by Olivia Gates
The man flung his arms at him in a see-what-I-mean gesture. “I told her that! But she threatened she’d ban me from ever entering Zorya if I didn’t give my word to take it easy on you!”
Leonid laughed, his gaze seeking Kassandra. His golden goddess was fierce in her protectiveness of him.
Finding her nowhere, he turned his attention to Stavros. “That sounds very much like our indomitable Kassandra. I’m only glad you complied so you can attend the wedding, and give her away as is your, and her, right. But if you want to discipline me afterward, I’m at your service.”
The man gave him an excited wolflike grin. “It seems you and me are going to get along, boy.”
Leonid grinned back at him as widely. “I have no doubt we will. I would get along with the devil if he loved and cherished Kassandra. But as my father-in-law, and my daughters’ grandfather, you automatically commanded privileges few in this world do. Now after meeting you, you’ve just moved to the top of my list.”
Stavros laughed. “The list of devils?”
Leonid winked at him. “I do have a weakness for my kind.”
Stavros guffawed louder and thumped him on the back so hard he almost knocked him off his unsteady feet.
By the time Stavros moved on, the demonstrative man had inundated him with enough physical gestures to tell him he was already family to him.
Relieved that he’d won over the most important man in Kassandra’s life, Leonid turned to the other people who sought his attention at the reception, all the while seeking Kassandra, to no avail.
The coronation, and more important, the wedding, was tomorrow, and her whole family, all two-hundred-plus members of it, had arrived in Zorya the day before. She’d been lost in their sea ever since. Not that she’d been easily found before that. In the two weeks after they’d come together, he’d almost killed himself to wrap a million things up so he could rush back into her arms. But once he could, there had always been something stopping her from taking him there. For the past week she’d either been busy, sleeping, out or just unavailable when he’d sought her.
Even when he did see her, he couldn’t help but notice she’d...changed. She was subdued, as if all her fire had gone out. She’d only told him she had her period, and it was a particularly distressing one, what with all the preceding events.
But when he’d thought they’d go to meet her arriving family members together, and she’d gone alone, all his past doubts had crashed back on him.
For what if, after the first rush of sympathy for what had happened to him, it had all sunk in, that she’d be tying herself to a man who wasn’t only damaged, and who in spite of her protestations, she found revolting, but who would be the king of a country passing through turbulent times for the foreseeable future? What if she dreaded all the tension and trouble he would bring into her own life by association?
But though it agonized him to think any of that could be true, he dreaded saying anything to her even more, in case she validated his suspicions. So he’d chosen to convince himself she’d been having wedding jitters, that whatever it was, it was a passing thing that had nothing to do with him, or their impending marriage.
But when the reception ended, and she’d reappeared only to entertain her guests while keeping dozens of feet and people between them, he could no longer fool himself.
Something was wrong. Horribly wrong.
* * *
Three hours before the coronation and wedding ceremonies, Leonid stood before the full-length mirror in the quarters he’d relinquish forever tonight to move with Kassandra to the ones he’d slaved over realizing for her, her perfect wonderland.
His traditional Zoryan regal costume fit him perfectly. And weighed down on him absolutely. But he realized it wasn’t the lifelong responsibility it represented that was getting him down, but the hovering dread that he wouldn’t be bearing its burdens with a happy Kassandra by his side.
Then, as if he’d summoned her with his anxiety, Kassandra entered his quarters.
Just one look into her extinguished eyes told him.
His worst fears were about to be realized.
Forcing himself to ignore his trepidations, he rushed to take her in his arms. His heart almost ruptured when the woman who’d dissolved with passion in his arms a couple of weeks ago turned to stone there now. When she was supposed to walk down the aisle with him to a lifetime together in mere hours.
Before he could choke out his anguish, she whispered, “In spite of everything that happened, and how you came back into our lives, I believe you now love our daughters.”
Confused beyond words at hers, he again tried to reach for her. “Kassandra, moya lyubov’...”
Her hand rose, a feeble move without any energy. It still stopped him in his tracks. “I also do believe you’d make Zorya the best king. So for our daughters and for your kingdom, I’ll walk out there in three hours and marry you, Leonid. But for myself, I want things to go back to what you intended before. A marriage in name only, with separate lives.”
Feeling his world coming to an end, he couldn’t even breathe for long moments until he thought he might suffocate.
It was finally uncontainable agony that forced the choking question from his lips. “What changed?”
“Nothing changed. Things only became clear.”
He squeezed his eyes, his whole left side going numb.
Things were clear to her now. When he’d been trying to cling to the hope that she’d never come to her senses.
“It’s too much for you, isn’t it?” he rasped. “You tried to pretend my mutilation doesn’t appall you, but it does, doesn’t it? You can’t face a lifetime of curbing your revulsion at the sight of my stump, to the feel of my scars, can you?”
Her gaze deadened even more. “You can pick whatever reason you want. I’ll back up any story you decide on.”
“Story?”
“If you ever need grounds for divorce.”
With that, she turned and walked out, looking like an automaton.
