It didn’t reach its target. The manager jumped on it, grabbing on with both hands. A couple of security guards leaped on top of him, making a pile.
Radiance gave them a calculating stare, and lifted his hands over his head. They glowed brighter and brighter, and then he swept down one arm, rolling a ball of white light with blue twinkles around it into the group. The ball went right under the minions still fighting Ampexia’s sonic pull, and disappeared.
Silent light blossomed up in a fountain, sending Radiance’s former coworkers staggering out of the way. The clicker floated in the air for a second, and slowly crumbled into glitter that blew away.
Leaping out of Gerty’s arms, I spread my own wide. “Ta da! I’m back! And thanks to the difficulty of replacing mad science, likely to stay that way!”
The manager gritted his teeth, opened up a panel in the back of his book, and pulled out a little computer game joystick. “That’s it. I’m activating security protocol level Fuzzy Bunny.”
“No!” shouted quite a lot of people. One of them was Radiance, who fired another dazzling light blast. No use. The manager ducked behind his troops, who took his sparkly punishment for him.
They slumped, then jerked back upright. Everyone who had an intern sticker on their face suddenly stood at full attention.
They at least had control over their mouths. Barely. Through clenched teeth, one begged, “Please don’t do this, Simon!”
Simon, the Senior Junior Branch Facility Overseer, snapped back, “It’s this, or demerits for not being team players.” Then, joystick held in both hands, he gave it a jerk. All the interns took a step forward.
Radiance spread his hands like a gunfighter. The lights around him rearranged. Some pieces of armor glowed much brighter, and a sheen like the reflection off a soap bubble gleamed around him. “Fuzzy Bunny is dreadfully more dangerous than it looks, children. Prepare for a fight.”
Gerty’s upper body jerked, not just upright but slightly backwards. Aghast, she said, “A fight?! Do I need to sing the ‘ Pancakes Are Better Than Global Thermonuclear War’ song?”
Ooh. Tempting. I’d never heard that one, and would bet Family Farm took it out of the show lineup in the 90s, before I was even born.
Practical concerns won over artistic temptation. Clutching the animatronic goat’s apron, I looked up at her with wide, concerned eyes, and said, “Gerty, I don’t think they know much about teamwork.”
Her head swiveled left. Her head swiveled right. Her arms lifted, again stage by stage, to clasp her four-fingered hands under her chin. The towering mechanical goat’s eyelids shuttered, and her voice dripped with sincere compassion. “But without teamwork, how can they understand friendship? Listen up, everybody, while I tell you how to work together!”
I got out of the way, post-haste, as Gerty lumbered towards the assembled henchmen. The actual security guards shot her with a variety of weapons. Cannonballs, energy globes, piranhas, lawn darts—they all slammed into Gerty, only to bounce off without effect.
Peeking out from under her hood, Ampexia sneered. “Good luck with that, nimrods. You couldn’t hurt the kitsch colossus with a nuc—”
I ran over and slapped a hand over her mouth. “Not that word! You’ll distract her!”
Across the factory floor, Gerty’s hands shot out of their sockets, trailing fat chains as they looped twice around the Happy Days employees, then yanked them all together into a knot. Pulling them to her, Gerty crowed, “Lesson one of teamwork is a big ‘ol hug! All the best lessons start with a hug, don’t they, kids?”
Voice as low as the still-running alarm would allow, Ampexia said, “You know how to control her?”
“You woke her up.”
She shook her head in rapid denial. “That’s all I know how to do, and she won’t leave me alone!”
I grinned. “Well, of course. Gerty loves music.”
An idea popped into my head. While Gerty had the guards distracted… “Can I use that wall resonance thing?”
“It’s a—” Ampexia started to complain, then sighed, surrendering to my grotesque ignorance. “Yeah, sure.” She held out her glove.
I shouted into the microphone, “Machine! Come to me, eat your way through any obstacle in your way, and bring my bracelets—but don’t eat those!”
My message delivered, I looked towards the stairs to await my baby’s return.
That also let me enjoy the show. Gerty now had the entire clump of henchmen lifted off the ground in her web of arm chains, swinging them from side to side in an increasingly enthusiastic hug.
