I never wanted there to be another time. I shook my head. “Go put out the call, Carter. Please, just go do that.”
I watched him walk away, turning once he’d vanished through the doorway only to find most everyone else in the precinct staring gap jawed at me.
It was then that I finally looked down at myself. I’d dressed in a nice pair of jeans, boots, and a forest-green tank top. But I highly doubted it was my wardrobe choices that bothered them. No doubt it was the blood on my hands, my face, and everywhere else that made me look even more the monster than I already was.
I wanted to run away from their censorious gazes, wanted to give them all the bird and tell them to go to hell, but I felt a great big yawning chasm of emptiness inside and the impression that if I gave in to the feelings, I’d be stepping over the line into a place I’d never come back from.
Not all vampires were bloodthirsty monsters that lived only for the kill. I’d come across a few in my time. Some were scholars, thinkers, more human than not. But always there was a parallel between the ones who’d lost their souls and became nothing but their cravings...they gave in to the forbidden fruit. Became consumed by their thirst and need for blood, to the point that nothing and no one else mattered. Those were the most dangerous among us. There was no spark of humanity anymore, nothing even remotely sane about them...they lived simply for the kill. Many Veilers were born already being what they were, but that was not so with Vampires.
We were born human. We could choose our humanity or our destruction; the choice was always ours to make. I licked my bottom lip, tasting my mother’s sweet essence on my tongue, and trembled as I felt my eyes slowly begin to bleed through.
Taking a deep breath, I gently eased it out.
Lifting my chin, I looked at no one as I walked slowly out. Only once my boots hit the sidewalk did I run, moving like a thought through town. I wanted to hide, wanted to vanish, wanted to disappear forever.
But I knew I couldn’t run away from pain; it always found me. Always haunted me. All I could do was stop and embrace it and let it consume me, knowing that the darkness wouldn’t last and that on the other side of the pain, I’d learn to breathe again.
I’d witnessed my parents do it when I’d died to them. I could do it too.
When I stopped running, I wasn’t surprised to find myself in front of the den.
The sounds inside soothed me—the breaking pool balls, the live band, the smell of beer, and the musk of way too many shifters, all familiar, all comforting.
I opened the door, and in a scene of déjà vu, everyone turned and stopped to stare at me. But I was among Veilers now, my people; the sight of blood was an aphrodisiac to them.
And then I remembered the incident last night with Clarence, and I wondered what rumors swirled around me. One thing I could say about learning my parents had just been brutally slaughtered was that it definitely helped to put my life into perspective.
Last night, I’d thought my life was over after what Clarence had done to me. Tonight, I wanted to rip his spleen out and eat it raw.
Mercer slid out from under the bar, standing tall and proud as he snapped his fingers at the crowd. “Play that music and stop staring.”
His words were low but shivered with raw power As though the Alpha himself had ordered it, everyone resumed what they’d been doing. I shook, standing still under his gaze as he walked to me. I wasn’t compelled to do as he said, but even so, I felt the wave of his power glide against my sensitized flesh.
“Scarlett,” he said once he got to my side, taking my hand in his and squeezing gently, “you shouldn’t be here. You should be home resting.”
My heart sank. And that immediately stoked the ember of rage I was trying so desperately to contain.
“You know. You all fucking know.”
Working his jaw from side to side, he wouldn’t look at me as he said, “Heard the chatter over the police wire. I saw Carter come onto our lands and take you—”
“He didn’t take me,” I snarled, getting so mad I could spit. “And it’s none of your GD business to know each and every damn thing I’m doing, you hear me?”
I stabbed my finger into his chest, forcing him back on his heels, not holding anything back.
Merc’s nostrils flared, and his fingers bunched into tight fists, but he stood his ground. “Scar, you’re too raw. You need to go home and—”
Whipping my finger underneath his nose, knowing that I was all but challenging him in front of God and country, I snarled, “Don’t you dare tell me what I should and shouldn’t do, you hear me? Now I’m here to work, and that’s exactly what I aim to do. Get out of my way.”