But somewhere in the tornado that was uprooting everything inside him, he knew. She was now going to put on her wedding dress, then she’d walk with him to the altar, pledge to be his wife and queen, and instead of love and joy, he’d see in her eyes that she no longer wanted him. But out of duty to her daughters and their kingdom, she would still walk into the prison of being with him forever.
He couldn’t let her do this to herself.
He had to set her free, forever this time.
* * *
Shattered by her brief yet annihilating confrontation with Leonid, Kassandra had gone back to her quarters, where all the women of her family had gathered. In a fugue, she surrendered to their fussing as they dressed her in the fairy-tale dress Signor Bernatelli had designed for her. She thought she’d talked, smiled, even laughed, putting on a show for her family’s sake, for Eva’s and Zoya’s, for Zorya’s.
After her suspicions about Leonid’s intentions had erupted, wiping out her sanity, they’d receded enough to make her see the facts. That Leonid did love Eva and Zoya, with everything in him, and they loved him back. He was everything they could have hoped for in a father. Also undeniable was the fact that he was a formidable force for good, and as Zorya’s king, he would not only save the kingdom, but he’d stabilize the whole region.
As for his feelings for her, whatever he’d felt before, she now believed he was trying sincerely to be as attentive and loving as he could be. In the past week, he’d resumed seeking her, yet it had been as if it hurt him to do so.
Whatever it was, it wasn’t as sinister as she’d thought in that first wave of insanity. He was trying to do his best for all of them. It was she who was too greedy, too damaged. She couldn’t take what he was offering, when it was far more than what most women could dream of. Because it was
n’t everything. She’d either have all of him, or none of him at all.
* * *
In keeping with tradition, everyone left her for one last hour of solitude before the wedding. As the minutes counted down to zero, she waited to be called when the ceremonies began.
Then Anya walked in, looking stricken.
“My lady, it’s terrible. An absolute shock!”
Kassandra shot to her feet, her blood not following her up, making her sway. “What happened?”
“Prince Leonid has left the palace. After calling Princess Olga and relinquishing the crown to her!”
* * *
Among the total mayhem Leonid’s departure had caused, Kassandra clung to one thing.
The letter he’d left her.
Not that she’d even tried to read it. His actions had spoken far louder than anything he could ever say. That she’d catastrophically and unforgivably misjudged his feelings and misread his intentions. Again.
She’d exploded from the palace in search of him five hours ago. She’d taken Fedor and he’d driven her to every single place he could think of where Leonid might be. Leonid had turned off his phone, hadn’t been anywhere they’d searched. There’d been no sighting of him anywhere. Yet there was no evidence that he’d left the kingdom.
After the last failed attempt, she broke down and wept until she felt she’d come apart. But she got out his letter, hoping it would give her a clue where he’d gone.
Shaking so hard, eyes so swollen, it was almost impossible to read it. But she kept trying.
And every word killed her all over again.
Kassandra,
I will never be able to beg your forgiveness enough or atone enough for everything I cost you, every heartache I caused you, but I’ll make sure you never again sacrifice your well-being and desires for anything, starting with me. I will always love you, and our daughters. You will all, always, have everything that I have. But I only want you to be free and happy. While I will always be infinitely grateful for all the happiness and blessings you’ve given me, I only wish I could take back the suffering I’ve inflicted on you. But since I can’t, I can only cause you no more.
The letter ended, no signature, no closing, just this ominous pledge. The whole message sounded like...like a...
No. No. No.
Then it erupted in her mind. A memory. A realization. Of the only place he could be. Had to be. One with significance only to him, where he’d taken her and the girls, saying it had been his favorite spot when he’d been a child. The one memory he had of his parents, where they’d taken him right before they died.
Crying out for Fedor to find it, knowing just a name and a description, it felt like forever before Fedor found out where it was. All that time terror hacked at her, that she might have pushed him into doing something drastic.
Then they were there...and...so was Leonid.
He stood in the distance, looking over the frozen lake where his parents had taken him skating for the first, and last, time. A colossus among the snow, looking desolate, defeated.
“Leonid!”
He jerked so hard at her shriek. He must have been so lost in thought that he hadn’t heard the car’s approach. He almost lost his balance as he swung around. Then he gaped.
She knew how she must look to him. Maniacal, her elaborate wedding gown tearing in places, hair falling all over out of its chignon, eyes reddened and bleeding mascara, the rest of her makeup streaked down her swollen face.
She only cared that she’d found him. That she’d give her life to make it up to him, that she still had the chance to.
When she was a few dozen feet away, he started talking, voice hoarse and even deeper than usual with bleakness. “You shouldn’t have come, Kassandra. I meant every word, that only your happiness and peace of mind matter to me.”
She would have closed those final feet between them in a flying leap that landed her against him. The old Leonid would have caught her midair as easily as a pro basketball player caught a ball. But as it was, she could knock him off his feet or even injure him. She’d done enough of that, and she’d die before she hurt him again.
