by Lane Hart
“I get that it’s not an easy decision because you’re already attached to her and all. I am, too,” I admit because I can’t stop thinking about her, our daughter. What she’ll look like. How it will feel to hold the tiny person the two of us made. Sure it will be god-awful to lose out on all those possibilities, but if it means keeping Abby alive…“You can have another baby, though. We can’t have another Abby.”
Well, that comment clearly pisses her off. Abby’s eyes narrow before she storms over and speaks to me through clenched teeth, poking me with a finger in my stomach. “She’s not a puppy or a goldfish that you can just replace when another one dies. This is my daughter that I love so damn much I’m willing to do whatever it takes for her to be born! The fact that you could even consider killing her—”
“When the options are…killing her, someone I’ve never met and may not survive anyway, or killing you, it doesn’t even seem like there’s a real choice!”
Abby blinks watery chocolate eyes at me before she squares her shoulders, and says, “If that’s how you feel, then I want you to give up your rights to her.”
I would’ve been less surprised if she’d just round-house kicked my teeth out.
“What?” I ask.
“You don’t want her, so I want you to release all parental rights to her.”
“No.” I don’t even have to consider it for a second. If it takes lawyers and judges or whatever else to see her, then so be it. I’m not just gonna walk away from my own flesh and blood, from what’s mine.
Only after the word leaves my mouth do I understand the implications of what I just said. If Abby has the baby but doesn’t make it…I’ll be a single father raising a baby all alone. Am I actually capable of doing that? That’s a ginormous responsibility.
“How are you gonna take care of a baby?” Abby asks, crossing her arms over our ample chest. Damn, I love those titties. It’s a goddamn shame that I can’t just fuck my way out of this jacked up situation and conversation because that’s what I want to do. Pick her up and have angry sex against the wall that’s so good it makes everything else permanently disappear. Fucking cancer. “Have you ever actually held a baby before?” she asks, interrupting my fantasy that was much more fun than thinking about losing her. God, and I feel so damn guilty for being the one responsible for putting this shit on her. I swear I could destroy an entire village with my fists right about now.
“No, I haven’t ever held a baby before, but I’m sure I can figure it out,” I say with a confidence I don’t actually feel at the moment. There have to be books, classes and people I can hire to teach me how to take care of a baby. Hell, there are YouTube videos on everything nowadays. But I don’t want to have to do any of that without Abby. The thought of her not being around to ream my ass out for being a shitty father makes me want to puke.
“Raising a child is not something you just figure out!” Abby yells, heading for the door. “I hope you’ll think about this and change your mind because she deserves a real family, not growing up watching you fuck your way through the entire state.”
With that parting shot, Abby leaves me in the doctor’s office where moments ago I saw my daughter for what may be the first and last time.
…
For the next hour I sit in my truck outside the doctor’s office with the windows rolled down, unable to drive anywhere. Abby, the baby, cancer. It’s more than I’m capable of dealing with. I’m not equipped for this sort of heavy life and death situation. I’ve lived my days trying to stay away from serious shit, responsibility and, hell, even feelings. All I know is fighting and fucking. Genetically, I may not even be capable of showing affection or caring for someone else. I’m pretty sure my dad beat all soft emotions I may have been born with out of me by the time I was thirteen. Maybe sooner. So I can knock a man out with my fists, and I can give a woman a few orgasms. That’s it. That’s the extent of my abilities.
But even knowing all that, there’s a part of me that doesn’t want to walk away from this baby. She’s mine, and that’s one thing I do understand. Without a doubt, I can provide for her financially and protect her. That seems like enough to start with. Over time, hopefully I can learn the rest. I’m giving myself a lot of credit, I know. When the choice is myself or someone else being the one to raise her, well, it seems like an easy decision to make, even if it’s a tough one. Probably the toughest fight I’ve ever faced.
