The more she thought about these daydreams, the more real they started to feel. They occupied her thoughts the rest of the night, and into the next day. As they walked the few blocks from the hotel to the Old New Synagogue, Jeanie's brain continued to whir, searching for an opportune time to bring the subject up. She'd convinced herself so thoroughly that her plan could work that her doubts had all been chased away. All she needed was a chance to present Eleanor with the plan in a way that she would understand.
“You're awfully quiet.” Eleanor nudged Jeanie's shoulder with her own. Their skin didn't touch—they'd both worn shirts with sleeves in consideration of the sacredness of their destination—but Jeanie felt the same jolt of physical awareness as if they had.
“Sorry. Just thinking.” Just thinking how to ask you to drop your whole life and move to Vienna with me in a way that sounds rational and not at all impulsive.
“No need to apologize. I like the quiet sometimes. Although with you, I should probably worry that you're plotting something.”
Jeanie laughed nervously. “Me? No, I wouldn't—oh, look! There's the synagogue.” She breathed a sigh of relief at the excuse to change the subject.
They purchased tickets and were met inside by a female tour guide, who led them around the inside. Jeanie looked around curiously as they went, it being her first visit to a synagogue. “The shape reminds me of a medieval church.”
The tour guide nodded. “Very perceptive. When it was built in the thirteenth century, Jews were forbidden from being architects, so it was designed by Christians. They patterned after a monastery church, which was the only thing they knew.”
“It's amazing it survived for so long,” Eleanor said.
“It is,” the tour guide answered. “Especially since so many were destroyed during the holocaust. But not ours, thanks to Rabbi Loew and his Golem!”
Jeanie frowned and looked to Eleanor for an explanation, but she looked just as confused.
“You've never heard of the Golem?” The guide asked in surprise. “It's a very old story. He was a creature that Rabbi Loew made from clay and brought to life to protect our community from anti semitic attacks.”
“He didn't do such a great job, all things considered,” Eleanor muttered.
“No, maybe not,” the guide said in a quiet voice. “But he may have saved the building, anyway. When Nazi soldiers came through destroying many of the city's other synagogues, they were afraid to touch this one. See, according to the story, the Golem rests up in our attic, ever since the good rabbi deactivated him and placed him there. The soldiers had heard the story, and they were terrified.”
Jeanie's eyes grew wide at this piece of history she'd never heard. “Is he really in the attic?”
The guide smiled mysteriously. “No one knows. We don't go up there. In fact, the lower portion of the stairs were removed long ago so there's no way up. Come outside now, and I'll show you the gift shop, and then you can tour the cemetery on your own.”
Jeanie looked at Eleanor with concern, thinking of her reaction at the memorial in Budapest just after they'd met. “Will that be okay? If you don't want to see it, we don't have to.”
“It's alright. Those graves are much older, and the people in them died naturally.”
“That's true,” their guide confirmed. “The last burials were over two hundred years ago. We simply ran out of room. The graves are layered and the stones stacked so close they're almost on top of each other.” They exited the synagogue and their guide pointed out the entrance to the cemetery. “Be sure to stop at Rabbi Loew's grave and leave a note.”
“A note?” With her limited knowledge of the faith, Jeanie wondered if this was a typical Jewish custom she was unaware of.
The guide smiled. “With your secret wish on it. If you leave him a note to say what you wish, sometimes the rabbi will answer it.” After pointing them to a stand near the cemetery that sold postcards and souvenirs, the guide departed.
“Look, Elle!” Jeanie picked up a clay figure the size of an egg. “It's a Golem!”
“It's probably made in China.”
Jeanie stuck out her tongue. “I like it. And the card attached to it guarantees it provides protection from evil.”
“And since they wrote it down, it must be true.”
“I don't care. I'm buying it.” Jeanie handed over her money and took the figurine. “Do you have room in your pocket? My outfit doesn't have any, and I'm afraid he'll break if I put him in my bag.”
“Did it occur to you wonder how he'll protect you from harm if he can't protect himself from being crushed by a water bottle?” Eleanor ducked as Jeanie swatted playfully at her head. Laughing, she slid the tiny Golem into her pocket.
