“Both.”
Her head tilts as she gazes at me. “Who is he?”
I look back at her innocently. “No one,” I manage to lie. “But eventually I'm going to go on a date again, and someday I'm going to want to do more than kiss.”
“True.” She gives me a knowing smile. “You have your eyes on someone, don't you? Are you still into Logan?”
“If he asks me out again, I'll probably accept,” I lie. This lying thing is new to me, but she seems to believe me.
Zoey looks thoughtful. “Well, you don't want to try to be someone you're not or give the wrong impression as to what you're after. Dress up in leather or anything too naughty and a guy is going to think you're more experienced than you really are.” She brightens and smiles widely. “This is going to be fun.”
I sure hope so, I think to myself.
Otherwise, it's going to be a torturous evening.
* * *
I am sitting on Ace's lap, facing him as his lips ravage my own. He runs his hands through my hair and then slowly lets them slide down my back to the hem of my shirt at my waist. I'm always excited to makeout with Ace, but tonight, I'm wearing one of the new lingerie sets I'd bought when I went shopping with Zoey last night. I'd come home with a handful of new things, and I can't wait to show them off to Ace. I'm saving the lingerie set with the garters for the night I decide it's time to take it to the bedroom.
I'm slowly becoming more comfortable with my body when Ace is around. I'll let him take my shirt and bra off, and now that I know he really does have a thing for my breasts, I'm okay with baring them to him. It certainly helps that he seems absolutely fascinated with my nipples. He'll draw them into his mouth and play with them until I can't take it anymore, then he'll touch me between my legs or grind his erection against me, making me come for him. Last week, I just started letting him touch me beneath my panties. I'm still not willing to be fully naked with him, so I insist the panties always stay on.
I am extremely thankful we stopped when we did that night in his bedroom. Even at that point, I'd still been insecure about my breasts, and I have a feeling the sex would have been awkward thanks to me. Now that I'm more comfortable around him, I think when we finally do have sex for the first time, I won't be as nervous.
Ace breaks the kiss and tugs on my shirt. I obediently lift my arms up, allowing him to slide my shirt off. When the shirt clears my head, I shake my hair out of my face and watch his expression. Those gray eyes of his zero in on the white, satin push-up bra I'm wearing. It has small, yellow flowers all over, and it does amazing things to give me cleavage. It's sexy, but yet it's playful. Ace's tongue wets his lower lip as his eyes darken. He reaches up and cups my bra-covered breasts in his hands, his thumbs rubbing against the satin cups. “This new?” he murmurs as his eyes roam over my breasts with approval.
“Mmhmm. I went shopping with Zoey last night.”
His eyes immediately flicker up to meet mine, and they light up like a little boy at Christmas time. His lips curve into a wide grin as his eyes drop to where I'm still straddling him. “Yeah?” One of his hands leaves my breast to toy with the button on my shorts. “Are you wearing matching panties?”
I can feel his erection where the apex of my thighs presses against the fly of his jeans, and I feel pleased with Ace's reaction to my new lingerie. Knowing he finds me sexy is helping me gain some confidence. “Oh, did you want to see?” I ask as innocently as I can.
His eyes slide back to my face, and he looks amused. “Angel, are you teasin' me?”
“Maybe a little,” I say lightly as I carefully ease away from him. A frown flickers across his face until he realizes I'm standing up to remove my shorts. I watch his face as I slowly unbutton them and lower the zipper. His eyes are focused intently on what I'm doing, and I absolutely love that I have his full attention. I shimmy out of the shorts and let them fall to the floor, then I wait to see what he thinks. The panties match the bra and are hip hugging briefs. They are nothing more than a scrap of satin, but they make my tan look darker than what it is, and I think they make my body look curvier.
“Turn around,” Ace says in a strained voice.
Ah, yes, he wants to check out my butt. I should have known that's the first thing he'd want. I've learned in the last few weeks that he likes my butt more than anything. I'd bent down to pick up Daisy last week, and he'd groaned and made a lewd comment about sex and doing me from behind.
