by Lane Hart
When I spot Alyssa on the front stoop, the look of disappointment on her tear-stained face hurts more than all the pain that was just inflicted on my body. She shakes her head and goes back inside the house, her message clear - You're on your own, assholes.
"Let's go," the cop says to me, nodding to the cruiser. This can't be happening. Yes, we were fighting, but it was mutually agreed upon. Oh hell, if I get charged with assault, Jude and Linc will toss my ass out of Havoc, and the IFC may never let me fight in the cage again, not that I ever want to. But still, it was nice to have the possibility there.
When the cop doesn't open the rear door for me to get inside, I lean my back against the side of the car.
Another cop gets the bastard off the ground and brings the bloody man over. The whole time Patrick's glaring daggers at me. Feeling's mutual, fucker.
"So how about you two explain why you were brawling so bright and early on a nice Sunday morning?" the middle-aged cop with a receding hairline says.
"I'll start," I say. "My girlfriend and I-"
"Bullshit. You like dick," the asshole interrupts.
“Watch it,” the officer reprimands him.
"My girlfriend and I were in the kitchen fuc...having sex when this dude comes in the house and just stands there and watches us."
"How did he get in the house? Did he break in?" the cop asks.
"I have a key that the woman he is lying about being his girlfriend gave me months ago," the bastard tells them.
The two cops exchange a look like they're trying to decide what to do with us.
"What are your names? Do you have ID on you?" the other cop asks. Thankfully my wallet remained intact in the back pocket of my jeans, so I pull my driver’s license out and offer to him.
"Nathan Lewis," the cop reads, saying my name like he recognizes it. "Street brawling nowadays since you can’t find any more gunmen?" he asks with a smile.
"Only when necessary to teach peeping Toms a lesson," I reply.
"And you?" he asks the jackass.
"Sergeant Major Patrick Foxx, United States Marine Corps," he answers with a salute. Ass kisser.
"So let me get this straight, we've got a U.S. Marine and a city acclaimed hero going at each other in the front yard of this nice, family neighborhood? You two should be ashamed of yourselves."
My head hangs with the weight of regret. Alyssa is gonna be super pissed. She'll cool off and forgive me though, right, once I explain about Eli? And how the hell did this fucker find out about me being in that bar? I need Alyssa to give me a chance to explain, and I better do it fast.
"We're not gonna take you downtown and charge you this time, but you two better keep your hands off each other," the older officer says.
"Thank you," I say in relief.
Now for the hard part.
Chapter Fifteen
Alyssa
I close my eyes and rest my head back against the bathtub wall, wishing that the last half hour was all just a dream. Maybe I'll wake up and still be wrapped up in Nate's arms on the sofa after having incredible sex all night. But then he knocks on the door, shattering the illusion.
"Alyssa?"
I don't respond.
"Alyssa, are you okay?" A few seconds pause. "I'm sorry. I still think he deserved it, but I'm sorry I upset you."
Another tear races down my cheek, plopping down into the bubble bath. Everything was going so well, so perfect until he had to go mess it up by turning into an angry brute.
Oh God.
He's exactly what I thought he was when we first met. That makes me cry even harder because I wanted to be wrong. I wanted him to be a good guy, the one I was starting to get to know. A good man for Grayson to look up to. But in a matter of minutes, he threw it all out the window, proving I was right to begin with. When a sob escapes and echoes through the bathroom, I slap my palm over my mouth to try and hold in the rest of them.
A thump on the door makes me jump.
"Please don't cry, kitten. Tell me what I can do to fix this, and I will."
Should I tell him that he can't fix it and get it over with? The thought of not seeing him anymore hurts so freaking bad.
"Last night was so damn incredible with you, Alyssa," he says through the door. "The best night of my life. I was just pissed that he came in uninvited and ruined it."
The more he talks, the worse it feels to have to let him go. The stupid, selfish part of me doesn't want to end things because of how happy he makes me. But the responsible, logical mother part of me outweighs it. I have to do what's best for Grayson, even if it means giving up what I want.