Fuck. This could all be hypothetical. In a year from now, I could be arguing with Abby in court over who gets to see the baby at Christmas and shit. As stubborn as that woman is, I actually think it’s a pretty safe bet that she’ll be able to hang in there until the baby is born, and then she can start getting better. She recovered from cancer last time, so I’m sure she can do it again with the right doctors and aggressive treatment. She has to dammit! There’s no other option.
Feeling more optimistic now, I finally drive myself over to Havoc that’s so slam packed I can barely find a parking spot. Guess Mace’s big win on national television is already causing a bump in enrollment. I’m sure Linc and Jude are thrilled.
Heading inside, I run into Claire just outside the door.
“So, how was the honeymoon?” I ask since I’m not sure what else to say when I hold the door open for her. Really, I’m trying to pretend like my world didn’t just implode.
“It was awesome,” Claire answers with a blinding smile. “Get your mind out of the gutter.”
“Hey, my mind wasn’t even in the gutter for once,” I tell her as we walk inside and head for Linc’s office.
“And New York?” I ask her. “How’s Hailey doing?”
The smile slips off Claire’s face, and she shakes her head. “Not good. But she’s here now, at a really great treatment—”
Just outside Linc’s partially opened door I hear Abby’s voice, and my feet instantly freeze.
“When are you gonna tell Claire?” Abby asks, followed by a sniffle.
“Soon,” Linc answers with a sigh. “Come here, Abby. Everything is gonna work out, just hang in there.” Based on the way Claire jerks to a stop next to me, I know she’s also realized Linc’s not alone.
“You’re gonna be a great father—” Abby says before Claire pushes open the door, obviously tired of eavesdropping. I’m right on her heels. The scene before us is worse than the harsh words she just spoke to him, the complete opposite of what she thinks of me. Linc has his arms wrapped around Abby, and her head is laying against his chest before the two of them look over and see us, jumping clear apart. I’m speechless, but Claire obviously is not.
“What the fuck is going on?” she exclaims, arms crossed over her chest.
Linc looks at Abby and then me before he tells Claire, “It’s definitely not what it looks like.”
When Abby turns to face us in her long, clinging black dress that clearly displays her bump, Claire gasps and covers her mouth. I assume this is the first she’s heard about the pregnancy. She was probably too busy to notice at the wedding.
“She’s…that’s…you cheated on me?” Claire’s words come out high pitched and squeaky when she reaches the wrong conclusion. Wow, I guess I could see why she would think that, though.
“What?” Linc shouts. “No! God, no!” He takes a step in her direction and reaches for her, but Claire puts a palm up to stop his forward progress. Linc’s shoulders slump, knowing he’s so screwed right now. How long have they been married? Two weeks? Fighters obviously suck as husbands. “Senn knocked her up, not me!” Linc points at me, and Claire turns to me for confirmation.
“There hasn’t been a paternity test yet,” I say just to be an asshole. “But Abby says it’s mine.”
Claire exhales a small breath in relief. “But she said…”
“Abby’s leukemia is back, or maybe it never left,” Linc explains to her quickly. “She’s refused treatment because it might hurt the baby.”
“Oh. I’m, ah, sorry to hear that,” Claire says softly. “But why did
she say that you would make a great…”
“Son of a bitch!” I exclaim in understanding, lunging across the room for Linc and slamming his back against the wall before he even knows a Mack truck was coming for him. I’ll take my rage out on him because I can’t touch Abby. “You’re gonna let her die because you’re a selfish fucking prick!”
“It’s her decision!” he yells back in my face, grabbing at my arms to try and push me off of him.
“Women out! You two, break it up!” Jude shouts from behind us before he tries to keep me down from murdering my best friend. Someone, Mace and Nate I realize, grab either side of my chest and pull, hauling me toward the opposite side of the room while Jude keeps his hands on Linc’s shoulders to hold him back. “What the fuckety fuck is going on?” Jude asks.
“Abby’s leukemia came back, so she wants me and Claire to raise her baby when she, if she…” Linc starts.
