“Well, as long as you’re feeling fine now, I guess it’s all good.”
The truth was that I hadn’t been feeling my best lately. I almost never got sick, and when I did, I usually felt kind of crappy under the surface. It never turned into anything that stopped me from going to school or anything. No flus, colds, sinus infections, nothing like that. I was exhausted and listless, but was mostly fine. I didn’t want to tell my dad or he’d make me go to the doctor, which would be expensive and pointless. I was one hundred percent sure I would get blood drawn and they’d tell me it was just stress and to drink more water. That happened every time I gave in and went to the doctor.
“Yep, I’m good.”
“All right, cool...well, I should head out.”
“Right, right. Um. I’m sure I’ll see you soon. Monday at least.”
“Yeah.” He looked at me for a second as he stood, and then his tense expression softened. “Last night was fuckin’ awesome by the way. Vertigo is a crazy movie.”
“Long. But crazy, yes.”
“Yeah, it is really long. Probably why I’m exhausted this morning.”
I stood to walk with him to the door. “That’s probably due to the fact that, this time, you actually did sleep on the couch.”
He took a second to realize what I meant, and then said, “Ah. Right. I guess...this is another thing we don’t mention to Brooke?” He made a wincing face.
“I guess not...just...I don’t want her to feel weird.”
“No.”
“We should probably stop doing things that she wouldn’t want to hear about,” I said.
He bit the inside of his cheek and nodded quickly. “Probably a good idea.”
His gaze locked on mine for a second and a half too long, and my heart swelled.
“Bye, Nattie.”
“Yep, bye.” I turned quickly and closed the door.
* * *
SATURDAY, BROOKE AND I were sprawled on her living room couches watching TV. She had never asked anything about her birthday night, and I hadn’t gone out of my way to bring it up. She was acting a little weird, asking me to come to her house instead of coming over to mine as was our tradition.
“So,” she said, turning to me suddenly, “I was thinking...about what we should do tonight...”
“What do you think, Romeo and Juliet or Moulin Rouge!? Also, are you sure you want to do nachos? I don’t know that I’m in the mood.”
The idea of cooking ground beef for nachos, much less eating them, had been turning my stomach all day. I wasn’t in the mood to make them at all. Especially not in Brooke’s mom’s pristine kitchen.
“Actually...I was thinking we could do something else.”
“I really don’t feel like going to a party.”
“No, no, God, no. Me, neither.”
We both knew that wasn’t true.
“Uh-huh, so what, then? What are you going to beg me to agree to?”
She sat up and directed herself toward me. “I was thinking, tonight we should go out to dinner.”
I stared at her, waiting for the catch. She knew I loved going out to eat, so there was no reason that this should be something she had to get me to agree to except financially.
Brooke gave me a rectangular smile and put up her sunglasses. “With Aiden and Eric.”
Oof.
“Oh,” I said, without meaning to.
“I know you’re not that into Eric, but he’s such a cool guy, and I think if you got to know him a little more and hung out some...I’m not saying you guys are going to get married and have little Eric-Natalie babies or anything, but he so wanted to take you on a date, and you haven’t let him...so I thought a double date was a good way of hanging out with him but having it be comfortable.”
My heart was pounding, and I was torn between the want and the dread of seeing Aiden. Especially with Brooke. Especially with someone else who was supposed to be my date.
The temptation was strong.
“Come on, Nattie...it’ll be fun! The boys will pay, it will be awesome. You’re going out with your best friend in the whole wide world to celebrate her eighteenth year, how can it be all that bad?”
I knew it was asking for trouble, but I didn’t think I would ever be able to give up an opportunity to see Aiden.
I scooted my glasses up my face and rubbed my eyes. “I hate you.”
“Eee!” she squealed, and drumrolled on my stomach. “It’s gonna be fun. Promise.”
* * *
WE BLASTED MUSIC, pigged out on the Costco-size bag of Sour Patch Kids Brooke had unearthed in her pantry and felt like the old Us. We danced around in our underwear, knowing all the words to our favorite songs that we loved and that we loved to hate. She was just finishing straightening my hair and we were seductively singing one of our most beloved hate-to-love songs: the one and only Bieber’s “Boyfriend.”
We laughed our whole way through it, even while trying to take it seriously.
As I’d known she would, she pulled me into her room to find something to wear. She tossed me a pair of dark denim skinnies, a black strapless bra and see-through white shirt.
“Isn’t that a little skanky?” I asked, holding up the black-and-white.
“Yeah, but you’re not, so it’s ironic.” She stared at the outfit, the fashion-sense wheels in her brain working. She nodded at her own thoughts and then told me to flip my hair upside down. Next thing I knew, she had put it in a big chic bun, high on my head. She told me to close my eyes as she enveloped my head in a cloud of hairspray.
I put on the outfit as she shimmied into a high-waisted white skirt and paired it with a loose, turquoise chiffon shirt. She accessorized with a rose gold watch and pinned up one side of her hair, which she had curled a little.
“I’m going with the good-girl look, since it’s also ironic. I gave you the bad-girl outfit. You’re welcome.”
