by Brooks, JL
I had spent so much time judging this place, I never once allowed myself to see it in any other way than a “den of sin”. Could I do this myself? No. Was I right to judge others for doing it? No. It was hard for me to swallow that this was acceptable in any way, shape or form. I was either growing corrupt or becoming more aware. I stopped looking at the circumstances and began to see the people, and they were good. I felt my eyes start to tear up. I was fucking drunk and about to get all emotional. Poor Erin.
“I’m a terrible person. Who am I to tell these women they can’t shake their titties to put food on the table? Yeah, it’s easy to say ‘get a different job’, but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. Our world’s fucked up. These nice peoples here. I likes them. They have gooood hearts. Jesus loves strippers, too.” My speech was slurring, and my nose was red and damp. Erin just smiled and gave me a hug while I cried into her shirt.
“Yes, I am sure Jesus loves strippers, too.” She giggled at my soapbox rants.
“Don’t be knocking me, hooker, I speaks truth. Jesus would be here telling them that theys are beautiful, and he loves them.”
I reached for another shot of tequila, yet Erin pushed it away. David came over and sat next to me, smiling.
“Oh heyyyyyyy… Does your anaconda want some of this???”
I crawled up into his lap and removed his ball cap, placing it on my head backwards. I couldn’t focus on him, because everything was so blurry.
“You are trashed right now, aren’t you?” David couldn’t hold back the laughter as I swayed side to side slowly.
I shook my head back and forth, then up and down. “Yesshhhh…
Erin leaned in and told David, “You better watch out, she’s talking about strippers and salvation. Next thing you know, she’s going to get a Bible out and start baptizing people at the bar.”
“Fuck you, Erin, you’re just mad because you want David to christen your head with his baby batter.”
They both looked at me in absolute shock, so I stole the opportunity to slug another shot.
“Yeah, I said it. Let me up – there’s an empty pole and a morning full of regret with my name on it.”
David’s hands gripped my thighs to restrain me from moving. He reached one behind my head and pulled me close. I closed my eyes and puckered my lips like a fish, waiting for a kiss. Instead, his mouth came to my ear and spoke just loud enough for me to hear.
“Baby girl, as much as I know you can work that pole, there’s a rough crowd in here tonight. Let the pros take care of them. I don’t want to get in a fight over you tonight, hear me?”
I nodded in agreement and then rested my head on his shoulder. The next thing I knew, I was at his house, laying face down on a cold toilet seat with him behind me, holding my hair as the contents of the evening burned its way back out of my body. I was probably going to get an ulcer after the past twenty-four hours. The only thing I did notice was that I didn’t even think twice about me and Melanie being in the same room together. That thought alone helped me breathe a little better. David patted my head with a chilled washcloth and rubbed my back in soothing circles. Holding the rim by both arms, I fell back into the darkness.
The weekend passed by quickly. We both cried as we said our goodbyes. Two days was not nearly long enough, especially when you spent half of that nursing a terrible hangover and heartache. Before walking through security, she held my cheeks.
“You know I love Andrew, but I love you more, and I would love David, too. Literally, I might have to jump in bed with you guys if you decide to go down that road. I know you don’t see it, but I do; it’s written all over both of you. I know you’re being good because you’re all moral and shit. I don’t know how he hasn’t just held you down and fucked your brains out. Well, actually, yeah I do. You might not have a lot of experience with men, but I can tell you this. David is a gem. And not because of the hockey or his giant cock, but because of what he does to you. I’ve never seen you like this. Your world is falling apart, but next to him, nothing moves you. Just something to think about. I love your face.”
I let her words warm my soul, but the moment she turned down her concourse, my heart shattered. I wasn’t letting myself go down that road, because I didn’t see a future. Maybe she was being a good friend and trying to help me be optimistic, yet there was truth to her words. Unfortunately, I was committed to a man who wanted nothing to do with me, and I desired a man who wanted nothing to do with commitment. Whatever choice I made stood to destroy me.
Erin had helped me work on my daddy’s house and get it completely move-in ready. David wasn’t thrilled, but I felt it was best that I go ahead and move back in with my dad. There was no good reason to keep staying with David, other than I liked not sleeping alone at night. The look on his face as he walked out the door, leaving me alone for the first time, tore my heart to shreds. I knew he was hesitant, but this was how it had to be. I had to stop relying on him so much. After a few hours, I grew restless in the solidarity of the house. Sighing with exhaustion, I headed outside.
The night sky was clear and full of stars. The lights of Vegas managed not to penetrate these parts and allowed the heavens to shine without hindrance. The occasional blinking light trailing across the horizon carried people to far-off places, and I wished that I too were looking down, headed anywhere else but here. No, I was frozen in hell with no end in sight. I curled into the sleeping bag in the bed of my daddy’s pickup and sighed to myself with resignation. A minute later I heard the wheels of a car turn quickly onto the gravel driveway and skid to a halt near the house. The music was far too loud, and I listened to the voices of the women and immediately knew it wasn’t David. Whoever it was had no idea I was laying back here.