I turn and give him my back so he can check out my rear end. I've always kind of liked it. It's my breasts that I've always hated—until recently. The fact that Ace finds them so attractive has me realizing that maybe I'm just fine the way I am.
I hear movement behind me and feel Ace's warm hands running over my bottom. “God, I love your ass,” he tells me appreciatively. “One day, you're going to let me bend you over something so I can fuck you and enjoy the sight of your ass at the same time.”
Yep, my panties just grew damp. I love it when he talks openly to me about sex. It turns me on, and I draw in a deep, shuddering breath. I'm almost tempted to invite him into my bedroom tonight, but I have other plans. Most of our makeout sessions are about me, and him giving me pleasure. Tonight, I want to turn the tables on him. He always leaves his jeans on while we fool around, and I've never had the courage to touch him down there.
I turn around, causing his hands to drop from my body. He's sitting on the edge of the couch, and I meet his gaze. “You're overdressed.”
He settles back against the couch, and his eyes stay on mine as he slips off his shirt. I admire his broad shoulders and finely sculpted chest. He's so sexy. I walk over to him and carefully settle myself on his lap again, the moist center of my body pressing against his erection. He groans and his warm hands instantly grip my hips. I reach up and run my hands through his hair as I lean in for a kiss. Ace's fingers dig into my hips ever so slightly, and I know he's trying to restrain himself from taking over. This is the first time I've tried to take control of the situation, and I toy with his lower lip, scraping my teeth against it before soothing it with my tongue. I'm fully aware that Ace's breathing has picked up, and I press myself closer, wanting to feel his chest against mine. Sure enough, his chest is moving rapidly in time to his breathing.
My lashes flicker up as I open my eyes to meet his. His eyes are full of desire. I feel bad that he's held himself back, not doing anything to ease his need while he's given me what my body craves. I smile slightly and turn my attention back to his mouth. I kiss him, playfully sliding my tongue between his lips until he tries to capture it with his own. Before he can, I end the kiss and trail soft kisses down his jawline and then to his pulse. I run my tongue over it, and I can feel it throbbing.
Ace swallows, then groans as I place openmouthed kisses along his throat. His skin is salty and warm, and I'm enjoying this exploration I'm embarking on. Very carefully, I ease back slightly so that I can kiss him down the center of his chest until I turn my head to the right and graze my teeth against the barbell piercing his nipple. His hips shift restlessly beneath me, and I decide to play a bit. I tug and lick, drawing more groans before giving attention to his other nipple. I'm noticing that Ace is growing tense beneath me. If I didn't know better, I'd say I've got him close to a possible orgasm. The way he grinds beneath me every so often tells me I'm doing something right.
I draw in a deep breath, gathering my confidence as I pull my lips away from his left nipple. I kiss the center of his chest, licking up a droplet of sweat. I'd gone down on Justin plenty of times, but I'm a bit nervous going down on Ace. What if he doesn't like my technique? I shut down that train of thought, knowing that if I dwell on my concerns too much, I'll chicken out and lose the confidence I've managed to build up tonight.
Ace's stomach muscles are clenched tight, and I lick the ridges, slowly trailing my lips down until I come upon his belly button. I find it incredibly sexy, and I tease it with my tongue briefly before daring to follow the thin line of hair that
disappears beneath his jeans.
Ace is now completely still beneath me. I realize he's so still that I don't even hear him breathing. I can't tell if that's a good or bad thing, and now that I'm down here, I can't just stop and leave him high and dry. His erection is still straining against his jeans, so I assume it's okay to continue.
I trail kisses lower until I have no choice but to ease down between his knees so that I am kneeling before him. I reach up with my right hand and carefully unbutton the top of his jeans, then slowly lower the zipper. I watch with anticipation as I see the outline of his penis behind the red fabric of his underwear. I make a move to touch him, but hard hands slam into my shoulders.
“No!” Ace growls. I'm roughly shoved away from him, and I find myself falling backwards. The force of his shove has me sprawled on my back, staring up at the living room ceiling with stunned bewilderment. After dragging in a much needed gulp of air, I manage to pull myself up into a sitting position so I can look at Ace.