The manager found enough breath to yell, “You—”
Breath or not, he didn’t get any farther. A little turret popped out of Gerty’s ear, squirting a glob of bubbly white soap right into the guy’s mouth.
“I don’t know what you were about to say, but shame on you for almost saying it!” Gerty chided him. The brief moment of seriousness disappeared, and in a gleeful tone she asked, “Would you like to sing a song now?”
“Nooooo!” wheezed half a dozen poor fools.
Gerty ignored them. Rocking spasmodically from side to side, jiggling her captives in the process, she chanted, “Oh, there’s a goat in the kitchen / And I wonder what she’s fixin’…”
Being brought to life hadn’t improved Gerty’s singing voice even a little.
It was a perfect moment.
Radiance felt it. He hadn’t moved since Gerty started her teamwork lesson. He stood wide-eyed, overcome by awe as he watched the show.
Less impressed, Ampexia squeezed her headphones over her ears, trying to shut out Gerty’s awkward lyrics and even more awkward voice.
The chain holding the Happy Days goons slipped. One fell out, then the rest, all in a tumble. Whirring, her hands withdrew back into their places, only to be extended in front of her, flexing one finger at a time. “Whoops! I’m a butterfingers. Butter is very important in the kitchen.”
Running across the room, vaulting over a toy-making machine in the way, I jumped up and wrapped my arms around Gerty’s shoulders, rubbing my face into her scratchy, carpet-upholstery fur. “I love you, Gerty Goat. Will you come with me and be my friend forever and ever?”
Her upper body swiveled, which didn’t work because I turned with it. Then her head turned, which let her grin down at me. “I’m already your friend forever and ever.”
I gave her an extra squeeze, slid down, and explained, “We’re just waiting for my Machine, now.”
“Which way is it?” the giant artificial goat chef asked.
Radiance, still stunned into silence, pointed.
Gerty spun around on one foot, and jogged through the wall in that direction. Jigged, in fact, bouncing from one leg to the other like a stop-motion sailor as she sang, “When you lose your favorite spoon, what do you do?”
She hit an important circuit along the way. Not that the electric flash hurt her, or even slowed her down, but a number of lights went out. Thankfully, so did the Goat Alert speaker.
The Happy Days employees moaned. None seemed to be in any hurry to fight. Radiance was still staring after Gerty. I wandered back to Ampexia. “Boy, am I glad I was here when you came to rescue Gerty.”
Her kneels still pulled up under her chin, she scowled up at me. “No, I told you, I came to rescue you. I didn’t even know the Weapon of Mass Friendship was here. She’d finally shut up and gone away, and that was fine by me.”
Uh huh. Methought she doth protest too much, but it would be impolitic to press the point. Anyway, that just raised more questions. “Not that I’m not grateful, but why would you want to rescue me?”
She growled. She rubbed her scalp. Standing up, the taller teenage girl looked me right in the eyes. “I’ve got a problem, and I need help. Somebody who knows how to fight. I don’t trust any of the grownups in this city. They all have ulterior motives, and the superhuman ‘community’ is like a big club where everyone gets drunk and challenges each other to the lamest dare they can
think of.”
A moment of silence, and Ampexia added, “Plus, I hear you need help. You help me settle my feud, I’ll help you settle yours.”
I nodded. “Okay, but I’m bringing Gerty.”
She rolled her eyes. “You are such a dweeb. Fine, whatever. You don’t have a clue how annoying that thing is, yet.”
Squealing with glee, I pumped my fist and hopped around in a circle. “I have a supervillain team again!”
Increasingly loud thumps and crunches heralded Gerty climbing out of the hole she’d created, holding my Machine in both hands. It wiggled, but made no attempt to bite her. Proof enough for me that she was really alive.
Ooh, and my teleport bracers dangled from the Machine’s front legs!
I threw myself onto her for another hug. “Gerty, I love you!”
“Who’s a Gerty Girl?” the animatronic asked.
“I’m a Gerty Gerty Girl!” I shouted with pride.
The goat head turned to face Ampexia. “Who’s a Gerty Girl?”
