Always Was Mine

by Dawn Martens

  “Okay, you need to sign here, and then we will get this sent out to the clubhouse within the hour,” he informs me, passing me his pen to sign.

  I sign and without a word, handing over the envelope of pictures I promised him, and get up to leave.

  “Any idea of how long it will take?” I ask him.

  “Depends on him, if you had been separated already, it could take less than four months. Most jurisdictions require a minimum of one year separation, followed by a speedy divorce, but here, if he doesn’t sign by the end of the year, the courts will automatically grant you the divorce.”

  I nod. “He’ll probably prolong it then.” So, a year, that’s how long I have to hide out and wait.

  “Yes. We both know what kind of man he is, he’s not going to just let this go.”

  “Thank you for your time,” I say and leave for my rental car. I knew there was a possibility of Carson putting a tracking device on my phone and car. I was able to get a new phone and rental car using the cash I took out of the bank the other day, most places wouldn’t have rented to me with cash only, but Vinny, my cousin Lilly’s husband called the company himself, and they were more than happy to rent to me - so Carson couldn’t trace me this way.

  I grab my new cell and send Gavin a text. “It’s done, are you sure you want to come with me?” – T

  Yes! I’ll ditch the bike just outside of town limits, pick me up. - G

  As I drive out of town, the tears fall down my face. “Goodbye, Carson.” I shouldn’t cry, I know I shouldn’t, not after all I’ve put up with from him, but part of me will always care for and love him.

  I stop at the Now Leaving sign where Gavin is waiting with a bag. As he walks toward the door, I pause for a moment before I let him in. I’ve been worried this was all a trap, and was hesitant about agreeing to this, but Gavin assured me he wanted out too.

  “Last chance to change your mind and pretend you didn’t see me,” I say but he gets in the passenger seat.

  “Let’s go. We’ll drive until you can’t anymore, then we’ll switch.”

  I nod and start the car back up.

  “Good riddance,” Gavin mutters as we drive, no longer seeing any part of the city.

  Only then do I finally smile.

  Chapter 2

  Hangman

  I wake up to someone knocking on my door. I roll over, knocking Pamela’s naked body to the floor. “Ouch Hangman, that hurt,” she says, laughing. I grabbed Pam after I had a few more drinks last night and made her come to my room. Told her she wasn’t to leave until I said so because, sometimes, I like to wake up randomly for a fuck. She listened.

  “Boss man, need you out here. Now!” Rage shouts.

  Fuck. I run a hand over my face, then pull my jeans on. I step out my door after throwing a white t-shirt on and my cut.

  “What?” I bark.

  Rage shakes his head. “Main gate, man in a suit here for you.”

  I go back to my room, grab my gun off my desk and shove it into the back of my jeans and go out to see what the fuck is going on. I step outside and recognize the man in the suit.

  I take out my rolled up joint and light it. “Patterson. What brings you by?” He usually helps out when our Club lawyer is on vacation, or he stops by for blow.

  “You’ve been served.” He hands over an envelope then walks away swiftly and gets into his town car. He drives away quickly, flinging up gravel as he goes.

  I stare at the shit he just gave me, confused as fuck. I open it, trying to figure out who sent me shit to serve me with.

  “Motherfucker!” I roar when I see what’s inside the envelope. “Rage, take this!” I toss him the contents.

  Polly tried to leave a few years ago, but you don’t leave unless we let you. And Ash, a brother, sure as fuck didn’t give the okay for that. So he killed her. Tried talking her back at first, but she started fighting back so he finished it. It’s been rare that we let women go, but it has happened without bloodshed or death, if both people agree to it.

  I run to my bike and peel out of the lot, racing home. She’s not leaving me. Divorce? Never gonna fuckin’ happen. She cited adultery and some other shit as to why she wanted the divorce. She knew, she mother fuckin’ knew that shit would happen in this lifestyle, but she fuckin’ chose to marry me in the first place.

