Jack read every word, every damn, infuriating word. He read how Lilly had gone to Gina’s home, had stayed there in hiding while Gina’s man had booked passage on a ship bound for America. He read how Lilly had valiantly fought off the hunger inside of her while Gina had gone out hunting. He read how Gina had offered the use of her man, the blood would see Lillian through until they reached America, Gina had said, but Lilly had profusely objected. And then he read of the night Gina had come home to find Lillian in the stables, the blood of Gina’s favorite goat smearing Lilly’s clothes and mouth.
“What have your done? I liked that goat! I even named him!” Gina had protested angrily, and Lilly had felt the guilt consume her. She had not been able to take it any longer, the blood-lust, but she had refused to feed upon another human being, one of her own. “You’re not human, Lillian! Not anymore!” Gina had shouted furiously, and all Lilly had been able to do was bow her head in shame. She had helped Gina to bury the poor animal later that evening, but Gina had not spoken to her for the rest of the evening and for most of the second. Later, they had boarded the ship for America, the Elisabeth II. They had traveled as cousins, carrying the dead bodies of Gina’s would-be parents in coffins that had been made heavy with sandbags. It had been clever, Jack mused, though he was still infuriated, though he could still picture Lilly’s white neck between the strength of his hand as he squeezed again and again!
He read on, reading of how Lilly had grown so pale over her refusal to feed. “You’re wasting away.” Gina had protested their third night aboard the ship. “I offer you the use of a perfectly good man.”
“You offer me the blood of a living human being!” Lilly had screeched back, barely able to lift the sound of her voice beyond a whisper.
“A mortal man freely offered of his own will. It will not kill him. He knows what it is that he does!” Gina had argued.
“As do I, and to say the least, it does not sit well with me! I cannot, in good conscious, drink the blood of another.” Lilly had argued, and that was when Gina had ripped her up by the arm and dragged her from their cabin. Gina had taken Lilly below deck where they had feasted on rats and other such vermin.
Afterward, Lilly had felt even more the monster, but at least she had fed, and the strength was returning to her. She wrote of the depression that had settled within her, the unrelenting wish for death to end her misery, and Jack had found himself actually feeling sorry for her! Ha! She did not deserve his pity! Yes, she had been human once! Yes, the journal read like a woman in deep confusion and torment. The words that adorned the pages were filled with emotion and dripped with human concerns, but Lilly was no longer that woman, Jack thought in outrage! She had refused to take life back then, but now she took life indiscriminately! He had the body count after all!
Jack continued to read, lost within the beautiful writings until he came to the name Lord Ewan. His heart slammed hard against his ribs as his gaze swept over the name. The next few pages were difficult to read. She had loved the man, he realized almost numbly. She had written of finding happiness at last. She had written of Gina’s warnings, of how she planned to defy her dark mother, to run away with the suave, handsome, vampire that possessed her heart. Jack exhaled the jealousy in a long, uneven breath. He had not known her then. She had not known him, he reminded himself, but to think of Lilly staring at any man with stars shining in her eyes caused his chest to tighten to the crushing point.
He shook his head at himself. “Idiot!” he scolded himself for the feelings that still plagued his heart where Lilly was concerned. She had betrayed him in a way that he had not even suspected imaginable, and there he was getting jealous over a life that had been lived over a hundred and fifty years ago! He read on to discover that the budding relationship with the vampire Ewan was over almost before it had begun. He read of the night Lilly had found Ewan and the others with the cabin boy, and she witnessed first hand the cruelty, the sheer evil that the man was capable of. She had tried to save the child, but had not been successful, and then Ewan had attacked her, had brutally raped her. Jack’s fist clenched tight to the journal. He could feel her pain, her confusion, her sheer terror of that night, and he longed to find the vampire Ewan and rip his goddamned, dead heart out!
Next, Jack read of the man Lilly had run into quite by accident that night, how the man had helped her. “My name is Sloan, Sloan Jackson.” the man had called through the closing door as Gina had backed away with Lilly in her grasp.