“We’re gonna teach that bitch a lesson – should have left well enough alone and kept her ass in Indy where she belonged.” The one voice spewed with venom and the other agreed. Doors slammed on the car as I peered over the edge of the truck. It was nearly moonless, casting a blinding darkness over the surroundings. Not only did it make for better stargazing, it hid me from the view of the intruders. Lisa and Nichele were walking the perimeter, looking for something. A second later, glass began to smash as the girls threw rocks into the windows. Cackling loudly, they opened the screen door and looked around with flashlights. I knew long ago my daddy kept a pistol in the glove compartment and a shotgun in the cab of the truck, and I was praying to God he still did.
Sliding over off the edge of the truck bed, I crept to the door and opened it as quietly as I could. The glove compartment made a loud crack in the silence, yet still too low for the girls to hear. Sure enough, I felt the smooth steel and popped the magazine to check for bullets. My fingers grazed over the lips of the small pieces of metal and lead, I kissed the handle and shoved it down in the back of my pants. Crawling a little further in, my arm reached behind the seats and felt for the rifle. Once again, fortune smiled on me as my hand grabbed the wooden butt of the gun. What they were looking for, I didn’t know, but it was about to stop right now. After texting David to call the cops and get over here, I cocked the rifle and shot a round into the windshield of the car.
The sound of buckshot hitting glass and making it shatter echoed loudly through the hills. I waited behind the truck for the girls to do something. I could see them peeking out from behind the curtains into the darkness. Knowing they couldn’t see me, I crawled down low to the driver’s side of the car and let out the air in the back tires. The sound of sirens rapidly approaching could be heard, and I could feel my phone vibrate in my pocket as David was no doubt panicked about my text. Sliding back behind the truck to safety, I saw the front door begin to open, and I removed the pistol from my jeans. One more shot into the window of their car sent the door slamming shut quickly.
When the police arrived, I immediately stood up and waved them over. I shoved the guns under the truck to prevent them from getting the wrong idea.
“Ma’am, are you hurt? We got a call
about a break-in?” He turned and eyed the glass surrounding the car and then up to the broken windows of the house.
“I’m not hurt, but the girls inside are the ones who did the damage to the house. I was lying in the bed of my daddy’s truck when they came flying in here. They didn’t know I was back there. I got the rifle he keeps in the cab and shot out the windshield to scare ‘em until you got here.”
He looked at me cautiously, and then a sense of realization came over his face. “Toni Knox, is that you?”
I nodded and kicked the dirt a few times.
He grabbed the radio on his shoulder and called in another officer. He recognized the car and told them to send a tow down and get ready for a process.
“You know why they did this?” He made no attempt to check on the girls still peering out the window. I shook my head and started walking behind the officer with his gun drawn as we moved towards the door.
“Ladies. We know you’re in there, you can come out,” he shouted.
Blue and red lights bathed the house and illuminated the damage they caused. Thankfully, they were not inside too long, but until I went inside, I wouldn’t know what was damaged. The first officer was taking my statement as the other officers got the two girls out of the house.
Nichele walked out first with Lisa behind her. Looking just as pissed off as the day I kicked her ass, even in the wrong, she had no remorse. While an officer explained the bond hearing, arraignment and charges, David hit the corner going a little too fast and gravel spun out, spraying the officer’s cruisers. Hopping out of his car with the lights still on and the keys in the ignition, he ran towards me full force.
“Oh God, baby, are you okay?” His pupils dilated in the fear that I was hurt. Grabbing my arms and moving me around, his eyes roamed my body for damage.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Those bitches broke a bunch of shit. I haven’t been inside to see what it looks like, yet. I am going to have to get the windows fixed tomorrow, and hopefully that’s all it is. Do I even board them up tonight?”
David held me close, his heartbeat driving out of his chest against my cheek. “You’re coming back, no questions. I knew something fucked up would happen if you were alone out here. Dammit, I knew it!”
He turned to the officer who was still filling out his report and asked what else we needed to do. Giving us a copy, he instructed me to stop by the station in the morning for everything else.
Stroking David’s back, I felt terrible he was blaming himself. Resorting to humor, I knew of nothing else besides taking my clothes off that could diffuse his anger.
“I think you paid her to do it so I was forced to crawl back into your bed.”
“Kinda funny, but not really. What if you were hurt and I wasn’t there to protect you?”
“Then I would have gotten hurt. It’s not your job to protect me. You can’t protect me.”
“I can while you’re here.”
“OMG, please find the dog that shit in my mouth!”
I tried swallowing, but my tongue stuck to the roof of my mouth, and my cheeks adhered to the gum line. I was visibly shaken after witnessing all of our hard work get destroyed in addition to me shooting firearms for the first time in a decade. I was frightened by how much I enjoyed it and by the adrenaline that was flowing through my veins. I was so pumped that I couldn’t stop pacing and rambling, which was making David nervous.
