by Messe, Ellie
He nods, “Until then.”
My brow furrows, “Not tomorrow?”
He smiles, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Consider it my ploy to get you to say yes.”
Giving him a small smile, I step outside of the car, “If I said yes, we both know we'd never make it to Amy's show.”
Closing the door before he can respond, a giggle escapes me, “Night, Caleb.”
Walking up the stairs my phone vibrates bringing a smile to my face. Fishing my phone out of my bag, butterflies take flight, but instead of flying up, they make a b-line towards my jeans.
LOGAN: If you continue to be a tease the next time I get you to say yes will be in quick succession while my face is buried between your thighs.
My eyes bulge at his text as my knees wobble.
Shovel, meet Devina. Devina, meet hole.
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
It turns out Amy wasn’t due at the store until an hour before opening so filling Amy in on my plan; I texted a single word to Logan the next day; yes.
Dressing in a white button down top, I tuck it into my black skater skirt. Amy paired it with black stockings and a pair of red heels. She looks breathtaking in her red Chanel suit. She all but lost her mind when it was delivered to her door earlier today, claiming she was going to kiss Logan square on the lips when she saw him. He’s unaware of my plus one to our date tonight.
I like Logan; I like him far more than I should so I don’t feel the least bit guilty using Amy as my human shield.
The buzzer sounds in my apartment, informing us of Logan’s arrival.
Amy giggles like a mad woman when I approach the intercom, “Shut up.” I laugh, pressing the intercom, “I’ll be right down.”
“He’s going to kill you.” She laughs, handing me my keys.
“Yeah, but it’ll be totally worth it.”
High off the excitement of the evening, Amy and I act like fools on the ride down in the elevator; taking silly selfies and making snap stories in butchered British accents.
When the doors open, Amy runs full force into Logan, shoving her lips against his cheek, she gives him an obnoxious kiss, “Buy me things like this, and I’ll marry you long before our pact.”
“Congratulations on your event.”
“Thanks. Are you surprised to see me?”
“I must admit that I am.”
“Devina said you one-upped her and this was her getting even.”
“Is that right?” His blue eyes land on mine, “And pray, tell, what was it that I did to deserve the pleasure of revenge?”
“You know,” I smirk, rocking my phone back and forth in my hand.
“Are you teasing me?” He quirks a brow at me.
“Nope. Just getting dinner with my friends in celebration.” I say passing him.
“I’m a man of my word, Duck.” He calls after me.
“About what?” Amy asks, walking next to him.
“Nothing.” I say at the same time Logan starts, “I told her if she insists on being a tease, the next time I'll-“
“Logan,” I growl, shaking my head.
“What?” Amy whines, looking between us.
“Nothing. Let’s go celebrate.”
“That’s not fair. You can’t keep secrets on my special night.”
“It’s really nothing,” I promise, holding the door.
Logan glares at me, pushing my hand away so he can take over.
“I don’t think sex with me would be nothing.” He smirks as Amy gasps.
“WHAT? You guys had sex?!”
“Shh!” I panic, flailing my arms at her while looking at Caleb who stands at the back door of the car, “No! We didn’t do…that. He got pervy in a text, and I needed to shut him down.”
“What did it say?” She says, ignoring my warning glances to shut up as we climb into the back seat.
“Nothing.”
“Something.” She puts her hands on her hip as Logan claims the front seat. “Logan, what did it say?”
Chuckling, he hands his phone to her, with him sitting in front of her, I wasn’t able to intercept in time before her eyes read greedily over his text to me.
“Oh, my God.” She chuckles, handing his device back to him. “Oh, my.” Looking to me now, she laughs, shaking her head. “Why don’t you guys just drop me and Caleb off somewhere, you can have the back seat.”
“Amy!”
“What?” She laughs, and I think she's serious, “That’s hot! If you don't take him up on that offer, I will.”
Folding my lips in, I glare out the window. Well, this didn’t go according to plan. I wanted to make this a non-date and have a little fun while I was at it, not be ganged up on. I’m not sleeping with Logan- I’m not.
The ride to the restaurant was filled with talk of Amy’s show, much like our dinner conversation.
Finishing up our meal, Amy threw back not only the remains of her wine but mine as well. She claims not to be nervous, but her alcoholism suggests otherwise.
After being brought to our VIP seats next to the runway, Amy ran off for her pre-show prepping leaving me alone with Logan. Seeing as my blouse is form fitting and sized appropriately, I don’t have any sleeves to twist, resorting to picking at the buttons on my cuff instead.
“Why are you nervous?” He asks after the eighth or ninth time my nail cracked against the plastic circle.
“It’s nothing,” I say, dropping my hands to my lap. “This is pretty cool right?”
He nods, still studying my profile. “Not that I don’t enjoy Amy’s company, but why did you bring her along tonight?”
Swallowing hard, I focus on the stagehand setting up a light stand as I speak, “Because I was scared to go alone. I don’t want to mess up our friendship.”
“Eating a meal with me would do that much damage?”
“If I agreed to go, on a proper date with you,” My eyes find his, “What are the chances it would be more than dinner?”
