“Exactly. See what I mean? You’re not even close.”
“I should hope not.”
“And Mitzi Gaylord, you remember her? She dressed in tight shorts and sexy tank tops for her boys’ Little League games.”
“I’ll admit that caused quite a stir among the men in town, but I’m not sure it made her an awful mother,” Abby said, but she was grinning.
Trace’s expression sobered. “Look, being a bad mom is taking off when some of your kids are too little to understand why you’re leaving. Being a bad mom is leaving a seventeen-year-old daughter to take over and try to make things right. You lived that with Megan. You know firsthand what it’s like to have a mother you can’t count on. You will never allow your girls to feel that kind of pain.” He tucked a finger under her chin. “Don’t ever let me hear you question your mothering skills again.”
Tears flooded her eyes at his fierce words. “My mom…” Her voice trailed off. She was clearly unable to come up with an adequate defense for what Megan had done to her, to all of them.
“Was flawed,” Trace said more gently. “It doesn’t make her a terrible person, just human. She made the worst kind of mistake with you, Jess and the others. Trust me, those are the kind of mistakes that damage a kid, not just working hard to earn money to support them.”
Lower lip quivering, she whispered, “You’re amazing. You always know just what to say, even now, after all these years. It was the same way when we were kids. I’m not sure I could have gotten through any of that without you right there saying exactly what I needed to hear. When Mom didn’t come back for us…”
“I was there, Abby. I saw how much it hurt. I’m sure whatever I said back then was pretty trite and superficial, but I wanted so badly to make you feel better.”
“The point is you tried. Mick was too lost in his own misery to deal with what we were going through,” she corrected. “And Gram was too swamped. As for recently, believe me, Wes never bothered to say anything supportive.”
“Yeah, well, he’s Wes,” he said.
Her lips curved. “That does sum it up, doesn’t it?” She glanced over toward the shade, where both girls were sprawled out on the grass, sound asleep, their bowls of melted ice cream forgotten. “I think it’s time to go.”
“Okay,” Trace said. “Just let me say one more thing before we do. From here on out, no matter what happens or doesn’t happen between us, you can count on me, understood?”
She held his gaze, then slowly nodded, a smile playing about her lips. “Understood.”
There was complete and total conviction in her voice, and for the first time since they’d reconnected a few weeks ago, Trace actually started to believe there might be real hope for the future. And this time he was going to do everything he could think of to make sure Abby didn’t run away from it.
15
O n the taxi ride into the city, Abby felt none of the usual excitement she’d always experienced on returning to Manhattan. Stress seemed to kick in on the Triborough Bridge and continue all the way along the FDR Expressway, even though the sky was a brilliant blue and sunlight filtered down in bright shafts between the skyscrapers. It was a perfect early-summer day. It would be a few weeks before stifling heat kicked in and radiated up from the pavement.
Despite her mood, the girls were clearly thrilled about getting to spend a few days with their dad and going shopping with their grandmother. Megan had agreed to meet them this morning for shopping and lunch. Then Wes would pick the twins up at their apartment and take them to his place until Monday evening.
Abby was trying hard not to worry about the plan. A tiny part of her was still fearful that when the time came for her to leave for Chesapeake Shores with Carrie and Caitlyn, Wes would pull some sort of a stunt to keep them with him. She tried to push the concern from her mind, but it continued to nag at her.
As they arrived at their Upper East Side apartment, she spotted her mother walking down the street. At fifty-four, Megan was still an attractive, vital woman with long legs and an easy, brisk stride. Her short hair, now a shade of honey-blond, was professionally highlighted and accentuated her large, dark blue eyes. Her face was virtually unlined, her figure trim from daily workouts at a gym frequented by a few celebrities. Her taste in clothes was impeccable, which meant she could carry off an outfit from a discount store as easily as she could the designer labels that filled her closet.
When she spotted Abby and her granddaughters emerging from the taxi, her face lit up with unmistakable joy.
As the girls ran straight to her, Abby paid the driver, set their luggage on the curb, then approached more slowly. She still wasn’t sure what she was going to say to convince her mother to make the commitment to come for the inn’s opening. Thus far, Megan had remained determinedly silent on the subject, her reluctance palpable whenever Abby broached the subject.
“Good timing,” Abby said, giving her mother a quick hug. “Come on up while I drop off our bags and then we’ll head out.”
In the elevator, Abby observed her mother closely, noting a hint of exhaustion in her eyes. “Mom, is everything okay?”
“I’ve just had a lot on my mind lately. Nothing to worry about, though.” She forced a smile. “I’m just so glad you’re back home again, even if it is for only a few days. I feel a bit at loose ends when you’re gone.”
Abby felt a flash of guilt, then dismissed it. “Mom, you have dozens of friends in New York. You have a wonderful job that you love. You’ve made a good life for yourself.”
