“Maybe they bought it for you,” Hawk suggested. “Maybe they meant to entice you to come home with it.”
His theory made something else dawn on me. “That’s what she wanted to tell me in person.” I took a deep breath. “She thought if she could see me and show me the car, I’d want to come home with her.”
Hawk grinned. “You’ve got to admit it’s a pretty good plan.” He gazed at the vehicle. “And it’s a pretty nice car. I bet they paid a pretty penny for it.”
“They should’ve known my decision wouldn’t be influenced by a car.”
Hawk cocked his head. “Then you’re the exception to the rule because most people your age would definitely be influenced by a car.”
“But then I’m not most people, am I?” I reminded him, grinning.
“Definitely not,” Hawk agreed. “You’re one of a kind.” To emphasize his point, he flashed his tattoo at me, and I tried, somewhat unsuccessfully, to keep my smile from taking over my whole face.
“Let’s do this,” I said as I opened the door and stepped out of the car.
In a matter of seconds, my brothers bounded out of the house. “Amber!” they screamed as they took the porch steps two at a time.
I caught a glimpse of my mother, peering out the dining room window, and my stomach fluttered with a twinge of nervousness.
My brothers grabbed me around the waist, one on each side, nearly knocking me over. Unlike me, their hair was more brown than red, but they had the same green eyes that I did.
“I missed y’all so much,” I cooed to them as I wrapped my arms around them, squeezing them to me.
“Kyle said you weren’t never coming back.”
“I did not,” Kyle declared. “I said she might not come back.”
“No,” Hunter yelled. “You told me she didn’t like us anymore, and she wasn’t coming back.”
“Hush,” I told them. “I love both of you, and I love Mom and Dad. I just went on a little vacation, that’s all.”
“Told you.” Hunter stuck his tongue out at Kyle.
“I want y’all to meet my friend,” I told them. They both looked up at Hawk for the first time. “This is Hawk.”
“What kind of name is Hawk?” Hunter asked.
“Be nice, Hunter,” I scolded him. “Hawk is a nickname. His real name is James Hawkins.”
I put my arm around Kyle’s shoulder. “Hawk, this is Kyle. He’s ten. And this is Hunter. He’s eight.” I mussed Hunter’s hair, and Hunter immediately combed it straight down with the flat of his hand.
“It’s nice to meet both of you.” Hawk smiled at them and shook their hands.
My mother came out on the porch, but unlike the loving greeting I received from my little brothers, my mother looked unhappy.
“Hi, Mom,” I said, uncertain of what her reaction was going to be.
“Why did you just up and leave?” she asked in an icy voice.
“I’m sorry, Mom.” Anxiety crept up my body, affecting my breathing. I swallowed, hoping to cram it back down into the pit of my stomach.
Hawk reached out and cupped my shoulder, and I didn’t have to look at him to know that he was concerned with my reaction.
“I just needed some time. I know you and Dad meant well, but y’all were stressing me out even more.”
“We were trying to help you.” She stood stock still.
“I know,” I blurted. “But that’s just it. You couldn’t help me because I was still reeling from everything that had happened.”
“I’ve been trying to reach you. I have something important to tell you,” she said as my dad walked out on the porch behind her.
They both eyed me, and Hawk slipped his arm around my shoulders, his support comforting me immediately. No matter what happened now, I knew that I still had him. Even if my parents couldn’t understand my actions and were terribly angry, I knew that they’d forgive me eventually. They would never shut me out altogether. It just frustrated them when my plans didn’t match theirs, when I didn’t drop everything to do as they instructed.
“Why don’t you come inside so we can talk?” my mom asked, and even though she worded it as a suggestion, I knew that I had no choice.
I glanced at Hawk, and he nodded. “I’ll just wait out here to give y’all some privacy.”
Being with him made everything better. I felt calmer, more confident, positive that everything would work out for the best. He released me and turned toward his car.
“Hello, Amber.”
Shock assaulted my system.
My heart pounded.
My breathing stopped.
I knew that voice.
But it was impossible.
Slowly, I turned toward the porch to see the person who had spoken to me standing beside my parents.
I screamed.
And before I could process what was happening, I collapsed to my knees, my shaking hands covering my mouth.
I still wasn’t well. I still wasn’t ready.
Hawk was the first one to reach me, his palms cupping my face as he studied my eyes. It dawned on me that he was doing the same thing he’d done the night of the accident. He was assessing me, probably wondering if I was ill.
He didn’t realize that my problems weren’t physical. They were mental.
“Amber, what’s wrong? Are you in pain?” Hawk asked, concern etched on his beautiful, kind face.
I gulped in a breath of air. “I thought…I thought I saw….”
“What?” he asked.
I kept my eyes focused on Hawk’s face, afraid to look anywhere else.
“What is it, Amber?” Hawk asked, the urgency in his voice evident.
I knew I was scaring him, and I didn’t want to. But I was terrified.
“I thought I saw Carey,” I whispered to him, my voice trembling.
