by Julie
She was thinking of them as "us" again. As a couple. She'd missed Gareth so. Now he was really listening to her and seemed to understand her concerns about his work. "We're under the same roof."
When Isaac looked away from her, his forehead furrowed and he seemed lost in thought. Finally he said, "I told myself I should stay out of this. I told myself you and Gareth could solve your own problems. But I'm not sure you know what problems you're dealing with."
"What do you mean?"
"Gareth said his work's an issue, and I get that. But do you know why he works so much?"
She had no idea where this was going. "He wants to be a success. He wants to provide for us the best way he knows how."
"That's part of it. But I also think work is his way of keeping up a few walls, a few protective barriers."
She thought about how Gareth seemed to be holding back this week as they spent more time together. When she looked back over their marriage, she realized how little her husband had shared his feelings with her. He shared ideas and schedules and everyday life, but when it came down to what was in his heart, maybe it was those barriers that had kept him silent.
"I'm right, aren't I?" Isaac asked.
She nodded.
"You've got to remember Gareth's background, Laura. He's put it behind him, so that you've probably forgotten that it was there. But his mama left him by dying. After she died, he was desolate, as any child would be. The difference was - he didn't have a father there consoling him in his grief. He might still be my brother, if he's alive, but Stan Manning was an SOB. He didn't care about his wife and he didn't care about his son. I don't know if Gareth ever told you what exactly went down, but Stan left him with me two months after his mama died. He didn't want to be close to his son. He didn't want the responsibility for his son. So he dropped him with me. I didn't know what to do with a kid any more than the next bachelor. But Gareth and I became real friends and we found out we needed each other. Stan gave me a wonderful gift the day he brought Gareth to me. But you've gotta realize how he must have seen it. His mother deserted him by dying, and his father left because he didn't want him."
She'd known Gareth had gone to live with Isaac when he was eight, but she hadn't known his father had left so soon after his mother died. Gareth never talked about it. Her throat tightened when she thought about it.
"I know Gareth left you alone and you have lots of hours to fill. And you love cooking, and the business you've established. But I think Gareth saw your catering business as another desertion of sorts. And then when you left him to go live at your mom's - "
"Uncle Isaac," Gareth said in a stern voice.
When Laura turned toward the door, she wondered how long Gareth had been standing there. But from the expression on his face, it must have been for a while.
With everything out in the open now, she had to know the truth. "Did you feel that way? Did you feel as if I'd deserted you? With the business? With going to my mother's?"
Slowly Gareth came into the room, and his gaze locked to hers. When he stopped at the foot of Isaac's bed, his features looked frozen. "Once you started catering, everything changed. You weren't waiting when I got home. You didn't seem to care if I worked late or not. If I had a dinner meeting with a client and asked you to go along, you were busy."
She tried to absorb all that but most of all the pain underneath his words. Yet she had pain of her own. "Don't you understand I was tired of sitting alone at night? I was tired of going to bed alone? It seemed all I ever did was wait for you. I decided that was no way to live. If you were going to be busy, so was I."
"So then, we were never waiting for each other."
"You never even considered not going to Tokyo," she accused. "You acted as if six weeks was nothing."
"I was mistaken about that," he admitted. "I didn't realize our marriage was ready to break apart. But to tell you the truth, Laura, when I got home and you weren't there, I wondered what our vows meant to you."
"I just needed some time-out. I just needed - "
"You needed to make a statement. I get that."
Maybe he did. But she also saw something else. He had seen her leaving as a desertion. She realized now she'd broken a thread of trust between them, and he might never be able to forgive that. If he couldn't...
"Can you forgive me for asking for the separation?"
He didn't respond. She could see he didn't intend to, because he didn't know the answer. He might love her, but forgiveness was something else entirely. She had wanted space, and a little, distance to see if she could get perspective on the two of them. But that space and distance might have caused an irreparable rift.
Tears stung in her eyes and she didn't want to break down in front of him and his uncle. "I'm going to call Tony to come and pick me up. That way you can stay as long as you want."
Leaning down, she kissed Isaac. As she passed Gareth on the way to the door, she wished he'd stop her. But he didn't. And he didn't ask her where she was going because he knew. They had a lot to sort out, and she might never be going home again.
Chapter 7
When Tony picked up Laura at the hospital, she was crying.
"What's going on?" he asked. "You sounded awful on the phone."
"Let's just go home," she said now, brushing away her tears.
Although they made the twenty-minute trip in silence, she could feel Tony's gaze on her every now and then. Finally in front of the house where she'd grown up, he said, "At least tell me why you were at the hospital."
After she explained about Gareth's uncle, Tony shook his head. "So he was in an accident and Gareth was worried. And what happened to you?"
What happened to her? She felt as if her world had exploded. Now she thought about exactly what had happened to her. "I've messed up everything."
"Between you and Gareth?"
She nodded as tears filled her eyes again. Somehow it was easier to talk to her brother than any other member of her family. "I don't know how to fix this, Tony. I hurt Gareth badly."
"By leaving him?" Tony asked, cutting to the chase.