“That’s true, but you’re the only family I have here, the only ones who keep in touch.”
The hint of nostalgia in her voice made Abby realize what was going on. “Mom, what’s really on your mind? Is it my invitation to come to Chesapeake Shores? Has it stirred up a lot of old memories?”
Megan nodded. “That’s certainly part of it. Now that you kids, except for Jess, are grown and gone, I’ve had little reason to visit. The last time was for your wedding.”
“But that’s not the only thing on your mind, is it?”
Her mother cast a pointed look toward the girls. “Why don’t we discuss it later? We have a big day planned.”
Abby nodded, but she wasn’t willing to put off the conversation for as long as her mom was obviously hoping. The instant they were inside the apartment, she sent Carrie and Caitlyn off to their room to pick out anything special they wanted to take with them to their father’s.
“We have time for a cup of tea,” she informed her mother, heading into the kitchen without waiting for a response. She took a shortcut that Gram would have abhorred and put two cups of water into the microwave, teabags already immersed in them. Two minutes later, she set the cups of brewed tea on the table, then gestured toward a chair.
“Have a seat, Mom. Our big day can wait a few minutes while we catch up.”
Her mother remained standing, her back toward Abby as she gazed out toward the East River. When she finally turned around, her expression was bleak. “We really should go. We don’t have a lot of time to fit in shopping and lunch before Wes will be here to pick up the girls.”
“We’ll manage,” Abby said. “Talk to me.”
Megan finally sat down with a sigh. “Okay, if you must know, I had a conversation with your father the other night,” she admitted.
Abby regarded her with surprise. “You spoke to Dad? Did he call you?”
She shook her head. “No. I wanted to test the w
aters, see how he’d feel about me coming for Jess’s party.”
A feeling of dread settled in Abby’s stomach. “And?”
“He told me to do whatever I felt like doing,” she said wearily.
Abby didn’t see the problem, but obviously there was one. “That’s good, isn’t it? It means he doesn’t mind if you’re there. He left the door open.”
Her mother gave her a rueful look. “We’re talking about your father. You have to know there was more. He said that’s what I’d do anyway. In other words, he accused me of being selfish.”
“How can it be selfish to do something that would mean so much to Jess?”
“Because it would hurt Mick. He won’t come if I’m there,” she said.
Abby didn’t want to believe her father could be so stubborn, but she knew he was certainly more than capable of being pigheaded, especially where Megan was concerned. That’s how they’d wound up divorced in the first place. And the truth was that there had been a similar standoff over Abby’s wedding, until Gram had put her foot down. Abby knew from her conversation with her grandmother that there would be no similar interference this time.
“Did he actually say that?” she prodded.
“In those words, no. But believe me, I got the message. I could always read him, even when he was being stoically silent.”
“Mom, please don’t stay away because of this,” Abby pleaded. “This is the perfect time for you to make this overture to Jess. The inn opening means so much to her and, even though she probably won’t admit it, your support will mean the world. If Dad can’t handle you being there, then that’s on him.”
“Oh, sweetie, you’re forgetting that it’s his home. I’m the one who walked away. I can’t just breeze back in as if nothing happened. He’s right. That is selfish. Not only will it hurt Mick, but your sisters and brothers have their issues with me, as well. It has the potential to turn into a big drama, rather than being the happy occasion Jess deserves.”
Abby scrambled for some way to persuade her that it could be worked out. “What if I can convince him to say it’s okay? Or book you into the inn, rather than having you stay at the house? Will you come then? It may be awkward at first, but the whole point is for this to be a fresh beginning for our family.”
Megan regarded her curiously. “Why is this so important to you?”
“Because we should all be together for Jess’s big day.”
Her mother reached over and squeezed her hand. “You always were a better mother than I was. You fight so hard to keep everyone happy, to make sure that we act like a family, even when things are falling apart. That’s not your job, Abby. Mick and I created this family and this mess. It’s up to us to fix it.”
“Will you do it, then? Will you fix it, so you can be there for your daughter? For all of us? Call Dad back. Really talk to him for once, tell him how important this is.”
Megan made a face. “I tried that. I just told you how well it went over.” Changing the subject, she asked, “Have you heard from Bree? Is she coming?”
Abby hadn’t spoken to her sister, but she had gotten an e-mail that she planned to come. “She says she will.”
“And Connor?”
“He may just come for the day, but he’ll be there. The only one missing will be Kevin. And you, unless you change your mind.”
“I just don’t want to make your father any more unhappy than I already have. And the same thing’s true where Jess is concerned. I might feel differently if she’d asked me herself. Does she even know we’ve discussed this?”
“Not exactly,” Abby admitted. “I wanted to be sure you’d be there before I said anything. I didn’t want to get her hopes up and then disappoint her.”
