Eli sat across from Brady at the table. He waved me over and then patted his thigh, as if we were at the point in our… whatever we were, where it would be totally normal to sit on his lap. “Take a load off, Mouse. You’re all worked up.”
My blush was back in full swing, and despite my earlier aggression, I was shy all over again. “Okay.” I carefully sat down on Eli’s lap, worried I was putting too much weight on his leg.
“C’mon, Mouse. Really sit with me. I can feel ye bracing yourself. Cuddle up right in here. I just won a fight tonight, ye know. What’s the point of winning, if I don’t get to cozy up to the pretty lass?”
I turned and hid my face in Eli’s shoulder the second Brady and Caty let out catcalls at my obvious chagrin. The mood was starting to lighten with the introduction of Brady’s plan. “I can do the fish in the vents tomorrow, but the milk’s going to take some time to spoil. Don’t anyone drink what’s in the fridge.”
Eli’s hand found my back and rubbed gently up and down. “Why two sabotages on the sodden lad’s car? One would do the trick just fine.”
“He’ll take his car to get it cleaned, but it’ll still smell, because they won’t think to check if the stench is coming from two different places in the car.” I shook my head. “I can’t believe he’s cheating on you with Amber. I mean, the car salesman and the accountant? It’s just so cliché. She’s had like, a million conversations with you. I hate when women turn on our own. It’s the lowest of the low.”
Caty sniffled, so Brady got up to bring her the box of tissues. “I’m still in shock. I never expected to see so much of her. We don’t do it like that. Our sex is sweet, if not a little boring. Theirs was… What’s the word for doggy-style if the dogs are pretty much rabid?”
I groaned. “Oh, gross. Now I’m picturing them exactly like that.”
Brady clapped his hands to refocus us. “Back to the plan, guys. Caty, you drank too much, and you’re staying the night here with Vi. Text Fiancé of the Year and let him know. Tomorrow, empty out half your drawers and bring them over here while he’s at work. You’re moving back in, and that’s that.”
Caty shook her head. “We can’t fit four people in here, and you all know it.”
I bristled. “Hello, you’re like, the smallest pixie ever. You’ll fit just fine. No one’s moving out.” I gripped Eli’s hand so he didn’t get any bright ideas.
Caty met my eyes and saw that I meant business. She wasn’t going to stay in a terrible relationship because she was scared she had nowhere to go. Her job teaching art to elementary kids paid about exactly as amazingly as you can imagine – which is to say, not very much. Wherever she landed, she would need a roommate – or three.
I shook my head. “Why would he go through all that trouble and expense of having a wedding, if he’s also having an affair?”
“Weddings don’t have to be fancy. Maybe the price of it isn’t all tha much,” Eli guessed.
Brady shook his head at Eli’s assumption. “Dennis gave you a credit card for wedding stuff, right? What’s the limit on that thing?”
It was Caty’s turn to act sheepish. “I don’t want to say. Weddings are expensive, and he’s got a lot of rich friends to impress. His family’s insisting everything be super fancy. He wanted it to be nice, so he set the budget a little high.”
Brady tapped his pen to the pad of paper. “The card’s under his name, or both of yours?”
“Just his. We were going to combine our assets after the big I dos. But I can sign on it.”
“How much are we talking, Caty? Ten grand?”
Caty reluctantly jerked her thumb up to raise the guess.
“Twenty?” Brady asked.
Eli guffawed when she wiggled her thumb upward again. “Nah. Ye can’t be serious. What could ye possibly do for a wedding tha costs more than twenty grand?”
“Twenty-five,” Caty clarified, which was followed by a low whistle.
A wicked grin crossed over my face. “What can you pass off as wedding decorations that you need for school supplies for your kids’ classes? I’m guessing any kind of craft supplies, right? You could say we’re making the favors for the wedding shower or something.”
Caty rested her arms on the table, worrying her lower lip with her teeth. “I don’t know. Isn’t that like, stealing?”
Brady scoffed. “Write out a list of what you need, and I’ll take the card and buy the stuff myself to spare your conscience.” When Caty made to protest, Brady held up his hand. “Do it, or I’ll buy you five hundred dollars’ worth of gum.”