“Jax.” Jack looked up in sudden memory of the night that Lilly had taken him to the museum. She had called him Jax when they had first met, and then she had told him that ridiculous story concerning her great, great, great grandmother. Oh! She had told him the truth in a round about way, Jack realized. She had told him about Jax, but she had not told him that it had been she upon that ship that night, and not her relation! Jack recalled staring at the portrait now, the one of Jax. It had resembled himself so greatly. Lilly had taken him there that night, he now knew it was because she did, in fact, believe that he was her long lost Jax! A sarcastic chuckle escaped his throat. His heart panged. It couldn’t be possible! He read again, reading of the night this Jax had come to Lilly’s cabin, had sat her down, and told her that he longed to help in any way that he could. “Allow me to be your constant companion for the rest of this voyage.” Sloan Jackson had offered that night.
“You know not what you ask of me.” Lilly had returned with her head bowed, and her hands trembling in her lap.
“I know that I never want to see you hurt again, and since you will not go to the magistrate then I must take it upon myself to protect you.” Jax had crouched down before her, taking her pale hands in his own. Jack could see it in his mind’s eye. He could see this Jackson, looking so much like himself, crouching before Lilly. She would be dressed in a pale blue gown that was tight at the waist and flowing beneath. Her creamy, white cleavage spilled above, and her face, so beautifully pale, and her eyes so soft a blue. Innocent, he thought, but then he had to laugh. Lilly Saint Rose was anything but innocent! She was as guilty as hell! Jack lowered his gaze once more, and began to read.
“Several nights later, I found myself upon the lower decks of the ship where even the servants rarely appeared. Gina insisted that I play this game with Ewan, that I make the monster believe that I could forgive him, but I knew that that would never be possible. I had had but one meeting with the vampire since he had shown his true colors, and I could do nothing but tremble and shake the entire time. I could see it in his eyes then. He liked the fear that he had sparked within me. He fed on it as much as he fed upon blood!
“I spoke to the captain last night, and he told me we would be arriving at port within a week’s time. A week seems like forever away though, and I’m not sure I can bear the time, not with him. Mr. Sloan Jackson came to my room last night. He offered to be my constant companion, my protector. He is a good kind man, but what can he, a mere mortal, do to save me now? I made my mistake in trusting Ewan, and now I know that there is no going back. At least, I felt this way before this night.
“This night, I found myself alone at the railing at the end of the ship, my gaze peering down into the depths of the choppy waters. I could jump, I realized. I could jump within those dark depths, and the ship would leave me behind. The water would not be my demise, but when the sun rose, where would I go to escape it? The thought of facing Ewan again was frightening, but it was not what disturbed these dark thoughts within me. After discovering the truth of Ewan, how foolish I had been to believe him, I began to realize that those dreams I had possessed as a little girl, the ones of finding someone to love, of raising a family, those dreams would never be possible now. I would never know what it was like to grow old with the man of my dreams. I would never know love or companionship. I could not have children as my body was mow immortal and dead to the human world. I would never have a little child call me mother. I had no family left, and my only would-be friend was a vampire who, yes,
strived to protect me and teach me all that she knew, but still came off cold and unfeeling. This was the life I had been reborn into? It did not look promising. I could feel the coldness, the numbness as it set in the pit of my belly. I knew that if I stayed an immortal, that that numbness would only grow, and I would become like Gina. Those dark, choppy waters below were starting to look very tempting. I wasn’t a good immortal after all. I could not even bring myself to drink human blood! Gina was disgusted with me, and truth be told, I was disgusted with myself for all I had already done.
