Slipping beneath the covers, I squeezed my eyes shut, torn between remembering his mouth on mine and remembering the way I used to feel with my fiancé.
Chaos and confusion tormented my brain, and I cried myself to sleep.
Chapter 10
Confined Space
Amber
A call from Mother Nature woke me in the middle of the night. It took me a moment to orient myself as I realized I wasn’t in my own apartment.
Trying to stay as quiet as possible, I opened the bedroom door slowly. He’d left the bathroom light on and cracked the door. Knowing how considerate Hawk was, I would have expected that, but I was a little surprised by the soft light spilling into the hallway from the living room. Silently, I maneuvered down the hallway and peered into the living room. Hawk sat on the edge of the couch in a pair of gray gym shorts, holding his head in his hands.
I wasn’t sure whether he’d heard me or had detected my movement, but his head snapped up, and he looked directly at me.
“Did I wake you?” For a lack of anything else to say, the words slipped from my mouth, even though it was obvious he was already awake.
“No.” He forced a smile as he ran his fingertips through his close-cropped hair, his muscles rippling into action with the movement. His bare chest glistened with a sheen of sweat, and I caught myself staring at his well-defined abs. I’d seen plenty of muscular guys on the beaches in Alabama, but this was the first time that one had ever mesmerized me. I knew it was because I found Hawk’s personality attractive. The fact that his body was as beautiful as his being was an added bonus.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
“I’m fine. Sometimes I have a little trouble sleeping.”
“Insomnia? We sell stuff at the pharmacy that can help with that.”
He smiled. “Maybe I should check it out, but in the meantime, I think I’ll try to go back to sleep.” He reached over and turned the lamp out. “I’ll see you in the morning.”
***
A soft knock on the bedroom door roused me from sleep.
“Come in,” I called groggily.
“Morning,” Hawk greeted me, his voice deep and smooth.
Peeling my eyes open, I looked at him and smiled. “Morning.”
Clad in jeans and a worn gray tee shirt, he leaned against the door jamb. “I’m off to work. Your breakfast is ready. You might want to eat it while it’s hot. Jace’s going to come by and pick you up in about forty-five minutes and take you to work. You get off at five?”
“Yes.”
“I’ll pick you up then.”
Surprised, I raised up on my elbows. “You’ll be off by then? I thought firefighters had to spend the night at the station.”
“Most of the guys are on twenty-four hour shifts. There’s a few of us that work eight hour shifts.”
“Oh.”
“I need to go,” he said, thumbing over his shoulder. “I’ll see you at five.”
“Thank you.”
His mouth twitched before curving into a smile. “You’re welcome.”
Reluctant to crawl out of the warm, comfortable bed, I flipped over on my stomach, hugging the pillow to me as I lay quietly a moment more.
I remembered what he’d said about breakfast, and not wanting his effort wasted, I dragged myself out of bed before it got cold.
As I stepped into the kitchen, I immediately spotted a small saucer on the tiled floor with a small heap of scrambled eggs. A note was tucked under the edge.
In case you want to taste breakfast to see if it’s edible.
He’d drawn a small butterfly in the corner of the note, and remembering our conversation from the night before, I grinned as I contemplated squeezing the eggs between my toes.
Stepping over the saucer, I eyed the table, adorned with a single rose, its petals the color of peaches, angling out of a small clear vase. A stack of pancakes was topped with fresh strawberries that were lined up in the shape of a one, and another plate held a serving of scrambled eggs and three pieces of bacon. A glass of orange juice and any condiment I could possibly need were in the center of the table. He had neatly arranged silverware on a folded paper towel, and another note was tucked under a bag of Skittles.
I hope your day is filled with ones and rainbows.
Holding the note to my chest, I clasped my hand over my mouth and closed my eyes, reveling in the way he made me feel. Looking at Hawk, he was hard and muscled, his face angular, and while it was obvious that he was a nice guy, I would have never imagined the depths of his thoughtfulness.
Before his death, Carey was the only guy with which I’d had a lengthy relationship. I had thought that he and I would spend our lives together. When he died, I wanted to give in to the ugly blackness that tried to overtake me, that tried to pull me into its dark depths of freezing loneliness. I’d come to Creekview, hoping to escape but expecting to succumb. Meeting Hawk had been my turning point. He forced me to glimpse into a world where I survived without Carey, to wonder if I could be happy again.
As I sat down to eat, I reached out and touched the silky petals of the lone rose, and I decided that maybe I could flourish on my own.
I’d just finished getting ready for work when Jace rang the doorbell. I caught a glimpse of him through the peephole before I swung the door open, feeling happier than I had in a long time.
“Good morning! I guess Hawk roped you into picking me up. Sorry for the trouble.”
“Not a problem. I’m heading into work myself, anyway, and it’s on the way.”
He whistled as I followed him to his car.
“You’re rather cheerful this morning,” I noted.
“I’m going to work either way. May as well be happy about it.”
“Good point.”
It was only a five minute drive to the pharmacy. Jace pulled up to the front door and let me out. As he drove away, I scanned the parking lot in an effort to ease my paranoia. My eyes dropped to the ring on my left hand, and I wondered if I was doing the right thing by refusing to give it back. Unable to even think about parting with it, I turned my attention to work, determined to make today a good day.