  She also didn’t want nothing. Just wanted out. Nothing of mine to take with her. I don’t give a fuck. I’m not losing her. I didn’t pursue her for months after my brother’s death just for shits and giggles. I married her to have a wife that was wholesome and sweet. Someone that everyone in this city we live in loved. People would never know how truly fucked up my club was with her by my side.

  I see her car still parked in the driveway, so that’s good. Gonna wring her motherfuckin’ neck over this stunt. I walk in the house. “Vicky!” I yell.

  I get no response. Running through the house, I realize she’s gone. Only looks as if she took her clothes. On the bed is her cell with a note beside it addressed to me.

  I sit down and unfold it.

  Carson,

  If you are reading this, I’m gone and you’ve received the divorce papers. I can’t do this anymore. I love you so much, and I tried so hard looking the other way when I knew you were cheating. But now, I just can’t. That little girl, your little girl, is in my class this year. And I just can’t do it. Being reminded constantly of you stepping out on me. Being reminded of the child we lost.

  I’m sorry. I’ll always love you. But if you love me, if you ever loved me, please let me go.

  I should have realized I wasn’t cut out for this life before we married. Let me out, let me find a man that will cherish me and want only me. Please.

  Love Tori

  Fuck. She signed it Tori, she knows I hate that nickname, it’s why I always called her Vicky instead. Vicky is a better biker babe name than Tori. Plus, Tori reminded me of when my brother had her.

  I place the letter down on the bed and hunch over, placing my head in my hands. I’m going to find her, and when I do, I’m gonna try my hardest to be the man she deserves. I tried to be the man, like Trevor was with her at first, but the temptation of my club, other women, was too much and I couldn’t do it. The first few times felt like shit when I fucked another woman, but I got over it quickly enough. It’s just not in my nature to stay monogamous. Trevor used to give me shit about it. Telling me I should just be like those polygamous people, then maybe I wouldn’t have to fuck around elsewhere, just go on rotation with a different wife every night. That punk thought he was funny.

  Getting off the bed I go to the closet and notice the floorboards were lifted. Lifting one end up, I see the box is gone. I should have burned that damn box. She leaves me and takes her memories of Trevor with her. Did she ever want me at all? Or did she only settle because I reminded her of her dead lover.

  Fuck this. Pulling out my phone I shoot off a text to Rage - Get everyone to the club, I need to get fucked up tonight.

  Tori

  Patterson called me about four hours ago, letting me know Carson received the papers. I’m scared how he’s going to react with what I sent him, but I didn’t have a choice. I’m not like Megan, Rage’s Old Lady. She’s strong. Hell, she even volunteers to look after the baby he made with another woman.

  I talked to her before I made my final decision and she just told me to get over it. It’s just a part of the life. But I can’t, not when it’s killing me. I want more than being just an Old Lady to a man that runs around with different women all the time. I want to be respected, I want a family. I want to be cherished.

  I’ve had a hard relationship with Megan over the years. At first, she seemed okay with me being with Carson, but it quickly changed and she started being pissed I moved on so soon from her son. Pissed I could just forget about the love he and I shared to marry his brother. It took a long while before she got over it, I think she mostly got over it because Rage, her old man, beat the shit out of her.
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  Megan doesn’t know that I took off. I didn’t tell anyone, just my lawyer, but I didn’t tell him where I was going, just my cell and I gave him a PO Box number to send me things. Even a different name to use, in case Carter tries to find me. And of course, Gavin. He overheard my conversation with Megan before I made my choice, and he told me he would help me out because he also wanted out of the club. Said after the rescue mission to get my cousin and her friends back, he was done. Seeing what Carson did to the bodies of the bad guys made him sick, literally sick. And he was done with it.