"Please leave," I say since I'm too much of a coward to face him. At first, I'm not sure if he heard me; but then the front door open and closes, and I know he's gone.
…
Nate
I slide down the gym’s wall until my ass hits the mat, head in my hands. "How did you do it?" I ask Jude, who's lifting weights.
"Do what?" he asks, placing the bar back on the rack to sit up on the weight bench.
"Live without Sadie those few weeks after you fucked up."
"Ha!" he barks out a laugh. "I didn’t. I wasn't living. I was fucking miserable."
"Miserable. Yeah, I think I'm there. Is that when you want to constantly beat your head against the wall, rip your heart out so it won't hurt anymore and then claw your eyeballs out hoping it'll keep you from remembering what she looks like?"
"Ding, ding, ding! It sounds like we have a new contestant on the FUBAR show."
FUBAR, fucked up beyond all repair.
Yeah. That sounds about right.
"What did you do so we can try to figure out how to fix it?" Jude asks.
"I got into a fight."
He blinks his dark eyes at me like so what.
"With Alyssa's 'friend' after he walked in on the two of us..."
"You got into an actual fistfight with another grown man over a woman?"
"Uh-huh."
Jude throws his head back and laughs. “I wish I could’ve been there for that. I’ve never seen you go all out without pads and shit.”
"So what can I do to fix this?"
That question sobers Jude up. The look of pity on his face is like a punch to my gut. "Nate, man, I'm sorry, but I don't think you can."
"Seriously?" I ask in disbelief. It can't be over. It was one stupid mistake, well two if you count not being honest with her… "There has to be something I can do."
"Didn't she call you out for being a bad role model from day one?" he points out.
I nod, remember how hot she was bitching me out, that feisty kitten she turns into when we’re fucking…
"Then she's gonna look out for her son first and foremost, and that means not exposing him to any brawling boyfriends," Jude informs me.
Shit. He's right. Alyssa wouldn't even let Grayson know I was seeing her. She sure as fuck won't let me around him now.
"Some decisions we make can't be repaired. But maybe I'm wrong. Sadie forgave me after everything, and for weeks I thought that shit was FUBAR."
"Maybe I should talk to Sadie, see what she thinks," I say, because I'm not ready to give up. A woman’s perspective could be exactly what I need to help make things right.
"She should be by later with dinner," Jude says.
"Okay, good."
I’ve got to hold onto what little hope I have. The alternative is unthinkable.
Chapter Sixteen
Alyssa
I feel like roadkill as I drag myself up the front steps to Candice’s house, knocking quickly before turning the doorknob and walking on in.
“Uh-oh,” Candice says when I shuffle my feet into her living room where she and Grayson are sitting on the floor, playing a game of chess on either side of the coffee table.
“Hey, buddy,” I say when Grayson looks up and frowns at my appearance.
“Okay, kiddo, why don’t you go pack up your things so mom and I can talk?” Candice suggests. Grayson q
uickly gets to his feet and wanders off down the hall.
“You’re mad at me, and I expected as much, but you have no idea how close we were to closing the doors, Alyssa.”
“Huh?” I ask, flopping down on the sofa while Candice gets to her feet and paces across the floor, chewing her fingernails.
“But I promise you, I did my research. The bartender positively identified him and so did one of the patrons. I even talked to a girl who went to that memorial, and she said he never showed.”
“Wait. Are you talking about Nate?” I ask.
“Well, yeah. The article ran today. Isn’t that why you look like…well, there’s no nice way to say this, but a steaming pile of shit?”
“The article? It’s…oh God,” I mutter, jumping to my feet. “Where is it? How could you? He’ll never forgive me, not that we’re together anymore, but still…”
“Hold on. What do you mean together?” she asks.
“Frick! I’m sorry, okay?” I tell her, covering my face. “I loved Austin, and didn’t plan on dating anyone, but you told me to play it close to my chest, so I asked Nate out, and he agreed. It doesn’t mean I don’t still miss Austin…”
“Now I’m confused,” Candice says with a shake of her head. She wanders over to the kitchen table and pulls out a chair. “Let’s sit down and both start from the beginning.”
