by Jake Bible
“What’s a pipi elo?” Max asked Darby.
“Stinky pussy,” Darby replied.
“Oh,” Max nodded then smoked the rest of his joint. “Now, if anything is stinky around here, it’s this dank bud. This is some fine, fine shit, dude. A lady we know grows it and I got more. Now, how about you just apologize to my deadly lady friend and we call it a day?”
“I said I’d handle this, Maxwell,” Darby said.
“I know, I know, but I’ve got this killer buzz on and I hate for violence to ruin it,” Max replied. “Don’t get me wrong, woman with the hot ass, I love it when you beat the split fuck out of assholes that deserve it, but this is a really small island and once you crush him I have a feeling we won’t be welcome anymore.”
“That some of Linny’s weed?” the man asked.
“Hey, dude, I ain’t one to smoke and tell,” Max said as he started to roll another joint. “Max Reynolds ain’t no snitch.”
“Linny’s our sister,” the man responded as he hooked a thumb over his shoulder at the other man, “and she ain’t ever mentioned no scarfaced asshole and a midget dyke before.”
The man started to step around Darby towards Max, but Darby placed a hand on his gut and shoved him back. He stumbled a couple of steps and his eyes went wide with surprise.
“Little thing got some solid to her,” the man laughed. He looked at Darby and nodded. “I give you that, girl.” Then he pointed at Max. “I think you stole some of my sister’s stash. Only reason you’d have her good stuff.”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa, brown beefcake,” Max said as he licked the joint and sealed it tight. “I take my pot karma very seriously and I’d never lift someone’s stash. Not ever.” He tucked the joint behind his ear. His right one. “Darby, my dearest killing machine, I have tried to help these gentlemen avoid their inevitable ass kicking, but they just won’t listen. I think a lesson in manners is now in order.”
“Just as I have been saying from the start,” Darby said. “You waste too much time, Maxwell.”
“Don’t you just love how she says Maxwell?” Max asked the men. “Isn’t it the cutest thing you’ve ever heard?”
“Stand up and fight for your woman, bra,” the man growled. “Grow some and do what’s right.”
“Oh, I am, dude,” Max grinned. “Trust me. Darby?”
“I don’t need your permission,” Darby said.
“Well, no, I know that,” Max said, frowning. “I was just setting you up for one of those cool moments where I say ‘Darby?’ and then you punch the guy really hard so he falls to his knees. It was all for effect. A little showmanship doesn’t hurt now and again, does it? We can’t all be brute force and heavy violence.”
“Shut up,” Darby said.
“Good idea,” Max nodded then gave a thumbs up to the two men.
“Your woman owns your cock,” the mountain of a man laughed, “and I’m about to own her.”
“Own this,” Darby said as she rushed the man and basically climbed right up him so her face was in his. She grabbed the back of his head then slammed her forehead into his nose, crushing it into a pulp instantly. She jumped down and gave the man’s knees two swift kicks, sending him to the sandy dirt.
“Own this,” Max chuckled. “Okay, that’s a good one.”
***
A scream from outside the bar diverted the men’s attention from the passed out Lucy. They all turned and looked out into the glaring sun.
“That sounded like Levi,” one of them said.
There was another scream that was quickly choked off.
“Shit,” another man said, “we better go see what’s happening.”
“What about her?” another asked as he nudged Lucy with his toe.
“Roll her over so she doesn’t choke if she pukes again.”
***
The phone on the bedside table rang shrilly, but Linny and Shane were too busy to get it. Their bodies were intertwined, legs wrapped about legs, arms wrapped about backs, mouths pressed hard together. Linny was on top, then Shane, then Linny, over and over as they never stopped moving.
The phone kept ringing.
“Do you need to get that?” Shane gasped as he came up for air.
“Fuck that,” Linny said as she arched her back and ground down on him.
The phone rang on and on.
“Kinda hard to concentrate,” Shane said.
