by Aline Riva
“I've done three sessions...First week out of the way.”
“And now you need to rest,” she reminded him as he sat up stiffly and gave a groan.
“I feel like utter shit! I wanted to go and rehearse today – that festival's going to be here sooner that you realise...and I won't be ready.”
“Riley said you might be up for it tomorrow, or the next day...and he also said you should take Kade with you, in case you need his help.”
“I'll do that,” he replied, leaning back against the pillows as aches and pains flickered through his bones as he made a confession, “I didn't actually realise what I was letting myself in for having this treatment. Maybe I made the wrong decision.”
He glanced nervously at Joy, awaiting her reaction.
“No, you made the right choice. Surgery would have killed you and doing nothing about the problem would have killed you too. This gives you the best chance.”
Fear flashed in his eyes as Jekel couldn't hold back from voicing his fears.
“I think I'm probably going to die.”
As he blinked away tears, Joy took hold of his hand and held it tightly as she forced a smile, using the same tone she had used many years before to put on a brave face and cheer a frightened boy called Connor as he cowered in Captain Jordan's dungeon after witnessing brutal deaths. Back then, she had known how to coax that kid out of his fear, and right now, she had to use that same tone to cheer up her gentle, frightened husband, who had never been cut out for life in this new and altered world, and certainly didn't deserve all the pain and uncertainty he had been through since the fall from the tower at Sanctuary in the dying gasp of the battle.
“You're going nowhere, Ashley Jekel! Do you hear me? You're going to get through this and no matter how it ends with the burn out situation, you'll be here, with me and Travis for a long, long time. Because I can't let this end any other way. And you know I mean what I say.”
She leant closer, her lips brushing his as she gave him a loving kiss, then she looked into his eyes and spoke from her heart.
“No matter how rough it gets, remember what else you've been through. Think about it even if it hurts. You lost Margo and the baby and you carried on. When me and Murdock found you in the ruins of that town, you'd been through hell but you made it! You even survived the Howler attack! You and me, we can do anything, okay?”
Jekel looked at her sadly.
“I only survived the Howlers because I was a cyborg. And now I'm dying because I'm a cyborg, because this fantastic wiring and clever programming inside me has gone wrong!”
“No,” Joy replied firmly, “No, Ash it's not like that! You could have given up years ago but you didn't. You survived!”
Jekel said nothing for a moment, then he reached down the side of the bed and pulled out a book.
“In my better moments during my eighteen hours of chemical torture spread over three days I've been reading this, Riley wrote it a few years back for his own reference...He wanted me to see it so I understood a bit more about how these drugs are meant to be helping me. I found something that could be worth mentioning to him...I don't think he's thought past the main therapy theory yet...”
Joy looked at the title, the cover was plain and bore the words Human to Cyborg Connection failure – Possible Antidotes Theory.
Desperation shone in his eyes as Jekel looked to the book then to Joy.
“What I'm about to say might sound unfair, but it's not a major procedure and I think it might be worth a shot if I do go into that thing he talks about in chapter six called toxicity limits crisis -”
Joy's eyes widened in alarm.
“He really shouldn't have let you read this - it isn't helping, its scaring you, its making you think about what could go wrong -”
“And how bad can it get, Joy?” demanded Jekel as he lay back against his pillows looking pale and exhausted, “What else should I be thinking about? My funeral? How I'm not going to see Travis grow up? How I know I'm going to get worse and worse and most likely die very soon and leave everyone I love behind? I'm not ready to say goodbye!”
Yet again he looked as shaken up as he had on that day in the ruined town when she and Murdock had first found him – Jekel was terrified, traumatised, and this time, he was fearing for his life for a very different reason...That look of fear had never left his eyes since the diagnosis and Joy felt powerless as she looked back at him, knowing this was a battle she couldn't fight for him.
“Don't talk like that,” she said in a hushed voice as she held back on the need to cry, “Don't you dare start talking about funerals and goodbyes...Stop it!”
