by Brooke Moss
I released a breath I hadn’t realized I was holding. “I guess I’ve learned watching you go through your struggles.”
“Good.” She handed me her coffee mug, and watched as I took a sip. “No parent wants their kids to repeat their mistakes. But it’s okay for you to let go a bit.” When I looked at her quizzically, she added, “Let me be the mom. If you want to go places, and do things, no more holding back because of me. Deal?”
I dropped my head to her terry cloth covered shoulder. “Deal.”
Her hand was warm as she stroked my hair. “I’m okay now, Aub. Some days are going to be better than others, but I’m doing well. I’m ready to see you spread your wings a bit.”
“Thank you,” I choked. “There are things I thought were out of reach.”
“Nothing is out of reach, kiddo.” Mom cupped my face. “Nothing.”
I sniffled pathetically. “Okay.”
“Now…” She took her coffee back and took a long drink. “What happened with Liza?”
I looked down, ashamed. “Um, a… a guy.”
“Oh, I see.” Her mouth turned downward. “I’ve never known you two to fight over a boy before.”
I shook my head. “He’s so much more than just a boy, Mom.”
“He’s special?” She put her hand over mine. “Who is he?”
My heart tightened. “He’s funny and smart, and comes across as cocky, but underneath it all, he’s so kind. He’s deep, and has a huge heart. Something I’d misjudged about him, and when we’re together, it… it…”
Her fingers squeezed my hand. “It?”
“Feels like home,” I blurted, my voice strangled. Succumbing to tears again, I dropped my head into my hands. “I’ve never felt like this before.”
Mom put her coffee cup down and pulled me close. “I’m guessing Liza likes him, too?”
I let her rub circles on my back. “She does. Or did. I mean, I don’t know. You know how she is. She was on a date with him, but got really plastered and was flirting with other guys. When we brought her home, she passed out and Preston and I got to talking about, I don’t know, everything, and… and basically had a date of our own.”
“But this boy was on a date with Liza first?” I nodded pitifully, and she sighed. “How did she find out that you and this boy had connected so well?”
“She walked in on us…” I glanced at my mom, ashamed. “Kissing.”
Her eyes widened. “Interesting.”
“That was all, mom. I swear.”
“I believe you,” she reassured me, taking a sip. “But still… he was Liza’s date.”
“Yes.” I grimaced. “I mean, he asked me out first, but then when I said no, he asked Liza, and I broke Girl Code.”
She nodded. “You did.”
“It’s unforgiveable. Liza will never let it go. She’s going to go off to college and never speak to me again, because I’m the loser friend who made out with her date.”
Mom’s mouth pulled into a line. “Wait—”
“The worst part about it is,” I explained quickly, my voice becoming shrill. “I deserve it. I did this to Liza. I totally betrayed her. I completely suck, Mom!”
“Aubrey, wait.” She took my hands and held them firmly. “How many years have you been friends with Liza?”
“Nine. Oh, gosh… ten!”
“And how many times has she either chased after a boy, or flirted with a boy, or texted a boy that you’d confided in her about liking?”
I fell silent. There were too many times to count. When we were in high school, it’d become her sport. How many boys could Liza convince to like her at a time? I’d lost count of how many nights I’d cried into my pillow, telling mom how Liza had sent a nude to the boy I liked. It grew so frustrating that I’d stopped telling Liza when I liked someone, and took to keeping the details of any covert flirting I did completely to myself. Hence, why I’d not mentioned Gavin-the-busboy yet.
Self-righteousness started to fill my chest, quashed quickly by another wave of crushing guilt. I wasn’t that friend. I wasn’t the girl who stole boys. Either I got him fair and square, or I didn’t need him at all.
“That isn’t the point,” I told my mom, shaking off thoughts of Preston. “I was a bad friend.”
“Okay, yes. I understand that. And you need to apologize for it.” She rested the cup on her knee patiently. “But I think you’re punishing yourself more than necessary.” When I opened my mouth to protest, she held up a hand. “Hear me out. You said that you and this boy, Preston, have a lot in common. That you talked all night.”
