“Curse it, I forgot that I was still wearing the cursed thing. “James yanked the patch off and tossed it aside. “Nay, I didnae lose it or e’en injure it. I was often told that I had such true green eyes that they were memorable and I dared nay take the chance that my eyes would be enough to ruin my disguise.”
“They are verra memorable eyes.” She kissed the corner of the eye he had kept covered for so long. “When I first saw ye I was saddened by its loss, for its mate was so verra beautiful.”
James actually felt himself blush. It had been many, many years since he had reacted in such a way to a woman’s flatteries, and although it felt uncomfortably vain to admit it, he had had quite a few of those. Yet he knew that every word Annora uttered was sincere and not just part of an empty flirtation or a way to make him place an extra coin in the outstretched hand that all too often came after the bed play. The knowledge that she liked his looks had him feeling as proud and satisfied as some strutting cock in the hen yard.
He kissed her before he said something foolish. She made him feel like an untried boy again, too eager and all a-sweat with anticipation. He was not sure what had banished the hesitation she had been so plainly revealing only a moment ago, but he was not about to question that change. If nothing else, it could make her start thinking again, and that was the very last thing he wanted her to do. He wanted her to just feel.
Doing his best to keep her dazed with his kisses, James began to remove her clothing without doing it so quickly that he startled or frightened her. Or worse, he mused, just tore the clothes from her body and threw them aside as he so ached to do. He needed to be flesh to flesh with her, needed to look at her, touch her, and taste her.
When he finally removed the last of her clothing, he could think of nothing else but looking at her. James crouched over her, studying every rise and hollow of her soft body. Annora was a small, slender woman yet she possessed lush, full breasts, a small waist, and nicely rounded hips. She might not weigh all that much, but that weight was placed in all the right places. A small V of dark curls shielded her womanhood, and the hard tips of her full breasts were a deep, tempting pink. For a moment he was so entranced by her soft, creamy skin, he did nothing but stare and try to decide where to taste her first. Then a faint rosy blush crept down from her neck to color the breasts he was admiring.
Glancing up at her face, James could see a blush upon her cheeks so deep he could swear he felt the heat of it. He also saw embarrassment and shyness in her expression and he tensed. It was much like the look he had seen on Mary’s face all too often; one that meant that the warmth he sought would yet again be denied him. Afraid that he was losing Annora, that the passion he had felt in her was swiftly fading away, he kissed her, a hard, fierce kiss that he knew revealed some of the desperation he was suddenly feeling. It was not until he felt her respond with a growing passion that he began to lose that fear.
Annora had thought that she would melt from the heat of the embarrassment she had felt as James had stared at her body. She had never been naked in front of a man before, or many women, either, and the longer he had just stared at her, saying and doing nothing, the more she had begun to fear that he was disappointed in what he saw. When he had finally looked into her eyes, she had expected him to say something then. She had even tensed a little, preparing herself for some false compliment used to hide his disappointment and save her from any hurt feelings. Instead he had kissed her—hard.
Even as her desire had begun to flood her with heat again, Annora caught a brief feeling of desperation in James, even a hint of fear. But as she had continued to respond to his fierce kiss with a desire she found difficult to control, it faded away. All she could feel was his desire. When his body settled lightly on top of hers and she felt their skin touching for the first time, she was so caught up in the fierce need that swept over her that she no longer cared about what had been troubling him. She could ask him about it later.
“Ah, Annora mine, I want to go so slowly with ye, to taste every sweet inch of ye, but ye are driving me mad with desire,” he muttered against her collarbone.
He wanted to talk? she thought. How could one talk during such a time? Her mind and heart were so filled with the feel of his lips against her skin and the heat of his warm skin beneath her hands, she doubted she could think clearly enough to utter her own name. Then he dragged his tongue over the aching tip of one breast and Annora discovered that she could speak. She gasped out his name as fire raged through her body, spreading out from the place where he now kissed her. When he slowly drew the hard tip of her breast deep into his mouth and suckled her, she made a lot of gasping noises and soft moans that she hoped she would not recall later, for she suspected such a loss of control would embarrass her.
By the time he moved his attentions to her other breast, Annora did not care what noises she made or what he did so long as the pleasure he gave her did not stop. She was aware only of the feel of him, of what he made her feel, and the hard length pressed against her groin. For just a heartbeat she thought she ought to be afraid of that part of him, of the size of it, and then he rubbed it against her and the pleasure that rushed through her drove all such concerns from her mind. She barely even started to gasp in shock when he slid his hand down her stomach and between her legs to stroke her there. With one stroke of his long fingers he gave her such delight that she softened and opened to his caress without hesitation.
“Sweet heavens, love, ye are so beautifully hot and wet,” he growled against her stomach, his whole body shaking with the need to be inside her.
“Wet is good?” she said in a trembling whisper, for in some still rational part of her mind, a concern about that growing dampness down there had begun to grow.
“Wet is perfect. Utterly perfect. ’Tis your body welcoming me, inviting me in.”
