra seconds to wiggle out of my briefs and my socks, but before long I was naked and lying on top of the sheets with the bedspread bunched up at the foot of the bed. My cock was already fully hard, and the head was turning a dark red as I grabbed the dildo. Out of curiosity, I held it up to my own hard dick. The dildo was about an inch longer than my own cock, but only about half the width.
If I remembered correctly, it had been marketed as eight inches. I knew that at seven inches I was bigger than average, so I’d never been particularly self-conscious of my size until I’d been compared to a starter dick.
Sex toy companies needed to find a new sizing chart.
I shook the thought from my head and focused more on the fact that it looked so similar to Jeff’s cock and how good it would feel when it was Jeff, not a toy.
A bottle of lube had found its way to my nightstand, and I snatched it off before lying down on the bed. The lube made a squelching sound as I poured it out of the bottle, and I groaned into the quiet room. I was so turned on, even lube was erotic. With lube coating my fingers, I ignored my straining erection lying against my stomach, bypassed my balls, and went straight for my hole. The slightest touch caused it to flutter and precum to begin dripping from my slit. Then I slipped my index finger in. I’d gotten practice over the weeks, and my body was far more accustomed to the intrusion.
After being an ER doctor for so many years, I’d seen enough cases of men arriving in the emergency room with weird foreign objects stuck in them. I’d been resolute on purchasing quality toys and waiting for them to arrive before I had anything more than a finger inside of me. There had to be something about stretching oneself to the limits that made people want to try shoving everything from pop bottles to tubs of peanut butter up their asses. I’d always loved feeling full, so I understood why people were curious about larger things. I just had the medical knowledge, training, and common sense to know I wasn’t going to stick something inside me that wasn’t made to be there.
My body opened easily, and I was inserting a second finger after a few thrusts of the first. Just looking at the dildo, I knew I’d need to get three fingers inside me before I’d be able to slip it in comfortably. The first lesson in penetration—and I’d learned it back in pre-med courses—you can never have too much lube. I took that lesson to a new level of thoroughness when it came to my own ass, even after my index and middle fingers were moving effortlessly.
The third finger was harder to get in. I had to go slower, pump more times, and find patience. Patience wasn’t a strong suit of mine, but I listened to my body. My patience and persistence eventually paid off, and my fingers slid past the inner wall of muscle and began moving freely. I sighed audibly. The feeling was something between tightness and pleasure, though any discomfort was rapidly replaced by pleasure. Then I crooked my finger and nailed my prostate. My dick jumped from my belly and landed again with an audible thwack. Any discomfort was gone, and all that was left was a desperate need for more.
Faster.
Harder.
Thicker.
I wanted it all.
I forced my fingers out of my ass, hissing at the loss, and set to work slathering the dildo with lube. Feeling the blunt head of the toy pressing against me was different than the more slender tips of my fingers. My toes curled into the bedding as I pressed it in. It was harder to get started than my fingers, but once I had it past the ring of muscle, it slid in easily. Not expecting my body to give so quickly or easily, I ended up bottoming out on it in one thrust. A guttural gasp of surprise and pleasure ripped from deep inside me.
Maybe this was something that got better with age? Or maybe it had been so long that I’d forgotten what it was like to be filled like this. Either way, I didn’t remember it feeling so damn good. If this is what sex with another man would feel like every time, I’d never be able to have sex quietly. With the silicone dildo shoved in my ass, my legs splayed apart, and the muscles in my thighs shaking, I started thinking about how expensive it would be to soundproof my room. Then I chastised myself, and to banish the thought from my head, I pulled the dildo out of my ass and shoved it back in. That worked to erase all other thoughts, and I was left only with feelings. The slight curve of the dildo pressed into my prostate if I pushed down just slightly on the base. The stretch of my body around it, fighting to both keep it in and push it out. And the thick vein that ran down the underside kept rubbing my rim and adding more sensation to everything else I was feeling.
I let go, allowing my body to enjoy the feelings engulfing me with every push and pull. After a few minutes, I could no longer ignore my cock that was still begging for attention. It had deflated for a moment after I’d taken all eight inches of the dildo, but then it had come back to life with startling speed. I wrapped my right hand around my cock, allowing my middle and index fingers to graze over the tip and gather precum to ease any friction.