  My cousin Lilly, who is married to a guy that is part of the Angels Warriors, is going to let me stay with her. When her husband found out who my husband was, they were more than happy to help me hide out. I also know that if Carson had ever known I had a cousin who was part of their former rival MC, he never would have married me in the first place. I made sure he never met my family, only my mother, I even protected Eden from ever getting seen by him.

  At this point, I sort of wish he had known, because I wouldn’t have to deal with this heartbreak.

  My cousin’s husband’s club used to be the Satan’s Law MC, but once the old President was dethroned everything changed. They now help out abused children. Something that my husband’s MC looks down on, calling them the pussy club.

  Although my husband’s club, Untamed Angels, respects what the Warriors do, he says that’s not something an MC should be doing. It’s all about the parties, open roads, pussy and fat bank accounts. I don’t know much about what goes on in the club, but I heard rumors of drugs, guns, and happy ending massage parlors.

  Finally at my destination, I take out my new cell and call Lilly. “Hey, it’s me.”

  “You make it?” she replies.

  “Yeah, just tell me where to go.”

  She gives me the directions to her house, and I hang up.

  “We almost there?” Gavin asks.

  “Yeah, looks about fifteen more minutes,” I tell him as I keep driving. “You sure this is a good idea for you?” I ask him.

  “Yeah it is. I’ve been talking with Angel for a few months about this too, letting him know how I feel about it all. Told me I’d have a place in his club if I wanted, especially since they are still looking for a good tracker, and you know I’m the best at that.”

  I do know that, from a few conversations with Carson about his club, that’s the one thing he always bragged about. Saying Scraper was better than any cop, FBI, anyone.

  “Well, that’s good. I’m also glad I have someone at my back if I need it,” I say, quietly.

  “Babe, trust me, I’ll always protect you. Carson doing the shit he did to you…” He trails off just shaking his head.

  “Besides being in the club, are you going to work or something?”

  “Yeah, all of the members have regular jobs. Angel said I can work at his shop.”

  I need work, I’m a teacher, it’s all I’ve ever wanted to do, but until I know Carson won’t come and try to get me back, I can’t do anything like that, otherwise I may as well just call him up myself and tell him where I am.

  I focus on the road. This is my new start.

  Chapter 3

  Hangman

  Last night I went to the clubhouse and got trashed, wanting to forget the bullshit Vicky pulled. All the brothers didn’t utter a word to me, probably figured if I wanted to tell them about it I would.

  I pull in my driveway and storm into the house. I need to find her; she must have left a clue or something.

  After tearing every inch of my home apart, trying to find some sort of clue as to where the fuck my wife went and come up with nothing, I call Rage.

  “You find her?” he inquires when he answers.

  “No, she just left me a letter asking me to let her the fuck go,” I say gruffly.

  Rage whistles. “Shit, maybe you should. If she ain’t cut out for this life, let her go. If Megan pulled this stunt, I would help her pack her shit.”

  “This might make me sound like a fuckin’ pussy, but I love her. I’m not letting her go.” Even back when she was my dead brother’s, I wanted her. I knew the only way I’d get her to be mine was if he was out of the picture. I wanted her to think he was a bad guy, instead I got my own brother killed. My plan backfired. Sure, I got the woman I wanted, but I lost my brother.

  Rage is quiet before he replies, “If that’s true, man, you need to get her back. Vicky’s always been a good girl. We both know I don’t believe in this monogamy shit, but if that’s what you gotta do to keep your woman, you best get on with it.”

  Monogamy? Could I do that? I’ve never done that shit in my life. Not with the way I live.

  I need to find her, bring her home before I decide anything. I can’t ever promise to only be with her, but maybe I can stop fuckin’ the whores around town. That’s the best step I can take.

  I should have known the shit with April would come out, but I thought I hid that one well enough. I should have known fathering a child with someone that wasn’t my Old Lady would come back to haunt me. April was a one night stand I fucked when we rode through Fredericton. Only reason she lives local now is because I made that bitch move here once I found out she was having my kid. She sure as shit threw a huge fuckin’ fit though when she found out I was married and told her to never go near my woman. She was hoping that with her being knocked up with my kid I’d put a ring on her finger. What I wasn’t expecting was the fact that Vicky would end up being my daughter’s teacher.

