by R. Linda
She studied me and leaned in, pressing a finger to my chest. “Fine. But if she wants you to leave, then you go, and don’t let me see your face again. Understand?”
I nodded.
Now I understood where Ryder got his intimidation skills. Mumma Jones was powerful.
“She’s in room twenty-seven. Down the hall and to the right.”
“Thank you.”
I took cautious steps toward Bailey’s room, trying to delay the inevitable. I knew I was doing the right thing, but it didn’t make it any easier to do. How could I even begin to make up for the hell I’d put her through?
I took a deep breath and steeled my nerves before knocking on the door.
“Come in,” she called softly.
I pushed open the door gently and stepped into the room. It was full of pink. And balloons and teddy bears. It looked like the gift shop had been set up beside Bailey’s bed.
I glanced down at my bag and frowned. My gift seemed pathetic compared to the rest of the stuff filling the room.
“Christina?” Ryder stood and put his hands in his pockets. “What the hell do you want?”
“Jones, it’s okay,” Bailey said in a soothing voice. She already sounded like a mother.
“Umm, I…” I was stuck for words. I never had a problem saying what was on my mind, but right then, I couldn’t form a sentence. “I bought a gift. And wanted to say congratulations.”
Bailey smiled and shifted the baby in her arms. “That’s very sweet. Thank you.”
I shrugged and stood there, unsure what to do next.
“Umm, come in. Don’t stand in the door,” Bailey offered.
I walked further into the room and placed the gift beside her bed. “She’s beautiful.”
“Would you like to hold her?”
I stared at her, wide-eyed. She was offering to let me hold her child. I couldn’t believe it. I had walked in there half expecting to be kicked out immediately. It wouldn’t have surprised me if she had. Actually, I’d probably have felt more comfortable if she’d told me to leave and not come back, then I wouldn’t have to make an effort. I could say I tried and failed and just move on.
I looked at Ryder. His arms were crossed, and his jaw was tense. He liked the idea of me holding his child no more than I did.
“No, it’s okay. I should go. I just wanted to say congratulations.” I pointed to the door and stepped back.
“Christina, you came all the way down here, when we both know you didn’t have to. It’s okay to stay. Here.” She shifted on the bed and held out her daughter, the most precious thing in the world to both of them, for me to take.
So, I did.
I took the small bundle of pink in her arms and cradled her to my chest. I was sure I heard Ryder growl as his baby wriggled in my arms. Her eyes fluttered open, and she yawned, the tiniest, cutest yawn I’d ever seen. I smiled at her in awe; I couldn’t help it. “She’s amazing.”
“Thank you.”
“What’s her name?”
“Sage.”
“I should have known it would be something spiritual and strong. It’s perfect.” I looked at Ryder. “She looks like you.”
He didn’t speak. He nodded, the hard expression from before softening a touch.
I cuddled Sage for a little while longer, mesmerised by her facial expressions, before handing her back to Bailey. “Thank you for letting me hold her.”
“That’s okay. Thank you for coming.”
“I wanted to.” I shrugged, suddenly realising I did, in fact, want to be there. My original thought had been to go and apologise because I wanted to be a better person. Selfishly, I only wanted to be better for Bennett. I wanted to be worthy of him, and in order to do that, I had to make amends with the past.
That was why I went to the hospital.
For Bennett.
But as I stood there holding Sage, something shifted. Just a small shift, nothing alarming, but it was strong enough to make me realise I really did want to be better. For myself. For everyone.
I didn’t want to be the selfish bitch no one liked.
I looked at Ryder and the way he loved his family, and I wanted something like that one day.
I thought about Indie and how she stood by Bailey through all the hell and worse that Chace and I had put her through. And I wanted a friend like that.
I thought about Bennett and how he would go to the ends of the Earth for Audrey. And I wanted that.
I wanted someone to care about me and look at me like I was the most important person in the world. And I’d never have that if I continued the way I had been.
It was time to turn over a new leaf.
“I appreciate it.”
“Well, I really should go,” I said. “Let you get some rest. Thank you for the cuddles.”
“Anytime.” Bailey smiled. “And thank you for the gift.”
“It was nothing.”
I gave an awkward wave and walked out, closing the door behind me. I slumped against the wall and took a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves.
The door opened, and Ryder walked out.
“Can I talk to you?”
“O-okay.” I stammered.
He walked away, not bothering to see if I would follow—which, of course, I did.
“I don’t know what you’re doing, why you’re here being nice all of a sudden, and I don’t care. I appreciate that you got Bailey to the hospital on Friday, but other than that, I don’t care. You know how kind Bailey is. She’d give the shirt off her back to anyone who needed it. I don’t want her taken for a ride again. So, I’m going to say this once, and once only.” He paused to make sure I was listening before he continued. “Bailey is very forgiving. More so now than when we were younger. She looks at the world in a different way. She sees the good in people. And for some fucking reason, she sees good in you. Don’t screw it up. If you want to make nice, be sure you mean it. Don’t take advantage of her or mistake her kindness for weakness, or I will end you. Remember, you’re not only messing with her, but my whole family, and I won’t take that lying down.”
