James turned her stiff body around and pulled her into his arms. She stayed tense as he held her and rubbed her slim back with his hands. He began to feel afraid that she had already cut him out of her heart even though he was not sure why she would do so.
“I am pleased to see that ye are fully healed,” Annora said, fighting the urge to cuddle up against him and breathe deeply of his clean, crisp scent.
“I cannae tell that by the way ye stand like an iron poker in my arms,” he drawled, “but if ye say ’tis so, I must believe it, aye?”
She tried desperately to shield herself, but she found herself open to his feelings despite all her efforts. He was confused, uneasy, and nervous. Annora’s eyes widened slightly as she sensed something else. He was afraid and there was the beginning stir of a pain he fought against feeling. A tiny spark of hope came to life in her heart and she tried not to be seduced by it. Yet, the feelings she could sense in him hinted at more than just desire and respect.
“Aye,” she whispered, relaxing a little in his hold. “Believe it.”
He leaned back a little and cupped her face in his hands, turning it up until he could look in her eyes. The fact that she had slipped her arms around his waist and had not moved away made him feel a little less uneasy, but there was such sadness and confusion in her eyes, he knew he had a battle ahead of him. Since he did not know what was causing her to feel that way, he was not sure he was going to do or say the right things, the things that might change that sad, confused look in her beautiful eyes to one of love and happiness.
“Ye are planning to leave us, arenae ye, Annora?”
She blushed, feeling strangely guilty. “Aye. Ye are healed now and have all ye lost returned to ye. ’Tis time ye began to live your life as a laird again.”
“And ye want no part of that?”
“I cannae stay here as Meggie’s nurse anymore. Things will be changing now. Ye will have to work hard to remake treaties with your neighbors and I ken that ye need to establish yourself a little at the court so that ye are kenned weel and trusted by the men with the power. And—”
He kissed her, putting all his need for her into the kiss. For a brief moment she resisted, but the passion he so loved in her rose up and she softened in his arms, returning his kiss. Although he did not have her gift for sensing what others felt, he could almost taste the desperation and the sadness in her kiss. James began to have the feeling that Annora was doing what she thought was best for everyone, not what she truly wanted to do.
“Nay!” she cried suddenly and wrenched out of his hold. “We cannae do that anymore. Ye are the laird again. Did ye nay tell me that the Murrays taught ye nay to make lemans of the servant girls?”
“Annora, ye are nay my leman!” he said, torn between shock and anger. “When did I e’er give ye the idea that ye were just my leman?”
“Weel, what else would I be? Am I nay your lover?”
“My lover and my love.”
“Nay, James, I cannae be your love,” she whispered, desperately wanting to believe him and yet knowing even if he told the truth that there could be no future for them.
“Why?” James feared that he had been wrong, that her passion for him was simply that, passion, and it did not reach into her heart. “Are ye telling me that ye dinnae want any more from me than a few turns atween the sheets?”
Annora blushed, as much from anger as from embarrassment over his crude words. She was about to respond in anger but then hesitated. The feelings coming from him were strong and they made her wonder if she had been wrong. There was hurt and fear inside James and she had no doubt that she was the cause of both of those emotions. There was also something else, something strong and warm that she dared not put a name to.
For just a minute she considered doing or saying something that would make him leave and then she would flee Dunncraig. The cowardice prompting that thought was enough to appall her and she stiffened her backbone. She was done with being a coward. There might be a lot of pain ahead for her if she forced this conversation to continue, but she would do it. When and if she did leave Dunncraig she did not want to do so with a lot of unanswered questions.
“If I was that sort of woman I wouldnae have been a virgin, would I?” she said calmly.
“Annora,” he said in a softer voice, fighting to calm the fear growing inside him, a fear that caused him to lash out with angry words, “I have ne’er thought of ye as my leman.” He cautiously put his hands on her shoulders again. “If I was all that sort, would I have kept pushing Mab away? So much easier for me to have just let her have her way if all I sought was a good sweaty rutting.”