“Oh, you’re a good girl at heart...kind of.”
“And maybe you have a little bad girl in you! I don’t know, I’ll leave it to Eric to find out. Oh wait! He already did!”
“Brooke!”
I looked at myself in the mirror and couldn’t help but see it. She came over and looped some earrings through my piercings. Dark metal, thin chains. Oddly they worked, even though I would never pick them out for myself.
The brief moment of self-admiration faded, and I remembered I was not a bad girl. Just a terrible person. I looked good tonight, and the only reason that was true was because Brooke had helped me. And the only reason I cared about looking good was to look as hot as possible in front of her boyfriend.
Her phone buzzed on top of her dresser, making the music dip out.
“Oh, they might be here.” She went over and looked. “Yup! Toss on those shoes, and let’s go.”
She pointed at a pair of strappy black sandals with dark fixtures the same color as my earrings, and slipped into a pair of wedges she’d bought with me at Aldo, and which she had only just now taken out of the shoebox.
I followed her and the butterflies in my stomach down the stairs and into Aiden’s Jeep.
“Hey, boys,” she said. “No, Eric, stay shotgun, we’re going to be all BFF back here. But I insist on playing at least two songs of my choice. Hey, baby.”
She popped up, wrapping her arms around Aiden’s shoulders and kissing him on the cheek.
“Hey, how are you?”
“Good.” She lingered by his ear and whispered something.
He laughed a little and gave her a pat on the arm. “All righty...sit down now. Before I make you.”
“Ooh,” she said, sitting back. “So demanding. I love it.”
She gave me a little wink and buckled her seat belt. I had to hurry and arrange myself into something
passable and not horror-stricken and nauseated. It didn’t work.
“Nat, what’s wrong?” she asked.
Aiden looked back at me.
“Nothing.” I smiled, trying to convince them both and myself. “I thought I left my wallet upstairs, but it’s here. So. Nothing to worry about.”
“It’s on me tonight, anyway. Finally got a date with the elusive Natalie Shepherds!” said Eric, turning to Aiden for a high five.
He gave it to him, and I laughed a laugh that wasn’t my own.
I hated myself for wanting to crawl back home like I wanted to now. I suddenly didn’t know why I had agreed to this. It was a terrible, terrible freaking idea. If it was anyone else, and Brooke was able to give me advice, like she always did, she would have said, You have got to be fucking kidding me. Why torture yourself?
In fact, she would have managed to talk me out of the whole thing to begin with. Months ago, she would have detailed the reasons Aiden wasn’t all that attractive, anyway, or why I wasn’t in love with him so it wasn’t worth the risk, or anything like that to cool my burning desires for him. If only it was anyone but Aiden, her boyfriend.
We got to Bethesda, where we were apparently eating.
“Where are we going?” I asked.
She gave a sweet look and shrugged. “I don’t know!”
I should have guessed we were eating at Chin Chin. It was a pretty warm night, and their patio would be open, with heaters on. The restaurant itself was an awful off-white with hospital-cafeteria seating. But in the spring and summer, the patio opened up on the back alley, which was supernice. It was like a Zen garden, with lots of candles and nice plants and flowers.
She squeezed my arm. “It’s been too long since we ate this crap. God, I am going to punish some dumplings.”
We sat in the corner of the garden and started looking at the menu, as if we didn’t know what we would be ordering. We were all laughing and making polite conversation when a voice came from behind Brooke.
“No facking way. Is that Natalie and Brooke? My two dream girls?”
I looked up. Oh, God.
Brooke didn’t turn. She just got wide-eyed and looked at me. “Tell me it’s not Reed.”
I cringed at her, and she sighed before tossing her hair and turning to him.
He came over, his arm around Bethany. She smiled big at us. She bothered me, so much.
“I can’t believe you guys are here right now!” Bethany sounded genuinely excited.
Eric stood to give her the hug she held her arms out for, then the same for Aiden. Brooke didn’t stand, but let her embrace her as she leaned back in her chair.
“What’s up, my bitch?”
“Nothing, we just had a bunch of sake at the bar—” Bethany dropped her voice. “They didn’t card us or anything! How awesome is that?”
“Superawesome, as long as it’s chilled. Hot sake is like fucking piss,” chimed in Reed.
“Dude, come sit with us, pull up some chairs,” said Eric. He sat back down.
I felt Aiden looking at me, his eyes asking if this was cool. I had always found his aversion to Reed kind of...sweet. It wasn’t hard to be averse to Reed, of course, but Aiden seemed to hate him purely because he had been a dick to me when we’d hooked up. I gave a good-natured eye roll and he looked away again.
“Don’t mind if I do take a seat.” Reed scooted in, basically on top of Brooke.
She rolled her eyes and looked to Aiden. “Are you kidding me right now?”
Aiden waved away her concern. “You’re harmless, are you not, Reed?”
“Absolutely harmless. Hey, Lin, let me get a round of chilled sake for my friends.”
The small girl he spoke to smiled coquettishly and nodded before going over to the bar computer and putting in the order.
“Loves me.” He fanned himself with both hands.
“You ever hooked up with her?” Eric asked indulgently.