Only he's not there.
The apartment door is slamming shut loudly, and the sound of it echoes throughout the apartment, causing me to flinch.
It slowly sinks in that Ace has rejected me. No, no, no. I shake my head and try to deny it. He wouldn't do that to me. He's not Justin. But yet here I sit, and he's gone.
Tears fill my eyes as I wrap my arms around myself. This is the kind of thing that Justin would pull. Ace would never hurt me. Not like this. Even though I know there had to be a reason behind his reaction, pain still cuts through me like a knife and has me doubling over as a huge sob escapes me. This somehow hurts worse than when Justin cruelly pointed out how bad I was at sex.
I struggle to my feet and walk shakily to the door where I double check to make sure the door is locked. I highly doubt Ace will be back, but I still want that lock in place. I want to make sure I'm guaranteed privacy.
Feeling defeated and heartbroken, I cross my arms over my bra-covered breasts and walk bare foot down the hallway. I hear Daisy pawing on the bathroom door where I'd locked her in it when I knew things were about to get heated with Ace. I feel numb as I let her out on the way to my room. I crawl onto the bed and curl up into a ball as more tears fall. Daisy hops up on the bed and curls up next to me.
Chapter Twenty-two
Ace
I slam into my own apartment, and the second the door shuts, I can hear Jeremy having sex in his room. The chick he's with is moaning loudly, and I can hear the headboard hitting the wall repeatedly. A loud growl escapes me as I stalk straight to the bathroom and slam the door shut.
Fuck, fuck, fuck!
Needing to drown out the sounds of sex, I yank the shower curtain back and turn on the shower. The last thing I need is to hear Jeremy pounding ass after I'd just left Faith sprawled on the floor in her apartment.
“Motherfucking piece of shit!” I hiss at myself as I grab at my hair and pull at the ends with frustration. I'm such a dickhead. I just left her there. I fucking left her like that. I'd bolted like a pansy ass pussy without apologizing or giving her any kind of explanation for the shit I just pulled. I pushed her. My chest tightens as I let out another pained growl. It wasn't even a little push. I pushed her so damned hard that she ended up on her fucking back.
I've never, ever been physically aggressive towards a woman. Not even at that camp. I spin around and slam my fist into the wall. Pain explodes along my knuckles and it seems to calm me down, snapping me out of my momentary rage.
“Fuck, that hurt,” I mutter as I look down at my hand. My knuckles are red, but they aren't cut up or bleeding. For a long minute I stare at my hand until I turn and shove the toilet seat down. I drop down onto it and rest my elbows on my knees, my head dropping into my hands.
How could this have happened? I wanted her to touch me. The things she was doing to my chest with her lips... I was about ready to come right then and there in my pants. Having Faith take over like that had been hotter than anything I've ever experienced, and I've done a lot of shit. But it all comes down to who you do it with. None of the women before her mattered.
I'd known as she kissed down my stomach that she was going to blow me tonight. I was so turned on and ready for it. The second she reached out with the intention to touch and release my dick from my underwear, I'd lost it. I pushed her away before I even realized what the hell I was doing. I wanted Faith to touch me. I was aching for it, so why flip out?
Feeling drained and downright weary, I rub my hands over my face as I exhale with frustration. I fucked up badly tonight. I should be over at Faith's right now, begging for forgiveness. She didn't deserve my reaction, and the fact that her ex physically pushed her around makes me feel about an inch tall.
I can't, though.
If I go over there, there's a chance she'll slam the door in my face, and I'm not ready to face the reality of how empty my life would be without her. There's also the fact that if she did allow me inside to explain myself, I'd have to share with her the parts of me that I've never shared with anyone. To open myself up like that, to let her see my flaws and my weakness...
Not much scares the shit out of me, but letting Faith see everything that I am makes me want to turn around and run like hell.