That was true, she thought, and then grimaced. “I wasnae so verra hard to seduce, James, though it shames me to say so.”
“Considering how quickly and fiercely I wanted ye, it seemed like a verra long time to me.” His fear eased just a little when she smiled fleetingly. “It was just ye that I wanted e’en though I kenned it was nay a good time to go a-wooing.”
“A-wooing?” she whispered, her heart pounding with a renewed hope.
“Aye, lass. I ken the circumstances didnae make it seem as though that was what I was doing, but it was. Annora”—he pulled her into his arms and breathed a sigh of relief when there was no tension in her body this time—” I need ye. I need ye to stay here with me. I need ye to keep the darkness from my soul.”
He kissed her and she melted in his arms. He had not spoken of marriage or a future, but at that moment, she did not care. The words he had said had banished all of her resistance. Annora knew he had not said he loved her exactly, but she could not understand what else all his sweet words could mean.
“Annora-mine,” he said in a thick, hoarse voice as he kissed her throat.
“Aye, I feel die same. Tis like a fever.”
He said nothing else as he rapidly rid them of their clothes. Annora was amazed that she could laugh as he nearly threw her down on the bed and then fell on top of her. The need possessing her was so great and so fierce, laughter seemed to have no part in what was about to happen between them. Yet, she also felt such joy to be back in his arms that she supposed laughter was a fitting response. And then he began to make fierce love to her and without another thought she gave herself over to the passion they shared.
When James finally thrust inside her he groaned with the force of the pleasure he felt. “This is where I belong,” he said as he leaned down to kiss her while he moved in and out of her body. “This is what I need.”
“I need it, too, James. I fear I always will.”
“Ne’er fear that, my love.”
She clung to him as he rode her with a ferocity that they both seemed to need. Annora wrapped her arms and legs around him and held on tight as he drove them to passion’s summit with a speed that was exhilarating. The release that tore through her was so fierce and beautiful she nearly screamed out his name. She also screamed out how much she loved him. The flare of concern over that confession did not last long as she was overcome by the joy only James could bring her.
James washed them both clean of the remnants of their passion and then cautiously slipped into bed beside an ominously silent Annora. The only thing that kept his fears from returning in full force was the memory of the words she had yelled when her release had held her in its grip. She had said she loved him. Whatever else troubled her and had her thinking to leave Dunncraig, he felt sure he could overcome.
“What troubles ye, love?” he asked as he tugged her into his arms.
“Ah, James, ye are a laird again.”
“And that is what troubles ye? Ye dinnae like the fact that I can provide for ye?”
“Nay, that isnae it. I am bastard born—” she began but he ended her speech with a hard kiss.
“I dinnae care about your birth. I dinnae care if ye have lands or coin or an old auntie who talks to the birds.” He smiled faintly when she laughed. “Ye are mine, Annora.”
“Donnell bled Dunncraig near
ly dry, James. There is so much that needs to be fixed and replaced. Ye need a fine rich wife with lands and powerful relations.”
He pushed until she was lying sprawled beneath him and then he placed his hands on either side of her face. “I need ye, Annora. And ye need me. Are ye going to deny that ye said ye loved me?”
“Nay, I cannae, can I? I screamed it like a banshee. But I am sure ye can find other women who would love ye as I do.” Annora did not think she had ever said anything as difficult as that, for the very last thing she wanted to think of during her lonely future was James being loved and loving another woman.
“I am glad to hear that ye nearly choked on those words. Are ye nay heeding what I am saying, woman? I need ye. Ye are the other half of me.” He almost smiled when her eyes began to widen and he realized he needed to be more exact in what he said about how he felt. “I love ye, Annora. I love ye as I have ne’er loved anyone else and will ne’er love again as I love ye. Now do ye understand? Ye are my mate, my perfect match.”