Nodding, I walk over and take the seat, gnawing on my lip because everything is so messed up now.
“First off, you do know that it was a gay bar that this Nathan Lewis was at, right?”
“Gay bar!” I exclaim, and then remember small ears may be listening. “Nathan’s not gay. Definitely not gay,” I assure her, my face and, of course, my nose warming in embarrassment.
Candice gasps. “You had sex with him?” she leans forward and whispers.
“Yes.”
“Are you sure?” she asks, and I lift my eyebrow in response. “Not the sex part, but the gay part.”
“I’m very sure he enjoyed it. Several times last night and once this morning.”
Candice gasps again, making me cringe when I remember she’s Austin’s sister, and that was TMI.
“Sorry,” I tell her.
“It’s okay, I’m just surprised and…confused. Maybe he swings both ways. That’s possible, right?”
“Nate with men? No. I mean, he told me he’s only been with three people…three people…” I repeat. He didn’t say women, he said people. “Oh my God. He’s been with men!”
“Wow, I’m sorry, Alyssa. I didn’t know you were dating him! Jeez, I would’ve said something if you had told me!”
“I thought you might be upset, thinking that I was trying to, you know, move on…”
“Of course not. Look, you and Austin didn’t end up married for the greatest reasons, but you made the most out of a bad situation. I get that. I also know that my brother wasn’t the easiest person to love. You’re so young, and Grayson needs a father, so you should definitely be free to date whoever you want.”
“I wanted Nate until he got into a brawl with Patrick in my front yard this morning.”
“Oh my God. Are you joking?” she asks, her jaw falling open.
“Nope. We sort of broke up after that, because that’s not the type of role model I want for Grayson.”
“And throw in the fact that he’s, what? Bisexual? That seems like a no-win situation.”
“Unfortunately,” I agree, feeling like a deflated balloon. “I can’t believe he didn’t tell me that part.”
“Well, I’m sure he had his reasons, like he was afraid you wouldn’t want to be with him if you knew the truth.”
“Maybe. Now I don’t know what to do about Grayson’s classes.”
And if ending things with Nate was the right thing to do, why do I feel so shitty?
…
Nate
"Nate!" Sadie shouts at me as soon as she walks in the mostly empty gym Sunday night. “Why didn’t you tell us?”
“Because I haven’t seen you yet, but I told Jude.”
“What you did…wow, that’s seriously incredible,” she says with a shake of her blonde head before throwing her arms around my neck.
“Huh? Kicking a random dude’s ass is incredible?” I ask, patting her back until she lets me go. It’s been a shitty day, and it’s nice to have a hug from someone.
“Ah, yeah, it is when he’s armed and ready to take down a room full of people,” she answers.
“I’m confused. I thought you were talking about the fight earlier today.”
“What fight today?” she asks. “I’m talking about the gunman at the bar.”
Oh shit. Shit, shit, shit.
“Gunman?” I ask, and it comes out squeaky.
“You are the Nathan Lewis from Havoc who stopped him, right? At Chemistry? I thought for sure it was your picture, and it mentioned you working here.”
“My picture?” I shout. “Where the hell is my picture? How did you know?”
“Oh, well, I saw a newspaper at the coffee shop this morning. It was the front page story.”
“Fuck,” I groan, covering my face with my palm and feeling the heat of embarrassment warming my skin.
The front page of the paper! How did it get in the paper? No one’s contacted me. The officer said they were gonna keep my number and address out of it.
Running to the locker room on shaky legs, I pull my phone out of my pants and start looking up the local news website.
Son. Of. A. Bitch.
There I am, the profile picture from the Havoc website taking up a good chunk of the article. I read through the information, mostly about my fighting career and then the information quoted from the police report. At the bottom of the page, there’s an attribute credit to The Cary Journal and reporter Alyssa Grant.