"I never intended it to be that...exactly. I didn't know how to get him to listen to me. I guess I just wanted to shake things up and see how much he loved me."
"I don't get it, Laura. When the two of you are together, anyone can see that he loves you. It's the way he looks at you."
"Well, I guess I couldn't see it."
"Why couldn't you just tell him what you wanted?"
"Because telling anyone what I want isn't easy for me."
After a long silence, Tony insisted, "You've gotta stop sitting on the sidelines."
Her gaze jerked to her brother's. "What do you mean?"
"You always sit on the sidelines. You never get into the ruckus. We can't shut Vickie up. Mom talks loud, so we all hear her. Dad says exactly what he thinks. But you...you never get in there and push for what you want. It's as if you don't think you're good enough to be listened to. It's as if you don't think you're as important as me or Vickie or Mom or Dad."
Was her own insecurity the root of all of this? Had she never felt worthy enough to demand Gareth's attention? To stand up for what she wanted? To tell him she was afraid they were drifting so far apart? She'd never had confidence with her family. But in her marriage...
It finally dawned on her that she hadn't had enough confidence in herself and in her marriage to believe that she and Gareth could work things out. She never would have left if she'd believed in her love for Gareth and his love for her. That's what had hurt him so terribly. That's what he couldn't forgive.
"I guess I've never been courageous enough to fight for what I wanted, except for the catering business, and that was the wrong fight."
"Why?"
"My preoccupation with it led Gareth to believe I didn't want to be with him anymore, that I didn't appreciate the life he was trying to provide."
"What's going to happ
en now?"
What was going to happen now? She'd made one mistake after another. Having Tony pick her up was the last one she was going to make. She loved Gareth Manning, and she was going to prove that to him, one way or another. Somehow, she'd make amends. Somehow, she'd show him she didn't break her promises or her vows.
"Can you spare me another hour?”
“If it's for a good cause," he bargained with a small smile.
"I'm going to pack. I'd like you to take me home."
"To your house and Gareth's?"
"Yes." She never should have left Gareth at the hospital alone tonight. She never should have run out. She wasn't going to run out again. She was going to wait for him in their house, and somehow convince him to give her another chance.
Since Isaac asked Gareth to go to his house and make sure it was locked up, Gareth decided to stay the night. He had no reason to go home. Laura was at her mother's. If all went as planned, in the morning Isaac's doctor would discharge him. He'd make sure his uncle was settled tomorrow before he drove back to Red Rock. He knew Laura needed the van for the Spring Fling, but he had to be ready to see her again. He had to be ready for whatever came next.
After Gareth made sure his uncle's house was secure, he stretched out on the couch. He thought about the conversation he'd overheard between his uncle and Laura, and how it had pinpointed exactly how he'd felt. Only, he hadn't realized it until that moment. He hadn't realized he'd felt abandoned by Laura. Except, he didn't think she'd really meant to abandon him. He knew now she simply wanted to get his attention.
When she'd asked tonight if he could forgive her, why hadn't he said, "Yes, of course. I love you. I can forgive you."
Because he'd wanted to make her hurt the way he'd hurt when she wouldn't take his calls? Because he wanted her to understand they couldn't solve anything when they were apart? Because he was a bastard just trying to salve his own ego?
That made him sit up, stare into the darkness... and wonder exactly what he'd done.
Laura returned home after church Sunday morning and found her van in the garage as well as all her supplies from the night before unloaded in the kitchen. But Gareth was nowhere to be found, and his car was gone.
When she'd realized last night he wasn't coming home, she'd cried herself to sleep. This morning she'd been frantic with worry.
Finally, her gaze spotted the note on the refrigerator. She slipped it out from under the banana magnet.
Laura - I knew you'd need the van, so I brought it home. I have to drive back to San Antonio again. The doctor wanted Uncle Isaac to have two more tests and he won't be discharged until this afternoon. I called one of his poker buddies and he said he'll come over and spend the night with him. So as soon as I buy some groceries and get Uncle Isaac settled, I'll be home. I don't know what time it will be. I don't know when I'll be where this afternoon, but I want to talk to you tonight. If I don't make it to the Spring Fling, I'll stop by your mother's house. - G
Automatically, Laura went to the counter and picked up the phone to try to call Gareth. She wanted to tell him she'd be at their house, not at her mother's house. But when she dialed his cell-phone number, voice mail picked up right away, and she knew he had the phone turned off. Then she remembered - no one could use cell phones in the hospital. She didn't leave a message. What she had to say was too important to leave with a message service. Hopefully, he'd get to the Spring Fling. If not, she'd have Tony tell him she was back home where she belonged.
When five high-school girls arrived to help Laura prepare for that night, Laura tried to push her anxiety and nervousness aside. But that was impossible. Late in the afternoon, when the girls left, promising to meet her at six in the town square, Laura took a half-hour nap. Afterward she showered, dressed in a gauzy rainbow dress that she'd been saving for a special occasion, slipped on some flat shoes because of all the running she'd be doing tonight, then packed the van.
