“Why not?” he asks in a tone that lets me know I'm handling this all wrong.
I sigh and flop back on the couch to stare up at the ceiling. This is not how imagined this conversation would go. “Because the advice I'm hoping for has to do with one of Caleb's friends. One of his guy friends.”
“I see. Why don't you just spit out what you need advice on, and we'll go from there, okay?”
It's not like I have much of a choice now. “I've become close friends with a guy named Ace. Actually, he's become my best friend, Ben. He's so easy to talk to, and we've been spending a lot of time together lately. Then, the other night...”
Ben sighs. “One of you made a move on the other, right?”
“Yeah. We kissed, but afterwards it grew awkward, and I left. I haven't heard from him since,” I tell him quietly.
Ben's quiet for a moment before he speaks again. “Faith, I know you probably don't want to hear this, but I think it's way too soon for you to be interested in anyone, let alone dating.”
I sit up abruptly, frowning. “It's been over a year since the attack.”
“And you rarely even left the house. When you did work up the nerve, Justin's asshole brother came after you. Look, I get you're in a new place and want to experience new things—put Justin behind you permanently and move on with your life. But I think diving into anything with the first guy you meet is asking for trouble.”
“He wasn't the first guy I met. I met a bunch of Caleb's friends,” I feel the need to point out.
“The point I'm making, Faith, is that I don't think you're ready to open yourself up to anyone. Learn to be independent first before you start relying on someone new. Do you understand what I'm saying, or am I messing this up?” he asks warily.
“I know where you're coming from with what you're saying. The thing is, Ace is the one who's been pushing me to be all that you just said.”
“What do you mean?”
“He picked up on the fact that I avoid confrontation, and I have a tendency to take the easy way out,” I confess wryly. “He's pushed me to make all the decisions when he's around, and he's always asking me what I think or what I want to do. He cares about my opinion, and he's helped me become more independent. Most importantly...he wants to know about Justin. Ace cares enough about me to know that what happened in my past has to do with who I am today. It's weird, Ben, but it's like he understands what I went through. He may not know every detail, but it's like he gets me.”
Ben is oddly silent on the other end of the line.
“Ben?” I ask uncertainly. Had I said too much and given away how deep my feelings run for Ace?
“Sounds like he's a good guy,” Ben says grudgingly.
I can't read his tone, so I have no idea what he's thinking. “He is,” I agree tentatively.
“I have to give him props for not avoiding your past. Most guys would. As much as I hate to say this, I'm going to say it anyway. Sounds like he's the real deal, and you've got a good man for a friend. Let me ask you this, though. Do you think you're ready for a relationship if that turns out to be what he wants?” he asks curiously.
“I think I am,” I say slowly. “I feel a connection with him, and I know he'd never hurt me. At least not intentionally. I trust him.”
“You trust him? Like flat out trust him with your life?” Ben asks steadily.
“Yes,” I say without hesitation.
Ben blows out a breath on the other end of the line. “All right. So you haven't heard from him since the kiss you shared?”
“No.”
“Have you tried to contact him?”
“I was afraid to. I don't want to push, especially if he's not wanting to talk to me yet.”
“I'm not great with giving advice on relationships, but I'll do my best here. He's not contacting you for three possible reasons. The first would be he regrets what happened, and he doesn't want to deal with the fall out. From what you said, I don't think he'd throw away your friendship over a kiss, so I don't think that's his reason, but don't quote me on it,” he warns.
“Okay, what's the second?” I watch Daisy slowly stalk back into the room. Her little eyes are on the toy mouse on the carpet, and she's getting close to pouncing on it.
“The second one is he's a smart man and knows to give a woman space when she needs time to think. He might be taking this time to think over what he wants, too. He might be concerned that if you take your relationship to the next level and it doesn't work out, he might lose you completely. It's hard to go back to being friends if you cross that line. Some can, but from watching a few friends go that route, the friendship eventually falls apart.”
I sigh loudly and Daisy stops stalking her mouse to look up at me accusingly. I'd broken her kitty mojo. “Sorry,” I murmur to her. She turns away to bat at the mouse, ignoring my apology.
“Sorry?” Ben echoes with confusion.
“Not you, I'm talking to Daisy.”
“Daisy? That a friend of yours? I've never heard you mention a Daisy before.”
“No, Daisy's my kitten,” I explain with a grin.
“Kitten? Are you allowed to have pets where you live?”
“Nope, but Ace didn't care. He had me put together a bucket list of things I've always wanted to do, and I wrote down I wanted a pet, a kitten preferably. Now I have one.”
Ben's silent for a second. “I guess that earns him bonus points,” he grumbles.
I know what my brother is thinking, and I can't help but chuckle. Ben is not a fan of cats. “If it makes you feel any better, Ace got her for me even though he doesn't like cats. He tries to keep his distance from her when he's over here.”
“I'm beginning to like this guy more and more. Takes balls to get a girl something you don't like and will have to continuously deal with every time you see her.”
“That's what I thought. So, what's your third?”
“He's worried you're the one that's going to reject him. If he cares about you, which it sounds like he does, he's probably been pacing the floor wondering what you’re thinking. He might be giving you time to think, or he might not have worked up the nerve to initiate the confrontation that's bound to happen.”