No. God, no. This can’t be happening.
Was she using me for the article?
But that doesn’t make sense. Why would she have asked me out based on the fact that it all went down at a gay bar?
Jesus.
Now everyone knows. I bet my dad is freaking the hell out because all his friends will know his son likes dick. Or liked. It’s not as if I can ask the paper to run a retraction, making them say I like pussy too.
Fuck. I wish I could crawl into one of these lockers and hide for the rest of my fucking life.
It was one thing to come out for Eli. He was worth the heat coming down on me. But now, without him, and since I don’t have any plans to be with another man, I’m screwed.
Shit.
I guess I need to man up and at least talk to Jude and Linc, telling them about this morning and the article. Jeez, they’re probably so angry at me for bringing this down on Havoc. The parents of all the kids in our classes are probably yanking them out by the dozens, afraid to have them near the “gay fighter.” Can’t have my gayness rubbing off on any of them.
I reluctantly shuffle my feet back through the gym and find Sadie and Jude in the kitchen.
“Ah, there he is!” Sadie exclaims, shoving Jude’s shoulder.
“Dude, that was seriously fucking badass! Why didn’t you tell us?” Jude asks. “You made us so damn proud, man.”
“Proud,” I mutter. There’s some pride, all right, but not the kind he’s expecting.
“Have you guys heard about the bar where it happened, Chemistry?” I ask them.
“Ah, no? Should we check it out?” Sadie asks.
“Good drinks?” Jude asks, now barely looking up from the chicken salad Sadie brought him for dinner. God, why can’t I have someone who cares about me like that?
I wait for Jude and Sadie’s other reaction, the disgust or shock, but it doesn’t come. They have no idea. Then again, they’ve only lived here for a year and a half.
“No, I don’t think you would like it,” I tell them before I take a seat at the table. “It’s a gay bar.”
Jude chokes on his mouthful of salad, and Sadie reaches over to smack his back while she sta
res wide-eyed at me.
“You…you’re…?” Sadie asked.
“Gay? No. But I’m, ah, bisexual, or I was…”
“Was?” Jude croaks when he recovers.
“Eli and I were…together. That was two years before you both came to town.”
“Oh,” they both mutter simultaneously.
“Luke’s brother?” Jude asks.
“Yeah. He died in a car wreck three years ago.”
“Oh, God. I’m so sorry, Nate,” Sadie says, coming around the table to wrap me in her arms again.
“Thanks, Sadie,” I say.
“So, um, if you want me to leave and never come back, I’ll understand,” I tell Jude.
“Leave?” Sadie asks as she stands at the head of the table.
“Why would you leave?” Jude asks.
“Do I really need to spell it out for you? Gay or bisexual guys aren’t exactly welcome in these types of male dominated facilities. And before you ask, no, I’ve never been attracted to anyone here except for Eli.”
“Why not?” Jude asks in a huff, turning to Sadie. “I’m pretty, right, sweetheart?”
“Very pretty,” Sadie assures him with a kiss to his cheek, making me laugh and shake my head.
“You crazy motherfucker!” Linc exclaims when he walks into the kitchen, coming up behind my chair and putting me in a headlock. “What were you thinkin’?”
“Ah, that shit was about to get bloody, and it would’ve ruined my drink?” I try and downplay it.
“Why didn’t you tell us? Jesus, I bet you freaked the hell out afterward.”
“It was no biggie,” I say, and Linc finally lets my neck go.
“Yeah, it was,” he replies seriously as he takes the empty seat next to me. “You could’ve been hurt or killed. Shit, Claire’s probably still cryin’ from when we saw the story. She’s been doin’ that a lot lately.”
“What have you done?” Sadie asks Linc, raising an eyebrow at him.
“Nothin’, I swear. It’s like the slightest thing sets her off.”
Sadie’s eyes light up, but Jude stands up and slaps his palm over her mouth before she can ask the question we’re all thinking. “Leave Linc alone,” he warns her.