by S. M. Lynn
“Please just be careful.” His hands run through his hair. Oh please, let me do that for you. When I meet his eyes again, I see they have darkened. “I know this is not my place but I would prefer it if you didn’t speak with him again at events.”
Okay so we went from Patrick is not a nice guy to Patrick is so bad that I should never speak to him.
“You’re right; it’s not your place.” With that I pull from his grasp, and walk to ladies room. Can’t follow me in here, I think childishly.
I lean against the counter and take a few minutes to figure out what just happened out there. I had a dinner date set up with a cute guy and then my hot boss basically told me that I could not go to dinner with said guy. This is all getting crazier by the minute. I can’t help but notice that the craziness seemed to enter my life the same day I met Ian. What am I going to do? At that moment, I hear voices in the vestibule to the restrooms.
“She was dancing with Patrick. Can you believe it?”
“Well frankly, I’m not surprised. She must have realized she couldn’t get her claws into Ian and moved on to his cousin. Apparently, she didn’t know that would be the final nail in her coffin. She’s made it very clear what she’s after.”
I want to curl up in a ball right here and die. There can be no doubt as to who they are talking about and I’ve no trouble guessing who they are either. Rebecca and PR director’s wife.
“Well, that should make things easier for you with Ian.” The other woman says with a giggle. Then the outer doors open and close again and they are gone. Thank god. I stand in the bathroom a few more minutes, trying and mostly failing to keep the tears at bay. Thank goodness whatever they used to set this makeup is water proof so once the redness in my nose and cheeks has calmed down some, I’m finally able to leave the bathroom.
Immediately, I spot Ian dancing with Rebecca. She’s laughing and leaning into him. Patrick, however, is nowhere to be found. So maybe I don’t have a dinner date after all. But the loss of my date isn’t what upsets me most; it’s knowing that Ian is with her. After everything she said in the bathroom, I can tell that she thinks I’m some kind of threat to her relationship with Ian. But that isn’t the kind of woman I am; yes, I had a lapse in judgment last night and did some pretty sexy dancing with her man. The thought of our dancing brings a huge smile to my face and the tingle back between my thighs. And then there’s the fact that I slept with him. Oh stop! I didn’t know he was with her then and now I’d never interfere in their relationship. I’m sure I’m glaring at them by this time but I no longer care. She presses all my buttons, all the wrong buttons.
At that moment, Ian looks up and his eyes meet mine. He looks uneasy though I can’t figure out why. Slowly he pulls away from Rebecca as the song ends and makes his way over to me. “I think I’ve checked off the whole list of people I need to talk to so whenever you’re ready we can go.” His mood is distant as it had been after our earlier conversation. Again I wonder why I even brought it up. He hadn’t said anything and the day was going so well up to that point.
Taking a deep breath to steal my nerves against the onslaught I am about to dive into, I look up into his eyes and try not to get lost in them. “I’d like to go now, if that’s alright?” It’s already after 11:00 and these shoes, however gorgeous they may be, are killing my feet. I shouldn’t have gotten such high heels.
“Let me call Connor and have him bring the car around,” he says pulling out his phone. Then he guides me to the exit.
Once we are back in the car, I’m feeling a little more bold and confident in the privacy of the limo, plus I’m tired of the silence.
“Why did you bring me?” I stare at my hands which are clasped together in my lap. “I should’ve just met you here and you should have brought your girlfriend. Or at the very least she should have met us at the office and we all could have ridden together. I don’t think she was very happy to have to arrive alone.”
“Girlfriend?” He looks at me like I have two heads and he just watched me sprout the second one. “Celeste, I don’t have a girlfriend. What would make you think…”? His words trail off and his mouth turns up in a smile. What the hell is he smiling at? Oh no, I have given away too much in my line of questioning; my jealousy over their relationship must be written all over my face. This is like a freight train barreling down the mountain with no brakes and I went there and now there is no way to go back.
