“Good-bye, Matthew.”
He stared at the phone for long seconds after she ended the call, not realizing he’d been crying until a fat tear plopped onto the screen.
Chapter Nineteen
Late June
“You have no idea how much I’ve missed mornings like this - getting my ass kicked for ninety minutes while sweating my brains out, and then rewarding myself with a cappuccino and a muffin. Not to mention hanging out with two of my very favorite people.”
Julia took a sip of her foamy coffee drink, sighing in bliss as she swallowed, then broke off a piece of the oversized caramel chunk muffin she’d ordered.
Sasha eyed the muffin skeptically. “Since you’re still nursing twins and obviously need the calories, I’ll skip the nutritional lecture for once.”
Julia shrugged. “Good. Because I wouldn’t have listened to you, especially after the week I’ve had. Both of the boys had ear infections, and I swear I wanted to cry every time they did. Thank God for my part-time nanny. At times Alina is the only thing standing between me and a complete nervous breakdown. Be sure to tell Freya thank you again for the referral.”
“I will.” Sasha scooped up a spoonful of blueberries and Greek yogurt. “She was happy to help, and will be pleased to hear that Alina is working out so well.”
Tessa smiled impishly as she sipped her tea. “Who knows? Maybe I’ll be needing a referral for a nanny one of these days. Maybe sooner than later.”
Julia gasped in delight. “Omigod, are you pregnant? Tessa, that’s fantastic news!”
Tessa shook her head. “Not yet. At least, it’s probably too soon to tell. But I’ve stopped taking the pill, and Ian and I are definitely trying.” She gave a very, very satisfied smile. “We’re trying very, very hard. And very, very frequently.”
This time Julia stuck her tongue out. “Quit rubbing it in, okay? I can’t tell you how many times Nathan and I have gotten this close to making it happen, only to get interrupted by one or both of the boys. It’s almost gotten to the point where we have to get a babysitter so we can sneak out to have sex somewhere.”
Sasha’s eyes twinkled in amusement. “It will get better,” she said confidently. “Look at how much has improved in just two months - you have a part-time nanny, you’re eating better - well, except for that muffin - and getting more sleep. And you’re back to yoga. Patience is the key, Julia. And taking a few minutes to meditate every day helps, too. God knows it’s one of the only things that’s helped me cope as of late.”
Tessa gave Sasha’s hand a squeeze. “I’m so sorry,” she replied sympathetically. “Here Julia and I have been prattling on about the wonderful things happening in our lives, and being totally insensitive to what you’re going through.”
“You’re not being insensitive, Tessa,” assured Sasha. “And I’d much rather hear about the happy things going on in your lives than dwell on my own misery.”
“I wish I could think of some way to help,” fretted Tessa. “Ian and I would be happy to let you stay at the beach house for a week or two. Maybe it would be good for you to get away.”
Sasha shook her head. “As much as I love your beach house, I’d be going there alone right now. And being by myself is probably not a great idea. In fact, I’ve been thinking about maybe going to Paris for a couple of weeks and seeing my aunt and uncle. My mother suggested the idea, and would go with me.” She gave a small shudder. “That right there shows you how desperate for a distraction I am, the fact that I’m even considering spending two whole weeks with my mother.”
Julia popped the last piece of muffin into her mouth. “But you’d have your aunt and uncle there to run interference, wouldn’t you?”
“You’d like to think so. However, all three of them are Russian, and sooner than later one or two or all of them get angry about something and pretty soon there’s a huge shouting match going on. Then they make up and break out the vodka, and get a little drunk. And then start arguing again.” Sasha grimaced at the recollection.
Julia sighed in bliss. “Ah, but it would still be worth it to spend two whole weeks in Paris. God, I love that city! And not just because it’s where Nathan proposed. Great food, beautiful clothes, fabulous art - what’s not to like about it?”
Tessa nodded enthusiastically. “I agree. Paris is one of our favorite cities, and Ian has promised me another quick trip there when we go to England for the Christmas holidays. You should seriously consider going, Sasha. Even if your family might be a little on the dramatic side. It would do you good to have a change of scenery.”