“Do you think it's true?”
“That your made-in-China Golem will protect you from evil? Probably not.”
“Not that! I meant do you think the stories the guide told us are real?”
“Which parts? The clay creature? A dead rabbi who grants wishes? Or just the whole religion thing in general?” Cynicism coated her words.
“Whatever you'd like to share, I guess.” Jeanie looked curiously at Eleanor and waited.
“I don't know,” she answered finally. “I've never been very religious. I did what was expected of me when I was a kid, but since then, I haven't thought about it much. I doubt there are Golems, and I don't believe much in wishes. The rest?” Eleanor shrugged, a look of uncertainty in her eyes. “I’m not sure. I hadn't been inside a synagogue in years, but it was unexpectedly nice. It felt peaceful.”
“Well, I believe in wishes. And I think we should make one.” She took Eleanor's hand and led her through the crowded maze of headstones in the direction their guide had pointed out. If she didn't want this day with Eleanor to be her last, she knew what wish she needed to make.
They found the large marker made of a pinkish stone, covered on every surface with tiny pebbles and slips of torn paper. “I assume the notes are wishes,” Jeanie said, “but why the pebbles? In fact, all the stones have pebbles, but there aren't any flowers.”
“Flowers die. Stones last forever. When you leave a pebble it stays there, and people who come by later know that someone visited, and that the person who died is still remembered.”
Jeanie thought about the explanation for a moment. “That's nice. I'd seen it in movies and always wondered. So, how do we do it?”
Eleanor regarded her quizzically. “Leave a stone? You just pick one up and put it down.” She knelt as she spoke and scooped a pebble off the ground, then placed it on top of the rabbi's grave. She chuckled as Jeanie carefully mimicked her actions. “And that's it. It's not magic or anything.”
“What about the wishes?”
“I doubt those are magic, either.”
Jeanie rolled her eyes. “That's not what I meant. Do I just write it down and leave it here?”
Eleanor shrugged. “We're way outside my expertise here. I'm afraid you'll have to wing it.”
Jeanie dug in the bag and produced the receipt from her purchase of the Golem, along with two pens. She tore the paper in half and offered one piece to Eleanor, who shook her head. “Oh, come on.” She beamed as Eleanor took the paper and one of the pens. Turning her attention to her own wish, she began to write.
“What are you putting?”
Jeanie gave Eleanor a sidelong look. “I can't tell you!”
Eleanor's brow wrinkled. “Why not?”
“It's just the way it works. Everyone knows that.” Jeanie continued to write. Please let us be together. It was a small piece of paper, and those were the only words she could fit. Jeanie wondered if it was enough. She wanted to go into every detail about meeting Eleanor, and the job in Vienna, and how she felt, but there was no room. The rest would have to remain implied. Hopefully the magical, wish-granting rabbi would understand.
Jeanie folded the paper. She wanted so badly for her wish to come true. All of it, the new job, the new life, but especially the part that s
he'd written. She wanted to be with Eleanor. The gravity of the moment weighed on her, causing her hands to tremble. Her fingers could barely hold the paper steady as she tucked it into a crack in the headstone.
She watched as Eleanor did the same, folding her note and slipping it into a crack on the other end of the stone. Jeanie held her breath, wondering if they'd wished for the same thing. Eleanor's hands remained steady and calm throughout, and Jeanie couldn't decide if that was a good sign, or bad. A scrap of white poked out from the rose-colored stone, and Jeanie stared. She'd give anything to know what it said.
Chapter 24
As they walked in the direction of Charles Bridge, on their way across the river toward Prague Castle, curiosity gnawed a hole in Jeanie's belly. Finally, she couldn't stand it anymore. “Just tell me. I can't take it anymore!”
“What?” Eleanor looked confused by the non sequitur.
“Your wish! What did you write?”
“But you said we couldn't tell.” Eleanor's calm voice drove Jeanie mad. “I thought that was supposed to be a rule, or something.”
“I don't care about the rules,” Jeanie whined.