Caty’s chest vibrated with mirth as the beginnings of a smile toyed with the corners of her lips. “You will not.”
“Make me that list, or you’ll find out just how serious I am about throwing you a Hubba Bubba wedding. Think of anything from a craft store that you’ll need for your classroom over the next five years. Write it down, and I’ll pick it up.”
Caty leaned her head on Brady’s shoulder. He stiffened for a second, but then put down the pen and wrapped her in a soothing hug to keep her from falling apart.
“I’m thinking you’re going to need to use that card to eat out from here until you call off the wedding. I mean, you’ve got to narrow down which caterer you want, right?” I suggested, my gaze traveling up to the ceiling in thought. “I’m guessing you’ll be hungry for filet mignon tomorrow, and maybe lobster the day after.”
“Remind me never to cross ye, Mouse.”
Brady met Eli’s eyes with a hard stare. “You’re in this with us, right? Because after we pull something like this, I don’t think we’ll ever have to worry about you stepping out on Vi.”
I frowned at my friend, shifting uncomfortably. “Don’t threaten him, Brady. We’re not even actually together yet.”
Eli pulled me closer in his burly embrace, and scooped my legs to dangle over the arm of the chair. My eyes went wide at how very natural it all felt, and how easily my body took to molding itself to fit with his. He kissed my cheek just to make me melt and said with the note of a promise to Brady and Caty, “We’re together, and I’m in.”
17
Someone for 007
“In the shampoo,” I explained while chewing on a bite of my stroganoff. That was another good thing about having Caty home again. She made the best of the best Polish food. “So when you go to Dennis’ place, make sure not to use your shampoo.”
“Orange? It’ll dye her hair orange? Like, sherbet orange?”
I nodded without regret, my eyes flicking to the vase of white and lavender mums on the counter that had appeared while we were out. “Like Bozo the Clown, orange. Serves her right for treating herself to your fiancé and your nice shampoos. It’s entitled behavior, and it stops now.” I paused to add a little hot sauce to my stroganoff. I was so grateful that my last two patients of the day cancelled their appointments. I rarely got to eat dinner at home on a workday. “I also dumped out Dennis’ protein powder, and filled his container with a brand that’s heavy with whey on my lunch hour.”
Caty’s eyes widened. “But Dennis is lactose intolerant.”
I quirked my eyebrow at her. “Exactly. I’m also mixing in extra fiber and laxatives. He’ll be so sick, he won’t be able to cheat on you. It’s my introductory gift for him, leading him into the land of Slowly Losing His Mind.”
“Will it make him regret cheating on me for who knows how long?”
“Oh, babe. By the end of this, he’ll regret every selfish thing he’s ever done in his life. Amber, too. See how she likes screwing a guy who has to take dump breaks in the middle.”
Brady snorted and high-fived me. “Talk about having a crappy love life.”
Caty’s phone rang, so she picked it up and took it into my bedroom. The second the door was shut, leaving only Brady and me at the table, Brady’s casual demeanor changed to high-alert. He reached over and gripped my wrist with wide eyes. “Something happened after Eli’s fight. I need you not to freak out about it, because I’m
freaking out, and there can be only one of us losing our cool at a time!”
I suddenly lost my appetite, freezing in place. “Brady, the last time you said that to me, you needed me to check your testicles for lumps, and it all went downhill from there. Please don’t let it be something terrible.”
“Nothing like that. Maybe it’s a good thing.” Then his voice shifted, suddenly worried. “Or it’s a really bad one. At what point did you know?”
“Know what?”
“That it was… When did you know?”
My eyebrows furrowed together in confusion. “I feel like you’re trying to tell me a riddle, but I’ve got no clue what you’re saying. I’m not sure you do, either.”
Brady started spluttering, but then capped it off with “Everything’s fine. Never mind.” He paused a few beats while I studied his wary movements as he pushed his stroganoff around on his plate. “Do you ever think about settling down and having kids and all that?”