Mercer, stubborn ass that he was, refused to move. So I did. I whipped under the arm he threw out to block my path. I’d always had the edge on Merc when it came to speed, and I ran to the bar, slipped underneath, and then pounded that old piece of mahogany loudly.
“Now who wants drinks, huh?” I grinned at all the stunned faces around me, looking at me as if I’d suddenly sprouted a third eye. “On the house.”
That broke the thick mood more than anything else could have.
The Farley brothers, all three of them, were the first to come at me. But none of them smiled.
Blue looked at me intensely. “How are you, fanger?”
I chuckled. “Oh, I’m peachy keen, Blue. Why, thanks for asking. Now what in the hell do you want to drink?”
Blinking prettily at him, I gave him a very clear vibe of don’t fucking go there. The beautiful androgynous fae got the hint, nodding once. “Fire water. For all three.”
“Good. Great! Fire water,” I mumbled, plastering the biggest, fakest smile on my face that I could.
I poured the drinks, shoved them toward the brothers, and then snapped my fingers. “Well!”
The line was long after that, everyone giving me their drink orders, but even the shifters looked unsure and confused by my behavior. Thankfully, Mercer didn’t try to stop me again.
Did I know I was acting crazy? Of course. But I didn’t care, because I needed that sense of normalcy right now or I was going to lose what tenuous control I had on myself. One after another, I poured drinks, made jokes, and laughed robustly, pretending that my life hadn’t just hit the skids, that the one thing in life that’d mattered more to me than anything else wasn’t really gone.
And then Teresa was there.
My little friend who never drank more than a tiny bit of sherry right before bed had come to the den, and I’d not even known it. Someone had called for her. And I knew without asking that it was Mercer.
I gripped tight to the bar, staring at her with wide, huge eyes, knowing that whatever she was about to do would break me.
Her eyes were huge and sad and so full of pain, and that thin shell I’d constructed just to make it through the night shook.
“Sugar,” she whispered softly, and that very thin thread holding me together snapped.
I dropped the bottle of whiskey I’d been holding. The crystal decanter shattered the moment it hit the ground.
A second later Mercer was there, taking me in his arms and wrapping me up so tight I couldn’t breathe.
And again that weird trembling that’d struck me at the crime scene came over me, but this time, I couldn’t stop from moaning. Sounds spilled out of me like that of a dying animal.
I hated my weakness. Hated how keenly I felt things. How razor sharp and excruciatingly painful everything was. I was dying inside, and nothing and no one could stop it.
“Sweetheart,” he whispered against my ear, “I’m right here. Right here.”
I dug my fingers into his back. My extended claws ripped holes in his shirt, punctured through his skin, bled him, but he didn’t move. He held me and didn’t move.
And then the doors opened, and I saw him.
Clarence walked in surrounded by his Wolf Pack, Emerson to the left of him. And though he wasn’t snarling at the sight of me as he usually did, he was st
ill cold, still callous.
That was it. The straw that broke the camel’s back. I tossed Mercer’s arms off me, and from one blink to the next, I was in Clarence’s space.
“You did this! You did this, you arrogant sonofabitch!” I stabbed my finger in his chest.
It all happened so fast.
I was whipped back, tugged on so hard that I blacked out for a second and was shoved behind James’s big, wide frame. Mercer had swapped spots with me and was holding one arm out toward his Alpha and the other behind him, as though to shield me.
He said nothing, but his intent was clear: You want her. Then you’ll have to get through me first.
Clarence’s eyes were green and glowing, and the Wolf Pack had their claws out. I should have cared so much more than I did, but I must have had a death wish, because I didn’t care a bit what they did to me. I just didn’t care. It was almost freeing to think that the pain could all be over for me soon.
“Get her out of here,” Clarence snarled, his voice a mix of man and beast.
“Come on.” James spoke quickly, taking hold of my elbow and yanking me forward.
I was so angry I wanted to explode, but for once tonight, I stopped acting stupid and thought with my head and not my non-beating heart.