The exploration of my ass had me close to cumming, and as
soon as my mind conjured up the image of Jeff’s ruggedly handsome face looming over me while he—the dildo—plowed into me, I came with a shout. If that shout happened to sound a lot like Jeff’s name, I wasn’t going to overthink it. I was the only one in the house to hear it anyway.
Removing the dildo was something else entirely. My body knew it wanted it out, but my ass was saying that the loss of fullness would be too much. It felt like it took longer to inch the toy out of me than it had taken to put it in. Once it was removed, I sagged onto the bed, too exhausted to think about anything but sleep. Even cleaning up wasn’t high on my priority list. I’d change the sheets in the morning.
CHAPTER 21
Jeff
“You’ve changed three times today.” Jenna’s voice from behind me surprised me so much I jumped.
“What?”
“You were wearing your green shirt at lunch time, then you changed to a blue one, now you’re wearing that charcoal one. You’ve looked great in every one of them.” She jumped up on the counter and opened a can of sparkling water. After taking a long drink, she set it beside her and gave me a long look. “You don’t have to impress him, you know. Mark already likes you.”
“Jenna, I’m not trying to impress Mark.”
She rolled her eyes. “Don’t be dense, Dad. You get cartoon hearts in your eyes when you talk about him. Aunt Annie tells me that you all have lunch together almost every day and you’re both absolutely sickeningly sweet with one another. To the point that she goes out to eat when Mark goes to the garage.”
“Your aunt needs to learn boundaries.”
Was I really going to talk about my relationship with Mark to Jenna? Sure, she had picked up on us being together, but I didn’t know if I was ready to talk to her about it. I’d never hidden my sexuality from my kids. Now that they were older, they had more questions about my dates and why I didn’t have a long-term boyfriend, but it had never been a problem. They were also both dead set on me finding a husband one day. For years they had been more convinced than I was that I’d end up married.
I’d worked hard to make sure the kids knew they could always talk to me and I was always there for them. Sometimes the conversations left me questioning if I’d done the right thing, like the night Jenna confided in me that she was ready to start birth control because she didn’t think she wanted to wait for marriage to have sex. I’d called Annie and gotten the name and number of a gynecologist she trusted. I felt better knowing Jenna was taking the right steps, but I still wondered if I should have told her to wait longer.
Sometimes they were uncomfortable, like when Seth was confused by wet dreams a few years earlier. He’d actually thought he’d peed the bed the first time it happened. Even being a man, talking to my son about arousal, sex, and orgasms hadn’t been the most comfortable conversation ever.
Then other times they left me knowing that I was doing the right thing. The day Seth had confided in me that he had a crush on the neighbor boy a few months earlier, I’d been thankful I’d always been so open with them and he’d known he could come to me.
And then there were times like today where they felt comfortable enough with me to probe into what was going on in my own love life.
Jenna shook her head, rolling her eyes like she couldn’t believe I was going to try to skate around the topic. “Dad, it’s not really a secret, is it? Because if it was, you guys are doing a shit job hiding it. Have you seen the way he looks at you? It would be hard to miss there’s something going on there.”
“It’s a new relationship. He’s still trying to get his feet wet at the clinic and his kids settled at school. There’s a lot at risk for Mark if things don’t work out.”
Jenna crossed her arms over her chest, staring at me like I’d lost my mind. “Like what?”
“He hasn’t been in a relationship for a long time. He’s rightfully worried about his kids getting excited only to have things not work out between us.” I hesitated before I added, “And he had a relationship end badly in college. It’s made him worry about how the town will react to him being with a man.”
She took a long sip of her drink and closed her eyes to think. “People can be idiots, but the town accepts you and has always supported you. They’ve even accepted us as your kids from day one.” She chewed her bottom lip while she gathered her thoughts. “Do you really think you two won’t work out?”
I shrugged my shoulders. “I don’t think this is a relationship that will fizzle out quickly, but I don’t have a magic eight ball either. When we’re together, things feel right.”
Our lunches had been a coveted part of my day. I couldn’t deny that I looked forward to noon with more excitement than I should have. They’d started out tentative, friendly talks and simply getting to know one another. Then we’d shared that kiss that threatened to kill any chance of a friendship, much less a relationship. After the night we went to Marcel’s, lunches were anything but mundane.