Afraid she was going to burst into tears before she could make everything perfectly clear, she asked in a voice that was so soft and unsteady it was nearly a whisper, “Are ye saying ye wish to marry me?” She blushed, a little afraid that she had mistaken his words and just thoroughly humiliated herself.
“Aye, lass, I am, in my crude way. I will admit that the moment I kenned ye were my mate, I just assumed we would be marrying once all the trouble with MacKay was settled. I apologize for that arrogance. So, Annora MacKay, will ye marry me?”
“Oh, James, are ye verra sure? Ye could do so much better than me for a wife.”
“Nay, I couldnae. I already tried marrying the sort of woman everyone felt was perfect for a laird, havenae I? And we see how weel that worked.”
“Did ye think Mary was your mate?”
“Never. I was but weary of looking for my mate and I wanted the family, the bairns, and all of that. I also have ne’er liked, weel, the sort of things a mon does to sate his manly hungers. I wanted a loving woman in my bed, one I didnae have to worry about getting with child or paying in the morning. I wanted one who could give me that something special that changes rutting into making love.”
“And ye got Mary,” she said, feeling sorry for him for just a moment.
“Aye, and a great deal of trouble, but I cannae regret all of that. In the end it brought ye into my arms. Now, tell me, lass. Are ye meaning to stay here? Will ye marry me and have my bairns?”
“Oh, aye. I cannae do aught else as I love ye and it was killing me slowly to think of leaving ye. I just hope your family doesnae think too poorly of your choice.”
“They will love ye because ye love me.”
“I hope it is just that simple.”
It was just that simple, Annora thought a few hours later as she was enthusiastically welcomed to the family by a grinning Tormand and a few of James’ cousins. All they seemed to care about was that James was openly happy, grinning much like a fool in fact, and she would shyly confess to loving him whenever anyone asked. There was only one small impediment, she mused as she looked around for Meggie.
“She is o’er by the window looking a wee bit cross,” said James.
“Did ye tell her that ye had asked Annora to marry ye and nay just stay here?” asked Tormand as he waved to his niece, who gave him a rather wan wave back.
“Nay, I suppose that was a mistake,” said James.
“I think ye best speak to her now and make your most sincere apologies ere the official announcement is made. She has probably heard something already and that is why she is looking so cross.”
Annora nodded and took James by the hand. “I think Tormand may be right. We didnae tell her our plans to be married or e’en let her ken that ye had asked me ere ye announced it to everyone else. She could be feeling a wee bit hurt by that.”
The sulky greeting they got as they reached Meggie told Annora that the child was indeed hurt by not being told of Annora’s plan to marry James, at least before everyone was in the great hall celebrating the news. “I am sorry I didnae come and tell ye, Meggie. I fear I was just so excited and, weel, stunned a wee bit that I didnae think of anything except James and getting married.”
Meggie stared at her and then at James for a minute and then she rolled her eyes. “Ye mean ye just got all silly because of a handsome mon.”
“That says it quite nicely. Aye, I got silly o’er your verra handsome da.”
“Aye, I suspicion he is handsome,” Meggie said cautiously, her gaze fixed upon James, “but were ye nay married to my mother?”
“I was,” James said as he crouched down so that he could look her in the eye. “As I think ye already ken, I was falsely accused of her death and then branded an outlaw. I had to flee for my life. For three years I have been trying to find a way to clean the stain from my good name, find the real murderer, and regain all that was once mine.”
“Dunncraig?”
“Aye, Margaret Anne. Dunncraig and ye. Ne’er think elsewise. I ne’er forgot my wee lass and always intended to come back for ye. That is why I first came to Dunncraig. It was but my good fortune that I met Annora here. Will ye allow me to marry her?”
Annora was moved by the understanding James showed for a little girl’s fears. Meggie had to be uncertain of what her place would be now. By asking her permission for her newfound father to marry the nursemaid she had depended on for three years, he was making her a full part of that decision. Annora prayed the child did not balk and said she approved. Any other answer could cause them a lot of trouble with the child, for Annora felt certain James would not change his mind; he would just become determined to change Meggie’s. What he did not know was that little Meggie could match him in stubbornness.