My insides squeezed. I wanted to be back in that moment, sharing every thought with him under the stars. “Yes.”
“And Liza was where while this was happening?”
“Passed out. Barfing. You know.”
“I remember those days.” Mom rolled her eyes. “Why did this boy come home with you?”
“Because I can’t drive a stick shift, and… and because he wanted to spend time with me.” I grimaced. “And I wanted to spend time with him, too.”
She swirled the remaining coffee in her mug. “Do you want to see him again?”
Say no, I told myself. Be the kind of B.F.F. you see in movies. The steadfast, predictably quirky type. That was me. I knew my role and I was okay with playing it.
My mom’s eyes crinkled at the sides. “Aubrey?”
With a groan, I released the breath I’d been holding. “Yes, I want to see him again. I want to do more than that. I want to pick his brain, and laugh with him, and go to the beach with him, and… and… Mom, I really like him.”
“I can tell.” She polished off her coffee, then stood up. “You need to get up and get showered.”
“Oh, yeah. I’ll be late to work, and—”
“No.” She pulled me to my feet. “Call Louise and tell her you’re going to be late. You need to go talk to your best friend.”
“I can’t skip work to resolve a fight with Liza.”
Mom waved a hand. “Louise has known you since you were eight. She’d do anything for you. I’ll text her myself. But you need to go to Liza’s house. Tell to her what you’ve told me, and make her understand this isn’t just a random fling. You really like this guy, and you want her blessing.”
I half laughed. “I can’t. She’s so mad.”
“Liza collects boys the same way I collect chickens.” She took her cup to the sink. “It’s not about quality. It’s about quantity. If she knows you really care for this Preston, she’ll want you to be happy.”
“Are you sure?” My voice cracked. The tiniest sliver of hope started to form deep in my core. “Do you really think?”
“Liza owes it to you,” mom pronounced wisely. “If she’s the friend you say she is, she’ll let you have this one. Just this once.”
The sliver of hope started to glow, warming me from the inside out. Turning on my heel, I bolted for my bedroom. “I have to go! I have to catch her before she leaves again.”
Mom followed me. “Tell her what you told me.”
Pausing in my doorway, I pulled her in for a tight hug. “Thank you for everything.”
She returned the fierceness of my embrace. Maybe it really was okay for me to let go a bit. To let my mom be the parent for a while, and to be an eighteen-year-old kid for a while. Maybe it was okay to fight for my burgeoning relationship with Preston? Maybe I even wanted to fight for more than that? Independence, college, even?
“Go,” she whispered into my hair.
~
“You shouldn’t have come,” Liza said to me, rolling her reddened eyes as she stood facing me from her front porch. “There’s nothing to talk about.”
“I said I was sorry.” My voice sounded feeble. “Preston is special to me. He’s different from what I thought he was. We really have a lot in common, and—”
“You have so much in common that you decided to let him stick his tongue down your throat?” She scoffed bitterly. “He’s exactly what yo
u said he was. Is this why you were trying so hard to get me to cancel the date? Because you liked him? You’re everything you say you hate about the girls we went to school with.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means you stole my date.” Liza’s bare toe tapped the wooden front porch angrily. “You literally made out with the guy I was on a date with, Aubrey. Do you really think I’m going to forgive you?”
“Well, yeah,” I said lamely. “I’ve forgiven you for the same thing half a dozen times.”
“You liar!” Her face paled in a way that told me she knew I was right, but it didn’t change the words spilling from her mouth. “I’ve been there for you for years. When nobody at school liked you, when your mom freaked out, when you guys were so poor, your toes were poking out the end of your shoes, I was there for you. Doesn’t that mean something?”
“Of course it means something, and that’s why I said I’m sorry.” I reached for her hand, but she moved away. “I know I broke girl code. I broke it, and—”
“You literally obliterated it.” She looked away.