We were just at the door when Clarence whispered low, “I came tonight to give you my condolences, Scarlett Smith.”
I swallowed, growing cold at the full use of my name. I’d already been on shaky footing with the pack after last night. And right now, I knew I’d only made things a million times worse.
James ran, dragging me with him. We didn’t just run into the woods as last time. We went farther, all the way to the haunted shack.
Immediately I smelled my Mama’s blood that had soaked into the ground, and that madness swept over me again. I needed to feel something and not just dead inside. I needed to feel alive. Needed to...feed.
With an angry hiss, I twirled on James, sinking my claws into his shoulders, and slammed him to the ground. I was on his neck before we’d even touched dirt.
He could have forced me off. Could have ripped my head off for daring to take before I was invited, but I sucked on his peppery, autumn-flavored blood, and he simply cradled my head to his shoulder, saying nothing, only giving.
Midway through the feed, I lost it. Just lost it.
I stopped drinking and began to sob, great big heaving, wracking sobs that tore my soul in two. Grieving my folks in a way that was final and permanent. Losing control of all reason and sanity as I gave in to the most private part of me, allowing a shifter I’d never totally trusted to guard my pain.
To hold me and rock me and whisper that it would be all right. I didn’t know how long we sat there, but it’d been hours.
My wailing had disturbed the ghosts. Delilah was back, and the shack shook with her violent screams.
James’s large hands framed my face, and he forced me to look at him. He looked deep at me, as though peeling past the surface to my very soul. Whatever he saw seemed to please him.
“There now, Vampire. You feel better, don’t you?”
I almost shook my head no, but he was right. I did feel better. As if an unbearable burden had been lifted off my shoulders. The ache was still there and probably always would be, but the millstone tied around my neck was off for the moment.
He grinned at my surprised look.
“You vampires and yer high-strung ways.”
I mock punched him, not going full speed but not cutting corners, either. He winced.
“I deserved that,” he said.
Sniffing, I wiped at my sure-to-be-swollen nose. “Yeah. You did. And thanks. And, I’m really sorry for...” I fluttered my fingers over his bloodied collar.
I hadn’t really taken the time to notice him earlier. He looked nice tonight, dressed all in black but wearing a silk shirt, slacks, and a glossy black tie. With his dark hair and silver eyes, he looked devilish. He also looked like a man headed out on a date, or in his case, maybe on his way to decapitating yet another one of Clarence’s enemies. Never could tell with these shifters.
He was still rubbing where I’d punched him. “You’re welcome, and it’s okay. For what it’s worth, lass, I’m sorry. I know what it is to lose something you hold dear.”
His words held much truth and did make me feel better. As though I wasn’t alone in my pain, though I was.
Mama and Daddy had never had any other kids. I’d been it. Which meant I was also the only one around to grieve them. They’d deserved so much better than me.
I gave a remorseful chuckle. “I imagine you do. Why are you being so nice to me, James? I don’t understand you. Not even Mercer would have dared to walk away from the Alpha as you just did. Your actions make you look like you took my side, and that’s not what I wanted. I’m sorry. I’ve made a fine mess of everything.”
His hands were rubbing my cold upper arms, and I let him, enjoying the touch, feeling grounded back to reality.
“Don’t be so hard on Merc. Ye have no idea what he’s going through. And I did take your side.” He winked.
Shocked, I gave a slight shake of my head. “Why in the hell would you do that? Do I remind you that much of Isobel that you’d just—”
His lips pinched at the name, and I was immediately sorry I’d said it.
“What I mean is—”
“No. I know what you mean. If you really want to know the truth, Scarlett, I don’t like it here. I don’t want to be here.”
“Those are very dangerous words to be saying out loud.”
And where I hadn’t felt scared for me, I suddenly felt very scared for him. Breaking faith with one’s pack wasn’t something that any wolf took lightly. Lone wolves rarely survived in the world.
“Aye. But we’re alone, and I trust you.”