“Yeah… no,” replied Ampexia, heading for the exit.
Without missing a beat, Gerty looked at Radiance. “Who’s a Gerty Boy?”
Lifting a shaking hand to point at himself, he said worriedly, “I’m… a… Gerty… Gerty Boy?”
Dropping me to the floor, the goat bounded over and grabbed Radiance in a hug that made him wheeze.
With her attention diverted, I wrapped my Machine around my wrist. It felt so good to have him back, like being complete again. Sliding down my coat, I clamped the bracers into place on my upper arms, over my shirt. That would do until I could properly change.
Anyway… “I can’t teleport back to my base. I’d leave you and Gerty behind,” I told Ampexia.
“I’ve got a truck, a driver’s license, and my own place,” she said, jerking a thumb towards the outside world.
“I get to ride in the back!” shouted Gerty. Her arms swung up, then she lurched towards the exit. Her jerky, animatronic movements made for clumsy walking, but launched her into the air in a skipping run pretty well.
Okay, the run was also clumsy. She tripped over something I didn’t see—maybe her own foot—and rolled through the wall, tearing out a big tunnel right out to the street. “Oopsy doopsy!”
Grinning enormously, hands in my pockets, I followed her out.
Radiance trailed behind us, lingering long enough to get out his little Happy Days button box, he jabbed its keyboard over and over. “And as a reward for being such nasty coworkers, I am giving all of you the maximum number of demerits! Enjoy!”
Cries of despair sounded inside the heap.
“I was about to get promoted!”
“They’ll send me back to Sewing Apparatus Location Straw Pile Facility!”
“Hey… do you think we might get fired?”
“Oooooh, yeah!”
Ampexia did, indeed, have a large and battered pickup truck outside. Giggling with childish glee, Gerty crawled up onto the bed, and sat motionless, except for her head, which spun around in random directions, smiling at everything.
I gave my smile to Radiance. “Thank you for saving me.”
He got down on one knee, which he had to do to look me in the eye. Taking one of my hands in both of his, he said, “Thank you, Bad Penny, for giving me the push I needed to become who I wanted to be.”
Straightening up, he looked off over the Los Angeles skyline, towards the eastern mountains. “And now, there’s still some day left, so Radiance shall save it!”
He jumped, and a rainbow appeared under his feet. He slid away up its curve, as smoothly as if he were sledding downhill.
Pushing open the passenger side door, Ampexia leaned her head out and called out to me, “Get in, already!”
“Wait!”
In a mad rush, I ran inside. The factory floor wasn’t the only room Gerty’s tunnel opened into. Ducking into an office, I grabbed pens and paper, and ran back into the truck.
Ampexia looked at my haul as I pulled the door shut, shook her head, and didn’t say anything. As the truck started up, I wrote.
Hello Mother.
Hello Father.
Greetings from supervillain camp.
Today, we had our first big competitive event. I thought I was in trouble, since none of the other kids like me. It turns out, there’s always a friend to be found if you look! Me and two other outcasts made a team, and we beat them all.
I think camp will be okay from here on out, but I still can’t wait to come home.
Penny
There. If Miss Lutra was telling the truth about how my parents felt, someday Mom and Dad would get to see these letters. Maybe before I defeated my parasite twin.
mpexia rubbed her gloved hands together, staring down the tunnel. “A seaside mansion. This is going to rock. My lair is only a sealed-up bookstore. It does have good soundproofing.”
I grimaced, considerably less sure about this. “The mansion’s not part of the base, but it’s true that nobody’s using it. First we have to get you in past the traps. By myself, I teleport.”
She jerked a thumb behind us at Gerty, who loomed in the enclosed underground garage and spun her head in excited circles. “Use the battering ram.”
“I’m not a ram, I’m a nanny! I love taking care of kids!” corrected the hulking animatronic.
Wishing I could hunch my shoulders, I said, “I couldn’t live with myself if she got damaged.”
“The juggernaut jughead doesn’t get damaged. She doesn’t even get stained. You saw when those meatheads shot at her.”