Jekel looked down at the book again, then back to his wife.
“Well maybe...just maybe it won't come to that. Riley added a small note in here about a theory of his and I need to remind him about it...”
As Jekel continued to speak Joy got up, walked to the window where she stood with her back to him as she wiped her eyes, then she looked out to the palace garden, then turned back again, barely feeling any stronger as she fought off pain in her heart at the thought of his funeral – he had no idea how devastated she felt since he had uttered those words...
She had never even considered losing him until now, but after he had said that, images were playing through her mind that she wished her thoughts had never conjured: Jekel in his coffin, a grand funeral procession through Sanctuary Town as the streets filled with mourners... And her in black, a widow, joining him for his final journey to the churchyard on the hill in the town of Bullet, to be laid to rest after a service in the same chapel they had married in seven years before.
No. She couldn't bear to think of that outcome, not her Ash...
Jekel was still speaking as she tried to push away the heartbreaking images his words had conjured in her mind.
“...And Riley said if the patient collapses due to the toxicity levels of the treatment, it might be possible for a blood transfusion from someone with compatible DNA to give some blood to strengthen the patient's ability to work in harmony with the cybernetic agents. Travis might be able to help. He'd only have to give me a little bit of blood it wouldn't hurt him and it could help me -”
“No, he can't!” Joy said in alarm, “His DNA won't match -”
She stopped abruptly, her eyes wide as Jekel stared at her, in that moment she felt as if the floor had opened up and she may as well have fallen through all the way to the ground below. She had been so caught up in fighting off thoughts of losing him, she had spoken without thinking. Joy instantly hated herself for doing this now at a time when Jekel didn't need such bad news...
“The DNA won't match, what's that supposed to mean, Joy?” he demanded.
As she looked at the man she loved she felt her heart breaking as she wished she had told him sooner, he was sitting on that bed looking at her with such uncertainty in his eyes, he didn't need this now, not when he was fighting for his life all over again....
“You know Elise conceived Travis from DNA samples without my knowledge,” she said in a hushed voice, “Because she believed you'd died when your main cable snapped. But she didn't take the blood sample from you, she couldn't because Riley rushed you straight into surgery and Lynch sent her to find me. Without my knowledge she used the DNA of another man to give me a child, to help me cope with your loss. I said he was yours because after you came out of the coma you needed a reason to fight, Ash. You were giving up and I had to save you and ...I'm sorry...”
Joy broke down and gave a sob as tears ran from her eyes.
Jekel stared at her, in that moment looking utterly shattered.
“Travis isn't mine?”
“No,” she replied quietly, looking down at the plush rug that she stood on, suddenly feeling like this palatial room may as well have been a prison for all the despair she felt at that moment, trapped with a truth that should have come out many years before – at least, before this tragedy had happened...
“I'm sorry,” Joy sa
id again tearfully, “Elise used blood from Captain Murdock. I wanted to tell you but the time was never right and -”
“Come here, love. Just come here and let me hold you.”
On hearing the softness of his tone, Joy looked up in surprise to see her husband had held his arms out to her. There was not a trace of anger in his eyes and in that moment she knew instantly that Ash, with his kind heart, not only understood but forgave her, too.
She sat down on the edge of the bed and sobbed with relief as he wrapped his arms around her. So far the treatment had not ravaged his body, he was still toned and sleek and there was nothing weak about the strength of his embrace as he held her.
“Joy, look at me,” he said kindly.
She raised her head from his shoulder, eyes silently begging forgiveness as she looked into the gaze of her husband, that kind and gentle soul who had not been prepared for all the horrors he had faced when the old world had ended. He didn't deserve this heartbreak any more than he deserved the pain he was going through...
“I'm so sorry, Ash!” she repeated.
Understanding filled his gaze.