He didn’t even give me a chance to respond before he turned on his heel and walked back to the room.
“Ryder?” I called. My voice was croaky and caught in my throat. “I won’t screw it up. I really am sorry.”
“I’m not the one you have to say that to.” He leaned against the door to Bailey’s room.
“That’s where you’re wrong. By hurting Bailey, I hurt you too, and I’m sorry.”
“So, prove it.” He pushed the door open with his back and disappeared into the room with his family.
I left the hospital and drove aimlessly around town, unsure what I wanted to do. I could go home and open a bottle of wine, put on reno shows, and relax. Or I could go back to the school and do some work. Get ahead in my planning and make sure everything was ready for the students now that Bailey was well and truly gone. Neither of those two options appealed to me, though.
I knew what I wanted to do. And I also knew it was stupid.
In the end, I decided on a drink at the bar attached to the roadhouse. After Ryder’s little threat and the shitstorm that was my life, I felt like I deserved a drink to unwind. It was almost five o’clock, so that was good enough for me.
The bar looked entirely different in the light of day. The other night, I hadn’t noticed how retro the décor was or how much it had changed since the last time I came here in high school.
The same angry-looking bartender was there again. I wondered whether he had a perpetual scowl on his face, or if it was only me that bought out that side of him. He looked perfectly cheery talking with Bailey and Ryder the other night.
“Whiskey. Neat.” I gave him my best smile as I pulled up a stool.
“What do you want?” He crossed his arms and frowned.
“Whiskey?” I repeated slowly, unsure of what he meant.
He poured my drink and slid it over to me. “This comes with a warnin
g.”
I raised my eyebrow and sat a little straighter. Who was this guy, and why did he think he had any right to talk to me that way, let alone give me a warning?
“Stay away from Bailey. Stay away from Kenzie.”
“What’s it to you?”
“I look after what’s mine, and I know all about you Christina.”
“Yours?”
“Kenzie. Cole. Mine.” He leaned on the bar, his tattoo-covered forearms flexing under his weight.
“I don’t want trouble. I promise.”
“Keep it that way.”
“Who are you?”
“Jeremy,” he said and walked away, effectively ending our conversation.
Jeremy. Kenzie’s boyfriend. That explained the open hostility.
Not wanting to stay somewhere I clearly wasn’t welcome, I downed my drink and left. The old me would have sat there all night just to piss him off, but the new me, the me that was trying to make amends, knew when to quit.
Chapter Sixteen
Bennett
Seven weeks and two days to go.
The countdown was on, and it was the longest damn countdown of my life. It was nearly impossible to concentrate on anything in English other than ripping off those tight dresses Christina insisted on wearing and leaving her in nothing but her six-inch heels.
I was going to fail my exams because all I could think about was bending my English teacher over her desk and spanking her ass with the ruler I swore she was purposely stroking in such a way to make me incredibly uncomfortable.
She smirked, sensing my unease as I shifted in my seat and tried unsuccessfully to adjust my jeans.
“What is wrong with you?” Audrey hissed from beside me. “You’re sweating. It’s kind of gross.”
“I think I’m getting sick,” I lied. Again.
I’d been lying to her a lot the last couple of weeks. And it was getting harder to keep up the charade. Christina had stayed faithful to her word and acted like we were nothing to each other, except for those times she was sending me sexy little signals, like right then with the ruler, but she swore black and blue she wasn’t doing anything when I questioned her on it. She’d told me repeatedly to stop thinking with my dick, and that it was only my imagination, and maybe it was, because no one else seemed to notice anything.
“So, you don’t want to come and see Sage with me after school?” She sounded disappointed.
I wanted to tell her I’d go with her, but I’d stupidly just said I was sick, and if I was ill, I couldn’t very well go and see the baby.
“I better not. Don’t want to get her sick.” Besides, I had to work again tonight, since Ryder was MIA because of Sage.
Lie.
“That’s okay. Next time.”
“Brody picking you up today?”
“Yeah, we’re going to see Sage, and then we’re going away for the weekend,” she said excitedly.
“How come I didn’t know about this?”
“You did. I’ve told you three times, and each time you asked why you didn’t know.” She bit her lip and raised an eyebrow and waited for an answer.
I winced. “Really?”
“Uh-huh.”
I really was sucking in the friendship department lately, and I put it down to not wanting to lie to Audrey. I knew rationally I wasn’t lying. Nothing was going on with Christina and me at the moment, but the second graduation was over, it was on. I wasn’t putting myself through this torture for nothing.
“Sorry, bro.”
“What’s going on? You’ve been so distracted lately.”
“Nothing. Everything is fine.”
“How’re things with your dad?”
“Wants me to go to the club with him tomorrow. Probably so he can chase the waitress again and have me there for a cover.”
“Are you going?”
I shrugged.
“I have to. If I don’t, he’ll send me to my mother’s.”
“You’re eighteen. Surely, he can’t do that.”
“No, probably not, but he can kick me out, and then where would I go?”
“Live with me?”