I looked over my shoulder to make sure I wasn’t being pranked. My scolding came out in a whisper-shout. “What are you talking about? Is that what’s got you all tweaked? You decided you wanted a wife and kids, so you called after the fight freaking out because you want normal things? I’m switching you to decaf.”
“I think I do want… you know, those things, but I’m not sure if I even can anymore.”
I nodded, the light shining on bits of his broken plea in the phone call. “The doctor said you could still have kids, it just might take a little longer. Is that what you’re worried about? Because I think finding the girl would be job one.”
“You’re right. Forget I mentioned anything.”
“O-kay,” I said slowly as Caty emerged from my bedroom and sat back down at the table.
“Did ye save any dinner for me?” Eli asked, coming out from his bedroom in a suit.
My jaw dropped at the sight, and all intelligent language left me in a gust. I never pictured Eli in a suit for obvious reasons; I didn’t want to give myself a heart attack. He was so big and broad-chested, and seemed perfectly matched to the rough and tumble jeans and t-shirt look he normally rocked on his night shift. I didn’t dare put his hard and rugged body with a double-breasted, fitted midnight suit with black tie. It was too much. I feared the implosion of the universe, or a black hole to come and suck me out of my chair at the dining room table, because I’d witnessed too much beauty. With a single glance in his direction, I knew I must’ve surpassed the limit each human was allotted for viewing breathtaking wonders in their lifetime.
Brady smirked at my mute flabbergast. “Of course, man. Plate’s at your spot.” Brady motioned to the place opposite where he sat.
“Grand. Smells amazing, Caty.”
“Huh?” she asked, crinkling her nose.
Eli inhaled slowly, trying to skip over his frustration that Caty could never understand what he said. “What sorts of mischief did ye get up to today, Mouse?”
I couldn’t answer. I couldn’t find my mouth to make the words. His suit was just staring at me, like, in the same room as me. I couldn’t… There wasn’t…
Caty jumped in and saved me. “You should hear all Violet did today while I was teaching. She put fish heads and dog poop in the attic near the ceiling fan, poured sugar water in the light fixtures to attract flies in droves, put orange hair dye in my shampoo, in case that woman uses my stuff.”
Eli paused his struggle with his tie. “Wait, wouldn’t the fans keep the smell from going downward? The point of those is to push the air up, not down.”
Brady elbowed me when I still couldn’t muster up simple responses. “Vi turned the blades around, so it blows air down instead of sucking it up.”
Eli’s eyes widened as he chuckled. “I had no idea ye had tha in ye, Mouse. You’re always such a sweet one to me.”
Brady stood and pulled down a cup for Eli, filling it with water for him. “Well, you didn’t screw over her best friend. Plus, she’s in love with you, so there’s that.”
I didn’t think I could feel more like I wanted to be sucked into a vortex in the sky, but that sure did it. “I didn’t say that!” I blurted, clearly choosing the wrong thing to shout.
Caty covered over my faux-pas. “It’s okay, V. I’m sure Eli already knows you want to make babies with him.”
I guffawed at her, my face red. Instead of arguing and accidentally telling Eli he was gross, I hung my head and massaged my temples. “Oh, you two are just the worst. Next time either of you likes someone, it’s going to be a swift payback.”
Eli harrumphed at his tie. Then he leaned down to kiss my heated cheek in that comfortable way you do when you’re already in a relationship. “You’re growing on me, Mouse. Fix me a plate while I figure out this tie?” he asked with a puppy-ish tone to his voice.
Caty shook her head. “Ho, no. I’ll do it. I spent a lot of time on this stroganoff. I don’t want to see it spilled all over such a nice suit. Where are you off to, E?”
Eli smiled at the familiar address, rolling his shoulders back, as if waiting for some invitation like that to make him relax. He was still the new guy, but we were each determined to remedy that. “My boss is going to the opera tonight, so I have to dress the part. What do ye think, Mouse?”
I hoped I was nodding, or offering up any kind of a response that was intelligible.
Caty shook her head. “Okay, I seriously didn’t get a word of that. Is it possible your accent is getting thicker?”
“Opera for work,” Brady translated through his mouthful of food.
“Oh. Why didn’t you just say that? Anyway, I think Violet means to say that you look very nice.”