With Annie making herself scarce, we’d started to close from noon to one every day. The guys hadn’t minded the uninterrupted and consistent lunch hour, and Jeff and I had gotten up to more than a little fun. Secluded in the office, the blinds drawn and the doors locked, we had the place to ourselves for an hour.
We’d already spent a number of lunch hours doing more kissing than eating. It was hard to care about food when I had a gorgeous man sitting next to me.
We’d avoided eating at the clinic the week after the flu outbreak from an abundance of caution. Neither of us thought it wise to eat there at the time, but since then, we’d been splitting our time between the clinic and the garage. Trish kept giving us winks and knowing smiles when we disappeared into Mark’s office and shut the door, and again when we came out nearly an hour later. For some reason, behind the closed door of his office, we spent most of our time talking about our lives. Earlier in the week, he’d opened up to me about the time after his wife left. The pain he’d experienced had left me hurting for him.
He’d said it casually, as a matter of fact. “I came home and a moving truck was in the driveway.”
My eyes widened. I’d heard the condensed version, but it appeared that he was going to go into more detail this time. “That had to have been a shock.”
Mark’s eyes drifted shut like he was seeing the scene unfold all over again. “First thought was that she was packing the boys up too. She’d always had a bit of a wild streak, a penchant for drama, if you will. Looking back, there had been warning signs, but I’d missed them. She used to tell me she hated my job. We got in a fight one time and she told me that she was just going to find someone else who could love her like she wanted.” He scoffed. “We didn’t speak for a week after that one. She’d eventually apologized to me, but a year later, she had found someone and just left.”
“I’m so sorry. I can’t even begin to imagine how that felt.”
He scrubbed his hands through his hair, clearly still frustrated by the events of that day. “I walked into the house, and the boys were confused and crying. But what struck me was that all of their stuff was there. Blankets, toys, chairs, baskets of laundry. It was all there. I could not process what was going on. I had a half-furnished house. A missing couch, a missing dining room table, half the plates gone, but the boys’ stuff was all there. She actually had to spell it out for me.”
I’d decided when he first told me his wife left him that I didn’t like her, but hearing the details made me hope I never met her.
“She looked me in the eyes and said she’d made a mistake. I thought she meant that she’d made a mistake by trying to move out. I thought we could get through it with counseling. Then she just looked me in the eyes and told me she wasn’t cut out to be a wife, or mother. She gave me a cold hug, handed me a manila envelope, gave the boys a kiss on the forehead, and left. She pulled her car out of the garage, and the moving truck followed behind her. She was done. The envelope had signed divorce and custody papers in it. She wanted nothing but a clean break.�
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Words had left me. How he’d come back from that shock and made a home for his boys spoke to what a strong, loving man he was. At that moment, I’d known that no matter what, I wanted Mark in my life.
Even without having many quote, unquote, “dates,” I felt like I knew enough about Mark to not only know I was attracted to him, but also know I was developing feelings for him at an alarming rate.
Jenna cleared her throat, bringing me out of my thoughts. “So if you don’t think this is going to fizzle out, why aren’t you guys grabbing this bull by the horns and going for it? Even if you want to keep it away from the general public, you don’t need to go hiding from me and Seth.”
She slipped off the counter and wrapped her arms around me. “Sorry, Dad. I wish I had a crystal ball and could tell you that it’s all going to work out perfectly. You always have all the answers for me.”
I wished that was true, but I leaned backward and awkwardly kissed the top of her head. “Thanks, kid. I’ll figure it out.” I needed a sign, a neon beacon maybe, that told me what to do.
“We can start with going to dinner and the movies tonight. If Eli and Thomas are still awake afterward, I’m happy to babysit them for the night so you guys can have a chance to work things out. Make a plan for going forward. I’m pretty sure this is a situation where you’d tell me to sit down, write out a list, and figure out what feels right. I think, if you were giving me advice, you’d tell me it doesn’t have to be a forever plan, just something to get through the next few weeks or months.”
Yeah, I’d done something right along the way.
CHAPTER 22
Mark
We had a late lunch at Carl and Kathryn’s house Saturday afternoon, and she finally cornered me at the end of the meal when it was just the three of us left in the kitchen. “What’s going on with you and Jeff?”
A laugh bubbled out of me and I shot a look at Carl. He raised his eyebrows and spread his hands in front of him. “She’s my wife. I don’t hide stuff like this from her. She’s scary.”