“You’re doing just fine,” Linny smiled as she rocked back and forth on top of him. “Shut up and ignore it.”
He grabbed her and brought her mouth down to his. They kissed with a passion that left them gasping once they finally broke away.
The phone did not stop ringing.
“Oh, for fuck’s sake!” Linny yelled as she grabbed the handset. “What? What the fuck do you want?”
She listened intently as the person on the other end started shouting. Shane traced his finger from her thigh, up across her belly, and to her left breast. Linny swatted his hand away when he began to roll her nipple between his finger and thumb.
“What do you mean a woman broke both his kneecaps?” Linny exclaimed.
That got Shane’s attention.
“She just attacked him? For no reason?” Linny asked. “Where?” She listened then looked Shane in the eye. “The man is American with scars on his face. No left ear. Yeah, I think I know who he is. I’ll be right there.”
Shane didn’t protest when she hung up the phone, got off him, and started to get dressed.
“So… American with scars and no left ear,” he stated, “that would be my brother.”
“I know,” Linny said as she pulled on a t-shirt and then a short cotton skirt. “His girlfriend is beating the shit out of my brothers and cousins.”
“Oh, shit,” Shane said as he hurried from the bed to find his clothes, “that’s not good.”
Linny had grabbed her keys and was heading to the door when he said that. She stopped and frowned at him.
“Wait, you weren’t worried when you heard your brother was involved, but now that you know his girlfriend is, you panic?” Linny asked. “Who is this woman?”
“First, she’s not his girlfriend,” Shane said as he pulled his cutoffs on. “More like he’s her boyfriend. There’s a difference, trust me. Second, my brother can hold his own in a fight, so I never really worry about him. Third, her name is Darby and she will probably kill your brothers and cousins if we don’t stop her.”
Linny just stared at Shane as he got his shirt on. He found his flip flops and hurried to the door.
“What?” he asked as she kept staring.
“A woman is not going to kill my brothers and cousins,” Linny said, “they will kill her.”
“Yeah, you just keep thinking that.” Shane laughed. “I told you I rolled in with a rough crew.”
“Your brother knows she can kill them?”
“Yep,” Shane nodded.
“He isn’t going to stop her?”
“Nope,” Shane replied, “he loves watching her kick ass.”
“Even if she kills them,” she said.
“Even if she kills them,” Shane responded. “I’m sure those two have already justified why your brothers and cousins deserve to die. Max wouldn’t let it happen unless there was some reason.”
“Fucking Navy SEALs,” she said, shaking her head. “Why I get involved with you assholes, I don’t know.”
“Because we’re good in the sack,” he said as he kissed her and turned her towards the door. “Now, let’s save your family from some serious heartbreak.”
***
“You’re killing me, William,” Ballantine said. “All of this was already sanctioned by the company. We were hired to do a job and we did it. There isn’t a single one of those creatures left out there. We’ve even had time to do side jobs along the way… Yes, I know the Brazilian government protested our mission in the Amazon… What do you mean we were convicted? What the fuck, William? We had immunity! The company was supposed
to… Yes, I am aware of that… Well, that’s the legal department’s problem! How is that? They what? Who bought them? Jesus Christ… No, I know exactly who runs that outfit… That really has no bearing on anything… Say that again... No, the last part… How in the fuck can they press charges? They fucking hired us! No, don’t even try that shit with me, William! No… FUCK! Yeah, I’ll hold, but hurry the fuck up… Oh, and William? Protocol fifty-four is in effect if you don’t come back with an answer I want to hear… Yes, you heard me… Well, too bad. They should have thought of that before.”
“This sounds like it’s going well,” Thorne said from his shady spot under the palm tree.
“Fucking swimmingly,” Ballantine replied. “The Team better be enjoying themselves because I don’t think we’re going to get any off boat R and R again for a long time.”
“That bad?” Thorne asked.
“I haven’t seen worse,” Ballantine nodded.