Back at his house, he kept randomly walking up to me and pulling me tight, thrown off balance in his own way. I grabbed a bottle of vodka out of the freezer and started pounding shots. I knew it would be ugly, but I had to sleep. I planned a surprise a little earlier in the week after David mentioned his favorite band would be playing at the House of Blues. The Steel Panther CDs he kept in his car were beat to hell, but he still insisted on playing them almost every time we got in to drive somewhere. I threatened to throw them out the window once, but the look he gave promised immediate death at any attempt to do such a thing.
I was able to get decent seats through the help of one of his friends who he introduced me to at the club. This friend was the owner of a few upscale restaurants and occasionally came to The Spur just to shoot the shit with David. I must have earned brownie points by taking care of David, because he threw in dinner and a stay at the Bellagio for good measure. We both needed this night. With the house wrecked, it was just another reminder to take advantage of every good opportunity that presented itself.
“You’re the dumbass who couldn’t calm down. I told you to let ‘em kick in, but noooo…you had to go and get yourself crocked again. Your little body can’t handle that. You might have a big personality and tits, but you need to watch how much you drink.”
I knew he was right, but my middle finger went into the sky as I pulled a pillow over my face. I felt him straddle me on both sides and held my breath, anticipating what he was about to do. Knowing him, it could be anything, and that both scared and intrigued me.
“What are you doing, weirdo?” My voice muffled under the pillow as I tried everything possible to hide my eyes from the sunlight pouring in the windows.
“Driving you crazy.” His tone was devious as the bed began to bounce under his bent knees.
I felt myself growing nauseous. “Get off me! I am going to get puke all over your bed!”
The bouncing grew more intense, and surely enough, I felt the bile rise in my throat. Fighting my way out of the sheets, I barely made it to the bathroom before dry heaving into the cold toilet.
“I fucking hate you, you bastard!”
David leaned against the door and looked at me without pity. “Drinking isn’t going to solve any of your problems; it will only make them worse. Remember how you feel right now. Moderation, Toni.”
Turning to heave in the toilet again, rage was coursing through my veins against despair. Everything I knew as a professional had been left in Indiana. No one would ever guess that I spent six hard years learning how to get over things like this and teach other people how to. What was the saying? Those who can’t do, teach? Some shit like that…I crawled around in a circle and turned on the shower. David was still lounging against the door frame, watching me closely. Holding the edge of the tub, I pulled off my cami and bra, then slipped off the boxers I borrowed and thin lace panties. Fully exposed, I didn’t care what I looked like.
“I need your help. You need to wash my hair, ‘cuz I can’t stand up and there’s puke in it.”
As I looked into his eyes, he hesitated for a moment before slowly approaching me. He removed his own white tank, leaving me eye level with the dark tribal tattoos carved on each hip, following the curves of his abdomen. Turning my head to stare at the floor as his own shorts dropped, I wasn’t feeling modest; it was the fear of how I would react from seeing him completely. His arms reached down and pulled me to standing while helping me over the edge of the tub and under the warm water. Resting my face against the cool tile, I closed my eyes and let the water cascade down my back.
David moved around me and picked up the bottle of shampoo he bought, squirting a small amount in his hands and rubbing them together before slowly massaging my scalp. I sank further into the shower wall as I turned to putty beneath his fingers. I started to moan, which made him chuckle lightly.
“Shut up, this is amazing. Keep going.”
“Yes, princess.”
Rather than rinsing my hair, he moved his slick hands across my shoulders and back, repeating the same cathartic motions from the night he put me to sleep. He was unable to wash my front, due to how plastered I was against the wall. He did not ask me to move, but I did anyway.
Keeping my eyes closed, I held his chest and shoulders for support as his hands moved gently over the rest of my body. After he stopped to grab more soap, I felt my nipples harden under his rough palms as they grazed across them and cupped my breasts softly. He trailed his thumbs down the center along my abdomen before grabbing my hips and pressing firmly into the curve along the bones in small circl
es. Sliding my own hands across my body to gather some soap, I started at his neck and moved my way down each arm, holding his hand flat against my chest as I washed each finger.
I was surprised he didn’t ask me to open my eyes, but at the same time, every sense was recording the experience even more intensely, forcing me to keep them shut. He leaned in on his forearms, nearly crushing me against the wall as my fingers traced every muscle along his upper body.
Holding my hand out expectantly, my voice was barely above a whisper. “I need more soap, please.”
The fruity body wash pooled in my palms before I lathered up and coated his stomach and hips.
“Trade me places. Turn around and face the wall.”
I expected some bad joke to come out of his mouth, but he silently guided me to the other side and braced himself against the wall. I finally allowed myself to open my eyes and had to keep myself from gasping too loudly as well as giggling a little from the severe tan line across his back where his shorts rested and his ass was lily white. His skin was perfectly smooth with only a small dusting of hair across the base of his spine. My hands prickled against his short haircut as I struggled to reach the top of his head to shampoo it. He really didn’t need it, but I wanted to return the favor.
I wasn’t as agile as he was, and my size worked against me, but I did the best I could and he didn’t complain. His knees buckled slightly when he felt my breasts press against his back while I washed his shoulders. Rinsing off his head, I knew what I was about to do next would cross the boundary, but I couldn’t resist.