When I realize the room is overly humid, I let my hands fall as I lift my head to look around. Steam has filled the room from the shower, and sweat has popped out across my forehead and chest. I glance down, realizing for the first time that I'd left my shirt at Faith's. I shake my head and stand up to turn off the shower.
I hear nothing but silence in the apartment, letting me know Jeremy's taking a break before another round or he's kicked her out already. He never lets them stay the night.
I leave the bathroom and enter my own room, shutting the door quietly. My gaze rests on the box spring and mattress that are on the floor. I'd gotten rid of my bed for Faith. I'm even willing to sacrifice my friendship with Caleb for her.
I need to man up and quit being a pussy. I need to figure my shit out and work up the nerve to confront her about what went down tonight. Once I know what the fuck I want to say, I'm going to fight to keep her in my life.
I'm not letting her go.
Chapter Twenty-three
Faith
The next day, I feel like a mechanical robot at the café. I fill orders, clean tables and make idle chit-chat, but my mind isn't really focused on anything that I'm doing. Instead, I'm reliving what went down last night with Ace and trying to sort it out in my mind. I'd cried myself to sleep last night, but this morning as I'd eaten breakfast before going to work, I started analyzing the situation. The more I thought about it, the more I began to realize that perhaps Ace's reaction wasn't about rejecting me at all.
While I worked my shift, I began mentally putting together the pieces of a puzzle, and the finished product has me feeling helpless and heartbroken. Not for me though, but for Ace. Last night wasn't about me; it was about what I had done.
Ace has a thing for restraints, and from what he’d told me, it's the only way he has sex. I've always known there was a reason behind his need for it, but when he'd switched the topic, I'd known that he wasn't ready to explain it. I'd accepted the fact that he doesn't want to restrain me, and we'd moved on.
The more I'd thought about it, I'd zeroed in on that night that we'd ended up in his bedroom. I remember sensing that something was just...off. I was uncomfortable, and I remember when I'd touched Ace's hip that he'd stiffened up. The fact that his hand hadn't continued its journey up to my breasts has me realizing his tensing up had not been a good thing. I think I'd unsettled him, but I'd been too lost in my thoughts to pay much attention to that small sign that something wasn't right.
Speed up to last night, and Ace was perfectly fine until I got below his waist. He'd been enjoying everything I'd been doing until I went below his belly button. I distinctly remember the way he'd gone perfectly still, and I remember wondering if he had stopped breathing in anticipation or if I'd done something wrong. He'
d still had his erection, so I'd gone forward with my plan to pleasure him. The second I'd reached out to touch him, I'd found myself flat on my back, and he was gone.
The pain I felt last night has eased as I realized that a reaction that extreme had been automatic. I'm familiar with that instinctive need to react before you can sort out the situation in your mind. After Justin attacked me, I spent weeks freaking out if someone approached me from behind. When something bad happens to you, you react on instinct for a while until you can work it out in your head and move on from it.
Something happened to Ace.
Someone did something to him to cause him not to want to be touched sexually. It's why he likes restraining women so much—it allows him to be in full control, and no one can touch him without his permission. I wish he had told me. I never would have tried what I had last night if I would have known he's been traumatized by something from his past.
My situation is entirely different from his, but I can understand his reasoning for not contacting me today. It hurts seeing no new text messages on my phone every time I glance at it, but I instinctively know that he needs this time to pull himself together and sort out his thoughts. We can't move on with our relationship if he doesn't open up to me about what's holding him back. I need to know so that I don't do anything again that could trigger the kind of reaction he'd had last night. All I can do is wait for him to come to me.
That's going to be the hardest part of all. I want to reach out to him, let him know that whatever happened in his past will stay between just the two of us. I want him to know that it doesn't change how I feel about him. Ace has always been big on not looking weak, he's alpha male all the way. To admit any sort of vulnerability is going to be hard for him. I'm just going to have to prove to him that I don't see it as a shortcoming, that I only see him. Our pasts make up who we are today, whatever happened to him, we'll deal with it together. That is if he'll still want me in his life. There's always that sickening thought that he'll run from me and his past.
Building Faith (Long Beach Series Book 2) Page 19