“Oddly, that's what I like most about you.”
“I want to know!” Jeanie was too wound up to notice the compliment.
Charles Bridge was just ahead, a wide footbridge made of stone and lined with statues. It was crowded in the late afternoon with tourists and people returning home from work, and Jeanie clasped Eleanor's hand tightly as they started into the crowd. Their bodies were jostled repeatedly as people passed by, and even Jeanie's usually calm nerves became raw with irritation. She could only imagine how sensitive Eleanor must be to it, and she glanced repeatedly in her direction to see if she was okay. Toward the middle of the bridge, Eleanor stopped walking and tugged Jeanie with her away from the center to a spot where there was no crowd.
“Elle, are you okay? Is it a panic attack?” Jeanie studied her face in alarm.
“No. I just can't talk with so many people bumping into me.”
“Why do you need to talk?”
“Because you asked me what my wish was!”
Her stomach clenched. “And you're going to tell me?”
Eleanor nodded. “I was going to wait until tomorrow to talk about this, since that's what we'd agreed, but I think it's probably safe to do it now.” She swallowed roughly, looking nervous. “Jeanie, I know we said no strings attached, but I can't imagine not seeing—”
Yes! Jeanie's heart was racing, the blood pulsing so loudly in her ears that she couldn't hear the rest of what Eleanor said. It didn't really matter, since she'd gotten the most important part already. Eleanor wants to be with me! Knowing that, anything seemed possible—the job, moving to Vienna, building a life together—all of her wishes might come true! Suddenly, Jeanie realized that Eleanor was staring at her, waiting for a response.
“I want you to move to Vienna with me!” She gasped and clasped her hand over her mouth, but it was too late. The words tumbled out in a rush before Jeanie could stop them. That wasn't what she'd meant to say. Not yet.
Eleanor's pale face looked whiter than usual, and she appeared to be in shock. “What did you say?”
Jeanie groaned. She'd gone about this in the worst possible way. “While we were in Vienna, I got a lead on a job. And I've just heard back this morning and—”
“You got a job? In Vienna?” Eleanor looked stricken. “Why didn't you mention it before?”
“I only just found out. And officially it's just an interview, but I think I have a shot at it. But Elle, I can't imagine not seeing you. I love… spending time with you.” She'd nearly said I love you, but Eleanor had already had enough of a shock for one day and Jeanie decided to spare her further distress. “Working in a museum, living in Europe. It's what I've always wanted, but I was thinking…” you could move there, too. Her voice trailed off before she finished, too disheartened by the look on Eleanor's face to finish.
“Jeanie, I live in New York. So do you, which is why this thing we started might actually have any chance of going anywhere once we get home. I think it does, or I wouldn't have suggested giving it a try. But that doesn't change the fact that we just met.”
“But, you said yourself that your client wants to hire you. And you've been trying to be more spontaneous, you just said so the other day. There's no reason not to give it a try, even just temporarily. Right?”
Eleanor's jaw dropped. “No reason? Jeanie, there are a million reasons: my job, my house, my sister. There's way too much risk!”
“You've said yourself that you were starting to see the benefit of risk.”
“This isn't risk, Jeanie. It's recklessness!” Eleanor's breath quickened to short pants and she looked like she was struggling to maintain her focus. The crowd around them had once again grown thick. “Oh, God. I can't breathe. I've got to get off this thing!” Her eyes darted furtively around the bridge, then she slipped into an opening in the crowd and disappeared from Jeanie's view.
“Wait, Elle!”
Alone on the bridge, Jeanie shook as she stared at the spot where Eleanor had been. What did I just do? She'd been so close to having what she wanted, and she'd ruined it! She'd planned to break the news gently, explain it all slowly so Eleanor could see how exciting the opportunity could be. Instead, her inability to reign in her impulses may have cost her Eleanor for good.
Jeanie stretched her hand across the bed, seeking the warmth of Eleanor's body. She came away empty. Disoriented, she bolted upright with heart pounding. She'd fallen asleep, fully dressed atop the covers, waiting for Eleanor to return. The sun had set and shadows shrouded the bedroom. The only light came from the streetlamps outside. Jeanie trudged into the living room to see if Eleanor was there, but the suite was empty.