“Does she, now?” Eli winked at me, and I’m fairly certain I threw the entire global atmosphere off-kilter with the amount of heat that was rushing through my body.
I motioned to his form. “Nice, with the that.” I knew I couldn’t be in the same room as him when he was all dressed up like a cologne ad. I stood abruptly, knocking my chair over. “Have to be back!” Then I bolted for the door before I did something I couldn’t take back – like, I don’t know, ripping his suit off and doing all kinds of filthy things that only the characters in Caty’s dirty books dared to do. We were on opposite shifts, with me working all day, and him working during the night. I didn’t get my daily dose of him, so I wasn’t immune to his hotness just yet.
I had to get out of there; I could feel my Hot Guy Blurts flaring up. My fingers slipped on the handle, and when I finally managed to open the door, I knocked myself in the forehead with it and stumbled back, dazed.
Before Caty could rush to see if I was okay, Eli spun me around and shut the door. He examined my forehead, thumbing at the sore spot with more concern than a simple bump called for. “Jays, ye cracked your head good, there. Ye have to stop running away from me. How’s a lad supposed to show off for ye if you’re dodging him every chance ye get?” Then he did something so sweet, I couldn’t comprehend the warmth that flooded my veins. My very being filled with blooming daffodils and multicolored butterflies when Eli leaned in and kissed my forehead, as if I was precious to him. In that moment, despite the klutz that I was, I felt elegant and special in my wrinkled scrubs. “Did ye like your flowers?”
“My flowers?” My gaze jerked to the vase on the counter. I’d assumed Caty bought them to pretty up the apartment – that was her way. “I thought Caty bought them.”
Caty held up her hands. “I thought Brady did.”
Brady pointed to Eli. “I was right on the money. Well done, Eli.”
My eyes felt enormous with wonder and surprise when I looked up into his face. “You brought me flowers?”
The half-smile showed how pleased he was with himself. “Don’t go telling me your favorite flower, now. I think I’m going to have some fun buying you every kind I can get my hands on before I land on the right one.”
Words started to file themselves in the proper order, finally. “Eli, thank you. I’ve never kissed a guy who got
me flowers afterwards. That’s so thoughtful.”
“I want to be the man who brings ye flowers. Mums this week. Don’t tell me if they’re your favorite; only tell me I’m your favorite.”
“You’re my absolute favorite, Eli.” When he lowered his lips toward mine for a kiss my whole existence was screaming for, I squeaked and jumped back, surprising us both. “You can’t kiss me when you’re wearing that! It’s too much, Eli. You’re too beautiful. I’ll have a heart attack and die right here in the middle of this apartment.”
Eli smiled at me with the mischievous look of a boy about to do something he knew he shouldn’t. “I’d never hurt ye, Mouse. Come back here. I’ve got to leave for work soon, and I’ll be wanting a kiss before I go.”
“Absolutely not. I’ll faint. I mean it. Be less…” I motioned to his body. “All of this is overkill. Tell me you at least have ugly feet or something. Give me anything that’ll help this go away.”
“I can’t deal with this thing,” he admitted, motioning to his tie. “Tha’s a flaw there. And my feet are hairy and barmy, like a man’s should be.” He moved forward, so I compensated by backing up until my spine hit the wall. “Ye scare me too, Mouse. I haven’t had someone to come home to since I left my father’s house.” He was close now – so near that I could smell his aftershave and feel the brush of his chest against mine. His voice lowered, and I could tell he wished we were alone. “Be my someone,” he pleaded, his eyes showing me that no matter how shockingly handsome a man is, he still has a vulnerable side he doesn’t often expose.
Brady and Caty darted into the guys’ bedroom, taking the hint. They gave us some space to work through… my being in a room and not throwing up all over Eli whenever he flashed me his dimples. Eli was determined to get me over this hump.
It was just the two of us in the living room, and I was caged in between his hands that rested on the wall on either side of my head. “Tell me I didn’t put on this suit for my boss. Tell me I put it on to give ye dirty dreams. Tell me we belong together.”
Violet’s Bucket List Page 13