“Don’t think Brody would be too keen on that idea.”
Christina cleared her throat, and I looked up to see her standing in front of our table. Her eyes narrowed, she placed her hands on her slim hips and stood tall and straight. My eyes immediately followed the curves of her body and got stuck on her chest.
“Am I interrupting something?” she asked.
“Not at all, Ms. Brown,” I said slowly, knowing she liked the way I spoke her name.
Ha. Maybe that’d teach her. She swallowed. The movement was slow and exaggerated. Her breath hitched.
“We were just discussing the worksheet,” Audrey said and waved her sheet in front of her face.
“Well, I highly doubt weekend plans are included on your worksheet, Audrey.”
Christina turned and walked back to the front of the room.
“Bitch,” Audrey muttered. “Did you hear she’s been talking to Bailey?”
“What?” My head snapped around to look at Audrey.
“Yeah. Apparently, she went to see Sage in the hospital and has been to visit Bailey at home. Bailey is nuts, and I can’t believe Ryder would let that witch in their house.”
That was interesting. I didn’t think either of them had any intention of making things right again. Maybe I was wrong.
The bell sounded, so I helped Audrey pack up her stuff and then packed mine before standing to leave.
“Bennett, can I see you for a moment?” Christina called over the noise of the other students leaving the room.
Audrey’s eyebrows pinched together, and her lips formed a pout.
I gave Audrey a shrug. I had no clue why Christina wanted to see me. Though I doubted it was to fulfil my ruler fantasy.
“Audrey, you may go.” Christina pointed to the door. “This doesn’t concern you.”
“But,” Audrey gasped. Her eyes widened, and she sucked in a breath.
Shit.
I knew that look.
I dropped our bags and scooped her up into my arms. Taking a seat on the table, I buried her head in my chest and rubbed her back.
Christina stood at the front of the room, watching curiously. She opened her mouth to speak but couldn’t get the words out.
I knew what she was thinking.
“It’s okay. Breathe in….and out. I’m here.” I looked at Christina. “Get me my water bottle.”
She rushed over to the bags at my feet and dug around in the pocket for my drink bottle. I took it from her and then pulled Audrey back. “Here, bro, drink this. It’s okay.” I put the straw to her lips, and she sipped slowly.
Her head fell against my chest again as she tried to regain her composure.
“Sorry, I didn’t know.”
“I walk her to all her classes, and when you told her to leave without me, she panicked.” I shrugged. It had happened before when I had been late to meet her out the front of one of her classes. I had found her on the floor in a ball.
“I had no idea. Is she going to be okay?”
“I should take her home. It exhausts her. She’ll go home and sleep now.”
“Right, okay. I’ll give you a pass, so you don’t get detention.”
“Wouldn’t want that.”
Christina returned to her desk and scribbled on a pad. “Take that, and if you have any trouble, tell them I said it was okay.”
“Thanks, Ms. Brown.” I smirked when she gasped in a breath.
Helping Audrey to her feet once she’d calmed down, I grabbed both our bags and walked her out the door and to my car.
“I’m sorry,” Audrey mumbled on the way back to the Kellerman house.
“What for?”
“Panicking again.”
“You can’t help it. It’s not like you do it purposely.” I reached over and grabbed her hand.
“I feel like such a loser. I mean, I can�
�t even go to class alone without you holding my hand.” She lifted our hands and shook them between us.
“You’re not a loser.”
“Can I tell you something?”
“Of course.” I took a deep breath, not liking the tone in her voice. She sounded afraid.
“I panicked because I was scared.”
I laughed. “I know.”
“No, not scared to walk to class on my own. I really think I’m okay to do that now.”
“Really? That’s great.” I smiled. That was enormous progress. If she could walk around the school on her own without fear of the other students, she was doing fantastic.
I was proud of her.
“Have you noticed my panic attacks have been worse these last few weeks?”
“I have. But you said it was because you were worried for me.”
“I lied.”
I pulled the car into her drive. “What?”
“I’m worried for you, but that’s not why I have the panic attacks.”
“You’re starting to scare me now. If you don’t tell me soon, I might have a panic attack.”
“They’re caused because I’m afraid of losing you.” She sniffed and wiped her nose on her sleeve.
“You won’t lose me. I’m never going anywhere.”
“But I already feel like I am.”
I unbuckled her seatbelt and pulled her over to me, cradling her on my chest like a child.
“Why? Why do you feel like that?”
“Christina. She’s always there, lingering in the background. And I know you said it was over, but I can’t help but worry it won’t stay over, and you’ll leave me for her. It starts with keeping you back after class, so I have to walk by myself. Then it progresses to you not being able to pick me up for school in the morning. Or forgetting to video chat with me at night because you’re busy with her.” She cried. The tears flowed down her cheeks, and my heart hurt. I wanted to make her better, make her see she wasn’t going to lose me. Convince her she had nothing to worry about. “I can’t lose you, Bennett. I’ve lost so much, and I won’t lose you too.”
“I won’t leave you for her. I promise. We’re bros. Remember. Bros before hos. And I’d never forget to call you.”