“He’s gonna sit back and watch her die for him when he should be telling her to get treatment or…or to terminate the pregnancy!” I shout the words even though they scald my throat on the way out. Abby’s never gonna change her mind now, because of Linc. And I fucking hate him for having that much influence on her while I can’t get her to give me even the tiniest benefit of the doubt that she’s wrong about me.
“But the baby’s Senn’s,” Mace points out.
“She can’t do that, can she?” Jude asks, then says to me, “I’ll call and ask my sister-in-law, Page, to look up the local custody laws.”
“Thank you,” I say to him. “At least I’m not the only one who thinks this is fucked up!”
“What the hell are you gonna do with a baby?” Linc asks, sounding like Abby when he scowls at me around Jude, Nate and Mace, who remain between us. “Hire a nanny to raise it while you party up at clubs and fuck sluts every night?”
“Thanks for the vote of confidence,” I respond to the man who is supposed to be my best friend. “And she’s a girl, not an it.”
“A girl?” Linc repeats with raised eyebrows. “See, she’s gonna need a mother. Claire—”
“You haven’t even told her yet! You just agreed to take someone’s baby without even asking your wife, you selfish asshole!”
“What the fuck?” Mace shouts, glaring at Linc. “That’s why my sister walked out of here crying?” He lets me go to stalk over to his new brother-in-law. “That’s a jackass move.”
Linc bristles at the insult, squaring his shoulders when the bigger man approaches him, Jude still in the middle. “Not as much of a jackass move as the one you pulled on Hailey.”
Oh shit. Jude and Nate have to break up Mace and Linc’s fight when the two start shoving each other.
“Get the fuck out of my gym!” Linc yells, I’m assuming, to me and Mace.
“It’s half my gym,” Jude reminds him.
“Then all of you stay on his side of it and get the fuck out of my office!” Linc shouts.
“You better go find Claire and make this shit right,” Mace warns, his finger pointed at Linc.
“I’ll make it right with my wife, but you’re shit out of luck,” Linc tells him. “Hailey wants an annulment. Her attorney has already drawn up the papers.”
Low. Blow.
Mace visibly deflates before he walks out of the office without another word. I’m not far behind him.
Chapter Ten
Abby
“Why are you always around here trying to fuck things up?” Claire turns on me and asks when we get outside to the parking lot. The same spot where almost a year ago I found out Linc and her were together and that he didn’t want anything else to do with me.
“I’m sorry if my unplanned pregnancy and…and life-threatening cancer rained on your newlywed parade,” I reply with a sniffle while digging in my purse for a tissue.
“No, you’re not,” she retorts. “You still haven’t given up on trying to get Linc back.”
“Death seems like a pretty conclusive end game. So, congrats, you don’t have anything to worry about.”
“That’s not true. When we’re stuck raising your baby, he’ll have no choice but to think about you every day, just like you intend.”
“Look, I’m really not trying to cause problems,” I assure her. “There’s a small chance I can make it through, but if not…I just want her to have a happy family who loves her. I know from experience that my parents can’t give her that. My sister’s not married. So you and Linc are the only ones who can offer her a mother and a father.”
“So-so you’re having a girl?” Moisture clouds Claire’s eyes at the same time mine overflow.
“Yeah.” My voice cracks on that one word. “We got confirmation today…and I may never get a chance to hold her.” That’s the point at which we both break down into blubbering messes and actually hug each other while we cry.
“You okay, sis?” Mace asks when he walks up and puts a hand on Claire’s shoulder.
She turns around and embraces him, asking about Hailey, but I don’t hear his response before he sniffles and walks away.
“I should go,” I say into the awkward silence, drying my eyes with the tissue. “Please, just think about it?”
“Okay,” Claire agrees with a nod before I get into my car and drive away.
Since I’m an emotional wreck, I go straight home --- one of the benefits of owning my own business. I just need to send a text to Bree, my assistant, to let her know I’ll try and get in tomorrow. Not wanting to be alone, I also send a text to Luke, asking him if he’ll come over.
Thirty minutes later, there’s a knock at my door. I yank it open and throw myself at him.