I didn’t realize my mother had moved from the porch until she hugged me, her actions pushing Hawk away from me. “Honey, that’s why I needed to talk to you in person. I was afraid of your reaction. He’s alive, Amber. Carey’s alive.”
Tears streamed down my face. “But how? His mother told me that he was dead,” I reasoned. “He can’t be alive.”
Carey’s face appeared in front of me, and he gazed at me with the same warm hazel eyes I remembered. “I’m not dead, sweetheart. My mother was doing what she does best—trying to control my life.”
I was shaking. “She lied?”
“After the accident, I was rushed to the emergency room. Technically, I did die, but they were able to resuscitate me. I was in a coma for a few months, and after I woke up, I was in physical therapy until I fully recovered. I’ve been looking for you ever since. Your parents were worried about you, and they made me promise that I wouldn’t confront you, that I would tell you while they were present. I guess you hadn’t taken news of my death very well. But once I knew you were here, I couldn’t wait another second.”
My brain was trying to process everything. He was alive, and his evil mother had let me believe that he was dead.
Hot tears rolled down my face in torrents. I would never forgive his mother for this, for putting me through torture all these months.
Carey pulled me into his embrace, and I squeezed him to me while all the anger and frustration of the previous months escaped through my tears. I closed my eyes and breathed in his scent. He was alive.
He stroked my hair, and I opened my eyes.
That’s when I saw Hawk.
His jaw was clenched, and I realized that the wonderful man who had painstakingly cared for me, who had grown to love me, who had saved me in every sense of the word had probably been just as shocked as I was to find out my fiancé was alive.
I wanted to go to him, but I was torn between my need to soothe Hawk and my need to be held by Carey. To be back in my fiancé’s arms was something of which I thought I could only dream. Guilt consumed me because once I’d fallen in love with Hawk, thoughts of Carey had slowly trickled away.
Hawk
stood motionless, watching me intently. I should go to him, but Carey still had his arms firmly wrapped around me, whispering words of love.
A sad smile touched Hawk’s face. Taking in a deep breath, I committed him to memory, his cerulean eyes, his dark hair, his muscular physique as he stood with his thumbs tucked in his front pockets. He looked incredibly sad, and my heart felt like it was being ripped to shreds as I recognized the pain on his face. He lifted his hand to gesture a wave, and that’s when I saw his tattoo. one.
My heart ached as raw emotions welled in my chest. So many emotions. Carey was alive. But what about Hawk?
I knew all too well the kind of emotions that he was probably feeling. He had saved me. Who would save him?
Carey pulled back, his hands holding my face. “I’ve wanted to see your face again for so long,” he whispered.
“I’ve missed you, too.” And I had. I was relieved to know that he was okay but angry that his mother could be so heartless as to let me believe him dead.
He closed his eyes and rested his forehead against mine. Then, he kissed me, and my heart plummeted, although I wasn’t sure if it was because we had been reunited or because I knew Hawk was watching.
In my mind, I heard Hawk telling me that it only took one moment for everything to change.
The moment that Carey made an appearance, everything had changed again. For me. For Carey.
For Hawk.
When our kiss finally ended, I realized that Hawk was no longer standing where I could see him. As I turned my head, I saw his SUV backing into the road.
Pain filled my heart as I watched him drive away.
I was overwhelmed with happiness, with sadness, with relief, with trepidation. My heart was being pulled in so many different directions, I wasn’t sure what I was feeling.
I felt like I was in a really strange dream, and any minute, Hawk would wake me up, take me in his arms as he pressed a kiss to my temple, and tell me that everything was okay.
Hawk
One of the first things I was taught when I went to work as a fireman was that if I went into a fire and became disoriented or endangered, I could use the lugs on the hose couplings to find my way out of the building.
Even if smoke made visibility practically nonexistent, I could find a hose on the floor. The couplings, which screw together to connect two parts of the hose, would have a smooth side and a side with lugs, which would make it bumpy. There were as many ways to remember the technique as there were fireman, but I was taught that the bumpy road led out of the building. So if I dropped to my knees, I could use my gloved hands to feel the couplings and determine which side was smooth and which side was bumpy with lugs. I would then follow the bumpy side of the hose out of the building and back to the rig.
Seeing Amber kiss another man had disoriented me and endangered my heart more than I cared to admit. I found myself gasping for air, desperate to get away. I didn’t blame her. I could tell by her reaction that she had no knowledge of Carey being alive. The entire situation was bizarre, and I hated that Amber had been subjected to months of heartache because she believed him dead.
But even though I didn’t blame her, I couldn’t stand around and watch. As the scene began stealing my breath, choking the very life from my body, I had to drop to my knees, feel the couplings, and figure out which way to go to remove myself from a situation that threatened to rip my heart from my chest.
I was happy that she had her life back.
But I couldn’t watch. I couldn’t stand around and watch her being held by another man. I couldn’t watch him kiss her. I couldn’t watch him love her.
She was my one.
But she’d been his one first.
Now that he was back in the picture, I had no claim on Amber. It was as if everything we’d experienced over the last few months was null and void.
“Shit!” I squeezed the steering wheel to keep from hitting something.