“Maybe,” mused Sasha. “Though we’re already a little shorthanded at the studio with so many teachers taking summer breaks. Serge and Morgana would freak out if I asked for two weeks off right now.”
“Tough,” declared Julia fiercely. “You work your butt off at that place, and hardly ever miss a class. I’m sure they could find a substitute for you if they try hard enough.”
“I’ll think about it. I need to find out if my mother is really serious about the idea first. And then decide if I can cope with spending that much time alone with her. Especially since she’s incredibly angry about what happened with Matthew.”
Sasha winced as she recalled breaking the news about the breakup to Katya. Her mother had been predictably incensed, calling Matthew a dozen different unflattering names - in Russian, English, and French - and telling Sasha that she was better off without him.
“It’s not a good situation when a man has children from his first marriage, Aleksandra,” her mother had clucked disapprovingly. “He will always choose them over the girlfriend.”
“That’s almost exactly what Linda told me once,” admitted Sasha. “And both of you are right. I never minded when he had to cancel or re-schedule a date because something came up with one of the kids. And we always worked around the nights and weekends he saw them. But this - this was just more than I could deal with, Mama.”
“Well, of course it is!” Katya had declared fiercely. “You have more pride than that, Aleksandra. You are worth more than that. And one day you will find a man who appreciates what a good woman you are.”
Sasha had found herself defending Matthew in spite of herself. “Matthew appreciated me, Mama. And he treated me like a queen. It’s just an impossible situation is all. Maybe I shouldn’t have been so stubborn, and found a way to make it work.”
“Don’t you dare!” Katya had burst out. “You do not give in, ever! Make him come to you. Make him grovel. Just like I’ve always done with your father. Never once in thirty years have I apologized to that man. But then all of our arguments have always been his fault, so why should I make the first move?”
“It’s not exactly the same thing as you and Papa,” Sasha had reminded her mother.
“No, you’re right. You’re smarter than I am, Aleksandra. And stronger. After everything we’ve been through, I still love that stupid man, still take him back every single time. God knows why!”
Sasha had laughed in response. “Because the two of you were always meant to be together, Mama. Maybe one of these days you’ll both stop fighting it and just get married.”
“Married! To your father? Maybe you are not as smart as I think, Aleksandra,” Katya had snarled. “No, your father and I are better off the way we are. It’s probably the only reason one of us hasn’t murdered the other after all these years.”
“I miss him, Mama,” Sasha had admitted tearfully. “And it hurts so much more than I could have ever imagined.”
“You shouldn’t cry over a man who has treated you this way, bebé. And he will pay for hurting my Sasha.”
Katya had let loose with a string of angry Russian words. “There! I have placed a curse on him. An old family curse I learned from my grandmother. You know that your great-grandmother was half-gypsy, don’t you? The people in her village would go to her and have their fortunes read, or sometimes ask her to curse someone. The curse I just spoke is
meant for bringing someone bad luck. Oh, and it might also cause their teeth to fall out. I don’t remember exactly.”
Sasha hadn’t taken her mother seriously, for she could often say outlandish things, but at least she’d appreciated Katya’s motherly concern - something she hadn’t always expressed properly over the years.
Sasha couldn’t help chuckling a little now at the recollection. “My mother actually placed an old Russian curse on Matthew. Fortunately, none of the many curses she’s cast on my father over the years have actually come true, so no harm done. But my mother by nature is a very vengeful person, and she can carry a grudge like no one else I’ve ever met.”
Julia snorted. “I don’t blame your mom for being pissed off. And I can’t believe you’re dealing with all of this so well. Doesn’t anything make you angry, Sasha?”
Sasha exhaled deeply. “Of course it does,” she admitted. “And I’ve definitely experienced my share of ups and downs since I broke things off with Matthew. Somedays I miss him more than I can bear, while other days I’m tempted to gather all of the gifts and things he gave me and burn them. Most of the time, though, I’m just sad. And of course it didn’t help when he called me a couple of nights ago.”