“Liza, you’re my best friend.” My voice quavered as I laid my selfish needs on the line for her approval. “I really like Preston. We really click, and you know how hard that is for me.”
“Only because you’re so moody,” she exploded. “You walk around with a chip on your shoulder all the time, shooting down any guy that comes near you. Maybe if you turned off the electric fences you’ve got around yourself, you could find a connection with a guy I didn’t find first!”
“You see, that’s just it! You didn’t find Preston first! He asked me out, and when I said no, he asked you. Which is, admittedly, really stupid on his part, but in the end he got the result he was looking for, which was to go on a date with me.”
At least four emotions scrolled across Liza’s face as she processed the information. Shock, horror, disbelief, and then denial. I’d seen it a thousand and one times before, and I could’ve predicted them with my eyes closed. Liza was willowy and gorgeous. She was blonde, and was the perfect mix of flirtatious and friendly. Sure, she had terrible judgment, and could be irresponsible in situations that involved alcohol, but Liza was my closest confidant.
She jutted her chin out at me. “Not true.”
My face grew hot. “It actually is. I know you don’t believe he would be interested in someone like me, but he is. And the truth is, I like him, too. Like, a lot.”
“Find someone else to go after!”
“Why should I?” I demanded. “Do you even actually care, Liza, or are you just mad because it’s me he likes?”
Her mouth dropped. “Excuse me?”
My blood boiled. I’d been watching her flit from one boy to another for years, often leaving hurt feelings and resentment in her wake. I’d forfeited crushes on boys at least half a dozen times because she’d decided to pursue them, and I’d done so without uttering a word of complaint, because Liza was my best friend. And sometimes, my only friend.
Words—lots of them—bubbled up in the back of my throat, and I nearly choked on them. I didn’t need Liza around to have friends, or a social life. I’d proven that to myself already. And if she chose to pack up and leave for college, leaving me behind, that was her loss, not mine. I would find my own way, just like I had last night. I didn’t need Liza in my life. I wanted her in it… but I didn’t require in it.
“You were flirting with other guys. You got sloppy drunk. You’re not really interested him. You only like him because he likes me.” Sweat pricked underneath my arms as I spoke, words pouring out of me in an epic truth bomb. “You’re insecure. You need constant attention, whether it’s from guys, or me, or whoever. If you’re in a room, you want all eyes on you. And when you’re not in a room, you’re texting, or sexting, or sending nudes to a guy—any guy, it doesn’t even matter which one—because you need to be wanted. You don’t like Preston. You like the idea of Preston. And I’m tired of it. Tired of taking a backseat to you. I deserve better, Liza.”
My words hung on the warm summer air between us, and the sound of Good Morning, America filtered through the open living room window. I’d been a good friend for years, and it was time for me to do what felt right for me. Whether or not it meant dating Preston, I wanted to be strong and independent. My mom had given me permission to start living my life. I needed to do it in every aspect of my life, including my friendship with Liza.
“I don’t know why you’re trying so hard to hurt me,” she finally said, her voice thin as she clearly fought crying. “But you need to knock it off. Go home. Or work. Whatever. You don’t need to cut me down just to justify kissing Preston. I might not remember much, but I remember what you did. I’m done with you.”
The air in my lungs came out in one giant whoosh, and I wrapped my arms around myself. So much had changed in one day’s time. I pulled my car keys from my pocket. My legs felt stiff as I turned toward my car. “I’m done, too.”
CHAPTER ELEVEN
“Just go, Aubrey?” My boss gave me a loving nudge toward my dented car. “You’ve been wasting time for twenty minutes. It isn’t gonna get any easier by procrastinating.”
“I know.” I smoothed down the front of my dirty Petal Pushers polo shirt. “Don’t you think I should go home and change first?”
Louise rolled her eyes. “He’s seen you in that shirt more than he’s ever seen you dressed like a beauty queen.”
I opened the driver’s side door and quickly grabbed a stray balloon trying to escape. I had no idea of my plan would work, but if not, I would have enough helium filled balloons to float right away before the embarrassment grew unbearable. “When have I ever dressed like a beauty queen?”