His eyes drop to my mouth for a fleeting moment, “I don’t know.”
“If I gave you an opportunity to take it further, would you?”
“In a heartbeat.” He answers quickly without a flicker of doubt.
“That’s the problem. It can’t go further.”
“I think you’re looking too far into things.” He says leaning his forearms on his knees, “We’ve crossed that friend line on more than one occasion, and we’re still us.”
“And when Cole comes back?”
“You’ll be back where you started,” He smirks, “Boring and orgasmless.”
“Shut up.” I push his shoulder, though it’s half-hearted.
He’s right; I was boring, and yes, orgasmless as he worded it. Even though I don’t see that changing, I know I can’t sleep with Logan. My feelings for him are already much stronger than I care to admit, this would just complicate things, and I don’t need that right now.
“You never lie, correct?”
I nod, off guard by his sudden question.
He looks away, nodding to himself. “Alright, then.”
“What?”
“Nothing,” He shakes his head, “I guess I was just hoping you wanted the chase. If that’s how you want it, then I’ll drop it.”
He seems upset, not quite angry, more defeated. A sudden fear for our friendship threatens to choke me. “Are you upset with me?”
Pulling back, his brow furrows, “Of course not.”
His fingers find the back of my neck, pulling gently into his shoulder he gives me a one-armed hug, kissing my hair.
“So what do we do now?” I ask, worried he's not being honest with me.
“We try not to blur any lines.”
Amy’s show is sensational. I sit proudly beside her as we watch her creations march up and down the little runway. Afterward, she’s called up on stage where we all stand and applauded her efforts.
Happy tears sting my eyes as I watch her posing for the photographer with her models.
> “I’ve never been so proud of her.”
“It was a spectacular show, especially for only having four days notice. I’ve seen designers pull together a less impressive line with months of preparation.”
“You should tell her that.”
“I’m worried she’ll float away, then we’ll never get her back.”
Laughing, I collect the program off the runway as she approaches.
Waving the little pink flyer, I return her bright smile, “I’m keeping this. It has your name on it.”
“Want me to sign it?” She laughs, posing like nineteen-fifties actress.
I laugh, throwing my arm over her shoulder, “This was incredible.”
“I know, right. God, I’m on cloud-nine.” She swoons, leaning into my frame, “They’re doing an after party down the street. You guys are more than welcome to come, but truth be told, I won’t be available. Some suits are down and want to talk to me.”
“Oh, my God! That’s great!”
She squeals, standing up straight, “I know! I’m trying not to spazz, but it’s damn near impossible.”
“Well, do you want us there? You know, for moral support?”
“Of course I want you there, I always want you guys around, but I’m going to be super busy, so I get it if you guys want to head home. I know you’ve got work to do.”
“You sure?” Logan asks, pulling up to my side.
“Yeah,” She waves him off, “I can bore you guys with all the details tomorrow.”
“What do you say, Duck? After party or home?”
“Oh, don’t give her that decision.” Amy complains, smiling, “She’ll come to support me, take her home. I’ll call you tomorrow.” She kisses my cheek before hugging Logan, “I’ve got to run, I’m catching a ride with my boss.”
Watching her retreat, my heart swells at her success. Six years of climbing and she’s finally making it to the top.
“It’s only eleven,” Logan starts, handing me my stuff, “Do you want to go home or see what the town's doing?”
“I should go home, try to get as much work done as I can before I’m woken up with the energizer bunny.”
Logan growls, glaring at me, “That’s the image you want to give me after telling me we can’t move past friends?”
“What?” My face is so scrunched up, it hurts.
“You think I want to know that’s how you wake up in the morning knowing I can’t do anything?”
“What the hell are you talking about?” I ask my confusion transforming into annoyance. “You’re not making any sense.”
Pulling back slightly, he studies my face, “When you said you were going to be woken up with the energizer bunny what did you mean?”
“Amy. She’s going to be bouncing off the walls with excitement. What did you think I meant?”
He chuckles, almost embarrassed, leaning on my shoulder he whispers, “I thought you were telling me you were going start your day with a vibrator.”
Shooting away from him, the look of horror on my face is enough to make him laugh outright. “I don’t even own one of those.”
“That’s a damn shame then, Duck. A damn shame.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
“I feel like you’re mad at me,” I admit stepping out of the car in front of my apartment.
Logan hasn’t spoken to me since the show, leaving a sheet of uncomfortable silence in the car on the drive over.
“I’m not angry.”
“Then what are you?”
“Nothing.” He smiles.
“I’ve never lied to you, the least you could do is offer me the same courtesy.”
“I’m not lying, I promise.”
“You haven’t spoken to me since we left.”
He laughs, “I’m sorry?”
“It’s not funny, Logan,” I whine, the pit in my stomach snarling with worry.
His laughter dies, righting his face, he looks me in the eye, “I promise. I’ll see you tomorrow?”
That ugly feeling still sits in my bones but I try to ignore it, he said he promised. Nodding, I give him a weak smile, “Tomorrow.”
“Sweet dreams, Duck.”
“Bye.”