With the snap of a switch the bedroom filled with light, and Jeanie cringed to see the pile of crumpled tissues that covered the bed. Her tablet was there, too, the black screen spotted from the shower of tears it had endured when she'd used it to call her mom. Hearing her mother's voice after several days had given her some joy, but apart from that, the conversation had yielded little comfort. Her mother had only confirmed what Jeanie knew: Her impulsiveness was destined to be her downfall. And it's not like words existed that could ease the pain of watching Eleanor walk away. She still hadn't returned, and Jeanie felt a prick of fear that she never would. She leaned her head against the window, looking at the bridge as fresh tears escaped and trickled down her cheeks.
A metallic click echoed in the silent room as the knob on the front door turned. Elle! Not bothering to stop to dab her wet face, Jeanie raced toward the door and flung her arms around Eleanor the moment she entered the room. Eleanor's frame, stiff at first, yielded to her touch as she covered her head with desperate kisses. As Eleanor's body softened against her, Jeanie's lips claimed her mouth, communicating with passion what words had failed to express. But as Jeanie's hands snaked beneath Eleanor's top, she pulled away.
“Jeanie, stop. Don't you think we need to talk about today?”
“Talking's what got me into trouble. I think I was having much better luck getting my point across just now. Elle, I was so worried. I didn't know what to think!”
Eleanor's shoulders slumped. “Jeanie, I'm sorry for running off. I was starting to panic in the crowd.”
“I know. But when I couldn't find you and you didn't come back to the room, I guess I thought you'd had enough of me and left. I was afraid I wouldn't see you again.” Jeanie's voice cracked as she remembered the darkness of the afternoon.
“I needed some time alone.” Eleanor walked into the living room and sat down on the sofa, placing a pillow on her lap like a barrier. Taking it as a hint, Jeanie settled a safe distance away on the far end of the couch.
“Elle, I'm so sorry about this afternoon. I didn't mean for any of that to come out the way it did. I was just excited.”
“I know, and I love that about you. I love that you get excited, and
that you're willing to dive head first after what you want, no matter what the risk. I'm not like that.”
“But you could be!” Jeanie's eyes sparkled, pleading. “Look at the fun we had together at the German castle, once you set aside your anxiety and took a chance. Trust me, Elle, Vienna could be such an adventure.”
“It's not who I am, Jeanie. It's not about trust, or learning to take chances, or not worrying so much over things. Fundamentally, I'm someone who needs to analyze and plan. And you're someone who needs to leap first and ask questions later.”
Tears welled in Jeanie's eyes, turning Eleanor into a soft blur. “I don't have to. Just tell me what I need to do. Give me directions. You know I love it when you take charge.” Though Eleanor smiled at her words, somehow it made her face look even more sad, and Jeanie felt her heart begin to break. “Please, Elle. I'll analyze and plan, day and night, if that's what you need me to do.”
Eleanor sighed, her own eyes filling with tears. “I don't want you to change. I love you exactly the way you are, impulsive and daring. It's thrilling to me to know that someone like you exists. Someone who makes wishes and follows dreams.”
Slowly, Jeanie let out the breath that she's been holding since the moment that those three important words had left Eleanor's lips. “Did you just say that you love me?”
Eleanor frowned, clearly thrown off by the question. “Of course I love you.”
Jeanie grinned. “But, I love you too! Isn't that all we really need?”
“No.” The quiet certainty of Eleanor's response dealt the final blow, shattering Jeanie's heart to bits. “I have a job to get back to in New York. You have a job to start in Vienna.”
“Just an interview,” Jeanie corrected. “It's not a sure thing. There's every chance that when the new semester starts, I'll be back in Poughkeepsie. And if I am, would you give me a chance then?”
Eleanor massaged her temples, her interior struggle evident on her face. “I can't make that promise, Jeanie. I just can't. If I say yes, then how do I know you won't pass up the job on impulse to be with me?”
Waltzing on the Danube Page 20