And in was where he had to go—now. James struggled to go slowly, knowing she was a virgin and care had to be taken to ensure that her first time left her with no fears and as little pain as possible. She was a fever in his blood, however, and her whole body signaled its welcome to him. Being slow and gentle was going to be the hardest thing he had ever done. He wanted to thrust into her and keep on thrusting hard until he reached that paradise he craved.
Gently spreading her legs a little farther apart, James began to ease inside her. At the first touch of her heat against his manhood, he had to brace himself against the overwhelming urge to push himself as deep inside her as he could. Little by little he entered her until he felt the barrier of her maidenhead. Leaning down, he brushed a kiss over her mouth.
“This may hurt ye a wee bit, Annora,” he whispered against her lips, “but I swear to ye that whate’er pain your breeching brings, it will pass.”
That much Annora did know and she wrapped her arms around his neck. “Just do it, James. Get the hurtful part done and then we can return to the joyous part again.”
The fact that she used the word joyous to describe what they were sharing nearly undid James. He began to kiss her, drawing his body back as he did so, and then rammed his way through that shield. In his arms, her body tensed and she cried out against his mouth. He remained still once he was seated deep within her and kept on kissing and stroking her in an attempt to soothe away the hurt he had had to deal her and bring back the passion she had been gifting him with. He was so concentrated on that that it took him a moment to realize that she was trying to move in the way that he was desperate to.
He lifted his head and looked at her. There was no look of pain or disgust upon her face. The flush of desire was tinting her cheeks and darkening her midnight-blue eyes almost to black. He knew he had hurt her, but she had clearly recovered from it faster than he had anticipated.
“Has the pain passed?” he asked, not surprised to hear that his voice was little more than a growl as he was beginning to feel that he would go mad if he did not get to move inside her soon.
“Aye,” she whispered as she tried to move her legs
to a position that might enhance the pleasure the feel of him inside her was stirring.
James rested his forehead against hers. “Wrap those bonnie legs around me, love.”
Annora did so and gasped, for it settled him even deeper inside her and pure delight flowed through her. “And what do I do next?”
“Enjoy,” he said. “Please enjoy this.”
She was just thinking that that was a very strange thing for him to say when he slowly pulled almost completely out of her. Before she could protest his retreat, he thrust back inside and she nearly screamed with pleasure. This was what her mother had risked so much for, she thought wildly as he continued to thrust into her, stirring up a heat that threatened to melt her. And the loss of this, she suddenly realized, was why her mother had always looked so sad. Then she thought nothing, only felt.
James fought against the urge to just take his own pleasure. Despite how badly he craved it and knowing he could probably still see that she reached her own pleasure, he controlled himself. He had to grit his teeth and occasionally think of something as dull as possible to stem his need for release, but he wanted them to find that release together, or as closely together as possible. Just as he began to think he would have to forgo that delight, he felt her body start to clench around him. A heartbeat later she cried out his name and her whole body arched and trembled as her release tore through her. The way her heat clutched at him as if trying to secure him even deeper inside her was enough to pull him over that edge as well.
Annora lay sprawled on her back, her whole body feeling as if she had worked feverishly all day. She was just becoming aware of the fact that she was still naked and not making any attempt to hide anything from James, when he slid off the bed and walked to the washbowl. Even as she struggled to make her limp arms work and grabbed the bedcovers to hide her nudity, he returned to the bed carrying a damp rag. Annora was so distracted by the sight of his tall, lean body that she barely flinched when he cleaned her off, despite the intimacy of the act.
It was not until he crawled back into bed and took her into his arms that she began to truly regain her senses. She had just given her innocence to a man who had yet to speak any words of love. Annora knew that ought to send her running from the room and perhaps straight to a priest to confess her sin. She did not feel inclined to do either. She just wanted to stay where she was, in his arms, lightly stroking his broad handsome chest, and enjoying the feeling of lethargic happiness that filled her.
Thoughts of what would happen next began to intrude upon that pleasant oblivion, however. Annora knew she could not ignore all that was wrong with taking a lover, especially this lover. Even if James defeated Donnell and regained all that had been stolen from him, this could only be a passing affair. He was a laird. Lairds did not love and marry poor, bastard women no matter how good the lineage of one of their parents. Lairds found wives who could bring them lands and coins, add to their power or their wealth. Knowing that Donnell had probably spent or wasted most of the wealth of Dunncraig and did little to ensure that its lands were tended correctly, she felt that such things would be even more important to James. She owned nothing but the clothes she wore.
Sadness threatened to overwhelm her but she fought it back. She had chosen this and she would take all the good she could get until the end. There would be plenty of time after it ended to wallow in heartbreak and weep into her pillow.
One thing she did know was that she loved this man and it was a hopeless love. Annora felt the pain of that and then pushed it aside. If he wanted them to remain lovers, she would be his for as long as he would have her and she would not burden him with what she felt. She knew he was a good man and did not intend to hurt her. She also knew that he would have let her leave and hold fast to her innocence if she had offered any real protest. He was not really to blame for the fact that she loved him and would be heartbroken at some time in the future, except perhaps for the fact that he was so easy to love.
When he put his hand beneath her chin and tilted her face up to his, she was able to smile a little. She had had a lot of practice in hiding her hurts and sorrows. Annora refused to allow them to dim this brief time of happiness.