“Gripping the railing with white knuckles, I leaned over to watch as the water shot out from the propellers. If I jumped would the propellers pull me in? How bad would that hurt? I tried to weigh out my decision where I could die with the least amount of pain. I was contemplating the matter when I heard someone approaching. Turning I saw Sloan Jackson walking toward me. He was dressed in evening attire, but his dark, suit jacket was draped over his arm. How he had come to find me below decks, I did not know, but the heated look in his amber eyes caused me to suck in the breath I did not need. When I did, the scent of him washed over me, reminding me of the woods in the fall when the breeze was just right. He was a tall man, broad of shoulders with a tapered waist and long, athletic legs. I found myself watching his eyes, those amber eyes that reminded me of the color of warm whiskey. It was then, as he walked toward me that night, that I realized what a handsome man he was, how very appealing. He did not give up. Very stubborn, I added to my list as he came to a stop just before me, and a slow smile curved his lips.
““It’s a lovely night.” he said, his eyes not leaving mine. I nodded agreement, but did not remark upon his comment. “You’ve found a nice spot, great view, little distractions.” he commented as he stepped to the railing, and leaned down upon it with his arms. I turned facing the view as well. My gaze lifted to find the glowing moon in the sky. Feeling suddenly heated, I turned to see that those amber eyes had been set upon my face for those precious few seconds that my thoughts had been lost on the moon. He smiled then, and straightened to his tall height. “I didn’t see you at dinner.” he said, and I shook my head negatively.
““I wasn’t hungry.” I managed to whisper, and he turned, placing the small of his back to the railing as he too stared up at the peaceful moon. “You shouldn’t be here.” I reminded.
“Because of propriety or because of him?” he asked tightly, and I swallowed.
““I told you-”
“That he is like no other man I have met. I assure you, I can take care of myself, Miss. Saint Rose.” he returned. I wanted to scream to him that, no, he could not protect himself, not where Ewan was concerned, but how could I tell him such things without telling him everything!
““He doesn’t travel alone.” I reminded instead.
“Neither do I.” Mr. Jackson patted his shoulder, and I could suddenly make out the outline of what appeared to be a pistol beneath his thin, white dress shirt. It was fastened with some kind of a holster to his left shoulder.
““You carry a gun!” I blurted out, and he shrugged as if it did not matter. “It won’t help.” I said before I could think better of it.
““Why not? Is this man immune to bullets?”
““Yes.” I looked him straight in the eye to say, but he took my boldness as an invitation, and before I knew what was happening he had stepped in close to me. Gently, his hand lifted to touch my cheek, his fingers caressing the skin in a tender motion. His eyes were smoldering, and I knew that he would not be denied. I could feel it then, not his thoughts, but the attraction that he felt, the desire where I was concerned.
““I want to help you, Lilly.” he called me, and I tried to step back, but he caught me by the arm, and then his fingers were sliding up and down my arm in slow appreciation.
““Why?” I demanded, and a slow smile lit his handsome face.
““Because you have bewitched me. I haven’t been able to stop thinking of your beautiful face since the first moment I laid eyes on you.” He said lowly, huskily as he moved in closer to me. His words caused my stomach to tighten, and I knew that whatever it was he was feeling for me, I was not immune to it. I was feeling it too, but then I thought, what if it isn’t real? What if I somehow possess the same power as Ewan? What if I am drawing this man to me by powers of persuasion? If I did hold that power, why was this man, why was Jax, the only man who seemed to have been affected by it? “I don’t wish to frighten you. I know what you’ve been through, and I know that you are not yet ready for me, sweet Lilly, but when we dock in America, I’d like to call upon you?”