His silver eyes almost seemed to swirl for a moment, as if he were trying to hypnotize me, but I knew he wasn’t. The fact was, I was hypnotized merely because he intrigued me. Very little did anymore.
“Why?” I asked. “No one here really likes me or wants me around. Maybe Merc, but I think I’ve been a thorn in his flesh far more than a blessing.”
He sighed deeply. “Mercer is a complicated wolf, Scarlett. And we’ll leave it at that. But I’m here with you because you’re just as broken as I am, and in that at least, we share common ground.”
“You’re weird as hell, James,” I said.
“Aye. I know.” He winked, and though my sadness was still great, I could genuinely smile.
“So now what? Learn anything from yer parents?”
I’d forgotten that he hadn’t known about my hit. I hadn’t told anyone, I’d simply gone in there and acted as if I were one bat short of a belfry.
Wiping my nose again, I suddenly realized that I was straddling his lap. It was intimate in a way sex wouldn’t be. But I was in no hurry to leave, either.
Maybe Vampires did need touch more than I’d thought, or maybe I was just broken and wrong anyway they sliced me.
“Mama saw the killer’s face. She was a woman gone missing from the next county over a year ago. I told Carter to put out the APB.”
“Carter. Your detective friend.”
I lifted a brow, giving him a “yeah, so?” face.
He shrugged. “Just curious. He reminds me of someone is all.”
“Reminds you of someone.” I scoffed. “Of course he reminds you of someone. He reminds you of Carter. He was my partner back in the day when we were mussing up sheets together.”
Every time he grinned, it caused his Glasgow smile to curl up menacingly. It was hot in a very bad-boy kind of way. Never knew I was so into scars.
“Okay, smartarse.”
Then his jaw clenched, and I knew I was right; James was hiding something. Regardless of the fact that we’d slept together last night, or the fact that I liked him enough not to treat him as my enemy, I still wasn’t sure I should trust him as far as I could throw him.
H
e didn’t answer, but I knew I was right. “Something leads me to believe you and Carter have history, am I right?”
“It’s no history so much as...” He pursed his lips, as though searching for a word.
“A feeling?”
Again he pursed his lips before saying, “I don’t know, just something.”
I nodded. “Well, when you figure it out, will you let me know?”
He looked genuinely confused. “Of course. Did you think I wouldn’t?”
I snorted. “See, that’s the thing, I don’t really understand this sudden bond you’ve developed with me, or why you care so much. So yeah, I didn’t think you would. And why are you so dressed up, anyway?”
I was getting flustered, and so I switched the subject. The last few days had been some of the worst in my undead life; I was feeling a little touchy. Damn vampire hormones.
“I was on an errand. Or supposed to be, anyway.”
“Supposed to be? Errand for whom? Clarence?”
Because there really couldn’t be anyone else, and the mere fact that he was still here with me instead of doing what his Alpha had commanded was a sure sign that I wasn’t the only one pissing in the top dog’s face.
“Aye.” His chest rumbled as he gazed over my shoulder.
From the way he said it and the faraway gleam in his eyes, I knew he didn’t want to do whatever it was he’d been tasked to do.
“What did he ask you?”
When James still wouldn’t look at me, I forced him to. His eyes had begun to glow.
His words were sharp and harsh as he said, “I’ve been asked to deal with an associate.”
I lifted a brow. I might have been law enforcement for years, but I knew the way things worked among my kind. Human law prohibited us from killing humans, but they couldn’t mandate how we handled our own business. So long as we stayed within Veiler-restricted lands, we were free to govern ourselves as we chose.
“Who?”
“Blanca D’oro.”
What the hell was Clarence thinking? I knew Blanca; she was good people, the daughter of Dionysus—or Diane, as she preferred to be called—D’Oro. Infamous madam and fae-grade narcotics peddler. She was our local Veiler pimp, but everything she did was legal and above board. Diane dealt in the fae-touched only.
Whiskey, Vamps, and Thieves (Southern Vampire Detective #1) Page 17