With my newfound determination, the work day went fast, and surprisingly, I felt happier while I stocked shelves and helped customers. I felt like I’d gained purpose, like every time I helped someone, I made their day a little bit better, which in turn, made my day a little better.
By the time Hawk picked me up, I was eager to see him, excited about how well my day had gone.
“Hi!” I said as I climbed in the passenger seat.
“It’s good to see you smile,” Hawk said. “You must have had a good day.”
“I did.”
“So what happened today that put you in such a good mood?”
I studied his face, surprised that he didn’t already know. Shrugging my shoulders, I replied, “You.”
“Me?”
I was grinning like a complete idiot now. “Yes, you.”
“My eggs must have been better than I thought. So your toes approved?” He was amused as he pulled out of the parking lot, but he had no idea how nice it was to have a good day or how nice it was to be around someone who wasn’t constantly telling me what I should be doing and how I should be feeling.
“Breakfast was really good. Your notes were my favorite.”
“Really? I thought they’d be a little too crunchy.”
I laughed. “Okay, so they were a little crunchy, but nothing a good swig of orange juice couldn’t wash down.”
He looked at me appreciatively. “You’d make a good spy.”
I laughed again. “Lawson, Amber Lawson.”
“Oh, a Bond fan, huh?”
I raised my eyebrows. “Let’s just say that my shoes are equipped with poisonous daggers.”
“Ouch. Remind me not to make you mad,” he said as he glanced in the rearview mirror.
When he made an unexpected turn, I wondered if he remembered that I would need to ch
eck on Gracie. “Aren’t you running me by my house? Gracie’s probably hungry.”
“I will, but I just want to make sure that the car behind me isn’t following me.”
I immediately turned around, somewhat relieved when I realized it wasn’t the same car that had followed me before. While we turned, the other driver continued to go straight.
Hawk circled back around to my duplex and waited in his vehicle while I went in to take care of Gracie. When I came back out to the car, he gave me a strange look.
“Didn’t you want to grab some more clothes?”
“I thought maybe you could bring me back home later tonight.”
“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”
“Evelyn told the guy that she’d never heard of me, so I don’t think he’ll be back in the pharmacy.”
“What if he sees you on your bike and follows you?”
I looked at the ring on my finger. I didn’t know what to do. Part of me wanted to run again, but when I looked at Hawk, the concern for my welfare evident on his face, part of me wanted to stay here.
I exhaled loudly. “I don’t know what to do.”
“Go get more clothes. One more night won’t hurt you.”
“I guess that can be one of my ones for the day.”
“You never know what kind of difference one night can make. It could be the one night that this person could be knocking on your door. It could be the one night when all the answers just come to you. It could be the one night you go out with me.”
My eyes darted to his.
“Let’s just go out and have a good time. Nothing too serious. Bow season’s open now, and Cade wants to practice. Why don’t you come with us?”
“Bow season?”
“Hunting deer. With bows.”
“Oh.” I frowned as I gazed at him. “You hunt?”
“No. I’m programmed to rescue things. Not kill them. But it is fun to shoot at a target. It’s even more fun when I kick his as…butt. And don’t tell my mother that I almost swore in front of you. She’d kick my…butt.”
“It’s not like I’ve never heard the words before…or rolled a few of them off my own tongue.”
“I know.” He gazed at me intensely and reached out and tucked an errant strand of hair behind my ear. His touch made me shiver. To my horror, I think he realized the effect he had on me because it was in that instant that he pulled me to him for a kiss.
My heart raced. My palms perspired. I tried to remember if Carey had this effect on me when he and I had first dated. But when Hawk deepened the kiss, all conscious thought drifted from my mind. I could only think of him, of this moment, of the way he made me feel. When he pulled away, I wasn’t ready for the kiss to end. Conflicting emotions roiled in my chest as I realized how much I wanted him to kiss me. Part of me felt like a traitor, and part of me reasoned that Carey wasn’t coming back. I needed to move on. My parents had told me as much, but I hadn’t been prepared to hear it. I hadn’t wanted to hear it.
“You should go get your clothes,” he said softly.
Obediently, I went back into my duplex and retrieved fresh clothes for the next day. One more night. Then I needed to come back home.
I agreed to go with Hawk to meet Cade. He drove me back to the scene where the accident had happened.
As I stared at the tree we had hit, its stripped bark was a permanent reminder of that night.
“Are you okay?” Hawk asked me as he approached me and put his arm around my shoulder.
“I could have lost my life that night,” I whispered. “Maybe the scariest part is that I wanted to lose my life that night.”
He pulled me into his embrace, encircling me with strong, muscular arms, yet they held me with such tenderness. “You’re going to be just fine, Amber Lawson. You’ll get there in your own time, on your own terms, but you will get there.”
With my cheek pressed against his chest, I squeezed him, knowing that he was right.
“Come on,” he said softly in my ear. “I’ll give you five dollars if you show Cade that you can hit the bull’s-eye.”
Releasing him, he led me down the embankment where Cade had already set everything up.