***
“Left side!” Max shouted. “Right side! Duck! Duck! Yeah! Oh that has to hurt! What?”
Darby rolled to the side just as a foot came down where she’d just been. She sent a quick jab into the man’s calf, right into a nerve cluster that sent the huge man to the ground. Without missing a second, she slammed her fist into the man’s temple then rolled herself backwards to her feet.
“Stop distracting me, Maxwell,” Darby said.
“My bad,” Max said as he took the joint from his ear and put it to his lips. “Behind you.”
Darby roundhouse kicked the man coming for her in the balls. He squealed then collapsed onto his knees while his hands gripped his crotch. Instead of punching him herself, she stepped to the side and let the man behind her do it as the fist that was meant for the back of her head went flying by.
“Oh, shit, bra,” the man said to his friend he’d just punched. He started to say more, but Darby sent a high kick into his throat. He fell to his knees, his hands around his neck as he struggled to breathe through his crushed windpipe.
Two more men rushed her, but she easily avoided their massive bulk and sent one down with three hard shots to his left kidney, and then sent the other one down by stomping on the back of his right foot, snapping his Achilles’ tendon in half.
Men, huge men, used to cracking open coconuts with their bare hands, lay on the ground in various forms of agony. Some cried out for help as they clutched broken limbs, while others just moaned and rocked themselves, gripped by a crushing disbelief that they were taken down by a woman and now lying in their own piss and blood.
“Last one, sexy killer,” Max said as he pointed to the mountain of a man that started it all. “You gonna beat that apology out of him or has he had enough?”
The mountain man, Levi, lay on the ground, his hands protecting the shattered remains of his kneecaps. He looked up at Darby with pain and fear filled eyes as she stood over him.
“Sorry, lady,” Levi said. “I’m so fucking sorry. I shouldn’t have hassled you.”
“Or my boyfriend,” Darby said.
“Right, or your boyfriend,” Levi agreed. “I was being rude.”
“Dang skippy,” Max said as he stood up and walked over by Darby. “Now, let this be a lesson to you, young man. You don’t say bad things to people you don’t know because sometimes they are highly trained killing machines that have an OCD need to beat the shit out of rude fucks like you. Understood?”
“Yeah, bra,” Levi nodded, tears streaming down his cheeks, “understood.”
An open top Jeep without a roll cage came skidding to a stop in the gravel and sand a few feet from the aftermath of the fight.
“Hey, it’s Shane,” Max said as he waved. “Dude! You totally missed it! Darby like fucking crushed these assholes!”
“Those assholes are my family, you stupid…” Linny yelled then stopped as she saw the state her brothers and cousins were in. “Oka… what did you do?”
Max looked from Linny to the broken men that lay in the sand outside the bar.
“Oh, shit,” he said. “Family?”
“Family, dude,” Shane responded, “brothers and cousins.”
“Oh...huh,” Max nodded then looked at Linny. “Hey, totally sorry about this. That one there said some shitty things to Darby and then it all went downhill pretty fast.”
“You did all this?” Linny asked Darby.
“All he needed to do was apologize,” Darby said as she looked up at the woman that was nearly a foot taller than she was. “I gave them more than a few chances.”
“She did,” Max nodded. “I gave them chances too. They just kept being dicks.”
“Oh, I’m sure you did everything in your power to diffuse the situation,” Shane scowled.
“Diffuse the situation?” Max asked. “What strange words you say, brother. Methinks the Samoan woman has you under her witchcraft.”
“You’re the last one to talk about being under a woman’s witchcraft,” Shane said.
“Ain’t gonna argue with you there, dude,” Max smiled as he took a hit from his joint and handed it to Shane.
Despite the carnage before him, Shane didn’t hesitate to take the joint and suck it all the way down.
“Thanks,” Shane said as he dropped the roach and crushed it under his flip flop. “Now, how the fuck are you going to make this right?”
“Me?” Max asked.
“You and Darby,” Shane said. “Look at them. This island only has around 200 people on it and you just broke like half of them.”