“Do you think I should contact him first?” I chew my bottom lip and wait for his answer.
“No. Give it a few more days, and see if he comes to you first. If he's still debating on what he wants, pushing him to talk about it before he's ready to may not be a good idea.”
“So what do I do?”
“Nothing, for now. Get your head straight and when you see him next, act like you usually do around him. If you act awkward, it'll be downhill from there. Just act yourself, and hopefully he'll clue you in on what he's thinking. From everything you've told me, I think he'll contact you on his own.”
“Okay, but what do I do about our friendship? What if I can't forget the kiss?” And the orgasm, I can't help but think as I remember that night in vivid detail. I find myself aching for a man I might not ever be able to have. I know his reputation, and I am certainly not going to share it with Ben to get further feedback. The thing is, will I be able to move forward with a platonic relationship with him, or will it be more torture than I can handle?
“I can't help you figure that part out. You're on your own when it comes to what you want or don't want,” Ben says lightly.
“Okay. Thanks for listening to me and giving me your advice. You won't tell Caleb any of this, right?” I need to know that this conversation will stay just between us.
“If this guy sounded like a douche, I'd be calling him. I won't say anything the next time I talk to him, but if you call me sobbing because you got hurt, all bets are off,” he warns.
A smile curves my lips. “I wouldn't expect anything less.”
“Good. Now, call me in a few days and let me know how things are going, will you?”
“I will. Thanks, Ben.”
“Love you, Kiddo. Goodnight.”
“Love you, to
o. Night.”
I hang up the phone, and for the first time since I left Ace's apartment the other night, I feel better about the situation. My mind has been all over the place for two days now. Most of the time, I feel like Ace's attraction for me was genuine, and that he'd been thinking for a while now about what it'd be like if we had sex. Then there's the insecure side that thinks he was just trying to show me that my body was attractive; until one thing led to another, he hadn't even planned on ever doing anything intimate with me. Which would be why he's ignoring me, because he regrets it. The thing is, Ace has always been honest with me no matter the subject we're discussing. I can't imagine him making up the things he'd said in the bathroom, so I have to stop worrying that he'd done it out of pity. Ace wouldn't mess with me like that. I know he wouldn't.
My phone chirps loudly in the silence of the living room, causing me to jump. I grab the phone off the sofa cushion, and my heart leaps when I see it's a text message from Ace. We need to talk.
I stare at the single sentence that holds so much meaning behind it. I've been waiting for him to contact me, and now that he has, I'm scared. Is this the end? Will our friendship be over after we talk? Just the thought of losing Ace has a pang piercing my chest. As I stare at the text message, I realize I need to answer him.
I quickly text back, Ok. I'm home.
My phone instantly chirps with a new incoming message. I'm standing right outside your door.
The second I read his response, my head swivels, and I stare at my apartment door. I thought I'd have maybe an hour or so to prepare myself. Not seconds. I quickly toss the phone aside and scramble to my feet. As I cross the room to the door, I realize I'm lucky I'd had my conversation with Ben first before Ace arrived at my doorstep.
I blow out a nervous breath and try to relax my facial muscles. Ben warned me to act normal, and that's what I'm going to do. I unlock the door and open it up, a warm smile ready on my face when I see him. “Hi.”
The first thing I notice about him is he looks tired. Ace usually looks alert and ready for anything, but tonight there are slight circles under his eyes, and the skin around the corners of his lips look tense. My heart tugs as I realize that what happened between us has affected him as much as it's affected me. Possibly in such a bad way that our friendship might be over.
God, I hope not.
His gray eyes lock on mine, and he looks happy to see me, but I can also see the troubled glint within their depths. “Faith,” he murmurs.
“Come in,” I say, motioning for him to step inside.
He enters the apartment, and I firmly shut the door. When I turn around, I see that Daisy has run up to him, and she's rubbing her little body all over his jean-clad ankles. Ace is watching her with a wary expression on his face as he runs a hand through his hair.
I quickly bend down and pick her up. “Make yourself comfortable. I'll just put her in the bathroom for a bit,” I tell him before I turn and walk towards the hallway. Daisy wiggles in my hands, clearly unhappy that I'm taking her away from her second favorite people person. “It's just for a bit,” I tell her as I kiss her on the nose before I set her on the floor. She's fast, and I just barely manage to shut the door before she can dart back out.
When I enter the living room, I see that Ace has settled himself on the couch. My eyes roam over him, taking in the casual white tee shirt he's wearing that makes him look tanner than usual. He practically lives in jeans, so I'm not at all surprised by them. His eyes follow me as I walk over and plop down on the other side of the couch. “How come you never wear shorts?” I ask as I face him, drawing my knees up slightly so I can get comfortable.
I can tell my question has thrown him. He blinks, then shrugs. “Never thought about it. I just usually go for jeans. Why? You like guys in shorts or something?” He cocks his head, waiting for my answer.
“I just noticed that you never wear them unless we're at the beach, so I thought I'd ask.”
“You didn't answer the question,” he points out as he studies me. “You got a thing for shorts?”
