I was left alone, staring around at the empty desks in the room when it dawned on me. Trace was going to find out about everything that I had said about him. Mental images of girl, after girl, shooting him nasty looks all day caused me to freak out. He would hate me forever if he found out that everyone in our high school knew our business.
“Oh God…” I moaned in panic, jumping up from my desk and fleeing the room in search of Trace. My eyes roamed the halls and I hoped to find him before anyone else did. Maybe, if he heard it from me first, he would understand. I prayed that he would.
When I found Trace he didn’t look too thrilled to see me. He was outside of his fifth period class, leaning up against a wall with his arms crossed, a big frown formed on his face. I almost decided against approaching him, but since all of this gossip was somehow my fault, I knew that I had to explain. Plus, he looked really hot at that moment and I couldn’t resist. As I drew closer, I had to take a few deep breaths to soothe my nerves.
When I stood only a few feet away, I mumbled his name. “Trace?”
He gazed up slowly, his eyes flickering in my direction. Then, almost instantly, he glanced back at the floor. Not a good sign. I watched him drag a hand through his brown hair before pushing off of the wall and walking towards me.
“What‘s up, Jade? Are you here to spread more trash about me?” He asked nastily. “I don’t know what else you could say, though. You pretty much covered all of it.”
I bit my lip as my face flared with shame. I took a short step near him, preparing for the worst. Since he was already aware of the gossip, I knew that the only smart thing to do now was apologize. “I’m really sorry, Trace.”
Trace shook his head and scowled, “Yeah, I’m sure you are.” I watched him cross his arms once more, and it was painfully clear how upset he was. “What I want to know,” he began, “Is why you would turn on me like you did?”
“But I didn’t tell anybody!” I told him anxiously. “It’s not what you think, Trace! I didn’t---”
“Right, you didn’t breathe a word about it,” he interrupted angrily. “That’s why the whole school knows about me treating you like dirt back in ninth grade. I know you’re pissed off at me, Jade. You have every right to be upset, but letting everybody know what a complete jerk I am isn’t going to fix things between us.”
“Trace, I wasn’t---” I tried to explain what happened, but he kept on.
“It just amazes me that you would stoop to Gloria’s level, just to get even with me. I didn’t think you were capable of something like that, and I thought you were above gossiping.” Trace shook his head suddenly and gave me a long, cold look before adding, “Maybe I was wrong about you.”
I was already growing agitated with him since he wouldn’t let me get a word in other wise, but when I heard him compare me to Gloria, it pushed me over the edge. No matter what I did, it could never be as bad as what that witch had done.
Balling my hands into fists, I yelled, “Would you just shut up and listen to me!”
“What?” He yelled back angrily, giving me a stern look. “Why are you even here? Haven’t you had enough fun ruining my reputation for one day?”
Shocked that he was more worried about his popularity than me, I asked hotly, “That’s all you care about, huh? Your stupid reputation?”
Trace sighed and shook his head. His fury eased up a bit as he mumbled, “No, of course it’s not, Jade.“
“Well that’s how you’re making it sound, Trace.“
“I’m sorry, Jade, I‘m just mad.” Gazing off, he added, “And I don‘t understand why you‘re so upset with me. I thought we had gotten past all of that stupid drama from ninth year.”
I stared wide eyed at his face, thinking I had heard him wrong. “Stupid drama?” I stammered, suppressed rage hanging off of the words.
“Yeah. I mean, all that stuff happened a long time ago.”
Narrowing my eyes at him, I spat, “It wasn’t that long ago, Trace.”
“You know what I mean,” he replied softly.
I backed away from him and replied hotly, “No, I don’t think I do. You left without a word seventh grade. We were best friends, Trace, and you never said goodbye. For two years I waited everyday by the phone, but you never called. I had no idea what happened to you. Then, when you finally came back, you acted like I didn’t even exist! How do you think that made me feel?”