“Joy, please listen - I do understand why you did it...and it's not as if you slept with another man, Elise made the baby for you! I'm glad he's a part of Nathan Murdock, that man saved my life and I'll always be grateful! So this changes nothing, okay? Travis is my son. I've been there for him since the day I came out of the coma and held him for the first time. I'm his Dad. I always will be.”
Joy wrapped her arms around him, hugging him tightly.
“It's okay,” Jekel promised her, “I love you both, you're my family...nothing can ever change that.”
Joy clung on to him, silently feeling a huge wave of relief wash over her as she knew at once that she had not lost Jekel over the truth – even if she lost him one day to the failing power line inside his head, at least she had not lost his love, which would perhaps be worse than losing him to death...
Then as he let go of her Jekel sat up, feeling the positive effect of his vow of love for his family as he fought the aches and pains that flickered through his body as tiredness washed over him along with a mild dizzy spell.
“I mean it, Joy – it changes nothing. And I'm feeling a lot better...I'm just going to give it half an hour, then I'm going over to catch the rest of the rehearsals. Can you send someone to fetch Kade for me?”
“I thought you said not today – Ash, you need to rest!”
“If I rest too much it could be bad for me. I don't want to get used to doing nothing. I've been stuck in bed for three days and I need to feel useful again.”
“And I just want you to get better,” Joy replied.
Jekel got out of bed and paused to kiss her.
“We both know that may never happen. Now, I'm going to grab a shower and get dressed and I want Kade here and waiting so we can get over to the rehearsals. I need to be busy, please try and understand that, Joy – and right now, I feel okay. I feel able to do things and I don't know how long that will last,” then he bravely smiled as his eyes sparkled, “For me, the show must go on – at least as long as I'm able to get up there on that stage...And I felt lousy when I woke up but now I don't. Maybe I'm wrong about all this – maybe I will be okay, I'm going to try and hope for the best.”
He headed to the bathroom as Joy gave a heavy sigh, then she went over to the bedroom door, opened it and called to a member of the king's guard and asked him to fetch Kade Silk.
And while Joy was gone, Jekel leant against the tiled wall of the shower, letting the water revive him as pain flickered through his body and he tried to banish thoughts of collapse. This felt like a deciding moment – either he gave up now, or he carried on. And knowing Travis was not his biological son made no difference to him at all – as he thought of him, he silently vowed that no matter what happened next, he would be around to raise that amazing boy he loved as his own...
Chapter 5 : Pain Barrier
Felix Lynch was trembling as he sat restrained in a reclining chair. The straps that held him down were made of reinforced metal and he guessed they had been designed with the idea in mind of restraining a cyborg – why, in Freedom he had no clue – and could only assume that hatred for his kind went all the way to the top...
“Where's the Vice Premier when I need her and her pro cyborg support?” he said, then as the chair was reclined further and his belt was loosened and his zip tugged down, he caught his breath, closing his eyes as realised the fact that he was scared for the sensors under his groin plate made no sense at all – these people wanted to hurt him, and his sex life really didn't come into the equation...
The one of the technicians who had restrained him as the guards watched on tugged his clothing downwards, exposing his hips and groin plate and as a heated cutter sliced through his upper metallic thigh he gritted his teeth as he looked down. For one terrifying moment he wondered if they were going to cut off his cyborg legs, but then the technician reached into the wound with strong wire cutters and the blades found their way into the cavity as Lynch looked down in horror realising a vital wire set was about to be severed – cutting vital nerves that would paralyse his right leg.
“No!” he said as he gripped at the leather armrests of the chair, “No, don't do that...DON'T!”
The blades closed and his back arched as he gave a cry of pain as deep in his human spine, wiring reacted with human nerves and his leg fell still, as the rest of his body struggled against the restraints.
“You fucking bastard sons of whores!” he yelled as he dragged in a breath, “I fought for your shitty little city and ended up like this for the likes of you...fucking scum!”