“Nah, you never hook up with the girls at restaurants and bars, you get them obsessed so they’ll hook you up.”
“Right on,” said Brooke sarcastically, holding her hand up for a high five. “God, you are so fucking cool.”
“I know you don’t mean it—” he smacked her hand “—but you should, so I’ll give you that.”
“You’re just awful to know.”
He shrugged.
Brooke looked at me and mouthed, Sorry.
I waved it away. Honestly, I didn’t mind. Reed was a blustering mess of entertainment and kept the night from being quite so double-date-y as it was.
The sake arrived a second later, and the girl named Lin couldn’t keep her eyes off Reed, who gave her that annoying grin of his. I guessed it was the crooked smile and rakish hairstyle that had her sweating. I felt like I should warn her. But I knew it would do no good.
“To being at a table with three possible prom queens, and all the tits we’re going to see later!”
Eric and Bethany alone laughed.
“Um, no,” said Brooke, putting down her shot.
“I’m just kidding, babes, get your panties out of a bunch. Or are you wearing any?”
Aiden looked at me. Brooke just glared at Reed, but I could see something in her eyes that made me seriously concerned.
The signs of an enamored Brooke:
1. Her eyes are narrowed in a mean but sexy way.
2. Her tongue is in her cheek.
3. There’s a smile playing at her lips that she doesn’t realize is there.
4. She’s zoned in on the guy, less aware of everyone else than she should be.
5. She’s acting like he’s the last person in the world she wants to be around.
Maybe it was the mood she was in or something. She had always said she hated Reed. On my behalf and on her own. But maybe that was number five in action.
“How about to the lucky guys who get to spend a meal with us?” Brooke corrected his toast.
“I can be down with that.” Reed held up his glass. He winked at her, and I caught her wink back.
“Much better!” Bethany laughed, and held hers up, too.
“Definitely lucky.” Eric pulled me a little closer by putting his hand on my waist. I stiffened.
“Can we just drink this shit?” Aiden said, putting up his own.
“That!” I said, joining.
We all clinked glasses. Aiden mouthed, It’s not that bad, at me as I looked fearful before taking it.
He was right. I could see how people could drink a lot of that and regret it later.
We did another round almost immediately. I didn’t really mind. It was a breezy and light-blue evening, and Aiden was driving. I knew he would stop after two and not do any more.
I declined after the two shots myself, however, when I started feeling sick from them. The queasiness passed pretty quickly, and I caught Aiden’s eye again. Being sober and having everyone around us grow increasingly less so proved to be pretty annoying.
At one point, when Reed and Brooke were in conversation and Eric and Bethany were semiflirting (weird), I did the hand gesture of shooting myself in the temple. Aiden laughed silently, put his hands over his mouth and glanced at Brooke. She wasn’t paying attention.
Reed insisted that we do a round of hot sake at the end of our meal, despite advertising it as tasting “like piss.”
“Yeah, but you have to try it at least,” he said.
“Jesus Christ,” I screamed after taking a half a sip. Everyone else but Aiden took theirs. I shook my head. “I’m not drinking that.”
Everyone laughed, but we had all clearly hated it exactly that much. Even Reed was looking regretful.
“All right, all right, that wasn’t worth it. I apologize for that.”
He threw down a bunch of money on the check holder and said, “Let’s get out of here.”
“How much is the check?” asked Aiden.
“It’s on me, don’t worry about it.”
Aiden looked at the check, and then looked at him. “It’s only forty bucks, how is that possible?”
Reed stood and gestured at Lin. “Loves me.”
I could see why. There was at least eighty dollars lying on top of the check.
I walked next to Brooke. “Gotta give him some credit, I guess.”
“Guess so.” She shrugged and gave a quick smile, but seemed uninterested in talking to me. She didn’t even look at me when I spoke. She quickened her step and walked next to Bethany. What the hell?
“So what now?” Reed asked, his hands behind his head, stretching. He seemed unselfconscious about inviting himself into our evening.
“Oh, my God, I know.” Bethany perked up unexpectedly. “Let’s go to freaking laser tag. Is that crazy?”
“That,” said Reed, pointing at her, “is the least crazy thing I have ever heard. Laser tag it is.”
Fifteen minutes later, we were signing up for laser tag and putting on the ridiculous outfits. Five minutes after that, we were in the dark room, which was being pumped with dry ice and lasers with colored lights everywhere.
We did girls against boys. Though I barely knew how to play, I found myself laughing and enjoying myself.
I turned a corner and ran into Eric.
“Don’t shoot!” I said. “That wouldn’t be very nice.”
He laughed. “All right, I’ll let you go. But it’s going to cost you.”
“What will it cost me?”
He walked toward me and tapped his cheek for me to kiss him.
My confidence was brimming, but I still wasn’t into the guy.
It happened faster than I could even track. One second I was leaning in to kiss him on the cheek, the next, Aiden was running up behind me and using my own trigger to shoot Eric in his target.
“Dude!” said Eric, visibly annoyed.
“Hah!” Aiden kept running.
“What an asshole!” he said.
I grinned and ran. “Sorry!”
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