  “Find Scraper, have him look for her. If anyone can find her, it’d be him.” I hang up, throwing my phone on the bed.

  Tori

  We pull up to the house that Lilly said was hers and see a bike and a rusted old jeep in the driveway. I slam my car door shut when I get out. Hitching my purse up on my shoulder, I walk towards the door, hoping my fear of leaving my husband doesn’t show.

  “You sure your cousin said it was okay if I stayed here too?” Gavin asks from behind me.

  “Yeah, they only have two kids. At first Eden offered, but that woman has five kids and another on the way. I am not staying in a house full of kids like that,” I say with a small laugh.

  “Uh … yeah. No, here is good.”

  I knock on the front door and seconds later it’s swung open. “Tori?”

  I smile slightly. “Hey.”

  “Come on in.”

  I walk in and Gavin follows, closing the door behind him.

  Years ago, my mother helped take in her friend Eden. So, I have a feeling the main reason why she’s helping me out is some sort of return favor.

  “You sure he didn’t follow?” she asks me when she leads us into her living room.

  “Yeah, I left before he even got the papers. I left my old cell and car so he couldn’t track me.”

  “Good, after the mess with Breaks, Momma B, and a few other members a few years back, what we don’t need is another club problem,” she says, walking me towards her living room.

  I only heard a little of what went down with that. One of the female members helped to try and overturn the Angels Warriors, it ended in bloodshed, and everyone that ever knew Momma B, was heartbroken. Considering, from the stories of Betty I’ve heard, she was like another mother to most of the women around town.

  I also know one big fall out of the whole thing was that Hilary died. I met Hilary when she came down and helped out Eden for a while. She seemed great, so full of life, hurting, but still full of life. I also know my husband, soon to be ex, helped save the girls. For that I should be grateful, and I wanted to say something to him, but of course, I didn’t want to taint my family with the nastiness that is the Untamed Angels.

  “It will be fine. Carson doesn’t even want me; I don’t think he ever really did. This is my chance to start over, but I think the only problem will really be losing me. Carson isn’t a man that likes to lose,” I tell her.

  Lilly rolls her eyes. “Men, seriously.”

  We sit down on h
er dark brown suede couch and she kicks her feet up onto her coffee table. “How are you and Vinny doing?” I ask her quietly.

  Lilly sighs. “It’s good, it really does get better every day,” she says with a small smile. When I talked to Lilly on the phone just after all the crap went down, she shared with me that Vinny had been seeing another woman, every single time they had a stupid fight and would break up, he’d go to her. That woman ended up pregnant, she too was murdered by the bad things that were happening with the club. But she also shared with me that sometimes when she looks at Rose, she sometimes sees a bit of the other woman in her, and her heart breaks all over again.

  “I get it, seeing that little girl, every day in my class. Her being a constant reminder of something I can’t ever control, I couldn’t do it anymore.” On top of that, what no one knows, not even Carson, is that I had another miscarriage a month ago. And knowing my husband fathered a child with someone that wasn’t me hurts more than anything.

  Lilly comes close to me, hugging me tightly. “It’s okay, we’re all here for you.”

  I let out a small cry. “God, I’m stupid, I should have known, Lil, I should have realized I couldn’t do his lifestyle. Is it stupid to still be so madly in love with him though?” Falling for him wasn’t easy for me. But he reminded me so much of Trevor, my lost love, that I just attached myself to him. Love came eventually, and it was easy once I was truly in love with him. Until he started getting meaner and angrier.

  “Absolutely not!” Lilly says firmly. “You can never help who you love, never. But that’s okay, because my mission, and of course once Eden knows you’re here, hers too, will be to find you a good man,” she says, letting me go, grinning at me.