His blue eyes traced my face before he replied, “I know, Jade. I messed up. There’s nothing I can say to make up for what I did to you. I’m really sorry.” Giving me a small smile, Trace added, “Jade, I really want us to be friends again.”
“What for?” I whispered sadly.
“Because…” His voice fell and a stupid grin formed on his face. Trace’s cheeks turned slightly red as finished, “Because I care about you, Jade.”
That statement overwhelmed me, but I managed to ask, “So, what? You just want to pretend like ninth grade never happened?” I frowned and added, “Because I don’t think I can do that, Trace.”
Trace shook his head. “I’m not saying you have to forget, Jade, but can’t we at least try to get passed it and start over?”
I shrugged, knowing full well that I wanted a do-over. I hated fighting with him, and being so depressed all of the time. Maybe I couldn’t forget what he had done, but it didn’t mean I couldn’t give him a chance to make it up to me.
“I guess I can try, Trace.”
His face lit up. “Thanks, Jade. You won’t regret it.” Smiling, he took a few steps in my direction and he reached out for me. I allowed him to pull me into a hug, and the warmth of his body and the smell of his cologne caused me to forget all of the negative thoughts I was thinking. I just stood there happily in his arms as he squeezed me tight.
“Now,“ Trace spoke softly in my ear. “Promise me that the next time I do something to piss you off, you won’t go around spilling your guts, Jade Cannon.”
I narrowed my eyes to keep them from falling out of my head. “What?” I asked sharply.
“I need to know that I can trust you, Jade, and that nothing like this is going to happen ever again.”
My jaw dropped in disbelief. He actually believed that I had openly gossiped about him? I didn’t know how to react; his mistrust hurt more than he would ever know.
Pushing him away, I snapped, “You know what, Trace? Despite what you think, I didn’t go around telling people our history. In fact, I found out about this whole rumor like five minutes ago. I felt terrible about it, so I came over here to apologize. I have no idea who was gossiping about us, but it wasn’t me, and that’s the truth!” I sighed angrily and added, “I really don‘t care if you believe me or not.”
Everyone passing in the hall stopped dead in their tracks to stare at the both of us. I didn’t care that they were watching and whispering, the only thing that mattered at this moment was Trace. I studied his face, watching it shift into a shameful expression. I couldn’t help but be pleased at the sight of his distress.
There was a heavy silence barricading us as we stared back at each other. I refused to utter another word until he apologized, but after a few minutes passed, he offered nothing in return. If he wasn’t going to apologize, then I had nothing else to say to him.
Determined to have the last word, I whispered, “If you really thought that I could involve people that I don’t even know or care about into my personal life, then you never knew me at all.”
I suddenly turned to gaze at all of the nosy students in the hall. Shaking my head at them, I shouted, “Enjoying the show?”
I didn’t care if I was making a spectacle of myself, I was disgusted by their unfathomable interest in my life. They had no right to poke their noses in my business. This dispute was between Trace and myself---nobody else needed to be involved. After a few moments of awkward silence from the two of us, the crowd suddenly dissipated and I was relieved.
Turning to glance back at Trace, I felt a pang of regret when
I noticed how sad he seemed. I never wanted to hurt him, but I was sick and tired of getting hurt myself. No matter how much I cared for him, I was not going to let Trace upset me anymore. If that meant that I could never see him again, then so be it. It was time I stood up for myself.
Staring straight into his blue eyes, I murmured sadly, “Maybe we just shouldn’t be friends.”
I turned away from him without another word and continued on to the last period of the day. As I trudged down the hall, not once did I glance back at the boy who used to be my whole world.
7
WHEN I GOT HOME, I was so happy to be far away from that prison and all of the tragedy that came with it that I forgot what day it was. But unfortunately for me, I was about to be reminded.
As I laid happily on my bed, flipping through the latest Wonder Woman comic book, (Yes, I’m a big comic book fan) I heard the front door open and slam shut, the click of heels following after it. I sucked in a deep breath and squeezed my eyes shut, hoping I was just imagining things. But when she said my name, I knew my day was about to get a lot worse.