“Cade, I know you remember Amber from the accident.”
He flashed me a smile and held his hand out. “Hi, Amber. I’m glad to see you’re doing much better than the last time we met.”
I shook his hand. “Thank you, Cade, and thank you for helping me that night.”
“I’m glad we were in the right place at the right time.” He looked at Hawk. “What are we shooting for today? A couple of beers?”
“Why don’t we get a group up Friday night to go bowling?” Hawk asked. “Loser has to buy the beer and be the designated driver.”
“You’re on,” Cade agreed. “But we get to warm up first.”
“Okay, you start,” Hawk said. Turning his attention to me, he put his arm around my neck. “Will you go out with me Friday?”
A shiver filled with both excitement and dread shot down my spine. It sounded so official, but Hawk was right. I would be fine, and learning to live again was all part of the process. What could one date hurt?
“Yes.” The word was barely audible, and I wondered if subconsciously, I thought the quieter I said it, the less real it seemed. I wondered if Hawk had even heard me, but his arm tightened around my soldier, and he kissed my temple.
Cade picked up the bow and loaded the arrow. When he let it fly, he just missed the bull’s-eye. As he practiced, his aim improved.
When it was Hawk’s turn, the arrow rocketed through the air and sunk directly in the middle of the bull’s-eye.
“Show-off,” Cade grumbled.
“Do you want me to miss a few so you’ll look better in front of Amber?” he joked.
“Actually, yes,” Cade said. “Shoot a few with both eyes closed.”
Hawk guffawed. “You don’t want me to look like a fool in front of my date for Friday night, do you?”
“Actually, yes,” Cade said, repeating his words.
Hawk laughed again as he sunk the arrow in the bull’s-eye.
“You’ve had enough practice,” Cade snapped.
Hawk motioned for me to come to him. “Here, Amber,” he said, holding out the bow. “You try.”
Hesitantly, I walked toward him. I’d never shot a bow before in my life, and I was pretty sure I’d probably sink the arrow into the clay embankment behind the target.
Taking the bow from him, I pointed it toward the target. Hawk showed me how to load the arrow. I followed his directions as he took a step back, and then, I lifted it and released. The arrow petered out before it even made it to the target.
Hawk grabbed another arrow. “Here, let me help you.”
He stood directly behind me, making me acutely aware of him as his body confined me. When he placed his hands on top of mine and softly whispered guidance in my ear, I thought I’d melt into a puddle at his feet. My spine turned to jelly, and I had to concentrate on breathing, which only made me realize how incredible he smelled.
“Don’t lock your elbow,” he said softly. “Bend it just slightly.”
I reminded myself to breathe.
“Since you’re right-handed, I assume your right eye is dominant. So keep both eyes open. You’ll be aiming with your right eye, anyway, and having your left eye open will help you follow the path of the arrow.”
His hands dropped to my waist. “Now shoot when you’re ready.” He stepped away from me, and I tried to remember everything he had said. Once I was satisfied with my aim, I let the arrow fly.
“You hit it,” he said from behind me. “Good work.”
Spotting the arrow, I realized that if I’d aimed any lower, I would have missed the target entirely.
He handed me another arrow. “Try it again.”
I hit the target a few more times, and then, we all took turns practicing.
“You ready to see who’s buying the beer?” Hawk asked Cade.
“I reckon.”
“I’ll let you go first.”
Cade took his time as he released the first arrow. It hit dead center. Hawk and I watched quietly as he released his second arrow. It whistled through the air and hit just outside the bull’s-eye.
“Shit!” Cade yelled, yanking off his ball cap and throwing it on the ground.
Hawk shook his head, grinning.
Cade snatched his cap back up, and in one quick movement, put it back on. Realizing that his bill was in the way, he jerked it back off his head and put it on backwards. He picked up another arrow and started his entire process again.
This time, when he released the arrow, it hit just inside the bull’s-eye.
“Damn it,” Cade grumbled as Hawk picked up his bow.
Hawk nocked his arrow. He drew back and quickly released, the arrow sinking into the bull’s-eye.
“You don’t even have to take the time to aim?” Cade asked.
Hawk grinned. “I aimed.”
He picked up another arrow, and just as quickly as the first, he shot it. Another bull’s-eye.
“Hurry up and put me out of my misery,” Cade said. “We know how this ends.”
Hawk motioned for me to come to him. Surprised, I approached him, and he handed me the bow. “If Amber hits the bull’s-eye, you buy,” he said, talking to Cade. “If she misses, it’s on me.”
“Whoa,” I said. “No, no, no.”
“It’s fine,” Hawk assured me. “No pressure.”
“But I’m terrible at this,” I objected.
“He always loses,” Hawk whispered so that only I could hear. “So it won’t be a tragedy if you miss.”
I looked at him, dumbfounded, knowing there was no way this could end in Hawk’s favor.
“Come on,” he urged me. “It’ll be fun, and it’ll give Cade some hope.”
Reluctantly, I loaded the arrow, trying to remember everything that Hawk had told me. He guided me, keeping his voice soft and patient.
Once I was ready, I released the arrow.
Realizing it didn’t hit the center, I groaned.
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