“I don’t want you to feel bad,” he choked. “It’s not your fault...”
And she wrapped her arms around as much of his bulk as she could, squeezed him until she felt her arms would break off.
Stiffening as if with insupportable pain in her arms, he groaned in protest again. “Don’t, Kassandra. Don’t let your tender heart overrule your best interests again. I don’t matter...”
“Only you ever mattered.” She shut him up when he attempted to protest, surging for his precious lips, taking them in wrenching kisses, pouring her love and agony into him. Then she told him what she’d learned that day from Anya, and how it had set off the chain reaction of uncertainty.
“I’ve lived with the demons of doubt tormenting me for so long,” she sobbed in between desperate kisses. “And they overwhelmed my reason. I was terrified you couldn’t possibly love me as totally as I love you, that I couldn’t be your one and only choice, and that you were only struggling to accommodate my emotions to make the best of a less-than-ideal situation for all involved. And once I thought that, I couldn’t do this to you, couldn’t bear having you on those terms.” Tears poured thicker, sobs coming harder as she mashed her lips against his. “Please forgive me, my love, forgive me for letting malignant insecurity drive me insane enough to commit the unforgivable crime of doubting you again.”
As he started to push away, to get a word in, she clung harder, sobs dismantling her soul as she rushed on to confess her original sin.
“I should have never walked away when you asked me to. I knew you were at your lowest, knew you couldn’t be in your right mind. Your decision to push me away for my own good was wrong. But the blame for everything that happened is mine, for not insisting on staying, taking anything from you, until you realized I’d a million times rather be miserable with you than at peace without you. I’m the one who made us all suffer.”
“Now, wait a minute here...”
She cut across his protest. “No more waiting. And no more doubts or distance of any sort, ever again. I’m never leaving your side again. And I’m not letting you relinquish the crown.”
“Kassandra, listen to me...”
“No, you listen. I’m not letting you even think of abandoning something this enormous and imperative, your duty to the land only you can rule.”
“If you’ll just let me get a word in here...”
“What word would that be? If it’s not yes to everything I’ve just said, don’t bother. Zorya needs you as much as I and the girls do.” She stopped, grimaced. Every cell hurt with loving him so much, finding him so damned beautiful. “Okay, so that’s not true. Anyone else, even the girls, can live without you. I can’t. And I never will. I need you to believe this, my love, and understand it as a fundamental fact of my being. For the girls, my family and work, I can exist, appear to be functioning, for a lifetime if need be. But to live, to know joy and ecstasy and peace, I need you. Only you.”
Anguish and insecurity evaporating slowly in his eyes under the flames of her fervor, he caressed her face with trembling hands, the love in his gaze so fierce it seared her to her soul, the raggedness in his deep, velvet voice heart wrenching.
“It was so easy to fall prey to my own demons as soon as I felt your withdrawal. They convinced me I repelled you, and the kingdom’s duties and dangers oppressed you. And I would rather die a thousand deaths than inflict a moment’s unhappiness on you. But without you fueling my will to be, nothing else mattered. Leaving everything behind became the only thing I could do, and my one desire.”
Before she could lament a protest, his lips shook in a smile of reassurance. “But Olga will make a fine queen. And with you by my side again,
I can again function, can serve Zorya as her advisor, as a businessman and politician. But it is better for our family that I step down now.”
“If you’re referring to those moronic fears I had at the start, please forget I ever said anything so stupid. Whatever hardships will be involved in reestablishing the monarchy, this is your destiny. I will eagerly and proudly share in all its tests and burdens, and be the happiest woman on earth, because I will do it all with you, and will have the honor and delight of being your succor and support through it all.”
And she felt it, the exact moment he let go of the last traces of reluctance and doubt and hesitation. Then she was in the only home she ever wanted, his embrace, crushed and cherished and contained.
“You’ve got one thing wrong, dorogaya. The crown isn’t my destiny. You are. You and our girls.” Suddenly he groaned. “But how can I now go back and demand to be crowned? After I left the whole kingdom in the lurch?”
Caressing his chiseled cheek dreamily, she sighed. “Don’t you worry. Everything about you is the stuff of fairy tales, and when I’m finished playing the media, the whole world will be raving about the king who started his rule with a romantic gesture for the ages. Bet you will go down history as a legend to rival that of the goddesses or even Cinderella and Prince Charming.”
His breathtaking smile singed her to her toes. “You mean we will. Even though the roles were embarrassingly reversed here, and it was the big, lethal hero who ran away.”
A laugh bubbled from her depths. “Leaving me a priceless letter instead of a glass slipper.”
His eyes glowed with so much love it caused a literal pain in her gut. “And you didn’t send people to look for me, but cast out your love like a net to find me.”
Suddenly a storm of honking erupted, jogging them out of their complete absorption with one another.
Swinging around in shock, they found their whole wedding party, six-hundred-plus strong, descending from a fleet of limos. Fedor must have reported their position. Or her testosterone tribe had followed her GPS signal. Or her friends had had their Triumvirate comb the planet for them.