Three hours later the Spring Fling was in full swing. The circle of traffic that circulated around the park-like square was blocked off. The thousands of twinkle lights arranged on the trees glowed in the dark. The park lights illuminated the paths where residents of Red Rock mingled, conversed and joined the serving line. Laura tried to be everywhere at once, but found the girls she'd hired to be efficient and responsible.
Ever since she'd arrived she'd been watching for Gareth. In the crowd of people, she was afraid it would be impossible to find him. The mayor had welcomed everyone. Now, he and his wife were dancing on the patio under a crescent moon. A band, set up on a small stage, played faster songs for the younger folk, ballads for couples in love, and oldies for anyone who could remember the jitterbug and twist.
Laura was making sure the fruit-salad bowl was still filled, when the hairs on the nape of her neck prickled, right before a deep voice complimented her. "Everything looks wonderful. You've done a great job."
Her breath caught and she was almost afraid to turn around. But fear and insecurity had dogged her for too long. Now she was going to be the courageous woman she knew she could be. Turning, she faced her husband. "Are you going to sample any of it?"
"I have more important things on my mind right now than eating."
Trying to push words past the lump in her throat, she finally managed to ask, "How's Uncle Isaac?"
"He's hurting some. But his friend, George, is with him, and I bought him plenty of ice packs. They've got food for at least a week and enough old westerns to last them almost that long. But I don't want to talk about Uncle Isaac."
Although there were people milling about everywhere, she looked into Gareth's eyes, and they were the only two people in the world. "Gareth, I'm so sorry." Her voice cracked.
Taking her hand, he drew her toward the white gazebo that for the moment was empty. Tugging her up the two steps, he pulled her into a shadowed corner. "No. I'm sorry. Last night..." He shook his head. "I handled that like a man full of pride and no love. I love you, Laura. I want a life with you. Uncle Isaac was right, that I've had walls up all my life. And they're just going to have to come down. I understand now I can't have a good marriage just because I want to. I have to work at it, just as you've always worked at it. I've taken entirely too much for granted. And I've taken you for granted. If you'll let me, I'll renew my promises to you, and this time I'll keep them differently."
She was looking up at him now, seeing everything in his eyes she had always wanted to see - passion, tenderness, commitment and so much love she could never doubt what he felt again. Still, she had to ask, "Can you forgive me for leaving?"
"I can forgive you anything, as long as you'll stay and make a life with me."
Tears were rolling down her cheeks, and she didn't do anything to stop them. "Yes, I'll make a life with you. I'll renew my vows to you. I'll show you in every way I know that you're the man I want to be with for the rest of my life."
She'd hardly finished when his mouth came down on hers. His kiss was hungry and possessive and claiming.
When he broke it, she had to tell him her secret right now. "I'm pregnant."
He looked at her as if he couldn't possibly have heard her correctly. "What did you say?"
"I'm pregnant. We're pregnant. What do you think?"
With a whoop of laughter, he picked her up in his arms and swung her around. "I think that's the most wonderful news I've heard in at least five years. Oh, Laura! How do you feel about it?"
"I feel wonderful."
He pulled her close for another hug and kiss. Then he murmured in her ear, "Would you like to dance?"
Laughing, she answered, "Yes, I would."
Leading her to the patio, he enfolded her in his arms. Then he leaned slightly away. "We still have a lot to talk about."
"We have the rest of our lives to talk."
"I know. You've really done a wonderful job here tonight. Do you want to keep your business while we have a baby?"
"I don't see
how I can."
"You can. You can hire competent help, maybe even franchise your hors d'oeuvres and desserts. You can run the business from afar until you want to become a hands-on manager again."
"You really think I can do that?"
"I think you can do anything you set your mind to."
"But... will you mind? I know how you felt about me starting this..."
"We're starting fresh, Laura. I know now you have to be your own person, too, not a shadow of me. While I was waiting for Uncle Isaac to be discharged this afternoon, I made a few calls. I've got lots of options. For one thing, I'm definitely going to curb the traveling. For another, I might not have to travel at all. I can take a job as a permanent management consultant at Ludlow Industries in San Antonio. They're a computer-software company that has grown large, fast. They don't need someone to reorganize their departments...they want someone there to make sure they don't make mistakes. I can take the job and have plenty of time for a family."
"But is that what you want to do?"
"Actually, it is. It's the same work I've been doing. In the past, I think I kept up the traveling and working for independent companies because I was running from us and the intimacy we could have. I don't want to do that anymore."
"Oh, Gareth."
"Don't look at me like that. I might have to take you home right now."
"I wouldn't mind at all."
As they gazed at each other and held each other tight, he smiled. "If you want to work full-time, maybe I'll learn to be a stay-at-home dad."
When she laughed, he kissed her again. Their kiss seemed to go on as long as the dance. Just as the music ended, he leaned close to her ear. "Remember that love letter in the newspaper? I'm the one who wrote it."
"You?"
"I hoped it would tell you everything I couldn't say."
Leaning slightly away from him, she ran her hand down his jawline. "I'm glad you told me yourself tonight."
Although the music had stopped, they didn't notice. They were too busy kissing...lost in each other...lost in the future they were going to have.