Then again why the fuck would that make him smile? Does my pain humor him somehow? Maybe Ian is not the man I thought he was, if he would toy with someone like this.
“Rebecca.” I answer his unfinished question rather than let the uncomfortable silence settle over us again. “I just thought… what with yesterday morning and this afternoon and now tonight… oh, this is so embarrassing.” I can’t go on. I bury my head in my hands and hope that he will just forget about everything I’ve said since we got in the car.
Suddenly, there are warm hands on mine; one pulling my hands from my face and the other under my chin forcing me to look up into those azure depths that I know I will never be able to come out of. He just looks at me for several moments, one hand still holding mine in my lap, the other still caressing my cheek. I feel my heart rate quicken the longer I look at him. He runs his tongue along his lower lip and I can’t help but mimic the action with my own though I would rather be running my tongue along his lower lip rather than my own. He lets out an exasperated sigh and leans into me closing his mouth over mine. I’m startled for a moment; can’t believe this is really happening, again, and I give myself over to the kiss. He is powerful, intense and possessing all in that one kiss and I want it all. I lace my fingers in his hair as his tongue seeks entry into my mouth. I open for him and let my tongue dance across his. I want to crawl into his lap, to feel all of him. I need to feel his body against mine.
Then as suddenly as he started, he stops; pulling away from me, he turns to look out the window. “Do you have a car at the office?” Not understanding what happened, I want to question him, have him make me understand why one moment he is so hot for me and then next so cold but emotionally, I don’t have the energy so I decide just to go with it. If he wants to pretend nothing had ever happened between us, that he has no feelings for me then there’s nothing I can do about it. I fight the tears that threaten to spill down my cheeks. Nothing but distance can pull this hurt from my heart and even then there’s no guarantee that the pain won’t persist. But distance is not in the cards for me if I choose to continue working for Jacobs’ Enterprises so I’ll just have to do the best I can with what I have.
Remembering that he was speaking to me, I finally answer, “No, I never bought one when I moved to the city. Just didn’t see any reason to.” I try to sound calm and collected; inside I’m anything but.
“Connor,” he presses a button on the panel. Holy shit, Connor. I totally forgot about him being just a few feet away but I can’t see him through the glass partition so surely he can’t see us. “Please drive to Ms. Brooks’ apartment.” Then he settles back in the seat.
“But all of my things are at the office.” I protest.
“I will have them dropped off at your apartment in the morning or if you prefer I can have it done tonight?”
“No, morning is fine.” Not really knowing where to begin or if I should even begin, I proceed with caution as I just can’t let it go. “Look Mr. Jacobs,” I try to put on my most professional detached face, “I’m sorry that things have gotten so far out of hand. I hope from now on we can be completely professional. Despite this pull I feel toward you and there must be something there for you as well, it’s clear that this isn’t something you want. So there’ll be no more contact like that between us.” The tension and frustration grows between us. “I really enjoy working for you even though I only have one day of experience and I love your company. This job has been my dream for longer than I can remember and is very important to not only me but my family.” I’ve gone too far with that st
atement but in the moment, my filter is off and the truth is spilling out. I have to reign it back in so I quickly move on. “Please don’t take it away because I made some stupid mistakes and said some stupid things.” And there it is, not the biggest lie I’ve ever told, oh no, not even close, but in that one sentence not only was I lying to him but to myself as well and that I’d never done before.
Ian’s face is pained as he turns toward me. “Mistakes.” He repeated my word with a grimace. “Yes, that’s what all this was.” His face is hard and expressionless; his normally penetrating blue eyes are dull and lifeless. “Ms. Brooks, we have a lot of work ahead of us and neither of us can afford these kinds of distractions. You don’t need to apologize to me; I’m just as much at fault as you are. But moving forward there will be no more mistakes; I just want to be clear.”