I wanted to be mad, but to whom could I direct my anger? It wasn’t Amber’s fault. It wasn’t even Carey’s fault. And it would do me no good to blame some unknown woman locked away in New York’s high society.
But that didn’t change the fact that I was pissed.
I was pissed that Amber had been put through that unnecessarily.
I was pissed that I’d fallen in love with her.
I was pissed that she was his one first.
Flipping my wrist over, I stared at the tattoo on my wrist. I wanted to claw at my skin until every trace of it was gone.
She’d meant everything to me.
I pressed the gas pedal harder. I wanted to get away from the image that was burned into my mind. I wanted to get away from her. Him. Them.
She had Carey.
I was no longer needed.
That simple knowledge crushed my chest, squeezing my heart until it felt as if it would explode.
What was I supposed to do with this?
What was I supposed to do with the love that she had ignited within me, burning hotter than any fire ever could?
What was I supposed to do with the memories: the softness of her skin, the emotion that built in my chest when our eyes met, the gentleness in her voice? I could still remember the first time I saw her smile. I could remember the way I felt when she touched me. I could remember the way she had taken care of me, the way I had taken care of her. I thought we’d do it for the rest of our lives.
As a firefighter, I was no stranger to taking risks. It was my job.
But as a man, that waif-like woman had proven to be the greatest risk I’d ever encountered.
And I knew that my heart wouldn’t come out of this unscathed.
Chapter 20
Vital Signs
Amber
My mother knocked on my door, rousing me from sleep. Before I had time to answer, she opened it and stepped into my room. “You need to get up.”
Glancing around my room, I realized that yesterday hadn’t been a dream. I lifted my head and peered at her. “Why?”
“Carey will be here in about an hour. He’s taking you to pack your things today, and then he’ll be taking you back to New York tomorrow.”
My mouth gaped, and I pulled myself up into a sitting position, fully awake after her announcement. “I’m not even sure if I want to go to New York right now.”
“Why would you say that? Is it because of that boy? What’s his name?”
“It’s because all of this is a lot to process,” I said, my voicing sounding high-pitched and frantic. “I was told Carey was dead. Then, I’ve got you and Dad telling me to get over it and figure out what I’m going to do with my life because I wasn’t going to stay here if I wasn’t in college.” I lifted my hands in the air. “And I had just come to terms with it, and now I find out he’s alive!”
“Now listen here, young lady, you are not going to let this opportunity slip through your fingers. Isn’t marrying Carey what you wanted?”
“Yes.”
“He’s a nice young man, Amber. And he’ll be able to offer you financial security, which is an important benefit considering you have no plans to go to school and no means for a successful career.”
I stared at her, not knowing what to say, my emotions a jumbled mess. Why did she always make me feel like I wasn’t good enough?
She softened the look on her face and walked toward me. Sitting on the edge of my bed, she let out a deep sigh. “I know you think we’ve been hard on you, but your father and I know how unfair the world can be.
“You love Carey, don’t you?” she asked me, her deep auburn hair pulled into a sleek ponytail.
“Yes.”
“Then go to New York. You can smooth things over with his family and maybe the two of you can set a date for the wedding. You won’t find a better match than this one.”
Reluctantly, I nodded my head in agreement.
Hawk
I’d spent the last twenty-four hours sitting in my apartment in a state of shock. In one moment, eve
rything can change. I stared at the tattoo on my wrist. The one girl I wanted was in someone else’s arms.
One. It used to be my favorite number. Now? Not so much.
Closing my eyes, I let snippets of our time together flit through my mind. As difficult as it had been, I’d refrained from making love to her. We’d come close several times, but I’d wanted to give her a more serious commitment. And I’d wanted one from her.
Part of me regretted that decision now. I wanted to know what it was like to make love to her, what it was like for her to make love to me.
Now I’d never know, and I supposed that it was a double-edged sword.
We hadn’t dated long in the grand scheme of things, but since she seemed so perfect for me, I’d already contemplated marriage. Some people just knew that they were meant to be. And that’s how I felt about her. I firmly believed that she had felt the same.
Until Carey had been resurrected.
Could his mother even conceive the pain that she had caused so many other people with her deception?
I took a deep breath, allowing the numbness to seep into every recess. Wondering if my heart was even beating, I thought perhaps I should check my vital signs. I could never remember feeling so empty, and I knew that it was because I had never been filled with such vivid emotion until I met her.
Now that I knew what loving her felt like, what being loved by her felt like, the pain of losing her was that much more intense.
When my phone rang, I was so deep in thought, it startled me. Yanking it up, my heart pounded when I saw that it was from an unknown number with a New York area code.
“Hello.”
“Hawk?” Just hearing her voice brought me temporary relief.
“Amber!”
“I’m in Creekview.”
“You’re staying?”
Silence.
Closing my eyes, I knew the answer to my question.
“We’re driving to New York the first thing in the morning. Carey just brought me to get my things. I’m giving Gracie to Natalie.” She sniffled. “So if she ever gets stuck in a tree, maybe you’ll rescue her…the way you rescued me.”
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