“There are only six there,” Darby said, “and they’ll heal.”
“How?” Linny snapped. “This is Olosega, not Ofu. There’s no clinic on this island, and the one across the straight is total shit. They are going to have to be taken to Faleasao or even to Pago Pago to get the care they need. You have any idea how much that is going to cost?”
Linny threw up her hands and turned in a circle.
“Why does this shit happen to me?” she yelled. “Why do I get mixed up with these assholes?”
“Lin, come on,” Shane said, “we’ll make it right.”
“Why?” Darby asked. “They started it and I finished it. They should know better than to pick fights they can’t win.”
“Look at you!” Linny shouted. “What man thinks he can’t beat you in a fight?”
Shane and Max both raised their hands.
“That’s because you know what she can do!” Linny yelled.
“Now they know what I can do,” Darby said. She took a deep breath then let it out. “You are upset because you have to take care of them. I understand and for that I’m sorry. No woman should have to take care of assholes like these. They were the ones that thought insulting a woman and her boyfriend, who were just enjoying the sun and some drinks, was a fun way to spend the afternoon. You should thank me for teaching them a valuable lesson in caution.”
“Are you for real?” Linny growled then looked at Shane. “Is she for real?”
Before Shane could respond, Ballantine and Thorne came up a trail from the small cliff that overlooked the beach below.
“Well, someone’s been busy,” Ballantine said as he looked directly at Darby.
“Boys,” Thorne sighed, “what the fuck have you two done now?”
“Us?” Shane asked, looking shocked.
“I didn’t touch them, Uncle Vinny,” Max said.
“Obviously not,” Ballantine nodded. “I’d know Darby’s handy work anywhere.” he saw the stricken look on Linny’s face. “I assume you know these gentlemen, what with it being such a small island.”
“They’re her family,” Shane said. “Brothers and cousins.”
“Employed or unemployed?” Ballantine asked as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a roll of 100 dollar bills.
“Excuse me?” Linny asked.
Ballantine started to pull bills from the roll. “Are they employed or unemployed?”
“They work for me,” Linny said, “in the family business.” She
turned and glared at Shane. “Harvest is about to start.”
“So employed then,” Ballantine said as he looked at the roll and just handed it over. “This will cover their medical expenses and any temp labor you need to hire for your crops, Ms. Taaloga. My apologies for the inconvenience.”
“How do you know my name?” Linny asked.
“This is my boss,” Shane said. “He makes a point of knowing everyone’s name.”
“Yes, I do,” Ballantine said. “I was hoping to be able to get to know more about all of you, as I do love this little island of yours, but unfortunately, we must leave immediately.”
“Whoa! You said we’d have a couple weeks to rest up,” Shane said, looking at Linny. “We can trust her, she isn’t going to rat out our location to anyone. That’s why I suggested this place.”
“No, I don’t think she will rat us out, even with the current circumstances,” Ballantine said, “but that doesn’t matter. We have to go.”
“We have a mission?” Max asked.
“That’s need to know,” Thorne said, “and right now all you need to know is that your ass needs to be back on the B3 in two seconds.”
“Uncle Vinny, come on, man,” Shane said. “We have been running for months. We haven’t stopped working. We’ve killed everything we’ve been sent after. What the fuck is left in this ocean?”
“Plenty,” Ballantine said. “More than you want to know, actually, but all of that is inconsequential. Our priority at the moment is to get back to the Beowulf III and get out into international waters as soon as possible.”
The brothers stared at Ballantine then turned to their uncle. Thorne’s face was completely blank as he refused to give even the slightest hint away of what was happening.
“Fine,” Shane said as he looked at Linny. “I guess this is goodbye. I really am sorry for what happened.”
He moved in for a kiss, but Linny took a couple steps back and turned her head.
“Yeah, great,” he said as he glared at his brother. “Come on. The Zodiac is down this way. I’ll drive.”