“Ye are verra quiet, lass,” James said and brushed a kiss over her mouth.
“I havenae yet regained the strength to have a conversation,” she replied.
He smiled and stroked her back with one hand, trailing his fingers up and down her spine. He could see no regret or even a hint of shame in her face, but her silence had begun to make him uneasy. Once James had looked into his wife’s face after they had made love and he had tried never to do so again. There had been such unhappiness there, such shame and embarrassment, that he had felt unmanned. In truth, only the lingering hope that he could teach Mary about the pleasure one could find in the marriage bed and a desire for children had given him the strength to return to her bed after that.
When Annora had remained silent for so long, he had begun to fear that she had felt the same things Mary had, and it had taken every bit of willpower he possessed to make himself look into her face. The relief he had felt at seeing only a lingering flush of a well-loved woman and a smile had made him glad he was not standing. James was sure he would have fallen on his face, for his knees had grown so weak.
Annora suddenly thought of the feelings she had sensed in James at one point and then the words he had muttered as he had begun to make love to her. “James, why were ye so, weel, desperate at the beginning?”
It took James a moment to understand what she was referring to and then he wondered how she could have known what he was feeling. “Ye think I was desperate?”
She grimaced and prayed what she was about to say would not put a rapid end to their affair. “At times I can feel what another person is feeling. I felt the rage in ye when ye first came here, ye ken. Then that time ye insulted Donnell and I had to make up something to say when he asked what ye had said, I felt the loathing ye felt for the mon. Weel, after ye had done looking at me and started to kiss me, I felt what I can only call desperation in ye for just a moment. And, I think, just a hint of fear. I was wondering if it was something I had done to make ye feel that way.”
“Ye can feel what others feel? Truly?”
Since she sensed only a keen interest in him, Annora nodded. “’Tis a secret, ye ken. Verra few people ken that I can do that and I prefer it that way. When some have discovered what I can do, they havenae been kind.”
“Dinnae fret o’er telling me of your gift, love. I was raised by the Murrays, and that clan has a lot of people with gifts such as yours. My sister Gillyanne has much the same gift as ye do. And, aye, I was feeling desperate and not just because I have wanted ye from the start. I suppose there may have been a wee bit of fear mixed in there, too. As to why? My wife didnae like the loving. She always looked as if it pained her, humiliated her, and shamed her. Naught I could do seemed to change that. When ye were so silent for so long and then I saw that embarrassment upon your face, I feared I had erred again, that somehow I had destroyed the desire I ken weel ye were feeling at the start. I shouldnae have married her, mayhap should have guessed that she was one of those women who wouldnae like the bedding. Ah, but then I wouldnae have my Meggie.”
“Verra true.” Annora could not conceive of a woman not liking what James had made her feel, but did not say so. Such words could too easily allow him to guess how she felt about him. “Is that why ye find it hard to think she and Donnell were lovers?”
“Weel, aside from the fact that no mon likes to think his woman would desire another, aye, I do. Then again, mayhap my troubles with her were because she really loved MacKay and nay me. She may have been forced by her kinsmen to wed me, for at that time, MacKay had far less to offer her and them.”
Annora moved so that she was sprawled on top of his body. For one who had always been very modest, she was a little surprised at how much she enjoyed being naked with this man. She also wanted to banish that look of hurt fr
om his eyes. She knew without asking that he had been a good and faithful husband to Mary and it was not his fault that she had found no pleasure in his arms.
“The fact that Mary might have loved Donnell should tell ye that ye shouldnae take to heart what was wrong between the two of ye. She didnae give ye a chance right from the start. And, of course, she clearly had verra bad taste in men.”
James grinned. There is that to consider.”
“I, of course, have verra good taste in men.”
“Mon. Only one.”
“Aye,” she said softly. “Only one.”
Annora also knew that showing him how good he made her feel, how passionate and greedy, was the surest way to kill the last of those regrets, uncertainties, and fears Mary had left him with. She inwardly smiled as she kissed him. It would not be a huge sacrifice, either, for she was indeed a very greedy woman.
Chapter Ten
James set the mantelpiece he had finished oiling just outside the door of his workroom. It was one of the best pieces he had ever done and he was actually eager to see it displayed in the laird’s bedchamber. Soon to be his again, he vowed to himself. Today, however, even the thought of MacKay sleeping in his bed could not completely spoil James’ good humor. He felt completely sated after a long night of making love to Annora. It was the first time he had felt so since his marriage. After sending a quick, silent apology to his late wife, James had to admit that he could not recall ever feeling as good as he did right now. Annora satisfied a lot more than just his body.
“Ye are looking to be in a verra good humor,” said Big Marta as she walked up to stand beside him.
The sparkle in the older woman’s eyes told James that Big Marta knew he had spent the night holding Annora in his arms. He refused to blush, as that might indicate guilt and he felt absolutely none. Annora MacKay was his. Last night he had simply made his claim as clear to Annora as it was to him. He knew that, if he were not trapped in this disguise, he would be making that claim clear to every man at Dunncraig as well.
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