Then he sagged in the chair and wept, the horror of losing his limbs washing over him all over again as his paralysed right leg felt as if it may as well have been missing. In his mind images flashed of running from the time bomb, the android hand closing about his ankle, crashing to the ground, the world turning dark...then waking with his lower body missing. Horror upon horror played over in his mind as he grabbed at the chair and tried to replace the thoughts with images of Elise and his daughter to stop himself from sliding into the hell of full blown PTSD.
Then as one of his torturers reached below his waist again he looked down in fear and cried out – stopping abruptly as he started to tremble as he fell silent, realising his .clothing was being adjusted. His zip was tugged up and his belt was buckled again as Lynch lay there breathing hard as cold sweat ran from his upper body, making his bare chest gleam.
Then the door opened and Governor Black walked into the room. She went over to the restrained prisoner and looked down at him, noticing while the rest of him trembled, his right leg was unmoving.
“We only took the use of one of your cybernetic limbs away,” she said as she ran her hand over his sweat dampened hair, satisfaction gleaming in her eyes as Lynch glared up at her with rage burning in his gaze, “Did it bring back memories, General? Of the day you lost your human limbs? Apparently you lost everything else below the waist too... How frustrating for you....”
She placed her hand between his legs, where she felt nothing but a solid steel plate, and Lynch resisted the urge to squirm in disgust or to give any hint that thanks to the sensors, he could feel that bitch touching him...
“If this was a combat situation,” he said darkly as he looked up at her, “They'd be scraping you off the fucking wall by now.”
She took her hand off his body and her gaze moved from his face to his paralysed cyborg limb, then she met his gaze again. “So,” she said, “Either you admit you were a part of the plot to bomb the city or I tell my staff to cut the wires in your other leg. Think about it, having two useless limbs... rather like having no lower limbs at all, don't you think – just like the old days, Lynch?”
Lynch gritted his teeth, refusing to show fear as he met her stare defiantly, showing no fear as at the back of his mind, somewhere, he was screaming and no one could hear the sound.
<
br /> “I will not admit to anything!” he yelled, tugging again at his restraints, “Cut as many fucking wires as you want, I won't confess to a lie! Go fuck yourself Governor, go fuck yourself!”
She reached down and twisted at one of the silver rings set in his chest, and as he gave a yell of very human pain and a trickle of blood ran from the piercing. Lynch had barely recovered from the pain as he felt a sharp blow to his shoulder, then another to an upper arm as he laid into him with a baton. The third blow came down on his wrist, and he heard a crack and was stabbed by the unmistakeable pain of a fractured bone. And he breathed in deeply, quickly,. Rising over the pain, using it like a wave to ride on to find clarity once more as he silently refused t give in and to live to see the day this monster got exactly what she deserved.
“You won't break me,” he said defiantly as sweat ran from his upper body, “It won't happen, Black.”
“Take him back to his cell,” the Governor said to the guards, and every muscle in his taut body sagged with relief as he realised that for now, he had won – at least the pain was ended, apart from the pain of the injuries, which he had already guessed would go untreated. As the guards dragged him from the chair, his crippled cyborg leg slid from under him and the guards held him up, forcing him to limp with difficulty as internally he felt a strain on every cable and line that linked his human body to the machine lower half.
“Get used to this,” the Governor said as he was taken away, “From now until your execution you will know nothing but pain, General Lynch.”
As the guards dragged him up the corridor towards his cell his head swam as his fractured wrist throbbed and pain filled his upper body from the damage below it.
“I will get out of here...” Felix whispered, making that vow as he thought of Elise and Fi and the corridor became a haze as pain took over and his cell door loomed nearer.
Far away in Cyborg Valley, as Jekel stood on the stage and ran through his second address to the crowds, the empty open field in front of him seemed to slip side ways, and he placed a hand on the microphone stand, glad that he had not removed it and had nothing to steady him at that moment. Pain flickered through his body as the latest needle mark ached deeply and for a moment, he felt as if the weather had switched from summer to winter then sharply back again as he broke out in a sweat.