““Me? But why? You know-”
“I don’t care.” He stroked my cheek, laying his palm against the coolness of my skin. I could not help but to lean into that inviting palm, so warm against my cold skin. “I want you.” he voiced, and in saying so, he leaned in to me, his mouth hovering over mine. I knew that he meant to kiss me, and I wanted that kiss more than anything, but a part of me suspected that perhaps I was still being that fanciful girl with dreams of forever stuck in her head! I turned my head just as his lips touched the corner of my mouth. His hand lifted to the back of my head, sifting through the long lengths of my hair. He pulled me to his chest, and the strength of his arms came around me. It was remarkable how safe I felt in those arms, though I knew that he was merely a mortal, that he would never be able to protect me the way I would need him too. Just for a small moment, I longed to feel human, to pretend that perhaps I could find my happily ever after, after all. As I stood there wrapped in Jax’s comforting arms, I pictured in my mind’s eye him and me growing old together, having babies, having a family. We would laugh and talk, and love and have a marvelous time together forever, but that wasn’t possible! He deserved better than the likes of me!”
Jack’s gaze ripped away from the journal at those words. Lilly had said the same thing to him the night that they had made love!
“You deserve better than me, Jack.” She had said forlornly after announcing that she could not have children.
“There is no better than you.” he had responded, feeling it to the very heart of him! Sighing now, he returned to the journal. He read of how they had stayed below deck talking. Jax had told Lilly of his home in Texas where he worked as a lawyer, and owned a small spread of land that he used to raise beef cattle. He told her that she would look amazing riding beside him on horseback as the sun set it the West behind them. That was when she had pulled away from him and told him that she did not do well with the sun. He asked her over her upbringing, and she told him how she had lived with her aunt since the age of eight, how she had no family left now.
“Except for your cousin.” Jax had reminded, and she had looked up at him as if she had forgotten. Jack could picture her there, that surprised look on her face at the mentioning of Gina. She had looked so lovely in the soft yellow gown she had been wearing with that golden hair piled atop her head in soft curls, the latest fashion. This was the picture Jack had developed in his head. He wondered if it was accurate? He read of how Jax and Lilly’s discussion had turned back to Ewan and his followers, though Lilly had never revealed the name of the man who had hurt her to Jax. She had begged him to allow this night to be the last he came to her, telling him to regard his own safety, to please take care, and mind her advice. Jax had grinned, not understanding, and had promised he would find her the next night, had even offered her the use of his arm to escort her back to her cabin. Then Lilly had broken down in tears and had run from him, but Jax had been quick on her heels, and taking her by the arm he had demanded to know why she believed this other man to be so much stronger than he, himself was.
“Because he is!” she had screeched. “You don’t understand, Jax. You don’t understand.” she had cried out, and Jax had appeared wounded to Lilly. “There is no other way to keep you from me other than telling you the truth, is there?” she had said in sudden realization. “No other way to keep you safe from them, from me?”<
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Jax had agreed that the truth was probably best, but he had been unprepared for the truth Lilly had given him.
“You’re telling me such impossible things to frighten me away.” he had accused. “It won’t work, Lilly. I mean to protect you for the duration of this voyage, with or without your permission.”
It was then that Lilly pulled poor Jax back into a dark corner of the deck, and showed him the truth by cutting her arm, and allowing the blood to flow so that her vampire eyes would come to light. Jax had stumbled backward in shocked disbelief. Shaking his head, he had continued to move backward, away from her, but before he could leave, Lilly had pulled him back. She had begged him to tell no one, explaining that if it were only herself she would not mind if he told the entire ship, but Gina was a good, kind being, and did not deserve such a fate!
Jack read on, reading of how Lilly had calmed Jax down, how they had stood there, staring at each other as the light had died from her eyes. Jax had ripped the sleeve from his arm, and had tied it around her fresh wound as Lilly had explained to him everything that had happened to her recently. When she was through, Jax had stared at her, still in shocked disbelief, but he had calmed. She had told him how she had not taken human life aboard the ship and neither had Gina, that it was all the others’ doings, and she told him that this was the true reason that she feared for him, that this was why it was best if he stayed away from her.
Jack could see her there, tears shining brightly in her eyes as she had tried to back away from Jax, to leave him be forever, but Jax had grabbed her arm to still her. He had pulled her into his arms once more, had stupidly whispered words of reassurance against her ear as his hands had swept up and down her back! The fool had thought to save her, Jack realized!
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