“Jade?” Erika called from the living room; the echo of her voice bouncing off of the quiet walls. I kept still, hoping that if I remained silent she wouldn’t find me and would eventually leave. Although, it had never worked before and it wasn’t about to now.
I watched her tall form enter my doorway. She had a few shopping bags around her arms, and when she approached me she wore a smile that meant business. “Hello, Jade,” Erika greeted me cheerfully.
“Hi,” I replied dully, looking her up and down.
This just wasn’t fair. Every Wednesday, when my father was forced to stay late at the restaurant, Erika came over to cook for me. It was a constant annoyance that I wish I could worm my way out of---but my dad insisted that she and I have some one on one “bonding time”. He had no clue that Erika and I weren’t on very good terms; she and I had never really bonded. It was rare for us to even agree on a subject, let alone have an entire conversation, and our dinners together usually consisted of us eating in complete silence. She always tried to get me to speak, but I always refused to. I don’t know why she kept trying.
Erika walked closer towards me and asked, “What would you like for dinner? I was thinking maybe pasta or a stir-fry? I know I’m not as great of a cook as your father is, but I can try.”
Rolling my eyes, I covered my head with a pillow and replied, “Actually, Erika, I’m not that hungry.”
“Oh come on, Jade. You’ve got to eat. Maybe we could just order a pizza or Chinese take-out?”
“Fine,” I sighed, wishing for her to just leave me alone. Which she did, after badgering me with a thousand questions about what I wanted from the restaurant, and if I needed this and that. She really was a pain.
Unfortunately, the Chinese arrived way too fast and I found myself staring across the table from Erika while she ate her beef lo-mien. Even the way Erika ate was graceful---delicately twirling the noodles with her fork, not a drop of soy sauce staining her face. I rolled my eyes at her obvious perfection and shoveled as much chicken and broccoli I could into my mouth, eager to finish my meal before she tried to make small talk. But alas, I wasn’t that fast of an eater.
“So, Jade, tell me about your day,” she said cheerfully, smiling as she spun a fork full of noodles on her plate.
I don’t know why, but for some odd reason, I felt the urge to tell Erika about my problems. The words were on the tip of my tongue, and I had to bite my lip to keep them from rolling out of my mouth. I wondered if it was because I wasn’t able to talk to Heidi about everything earlier. She was spending time with her father and his family tonight. Heidi absolutely dreads going over there---her dad has a strict rule about cell phone use when she’s visiting him. I guess I could have it worse, having two different families and all, but then again, her mother didn’t abandon her for some traveling salesman.
“Well?” Erika’s sweet voice interrupted my thoughts, but I didn’t reply; I just kept on eating. My silence didn’t satisfy her and she watched me with a frown as I ate.
“Please, Jade. Can’t you at least try to talk to me?”
I sighed irritably when I caught her observing me with her fork in mid-air. Finally, I couldn’t take her surveillance anymore, and I blurted, “What do you want from me, Erika?”
Setting her fork down, she replied calmly, “Just to talk with you.”
“Why? How come it’s so important for you and I to have a conversation when we both know that we don’t like each other.”
Erika appeared genuinely shocked by what I said. “What do you mean? I like you, Jade.”
I shook my head, irritated by her lies and obvious denial. Shoving back from the table, I told her, “No you don’t. But it doesn’t matter---I mean, why should it? I’m just your boyfriend’s kid.” I picked up my plate swiftly and took it into the kitchen, dropping it into the sink loudly.
Trekking back to my room, I slammed the door behind me, leaving Erika at the table alone. I didn’t care if I had hurt her feelings, or if I had just made our relationship worse. She was the least of my worries as I thought about Trace. I replayed our fight over and over in my head. What would happen now I wondered? How would my days at West Haven be now that Trace was lost from my life?