She told her friends briefly about the late night call from him, and how he’d pleaded with her to meet with him.
“And I’ll admit to being really, really tempted,” confessed Sasha. “He sounded so unhappy, so upset, that all I wanted to do was comfort him and tell him everything was going to be okay. And then it dawned on me that I’d been doing exactly that from the very beginning of our relationship. I was always the understanding one, the one who never got upset or annoyed. So I stood my ground and asked him not to call me again. Because for once I was the one who needed comfort.”
Tessa reached over and gave her a little hug. “Good for you,” she murmured. “You’re always doing nice things for other people, always being kind and supportive. And as much as I like Matthew and feel badly for the situation he’s landed himself in, I think he needs to find a way out of it on his own. It isn’t fair of him to expect you to keep supporting him and not giving the same back to you.”
Julia waggled a finger in Sasha’s direction. “Stand your ground, girl. Don’t give in to him unless he’s got those damned divorce papers signed. And for God’s sake don’t feel sorry for him. Tessa’s right. You need to think about yourself for once, Sasha. And I think a trip to Paris is an excellent way to start.”
Sasha thought back on her friends’ advice during the bus ride back home. Taking a vacation to Paris was certainly tempting, and it would even be worth dealing with all of the family drama that would accompany the trip. Linda had also invited her along on a trip to Sedona, where she and some friends would be renting a house, and planned to hike through the red rocks and vortexes. Sasha had only been to Sedona once, and been enthralled by its magical, mystical beauty, so the temptation to accompany Linda on her trip was high.
There was also a week-long yoga retreat and teacher training near Lake Tahoe that she’d been asked to help teach, as well as Tessa’s offer just today to use the beach house she and Ian owned on the Sonoma coast.
She needed to do at least one of those things, needed to get away for awhile where she wouldn’t have too much time on her hands to mope and feel sad and lonely, and miss Matthew something fierce. Sasha knew that she’d fallen into a deep funk, and no matter how often she meditated, or how hard she pushed herself through an intense yoga practice, nothing seemed to be helping.
Even Julio was quickly growing frustrated with her, since the bulk of his efforts to cheer her up didn’t seem to be doing the trick. He’d cheerfully accompanied her to art shows, a modern dance performance, and a poetry reading, and never complained once - though he had fallen asleep during the latter. He had watched movies with her, even the foreign ones with subtitles, and accompanied her on long walks and hikes. Chad, who fancied himself something of a gourmet chef, had cooked up a number of her favorite vegetarian dishes, and coaxed her to eat when her appetite had been lacking. And she’d even let the two of them drag her along to watch Sadie perform a brand new dance at the so-called gentleman’s club she moonlighted at. Nothing, however, had seemed to help for very long, and no matter how hard she tried to remain positive and upbeat, Sasha quickly found herself descending back into a funk. And she feared that getting out of town for a week or two wouldn’t help her to stop missing Matthew, or cure the bad case of the blues she’d come down with.
She did smile, however, after arriving home and checking her phone for messages. There was a text from Elena, who had kept in regular contact with her, and had made no secret of the fact that she was good and pissed off at her boss. Rather than act supportive and sympathetic, Elena seemed intent on making Matthew’s life as difficult as possible, as evidenced by this morning’s text.
Hey, chica. Comé está? The boss looks like crap this morning but what else is new. And he’s so out of it he doesn’t realize that I brought him decaf instead of regular. He’ll figure it out when he falls asleep at his desk after lunch. #Revengeissweet.
Sasha shook her head in reluctant amusement, feeling an odd sort of satisfaction that Elena was obviously taking her side, but also feeling sorry for Matthew at the same time. She tapped out a quick reply.
No revenge, please? At least not on my account. He actually needs you more than ever right now so please do what you can for him. Some caffeine would be a good place to start.
Her phone pinged with an incoming text almost immediately, and this time she couldn’t help herself from laughing out loud.