Megan gave her a wry look. “Are you so sure she’d be disappointed? For a very long time after I left, she wouldn’t even talk to me on the phone. Every time I visited, she found a way to punish me for leaving. Nothing I tried worked with her.” When Abby started to speak, she held up her hand. “Not that I didn’t deserve it, but none of you knew the whole story.”
“What story is that?” Abby asked, puzzled.
Megan hesitated. “Let’s not get into all this now. The point is that Jess isn’t going to be happy about me coming.”
“Mom, you don’t know that,” Abby protested again.
“I do know,” Megan insisted. “Even though you haven’t said it, I know she’s balked at seeing me when she’s come to visit you in the city. Oh, you’ve come up with some incredibly creative excuses, but I know it’s Jess who’s made the choice to turn down lunch or cocktails or shopping, whatever I’ve suggested the three of us could do.”
Abby couldn’t deny it. “That doesn’t mean you should stop trying.”
“I haven’t and I won’t, but I’m not holding out much hope she’ll change her opinion of me,” Megan said wearily. “Even right after I left, she flatly refused to come to New York for a visit. I could have forced that, I know, but I knew how badly I’d let all of you down. I guess I kept thinking that I’d work everything out with each of you in time. You and I have done that. I think that’s because you were the oldest and maybe had some idea of why I had to leave. But the others are still furious with me and they have every right to be. Regular visits to see them didn’t make up for not having their mother around full-time.”
There was a question on the tip of Abby’s tongue, one she’d never dared to ask before. In some ways she and her mother had achieved a new rapport in recent years, but Abby suspected it was because she’d never asked the really tough questions. She’d let Megan slide, accepting a superficial bond because it was better than nothing. Now, though, it was time to dig beneath the surface. She had to find out why Megan hadn’t sent for them as she’d promised on her way out the door.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Of course.”
“The day you left you promised me you’d be back for us. Why didn’t you come? Why didn’t you fight for custody, especially of Jess? She was so young, only seven, and she thought you’d left because she was too much trouble.”
Megan reacted to her statement with dismay. “No! How could she have thought that?”
“Mom, come on,” Abby said impatiently. “You’re not that naive. Kids always think divorce is their fault. It was even worse for Jess because of the ADD. She was a handful. I think all of us were at our wits’ end trying to figure out what was going on with her. She needed her mother. Instead, you bailed.”
Tears welled up in Megan’s eyes. “I know. And I swear to you that I always intended to keep my promise and come back for all of you. I even found a school that would have been ideal for Jess and her special learning needs. I just wanted a little time to get settled, have a place for all of you, get a job so I’d have my own money, instead of relying on Mick for support.”
She regarded Abby with an earnest expression. “I honestly did have a plan. At first time simply got away from me. And you were all so hurt and angry. Every time I came back to see you, the chasm between us was wider. It was as if you’d shut me out.”
When Abby started to protest that the behavior had been a protective defense mechanism, Megan stopped her.
“I understand why you did it,” her mother said. “You were hurt. None of you trusted me. I finally told myself you were better off with Mick, that you were happy in the home you’d always known, that he needed you, too.”
Even as she spoke, she waved off the explanation. “That’s no excuse. I should have worked it out with him, but when I trie
d, he told me exactly what I’d seen for myself, that you all were finally getting your feet back under you and that disrupting your lives again would be yet another selfish act. I knew you’d be okay. I knew he was a good father. I let myself believe that would be enough for you. I settled for staying on the periphery of your lives, sending cards and presents, coming to town for those increasingly awkward visits.”
“Cards? Presents? Visits?” Abby said incredulously. “What did those matter, when you and Dad were gone! ”
Clearly shocked by her vehemence, Megan turned pale. “I didn’t realize at the time that Mick had taken on even more out-of-town jobs.”
“Would you have done anything differently if you had known?”
Megan nodded, though she didn’t meet Abby’s gaze. “I’d like to think I would have fought harder for custody, as I’d originally intended.” When Abby looked skeptical, she added, “I can show you the private-school brochures I pored over. Why did you think that first apartment of mine was so large? I hardly needed all those rooms just for me. Mick paid for it, so we’d all be comfortable.”
Abby was startled to realize that the first time she’d visited her mother in New York, there had, in fact, been four bedrooms. Mick must have paid a fortune for such a large apartment. Only years later, after Abby had moved to New York to work and Kevin, Bree and Connor were in high school or college, had Megan moved into something smaller, with only a single guest room. It had apparently taken that long for her to give up on her plan to have her children with her.
“I’m sorry, Mom. I guess it was easy to misjudge your intentions.”
“Of course it was. And that’s totally my fault. Just asking all of you to come to New York, expecting you to turn your lives upside down because I couldn’t be with your father anymore, wasn’t enough. I should have fought to make that happen, maybe even moved back to Chesapeake Shores.”
“Back with Dad, you mean?”
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