by Faye Avalon
They had dinner, made love. Went downstairs for a slice or two of that pecan pie—and hell, but his woman could bake—then made love again. He slept fitfully, with Erin curled into his side, her scent filling him, and had chosen to start rehearsing those words.
You see, Erin. I get to turn into a panther whenever I feel like it. As part of being a shapeshifter, I get to choose a mate. It’s you, and I want to put my mark on you. Sink my teeth into you, bite you so fucking hard no other man will ever come near you for fear of what I’d unleash upon him.
Yeah. That would do it, asshole. She’ll be putty in your fucking hands.
“Nathan?”
He turned, planted a kiss on her temple. “Yeah?”
“You’re thinking so loudly, it woke me up.”
He gave a low chuckle. “Go back to sleep. It’ll be morning soon.”
“I don’t want you to go.”
Shit. Neither did he. Before Erin, he always enjoyed overseas trips for work. He liked the challenge of operating in different cultures, beliefs and time zones. Not to mention sampling the extracurricular activities available. Now all he could think about was getting back to her.
“I’ll be home before you know it.” He took a deep breath. “When I get back, there’s something I need to tell you.”
She snuggled deeper into his side and ran her hand across his abdomen. “What?”
“When I get back.”
She hoisted herself up until she could see him. The street lamp through the open curtains gave enough light that he could make out her features, and he memorized them for the long moments he’d be away from her.
“Tell me now,” she said firmly, her sleepy voice having given way to a wide-awake state. “Something’s been bothering you for a few days now. I know it.”
He wasn’t about to have the conversation of his life on the eve of leaving her, allowing her to stew in his revelations for seventy-two long hours. When he told her, he would make sure he was around to answer the myriad of questions she’d no doubt have, to make sure she understood that beneath the truth of who he was, he was still the same man she’d made love with, the same man who cared for her so fucking deeply he’d do just about anything for her.
“Nathan? If you don’t tell me, I’ll only worry.”
He didn’t want that. He’d already seen her worry enough to last a lifetime. And hadn’t Caleb told him to drip feed information about his life? About who he was?
Which meant he could maybe tell her some of his story now. The part it was safe to share. The part he’d been putting off because he didn’t want her pity.
“It’s about that day when I came to your place, and saw your bags packed.” Shit. It was still so raw, that feeling of panic and utter despair he’d experienced when he’d seen those bags. “I thought you were leaving because of me. That you were walking out on me.”
“You know I wasn’t. I’ve told you why—”
“It reminded me of my mother. My birth mother.”
Beads of sweat broke across his forehead, but the genie was out of the bottle now which meant he had no choice but to continue. “She walked out on me. I was just a kid, too young to really understand what was happening. But I remember her suitcase sitting at the bottom of the stairs. I remember grabbing at her coat as she walked down the hallway. Begging her to stay, not to leave. Young as I was, I knew she wasn’t coming back. She just packed up and left. Without a backward glance. It fucking tore me to pieces.”
“Nathan. I’m so sorry.” Her palm settled on his belly, warm and comforting. “What about your father?”
“I never knew who my father was. Never felt the need to know.”
He had to stop for a moment to regroup. His heart was hammering too fast. “When I saw your suitcase, I thought you were about to walk out on me without an explanation. It brought back all those memories.”
“I didn’t realize. That’s the very last thing I would have wanted.”
“She sold me.” Bitterness laced the words, resentment at what his mother had done still as alive in the man as it had been in the boy. “I didn’t know until years later, but she sold me. My adopted parents wanted me, fought for me, but she made them pay.” Anger spliced through the resentment, as he feared it would whenever he thought of the woman who had given birth to him. “Turns out she was a junkie, so she probably used the money to buy drugs.”
“What happened to her?”
“She shot up bad stuff. Died of an overdose.”
The tender way her hands slid over his flesh comforted far more than any words could have done. She touched her mouth to his, her lips sliding warm and reassuringly with a gentle pressure that calmed him. She was like a salve to an old, festering wound. A balm to the sores of his past.
She slid her arm around his waist. “We’re quite a pair, aren’t we? Neither of us won the prize for the most doting parents.”
“I can’t complain,” Nathan said, running the back of his fingers along her arm. “My adoptive parents were loving and giving. Not once did they ever make me feel I wasn’t their real son.”
“You were their real son. It takes more than blood to make a family.”
He touched her hair, drew the spiky brown strands behind her ear. “I’m sorry you had a shit time with your parents.”
She shrugged. “They did their best. They just weren’t all touchy-feely. Like you, I can’t really complain.” She kissed him again. “I’m glad you told me. I don’t want there ever to be any secrets between us, Nathan.”
The chill that ran through him, the concern for what she’d say when she realized he’d kept the most vital secret of all from her, threatened to ruin the closeness they shared in that moment. Again, he pushed it away. Now was not the time for further revelations. Now was the time for them to be together. To build. To strengthen. So that when he did tell her, she would remember this night. Remember that he was a flesh-and-blood man, albeit with a preternatural ability to change into a beast.