The cracking of my heart is audible. Even after the lie I told myself, I still held out some hope that he would tell me none of it was a mistake and take me in arms. Stupid romance novels, always getting a girl’s hopes up. I refuse to cry in front of him, to let him see the hurt and how much I truly want him, so I remain silent for the rest of the drive. Thankfully it’s short as we pulled up outside my building a few minutes later. Even though I’m closest to the door that opens to the street, as soon as the car stops I jump out and run into the building. Ian doesn’t come after me.
As soon as I make it into the apartment and close the door, the floodgates open. I know I have to get to my room otherwise if Gavin finds me; there’ll be hell to pay. He’s still somewhat miffed at Ian’s behavior from the club. I make my way as quietly as possible down the hall and into my room. Just as I close the door, the sobs wrack my body uncontrollably. There have only been a few times in my life when I’ve felt this bad; the day my father died and the day I left the only life I’d ever known. It probably seems silly; all this over a man I’ve known for a few days. No, I don’t love him yet but it’s only a matter of time before I fall. And now I have to see him every day knowing that he’ll never want me in that way.
At some point I must fall asleep because I’m woken by the sound of the intercom. So I make my way to the living room. “Ms. Brooks, Mr. Shaw, are you in?” I hear George, the concierge, through the intercom. He continues to buzz knowing that at least one of us is home.
“Yes, George. I’m here.”
“Oh Ms. Brooks, I have a gentleman here with a delivery for you.” The concierge is the sweetest man and even though he pulled me from the little sleep I got last night, I couldn’t be angry with him.
“Go ahead and send him up. But, George, unless you see Mr. Shaw come home no more calls up here for any reason today. Okay?”
“Certainly, Ms. Brooks. Is everything okay?”
“Yes, George. I’m just… not feeling well. That’s all.”
“Ms. Brooks is there anything I can help you with? Should I have someone deliver some soup or perhaps you need a doctor? Do you have a fever? We have a doctor that makes calls to the building. I can have him here in the hour. It won’t be a problem.” George sounds really worried now. George has always had a little crush on me and that’s very apparent in his dramatics over my, um, illness.
“No, no really I’ll be fine. Probably just something I ate but I need to lie down and don’t want to be disturbed.” And since he didn’t answer the buzzer, it’s obvious Mr. Shaw did not come home last night. Well, that’s probably for the best.
“Right, Ms. Brooks. Well, let me know if there is anything you need.”
As the intercom clicks off, I hear George giving instructions to the deliveryman as to what apartment to go to. I wait in the living room a few more minutes before hearing a knock on the door. Opening the door, I gasp, “Connor? When George said deliveryman, I assumed… Oh never mind. Though how he could mistake you for a delivery man is beyond me.” I frantically try to smooth my hair and wipe at my face knowing the black lines from the run mascara that are surely there as evidence of my breakdown from the evening before.
“Well, it’s probably because I have all of this for you.” He holds up the bags from MJ Designs which I assume contain the things I left at the office yesterday.
“Thank you, Connor. See you Monday.” I try to smile hoping he will be able to look past my appearance, hoping that he won’t mention the fact that I slept in my gown to Ian. Then again why would Ian care? This decision rested on his shoulders just as much as it did mine. If he wanted something more, he should have said something last night.
As I’m about to close the door, Connor sticks his hand out. “Ms. Brooks, Celeste. I shouldn’t get involved and you can tell me to mind my own business if you like, but Mr. Jacobs, he’s had a rough time. So if you can be patient, I think in time you’ll see what a good man he is.” With that he pulls the door closed and is gone.
Chapter 9
The first week back in the office with Ian is awkward to say the least. After our charity ball, I spent the whole weekend thinking about everything that had happened between us. There is a definite attraction between us but Ian has also made it clear that he does not have those kinds of feelings for me. It was simply a lapse in judgment on both our parts and I won’t let it ruin everything I’ve worked for to get here.