OK, chica. But this is for you not him. Besides I already got my revenge for the day when I brought him a blueberry bagel and strawberry banana yogurt after he asked for sesame seed and vanilla. He must have been hungry tho since he ate them anyway.
Sasha made a mental note never to piss the fearsome Elena off, even as she tapped out another response.
Muchas gracias, Elena. Please take care of him for me. I’ll feel better knowing that he has you to look out for him.
Elena’s reply was quick and to the point.
OK, I’ll do my best. Even tho I still want to punch him in the face.
As she continued to check her messages, Sasha was thrilled to see that Casey had sent her an email, complete with a photo of himself doing an arm balancing pose she’d taught him right before the breakup with Matthew. It touched her deeply that the boy continued to keep in touch, though he was careful not to mention his father or the situation with Hayley. She replied to his email cheerily, complimenting him on his progress, and offering up some advice on further mastering the pose.
The house was quiet, since all of her roommates were at work, or in Sadie’s case school, and after showering and changing clothes, Sasha found herself at loose ends. She had to be back at the yoga studio in a couple of hours to meet a massage client, and then substitute teach a class, but felt oddly unambitious to do much until then. Normally she would read or do a little housework or gardening, but today she seemed to be suffering from an odd ennui.
It had been like this for her, she realized, for several weeks now, and she despaired that things were going to get better in a hurry. Listlessly, she ran a finger around the edges of the painting that Matthew had given her for Christmas, the one of a woodland fairy with gossamer wings and long, curly hair that he’d sworn looked just like her.
“I miss you,” she whispered. “I didn’t think it would hurt this much, that it would be so hard. I think about you all the time, and have to fight off the urge to call you. But it has to be this way, Matthew. No matter how much I love you, I can’t be with you while you’re living in the same house as her. My heart is already broken, and I’m pretty sure the rest of me would be, too, if I hadn’t let you go.”
Impatiently, she brushed away the tear that had trickled down her cheek, and resolutely headed out to the small garden at the back of the house to do some the
rapeutic weed pulling.
The new student in her class looked oddly familiar to Sasha, though she knew they had never met before. It wasn’t very often, in fact, that she had new students in her classes, since her regulars made sure to reserve their spaces days and even weeks ahead of time. But on weekday mornings like this one, the front desk staff would usually hold back a few spots for walk-ins, particularly during the summer when tourists abounded in the city. Sasha assumed that the unfamiliar woman had managed to snag one of those spots.
The dark-haired woman looked to be in her late thirties or possibly early forties, and was both slender and very well groomed. She shrieked money, lots of it, given her perfect makeup and glossy hair, expensive yoga attire, and the diamond stud earrings that were nearly as large as the rings on her wedding finger. But while she was undeniably trim and fit, except perhaps for her overly generous bust, she seemed to be having some difficulty keeping up with the demanding pace and flow of the class. She was frequently out of breath, and took numerous breaks to mop her brow or drink from her water bottle. Discreetly, Sasha brought over two of the cork yoga blocks that many students used in their practice, at least for poses that they struggled with.
“Here,” Sasha murmured in a low voice to the woman, placing one on each side of her mat. “This should help. Revolved triangle is a difficult pose, so using the blocks can definitely help you there.”
The woman stiffened noticeably as Sasha gently tried to adjust her posture, and pulled away. “I’m fine,” she spit out through clenched teeth. “And I don’t need the blocks.”
Sasha was taken aback by the woman’s obvious hostility, and instantly removed her hands. “Of course,” she agreed easily. “It’s entirely up to you.”
She moved away then, puzzled by the angry green-eyed glare the woman had directed towards her, and went to help another student - this one smilingly grateful for the adjustment. Once in a great while Sasha would encounter a student like this woman - usually someone who was fit and trim and attractive, but who unfortunately also possessed a huge ego that rebelled whenever someone suggested they weren’t doing something quite right. In most of those cases, she would tactfully back away and give the student their space, unless they were attempting a pose that could cause them real physical harm if done incorrectly.
Serenity (Inevitable Book 5) Page 33