She shrugged. “When you were little, you wore a Snow White costume every time you came in the shop.”
A memory dusted itself off in my mind. Back in the days when mom was drinking, she had left me here often to go party. And sure enough, I’d been wearing my well-worn yellow, blue, and red Disney gown for most of those times, as I’d been obsessed with the dark haired princess. Snow White.
Preston’s over-confident grin flashed in my mind, and my stomach flip flopped.
He’d texted me ten times during my shift, and I’d left each one unread. Not because I wanted to. I’d needed the busy workday to distract myself, clear my head, and plan what to do next. I’d just lost my best friend, and now I was facing a real, live relationship, with a real live guy who was pretty amazing.
It was a helluva lot to process.
Dropping down into the driver’s seat, I tossed my phone into the center console. I wasn’t sure what to say. I liked him… like, a lot, and I could tell we were on the cusp of something big. But… losing a friend over a guy was new territory for me. I wasn’t sure how to move forward without looking backward the whole time.
With a shaky sigh, I read the series of texts.
8:55am: Hey, I know you said not to text, but I wanted to say hi. So… hi. :)
10:00am: Want 2 get coffee? Donuts? Coffee & donuts?
11:47am: R u at work? I can bring more Pad Thai 4 lunch. I’ve got connections, remember?
1:59pm: Did Liza freak out on you this morning? Sensing major girl drama.
2:47pm: Well aware of how obnoxious & annoying I’m being texting every 5 min. Can’t stop. Lost control. Officially turning in bro-card now.
3:20pm: Listen, I’m rlly sorry about the trouble I caused. I still want to see you, tho. Please reconsider?
3:51pm: Blink twice if you’re still alive.
4:07pm: My ego is taking a massive blow today. I’m sure that thrills u. :)
4:22pm: Dinner after ur shift? Steaks on the beach? I can make it happen…
5:03pm: Won’t blow up ur phone all night, Snow White. Going radio silent 2 lick my wounds & eat steak on the beach alone.
A lump formed in the back of my throat, quickly growing to an uncomfortable size. It was seven pm now, two hours past his last text.
I should’ve responded. Should’ve told Preston that I wanted to join him for steaks on the beach. That he was all I’d thought about all day.
And now I was driving around to the other side of the lake with enough balloons to lift a house, and a stomach full of butterflies. I had no idea if I’d be able to win Preston’s affection after ignoring him all day long, but I’d decided when I left Liza’s house I was sure as hell going to try. It was time to start my life, and Preston was part of that process.
My heart clunked painfully, deep inside my chest. An important part.
“Alright, go.” Louise tapped my hood and grinned. “You’ve got to get those balloons up to pretty boy’s place before your car lifts off the pavement.”
I fired up the engine. “Wish me luck.”
“You don’t need luck. He’s crazy over you. Came in to stare at you darn near every day this summer.”
I pulled out of the parking lot, praying she was right. The traffic was thick. It was a Saturday night so everyone and their dog were out cruising the streets between downtown Coeur d’Alene and the freeway. The air was thick and warm, so windows were rolled down, and music of all genres were pouring from cars filled with laughing friends, lost tourists, and locals just trying to get home for a late dinner.
Smiling to myself, I slid my sunglasses on, and headed east. I wasn’t sure where Preston’s parent’s cabin was exactly, as I’d only seen it from his secret swimming hole. I didn’t care how long it took me to find it, I would keep searching all night if I had to. I was going to win Preston back tonight.
Thirty minutes later, the roads to the Wallingford’s place were windy with switchback tangling their way through the thick, aromatic woods of Coeur d’Alene National Park. The sun had started its decent down behind the hills and the sky had turned an intoxicating shade of orange, the perfect setting for a romantic overture… or a massive heartbreak, either one. I drew a calming breath, praying for what felt like the twentieth time since pulling away from Petal Pushers that Preston would be home… and receptive.