The hallway was suddenly filled with song. ‘Cheese has got a funny bum…’ sang Dad. He came twirling into the room, pulled Mum from her chair and began dancing round. ‘Cheese has got a funny bum, ho hum, a money bum!’
So things have turned out all right. I reckon we must be a pretty lucky family. We seem to have lots of problems and we try to solve them, or at least Dad usually tries to solve them but he just makes a big mess of everything and out of that mess comes something useful. Don’t ask me how it happens, it just does.
Anyhow, Dad has stopped moping about the house and he’s even stopped complaining about all the nappies we get through because we now get free Dumpers, as many as we want. Dad was going to sell all the animals but I couldn’t bear to part with Rubbish, so we’re keeping her. Then Mum said she liked the hens and fresh eggs every day, so we’re keeping them too. That only left Schumacher the tortoise, and Dad decided he was going to keep him.
‘He’s the best security officer we’ve ever had,’ claimed Dad.
‘Don’t be ridiculous, Ron.’
‘OK, Brenda, tell me this. How many break-ins have we had since Schumacher was put in charge of security?’
‘None, but…’
‘Exactly,’ interrupted Dad. ‘Like I said. He’s the best security officer we’ve ever had. Anyhow, now that I’m a TV star I shall need a bodyguard and Schumacher is just right for the job.’
Mum burst out laughing. ‘You mad fool!’
‘Foo!’ cried Tomato.
‘Foo to you too!’ Dad shouted back.
‘Wetbot!’ yelled Cheese.
Dad stopped in his tracks and eyed Cheese. ‘I cannot believe that you have wet your nappy again.’
Cheese studied Dad’s stern face carefully. Then he screwed his eyes up tight, clenched his little fists, took a deep breath, turned bright red and suddenly exploded with noise.
‘POO!’ roared Cheese.
My Brother's Famous Bottom Page 4