“Bad day?” Luke asks into my hair. “I heard some shit went down at Havoc.”
“Don’t wanna talk,” I tell him when I grab the elastic waistband of his shorts and drag him to my bedroom. Clothes fly along the way until we’re both completely naked, getting into my bed.
“You need to relax. It’s not good for the baby if you get all worked up,” Luke says when he climbs on top of me with a serious expression on his usually playful face. No, today he’s a man on a mission, one that doesn’t involve making me laugh. He leans down and kisses me slowly, deliciously. “Let me make you feel good.”
“Okay,” I easily agree when his mouth moves down to my neck before lowering to suck on one of my breasts. I start to squirm with need when his tongue flicks over my sensitive navel. “Please,” I beg. Senn and I are done, that much is obvious. He probably hates me, which I deserve. But hopefully he’ll eventually understand that I just want our daughter to have a family. There’s no way he will give up fucking a different woman every night to raise a baby he never wanted in the first place.
Without another word, Luke’s blond head dives between my spread thighs. A single finger trails along my wet folds before his tongue takes its place, swirling frantically inside me like my pussy’s a dripping ice cream cone he has to hurry up and eat before it melts. “God, that’s good. Right there,” I encourage him with a lift of my hips when he finds that one perfect spot over and over again. Luke’s young and inexperienced, but he’s a quick study. What he lacks in skills he makes up for with sheer enthusiasm.
“Ohhh! Oh God!” I cry out while shamelessly pushing his face against my pussy harder as my legs shake uncontrollably, squeezing the shit out of his head. I’ll apologize for that later when I’m not riding these blissful waves to heaven.
Eventually, Luke escapes my thighs’ death grip. Once his tongue is no longer touching me, my sweaty body sinks heavily into the mattress, and I sigh in happy contentment with an enormous grin on my face. Orgasm endorphins are the best.
“How was that? Feel better?” Luke asks, moving up my body so that his smiling face is hovering above mine.
“I love your tongue,” I tell him, reaching up to pat his pretty face, but missing it by about a mile.
Chuckling, his head lowers to suckle on one of my nipples. “I love the taste of your pussy,” he replies. “I love
these girls, too,” he says, sucking so hard I worry my milk might come in early.
“Mmm,” I moan, arching my back and holding his head to my chest. I urgently lift my hips to grind them against his hard cock that’s nestled between my thighs. Not getting enough friction, I grab his tight, muscular ass cheeks and press him down on me. Better, but not what I need.
“Fuck me,” I order him.
His mouth instantly releases my breast. “You sure about that? We can wait. Today was just stressful…”
“No more waiting,” I say since the future seems so much bleaker today than even yesterday. Facing death…I just want to feel alive and cared for while I still can. “I need you inside me. Please, Luke.”
“Yeah, baby,” he says with an Austin Powers’ accent, making me laugh before he sits back on his knees and palms my lower belly. “Hold on tight, little girl. I’m about to rock your mama’s world.”
“Promises, promises,” I tease. Reaching down, I fist his cock and rub him through all the wetness he created between my legs before shoving him inside.
“Oh fuck,” he groans. His eyes shut tightly before he finally looks down at me again. “I agree with Senn. I love your pussy.” Working his way all the way inside, he slowly pulls back and rams in again, making my creamy walls clench around his thick shaft.
“Rock my world faster,” I tell him.
“If I rock it faster…it won’t last but ten more seconds,” he replies, keeping up the gentle pace. “This is…only my second time, you know.” His mouth lowers and captures my ear between his lips. Then, letting his teeth graze down the side of my sensitive neck, he hovers above me again to watch my boobs bounce with each of his thrusts. “Slow and steady…wins the race.”
I gasp when another orgasm gathers, putting me right on the edge…so close I can almost touch it.
“Tell me about the night you got pregnant,” Luke says, and I lose the hold I had on the pleasure.
“Huh?” I ask when he stops moving.
“Tell me how he fucked you.”