“And we will be a family?” Meggie asked.
“Aye, lass, we will be a family,” said James and he briefly glanced toward Tormand. “A verra large family.”
“I would like to be a family again.”
“So ye approve of my plan to marry Annora?”
Meggie grinned and hugged him. “That will certainly make sure she stays at Dunncraig, aye?”
“Aye, it certainly will.” James stood up and began to say, “And once Annora and I are married she must be called—”
Annora clapped her hand over his mouth and smiled at Meggie. “Whate’er Meggie wishes to call me. I leave that decision up to ye, Meggie-love.”
“Thank ye. I will give it a lot of thought.” Meggie did not wait to speak to James again but skipped away toward her uncle.
“Why did ye stop me from saying that she must call ye her mother when we marry?” James asked. “Ye will be her mother and so she ought to call ye such.”
“Only in the eyes of the law. Meggie kens that her mother was Mary and, aye, she was a verra poor mother, but that doesnae matter. I dinnae want Meggie ordered to call me her mother. I want her to choose to call me that.”
James sighed and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. “As ye wish. Shall we make this announcement? Everyone already kens that we are to be married as soon as possible, but this is something they expect a proper announcement for.”
“A proper announcement and then a lot of ale,” murmured Annora as they walked to the head table.
“’Tis tradition.”
The hall went silent when James rapped his goblet down on the table several times. Annora stood by his side holding his hand as he told all the people gathered there that he had asked Annora MacKay to be his wife and she had said yes. As soon as the cheering for that had eased, he also told them that the marriage would happen as soon as possible and there would be a very grand wedding feast.
“My, I hadnae expected the news to be greeted with quite that much enthusiasm,” Annora said as she sat down next to James.
“They love ye, lass, as I do.” James gave her a quick kiss. “They ken that ye belong here and are pleased that their laird had the good sense to see that, too.”
Annora
blushed and looked around at the people gathered in the great hall. She had thought that because of the way Donnell had kept her so apart from everyone, the people of Dunncraig did not know or care for her. Most of this cheer was probably for the fact that James was hale and hearty and Dunncraig was back under his care, but she knew that many of the people were honestly happy for her as well. With tears in her eyes, she looked at James when he brushed a kiss over her cheek.
“Ye are home now, lass,” he said softly. “Ne’er forget that.”
And that, she realized, was the source of the joy she felt. At long last she had found a home.
Epilogue
One year later
“Isnae she done yet?”
James looked down at his daughter and, despite his growing fear for Annora and the child she was struggling to bring into the world, he almost smiled. Meggie had her hands on her hips and was scowling up at him through a tangle of golden curls. She seemed to think Annora would just retreat to her bedchamber with a few women and shortly thereafter call them in to see Meggie’s new brother or sister. His daughter did not understand the many dangers of childbirth and he had no intention of enlightening her just yet. He prayed that Annora would not be doing so, either, that she would emerge from this trial hale and holding a fine, healthy child.
He thought back to the day Meggie was born and did not recall feeling so afraid for Mary or the child she carried. Mary had carried on loudly and continuously, repeatedly declaring for all to hear that he was a cruel man for making her suffer so much pain and torment. James supposed that the noise and complaints ringing through the halls of Dunncraig had sounded so strong and healthy it had been difficult to become concerned for Mary’s health. What fears he had begun the day with had been quickly stomped down by all of Mary’s bellowing.
Annora had remained unsettlingly quiet and James did find that frightening. He had started to move toward the door of the great hall so that he could rush up the stairs and demand to see Annora when someone grabbed him by the arm and held him back. He looked at his brother Tormand only to catch the man grinning at him, an expression of amusement in his mismatched eyes. It was an expression that James thought needed to be pounded right into the mud.
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