I was positive that he wanted nothing more to do with me after today. I couldn’t blame him though, not after all the drama I had caused in front of the student body. It was sort of funny that I still wanted to be with him even after everything he did to me and all the horrible things he had said. I’d blown everything today though, just by opening my stupid mouth. I know that I said I never wanted to see him again, but I don’t think I could handle that torture.
Rolling onto my side, I reached eagerly for one of my pillows; I squeezed it to my chest tightly, wishing it were Trace. Oh Trace, what do I do now? Closing my eyes, I refused to cry as I fantasized about him. I saw his face in mind and I imagined his touch. How in the world could I get over him? Grasping the pillow tighter, I realized I couldn’t. There was nothing I could do, because no matter what happened between us, I would be in love with Trace Gibson forever.
I sighed deeply, realizing I was foolish for still loving someone who had tossed me aside so carelessly. That first day of ninth grade when I saw Trace standing on the steps of West Haven High, I couldn’t believe it was actually him. I remember being so happy he was back that I mindlessly ran up to him, holding back the urge to wrap my arms around his waist. I had so many questions to ask him, and so many things to say…but when I called out his name, Trace overlooked me coldly and turned his back on me. He didn’t even say hello before he hurried up the rest of the steps and into the school. I was absolutely devastated by his cruel demeanor, and for the rest of the school year, Trace acted as if I didn’t exist. Then he started hanging out with Gloria…
Why should I still love him? Why should I even care? Trace obviously didn’t. If he could erase me from his life just like that then…I frowned, trying to calm my flaring temper. I had to stop revisiting the past. It wasn’t good for me to dwell on such negativity. Besides, Trace had said he wanted us to be friends again today, didn’t he? He seemed sincere. I should just accept his olive branch and start over with him. That’s what I wanted to do, right? I bit my lip and nuzzled my pillow, wondering what I actually wanted.
The answer was so simple---not as complex as I made it out to be. Trace Gibson had been apart of my life since grade school, and I have loved him ever since I can remember. I wanted him, even if he had hurt me countless times before. I was hopelessly and foolishly in love with Trace, and there was nothing he could do to stop that love. Even if he hurt me over and over again I would still love him. I closed my eyes painfully, realizing I was setting myself up for more heartbreak. Trace may want to be friends with me again, but that didn’t mean he felt the same way I did… and I had a horrible feeling that he never would.
8
I TRIED TO PRETEND
like Erika didn’t bother me for my father’s sake---because he seemed to care about her so much. The truth was, however, that she really irritated me. Sure I disliked her because of the whole “taking my mother’s place” issue, but that wasn’t the only reason. It just didn’t seem right that he could jump into a relationship so quickly with another woman. The way my mother left was awful, and I understood why he would want to forget about her and move on with his life. Though, even if he denied it, I knew that somewhere deep inside of him he still loved her.
When my mother first left, he could barely talk, let alone eat. He would sit alone in the living room with all of the lights turned off, staring at the television screen and never saying a word. I usually had to plead with him to get off of the couch and go to work. My mother had hurt him so badly when he first found out about her and that salesman. She had deceived both of us, putting up a façade for so long. I didn’t even know she was having an affair. I couldn’t tell. She seemed the same mother I’d always known, but she wasn’t…and apparently she hadn’t been for a very long time.
The affair began when my mother wanted to start an at home business. She was going to build websites for companies and different organizations for a small fee. My father was against the idea at first, assuring her that she didn’t have to worry about making money. She told him that she didn’t want to do it for money---that she was tired of being just a housewife and wanted to accomplish something with her life. It was the first time Mom seemed blatantly unhappy, and after a few weeks of arguing and door slamming she finally got her wish.
It was a rocky start for her in the beginning, but when the third month of being in business rolled around, my mother finally saw some profit. That’s when Dad started to see the light too. Mom seemed so pleased---and of course he didn’t mind having extra money to spend---but mostly my dad was just glad that she was satisfied with what she was doing. I was happy for her too, and I thought she was doing a great job. It was when she landed a contract with a juice company that she met the traveling salesman.
The Gossip Web Page 4