Ampexia’s disrespectful attitude towards the entertainment legend that is Gerty Goat bothered me, but she was right. The Original wouldn’t booby trap his own daughter’s base with anything worse than the cheap mad science weapons Happy Days gave its hoodlums, right?
Because he was such a good father.
Put your trust in goat, Penny Akk. Spinning around, I grabbed one of Gerty’s hands, and gave her a beaming smile. “Gerty Gerty Gerty!”
“Penny Penny Penny!” she chanted back.
I pointed down the long, dark corridor towards the distant portcullis and its garish pink background. “Would you go fetch my teddy bear?”
She gasped. “You can’t go to bed without a teddy bear! That’s just not right!”
Gray arms in blue sleeves swung up and forward. In a series of lurches, no two joints moving in sync, she thundered down the hall ahead of us.
She’d gotten about a third of the way down when an alarm went off, way down in the base. “AAAA” yelled Gerty in alarm, her arms windmilling. At the top of their arc, they ripped a hole in the ceiling. Electronic parts fell out. Something else crunched under her next step, and the alarm went silent.
A few yards down, a metal shutter slammed down behind her. Ampexia and I were treated to about a half second of silence before Gerty staggered back through it, knocking the trap off its hinges and bending it in the middle. She waved her arms, which were covered in a purple plastic goop that sprayed out of a turret in the ceiling.
“You’re a soda jerk!” Gerty accused it. Her mouth opened wide, and wind roared around us as purple gunk got sucked into her maw. When she’d swallowed most of what weighed down her body, she positioned her mouth under the turret, letting it spray right down her throat. That went on for several seconds of loud gargling, and then her head shot up on an extensible neck, slamming her jaws closed on the nozzle of the trap itself.
Gulp gulp gulp echoed up the corridor. Finally, the turret ran out of material, and with a protracted series of crunches Gerty ripped it free of the ceiling by pulling her head back into place.
“What was I? Oh, yeah! Teddyyyyy! Teddy teddy teddy! Gerty’s comin’ for ya!” Arms extended again, she charged through the other metal wall that was supposed to form a box. This one got a goat-shaped hole ripped in it.
That seemed to be it for traps. Gerty didn’t slow down, and was about to impact the portcullis at the far end when we heard a
wet noise, and she stopped, frozen in place. The air gleamed around her, as if it had become solid. Blue light shone around the wall, floor, and ceiling.
A stasis trap? Seriously? Okay, I’d seen one in Mech’s hideout. Someone must make them. But you couldn’t tell me it wasn’t crazy expensive.
Even without my super power, I knew what to do. I’d have the Machine eat into the wall until it found the mechanism and broke it.
I had just reached the broken alarm panel when my plan changed. The shiny air cracked, shattered, and vanished back into regular see-through air. The blue glow in the wall turned orange, the color of melting rock. Gerty finished her charge, crashing through the portcullis and knocking it into what used to be Miss A’s base.
Gerty stumbled to a halt. Her head spun around to face backwards, and she called out to us, “Oops. Maybe it’s not broken. Maybe it’s always open, because we’re friends with the whole wide world!”
We didn’t answer her cue, so she waited, silent and motionless, while we followed her. I wanted to applaud, but it was more important to watch my step.
Scowling, Ampexia stepped around harden purple splatters on the floor. “These traps are dumb. Superheroes are dumb for putting them in. They could hurt themselves. They probably do.”
I thought about that for a few seconds. “You know, I bet you’re onto something. I should have asked her, but I bet Miss A never used this hallway at all. She probably had a safer way in, and this is the lure for suckers. That would match what I’ve heard about the Original’s paranoia.”
Or maybe her dad figured that if Marcia got caught in a trap, she deserved what happened to her. It would be nice to think he cared more than that.
Gerty’s head turned to watch us, mouth open and eyes blinking, as we stepped around her into the control room.
Ampexia got her first full look at the bludgeoning pinkness of Miss A’s decors. Face tight, she said, “This is way too small for two supervillains. How do we get into the house?”
I pointed at a blank stretch of pink wall in an empty pink corner. “There’s a stairway over there somewhere, but I don’t know how you activate it. I guess… Gerty, do you want to play a game?”
You Believe Her Page 12