Driven by the need to solidify what they had forged between them, he took hold of her arms and encouraged her to straddle him. She pressed her hands to his chest and ran her fingers lightly down to his abdomen. His cock jerked, and blood thundered through his veins, warming the parts that his worries had chilled.
He took her breasts in his hands, molding them to his palms and drawing his thumbs lightly across her nipples. They hardened beneath his touch. He raised his upper body from the bed, desperate to taste her, absorb her essence.
He touched his tongue to the swollen peaks, and an erotic sound came from deep in her throat. She pushed into his hands and dropped her head back. With her throat exposed, Nathan felt the need surge from the depths of his being, rising up on a tumultuous wave and driving aside all his reasoning. He felt his fangs descend, his blood a burning furnace in his veins. He grabbed for every ounce of thinking power he still possessed and by sheer force of will made his canines retract.
But he couldn’t stop the heat that raced through him, and the need to share with Erin a symbol of his commitment to her and of her vital importance to him.
He reached into the drawer of her side cabinet and pulled out a condom. He handed her the packet. “Put this on me, Erin.”
She stared at the packet. “But you… You’ve never wanted me to do that before. You’ve always wanted to do it yourself.”
“I’ve needed the control,” he heard himself confess. “I’ve never trusted a woman enough to let her sheath me. It made me feel too…vulnerable. But I trust you, Erin.”
In the shimmering light, he thought he saw her eyes moisten. “I trust you too, Nathan. More than I’ve ever trusted anyone in my entire life.”
The pleasure of hearing her admit that was momentarily lost beneath the guilt that weighed heavily on his chest.
“Don’t forget this,” he grated, emotion clamping the
muscles of his throat. “Remember us together this way. Whatever else you find out about me, know that this is what’s real. That this is all that really matters. All that’s important.”
“I know,” she said “I don’t care about what happened before.”
She thought he was referring to his sexual past, and for now he let her continue to believe that. It was all he could do right then. The rest would come later, when he…
Shit.
The rest of his thought was driven from his head when she rolled on the condom and drew him deep inside her.
He loved her, Nathan realized, feeling her feminine muscles tighten around him. He loved her, craved her like his next breath. And when he told her who he was, what he was, he would fight until the end of days to make her accept him, understand him, and make her love him right back.
* * * * *
Desperate to get out of the cold, Erin walked down the path to the cottage, grocery bags in hand and already thinking about the timescale to have dinner ready for when Nathan arrived home tonight. He’d been delayed in Paris an extra day, and it had seemed interminable.
Despite that he’d called her each night and sent texts throughout the day, she missed him so much. Last night, they’d enjoyed phone sex, something she’d never experienced before but certainly hoped to enjoy again if she couldn’t have the real thing. Except, the next time he had to go away and asked her to go with him, she fully intended to take him up on his offer.
She’d been flat-out busy the last couple of days at the coffee shop, but loved every moment of it. Now that she was a legit employee, Sandie had given her extra shifts and asked her to act as deputy manager until Erin started her degree course in September. After that, Erin had agreed to work weekend shifts for Sandie. Everything was just about perfect.
Once inside the cottage, a flash of déjà vu hit her full force. Why wasn’t Willa here to greet her? Her heart thundering in her chest, Erin raced through the cottage and threw open the door to the yard. Willa wasn’t there.
She hurried back inside, calling frantically for her dog. It was then she saw it. A flash of white propped on the kitchen table.
She grabbed the letter, already knowing with a sick dread what she would find inside. Her hands shook so badly, she almost dropped the envelope twice before she ripped it open and pulled out the note.
“I’ve taken my dog. Seeing as you love this godforsaken moor so much, I’ve let the mutt loose there. About now I bet you’re wishing you hadn’t spoiled the dog so much, then she might have developed some survival skills. As it is, she’ll have her work cut out. I’ve been waiting for the weather to turn, to really make things hard for her. I hear snow is forecast tonight. Shame I forgot to put on her doggie coat. Likely she’ll freeze to death before she can be attacked or eaten by whatever creatures roam your precious moor. Have a good life, Vanessa. Or Erin. Or whatever the fuck you’re calling yourself these days. It’s been…interesting.”
Erin’s hands tightened around the note, but the rest of her body went numb. In a split second, her nightmare became real and every fear she had for Willa presented itself in shocking and aching detail.
Every ramification of Willa being alone on the moor pressed against her heart, and she almost buckled beneath the pain. But it wouldn’t do Willa any good if she crumbled now, not at the very moment her baby needed her most. She had to think, to reason.
Oh God. Why wasn’t Nathan here? He knew the moor like the back of his hand and would surely know where to begin searching. Why did he have to be on a plane right that moment and still hours away from her?
Regardless, she grabbed her cell phone and speed-dialed his number. At least he could tell her where to start looking.
Interminable moments passed while she waited for the connection to be made, and during each one of those moments, fresh fear squeezed its way into her heart. When she glanced out the kitchen window, it was to see light snow falling from a darkening sky.