Part of me wonders if I should fight harder for him, if I should tell him about my feelings for him. However, I’ve been so closed off for so long that by the time I realized I felt something for him; our short ride was already over. I will cherish these memories but am looking forward to moving on as his assistant. At least I’m still able to be with him most of the time, and share in his victories even if it can’t be in the capacity I want.
Ian is cool and collected in the office and treats me as if nothing happened during those first few meetings so I feel it’s best to mimic his attitude. The next few months fly by in a blur of activity. I barely have time to eat, let alone dwell on all that happened between Ian and me in those first days. Though if I’m really honest with myself, I’m still nursing my broken heart even all these months later and just don’t have the energy to take proper care of myself.
Ian wraps up the build in northern California and we attend the ribbon cutting and after party. Of course, Rebecca feels the need to attend as well but at least there are no bathroom incidents this time; well not that I was privileged to anyway. I didn’t ever mention what I overhead in the bathroom that Friday night to Ian. It just no longer seems important but she’s always there like she’s trying to rub my nose in her prize. Sometimes it seems as if Ian genuinely returns her affections but mostly he seems to get more and more annoyed with her advances, which are growing bolder by the day. I’m surprised that she can’t read his mood. Being around him longer than I’ve been, I would think it’d be second nature to her by now as it’s becoming that way for me. But I brush it off as, after all, it’s none of my business.
The after party to the ribbon cutting is spectacular though Ian seems somewhat pre-occupied all night and kept cutting glances at me. Every once in a while I even catch him staring at me. I really have no idea what’s going on and a couple of times went over to see if there is something he needs from me. He only dismissed me with a shake of his head and went to find someone else to talk with. It seemed a little rude but who was I to question it? I just wish if he didn’t need anything he would quit staring at me. My stomach’s fluttering with feelings that I’ve been trying to repress and every time I’m near him I feel the daggers Rebecca is throwing my way.
The trip to the west coast did make me uneasy as I hadn’t planned to return after Lauren’s death but I did my best not to dwell on it. Plus it was difficult to say if my unease was due to my past or to my ever-growing jealousy of Ian and Rebecca. I couldn’t tell if their relationship was progressing but I knew what her desires were regarding Ian. Ian is a man, after all and Rebecca is a gorgeous woman. It seems only natural that her pursuits will turn into something even if all she gets is one night as well. I can’t bear the thought of him with anyone e
lse let alone Rebecca. Most days I’m not sure why he even keeps her around. Yes, she is good at her job but she always seems to be overstepping her bounds.
Eventually, Ian and I fall into a comfortable routine at work. We remain completely professional toward one another as agreed. And while I wouldn’t call us friendly, at least things are no longer tense between us. I think the sheer amount of work that needs to be done makes it necessary for us to put those couple nights behind us. We haven’t been overseas at all during my first three months at Jacobs’ Enterprises even though the contract stipulated for it. Business is too busy here right now and the only project Ian’s working on overseas is the development in England. We need to focus on all the work at hand as he said. Watching Ian work is something I will never grow tired of. He is so passionate about each of his projects. That passion seems to be rubbing off on me and I find myself very comfortable around him; it’s only when I’m alone and I allow my thoughts to wander back to the moments that we shared that the pain reaches out and takes hold of me.
He really is a great man to work for and very flexible. If I have to stay late at the office one night and there are no meetings in the morning, he tells me to take my time coming in. If he’s out around lunch, he will often pick something up for me and bring it back. He says it’s because he’s tired of seeing me eat those yogurts, as he called them but I’m fine with my lunch of Chiboni.
I’m learning a lot about the workings of the company too. Things I never would have learned down in accounting. I see first-hand all the hoops he has to jump through first with the architects and designers. Then once the details are settled, he has the clients that will eventually occupy the space or the realtors that would sell the units to deal with. He is amazing to watch at work. He’s charming, passionate and charismatic which only draws me closer to him though I need to keep a very close tab on my heart. After all he has already broken it once even though he had no idea.