I shrug nonchalantly. “I guess it depends on the guy. Some look good, some don't.”
I think he'd probably continue the conversational topic of shorts if it weren't for the fact that he's here for a different type of conversation. If our friendship stays intact, I'm betting we'll be discussing shorts at a later date.
His eyes, focusing intently on mine, warn me we're about to get down to business. “I'm extremely attracted to you, and I acted on it the other night.” Ace runs a distracted hand through his hair, a sign I'm beginning to recognize that means he's not sure how I'll respond to what he has to say. “I know we've only known each other for less than a month, but I think we've gotten to be really good friends.” His eyes connect with mine. “The last thing I want to do is ruin it or make things awkward. I can shelve the attraction, I swear.”
I'm silent as I process what he'd just said. All I can focus on though, is the fact that he wants me. I'd give anything to have him touch me again. Now that his hands have been on my body, I crave it. It's always there in the back of my mind. He's not boyfriend material, I know that. But if anyone can help me explore my sexuality and show me what I've been missing, it's Ace. Unfortunately, he has a very good point. We've gotten really close as friends, and I'm afraid that if we act on our attraction to one another it might mess things up permanently.
“Fuck,” Ace mutters under his breath.
His curse has me looking at him with surprise. “What?”
Ace's heated gaze meets mine. “The incident in the bathroom changed things for you. You want it now just as bad as I do.”
I know I need to be honest with him, and I feel shy about what I'm going to say, but I can't back down from this conversation. “It felt really good,” I confess, and I add in a whisper, “I trust you.”
Emotion flickers across his face, and he swallows before giving me a respective nod. “You have no idea what that confession means to me, Angel.”
I gaze at him uncertainly. “What do we do, Ace?”
“What do you want?” His eyes search mine intently as he waits for my answer.
I begin to chew on my bottom lip as I sort out what to say in my mind before I actually say it.
“Stop doing that to your lip,” he suddenly groans.
“Why?”
“It turns me on.”
“Biting my lip turns you on?” I ask a bit doubtfully.
“A lot of things you do turn me on,” he says bluntly.
“Like what?”
He shakes his head. “We can't go there until we figure out what's going on between us. I need to know what you want. What you're comfortable with.”
“I don't want to lose your friendship.” His friendship is the most important thing to me right now.
“We've got a good thing going, don't we,” he agrees.
I nod. “But,” I begin tentatively, “I liked what you did to me. It's not something I can forget.”
“It'll always be there,” he confirms.
This situation is confusing to me, and I look away, gazing at the living room window. I'm still not quite sure what to do. I want him, but would our friendship survive it? Because I need our friendship. I can't imagine being here in Long Beach without him being a constant in my life.
“Talk to me, Faith,” he coaxes.
“You talk to me,” I counter back as my eyes turn towards him to stare him down. “I haven’t a clue what you want, but here you are, asking me to figure it out for the both of us. That's not fair.”
“You're right, it's not,” he concedes as his eyes hold mine. “Look, I'm not good at emotional shit, so if I say the wrong thing, don't get mad.”
“Just say it.” I brace myself mentally. I'm about to find out where his head is at, and I may not like it.
“Your friendship means the world to me, but I want to fuck you and make you scream with pleasure. I want to be the one to show you just how good sex can be.” My
eyes widen at his boldness, but he continues on as his eyes hold mine captive. “The thing is, if I give into it, and we start messin' around, we take the chance of ruining our friendship. I'm not sure I can give you what you need and deserve, and not being able to give that to you could destroy everything.” His eyes pin me where I sit as he confesses, “I have never done the relationship thing. Never wanted to,” he adds.
The fact that he doesn't see me as long term relationship material has me looking away as I try to hide how much his admission stings.
“Faith, you're the only one who's ever made me want more than just a casual screw, but I'm not sure how much I'd be able to give you. I'm not saying I don't want to try to go there with you, but the last thing I want to do is hurt you.”
I draw in a deep breath and try to exhale. This is getting complicated. We either agree to be platonic and just friends while dating others—well, he'd date others. I haven't gone out with anyone since Logan. So, I watch him date other women knowing I can never have him, or we take a chance on this attraction and see where it leads, which means the possibility of major heartbreak—at least for me.
“There's also Caleb to think about.”
“Caleb?” I ask with a frown as my eyes swing back to his. “What does he have to do with anything?”
Ace's expression turns instantly wary. “He's warned me away from you numerous times. He was even against us being friends until I managed to get him to change his mind.”
“You think he'd be mad if we were more than friends?”
Ace gives a dry laugh. “He'd be more than mad, Faith. You have heard about my reputation, right?”
I nod.
“As I said earlier, I'm not relationship material. I have a feeling that whether we remain just friends, or if we act on our attraction, I'm going to hurt you either way. The fact that I know this and yet I'm still here, tells you just what kind of a selfish ass I can be.”
What am I supposed to say to that? Even I know that no matter which road we go down, it's going to cause one of us or both of us a world of pain in the future. I rub my temple that's beginning to ache. This conversation has turned out to be way more intense than I'd expected it to be.
Building Faith (Long Beach Series Book 2) Page 15