Somewhere out on the moor, her baby was lost, alone and scared. And Erin couldn’t completely discount the possibility that Justin had hurt her before dumping her to fend for herself.
Erin didn’t know what type of forbidding challenges faced Willa out there all alone. With over eighty square miles of semi wilderness, how would she cope? How would she negotiate the maze of woodland, the boggy valleys, the rocky outcrops and sharp granite boulders? How would she defend herself? Protect herself? Apart from the cold, what about wildlife? Were there predators?
Briefly, she remembered the legend about the beast that was said to roam Bodmin Moor. A panther-like cat that savaged sheep and foxes and…dogs.
Oh God, her imagination was running away with her. Didn’t she have enough to contend with without allowing fanciful notions to take hold?
When Nathan’s phone went to voice mail, Erin squeezed her eyes shut.
Think. She had to think.
She opened her eyes and contacted Talia, to be met with another voice mail. Then Naomi. On call.
She knew that Caleb was out of town for the day, and that Tynan was in London.
Which meant there was only one thing for it. She would have to start searching the moor by herself.
Chapter Fourteen
Erin was a mile from Nathan’s house when her cell rang. She answered without checking the ID.
“Hey, sweetheart. Did you try to call me?”
Her throat tightened, and she couldn’t answer. Hearing Nathan’s voice seemed to snap what little control she’d been holding on to, and her body shook. She pulled onto the side of the road.
“Erin?”
“I…” She drew in a steadying breath and let it out slowly through her mouth. “Nathan… Where are you?”
“At Heathrow. I’m just heading out to the parking lot.”
He was still too far away, and she didn’t want him speeding and risking his own safety in order to help her. While static crackled down the line, Erin struggled between wanting to tell him and needing to keep him safe. If she chose the former, he would forbid her to do anything until he got home, and there was no way she could make that promise when Willa was out there alone and every moment counted. Despite her need to tell him the truth, she decided against it. “When will you be home?”
“Few hours. Are you okay?”
Since she could hear the concern in his voice, Erin tried to sound normal. “I’m heading over to your place. I wanted to be there when you get back.”
“That’s great. I’m glad you finally decided to use your key. You remember the pass code for the entry gate?”
“Yes.” She took another breath, the need to tell him what had happened burning in her throat, but she swallowed it down. “Be home soon but drive safe. Okay?”
“Will do.” He was silent for a moment. “You sure you’re okay, sweetheart?”
“I’m sure. See you in a few hours.”
She ended the call before he could question her again. She wasn’t sure how much longer she could hold out and not tell him what had happened.
She pulled out on the road again, hoping that Willa would be able to find her way to Nathan’s, since she’d spent the past few weekends there. Willa loved it, and she’d grown especially close to Nathan. Erin could swear that sometimes the two of them seemed to communicate by some secret code she wasn’t party to.
Maybe her girl would pick up the scent from wherever she was on the moor and make her way home. Erin prayed to heaven she would.
From his car, Nathan contacted the man he had tracking Meers. There was something in Erin’s voice that told him all was not well. It seemed Meers was still in London and currently working out of his office in Canary Wharf. The information went some way to mollifying Nathan’s concerns, but he still couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong.
He’d planned to be home yesterday and hadn’t been too happ
y about the extra delay in Paris. The timing stank. He knew his friends wouldn’t be around to watch out for Erin. Caleb was due to attend a pack leaders’ meeting in Birmingham and Tynan had left that morning for London to start work on a security program for a new client.
Shit.
With each mile, Nathan’s concern grew and his foot was so far down on the accelerator, it was almost through the floor. The wind had picked up, blowing wintry showers at his windscreen. From the direction of the wind, he knew that by the time he hit the northern edge of the moor, it would be covered in a blanket of snow.
After what seemed like hours, he pulled into his driveway and exhaled his relief when he saw Erin’s car. The lights were on downstairs, and he beeped once to announce his arrival. He expected the front door to open and for Willa to come bounding out, followed by Erin.
But no dog greeted him, and there was no sign of Erin. He got out of the SUV, relief turning swiftly back to unease. He walked into the hallway and an eerie silence greeted him. He called out for Erin but received no reply.
The uneasy feeling ratcheted up several notches, and more again when he found the patio doors from the kitchen wide open. He stepped onto the patio and called for Erin again. His tone took on an impatient edge, laced heavily with worry.
At the edge of the moor, he shouted for her, his voice carrying across the terrain. Fat snowflakes rained down, carpeting the earth and turning the landscape into a bleak wilderness.
His blood burned hot, his instincts screaming for his mate. As if he summoned her by sheer need, Erin appeared out of the darkness. Her hair was plastered to her head, and her clothes appeared sodden. She wore a thin jacket, and mud splattered her shoes.
Nathan rushed to catch her as she ran into his arms.
“I’m so glad you’re here. I’m so glad you’re here.” Her teeth all but chattered as she clung to him, repeating the words over and over like a heartrending mantra.
He felt the hot sting of her tears at his throat, even as she shivered against him. “Erin? What the hell are you doing, sweetheart?”