Walking into my apartment, I throw my purse onto the counter with a huff. Why can’t I rid the feeling that I’ve done something wrong? I can’t be more than friends with him; it’ll ruin everything. My feelings for him have already surpassed the friend zone; I know that I wouldn’t be able to just sleep with him. He may be able to sleep with me without loving me, but I know that I’d fall for him if we did and I can’t add that to my plate right now. It’s better this way. I repeat that on a loop while kicking out of my shoes.
Just as I start to get the back loose on my earring, a knock sounds at my door. It must be Amy; she’s the only one with a key who can get in.
Walking over, I unlock the deadbolt, cracking it open before continuing to work on my stuck earring.
“What happened, Ames?” I ask, pulling away.
“Devina?” Halting mid-step, I slowly turn to face the door.
“Cole?” I don’t know why I ask that. I’m looking right at him after all. He’s in a white tee, blue windbreaker, and jeans.
Oh crap, Logan never prepared me for this. What would he say? What would Logan say? Men want what they can’t have. Don’t be a love-struck puppy. Be indifferent. “What are you doing here? I’m running late.”
“You look incredible, Dee.” His compliment feels I don't know, wrong?
“Thanks,” I say with a lack of interest, returning to the island, I grab one of my pumps and slide it back onto my sore feet. “Can I help you?”
“I just wanted to stop by and see if you wanted to talk.”
“Can’t.” Grabbing the other shoe, I slide that one on as well, “Like I said, I’m late.”
Grabbing my purse off the island, I step past him, closing the door behind me.
“I broke it off with Monica.”
Thank God the key was already in the lock or else I would’ve dropped them and blown my whole nonchalant act.
“Sorry to hear it.” Twisting, I give him an apologetic smile.
“I made a mistake; I want to work things out with you.”
“Look, Cole. I don’t have time for this.” Pressing the call button, I twist to face him, “Logan and I are meeting Amy at the after party for her fashion show. If you want to talk, come by in the morning or something, but I can’t do this right now.”
“Oh, um, yeah. Great.”
“Cool.”
Stepping into the elevator, I immediately push the ‘close-door’ button even though I know he had plans on riding down with me. Rapidly pressing the ground floor, I count my blessings when it begins its descent, leaving him alone on the sixth floor.
Once the lobby comes into view, I duck into the community laundry room and pull out my phone.
ME: Cole just showed up at my door!
ME: I told him we were meeting Amy and I was late and couldn’t talk right now.
ME: What do I do?!
ME: He’s coming over in the morning to talk. We never got to I, N, or G.
ME: Ugh! Your silence is deafening, Logan! I’m hiding in my laundry facility awaiting your guidance!
LOGAN: Be there in five. Wait there.
ME: And if he sees me hiding in the laundry room?!
LOGAN: Go upstairs, if you cross paths tell him you forgot something. I’ll be there soon.
Exhaling a deep breath, I push through the doors and rush to the elevator, I pray to my lucky star he’s not on the other side when it opens.
Thankfully it’s empty when I step in. I’m surprised by the flood of emotions currently going through my system. I wasn’t happy that he came…I was terrified. But I don’t think it was a good terrified; it feels more like I found my dad’s porn stash, like I wasn’t supposed to be there and now that he was, I feel almost guilty.
Explain that one.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
>
“Hey,” Logan says, entering my apartment. “He leave?”
I stop pacing long enough to nod at him.
“You okay?”
“Yeah,” I nod, but it’s more to convince myself, “Why wouldn’t I be?”
“I guess I was just expecting a different reaction.”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know excitement?” He chuckles.
“I’m just a little shocked I guess.”
“Why?”
“Cause he just showed up, Logan! Without a word, he said he broke up with Monica and wants to try again. But, I wasn’t happy when he said it, I felt like he wasn’t supposed to be here. I was trying to get away from him, so I didn’t mess up, sure, but the other part of me just…had no interest.”
The only sound to be heard in my apartment is the slapping of my bare feet on the tile as I continue pacing.
“Do you love him?”
Halting mid-step, I look at Logan who’s leaning against my counter, his eyes studying me.
“What kind of ridiculous question is that?”
“An honest one.”
“I’ve been with him for five years, Logan. I gave him my virginity, of course, I love him. You don’t just stop loving someone who held that much of your life.”
“But are you still in love with him?”
“I just told you that I was.”
“No, what you told me was that he is a person that holds a piece of your life, Like Amy or Me, someone who inspired memories, someone you love. Being in love and loving someone are two totally separate things. When you’re in love; that person consumes you. You go through your day wanting to make up reasons just to talk to them; you lay in bed at night eager to fall asleep so that you can play out all of your imaginary scenarios. There isn’t a thing in this world or the next that would stop you from doing everything in your power to make them happy.”
Staring at him while he speaks, I wonder who broke his heart. Who did he give everything up for just to be broken and thrown aside?
“So which one is he, Devina? Is he a piece of your life or is he your entire life?”
How the hell do you respond to that? Cole has been there from the beginning; he was my friend, my confidant, my happily ever after. So why can’t I answer?