“People think I hurt her.” She said flatly, it was not really a question.
He shrugged.
“It’s a small town and people like to gossip.”
“You don’t think that do you?”
He shook his head and met her eyes directly.
“No,” he said, and a little of the tightness in her chest eased.
“She’s not dead.” She said with certainty and he nodded. She sat back in surprise. She expected more of an argument than that.
“Why aren’t you looking for her then?” She cried and heads turned toward them.
“Oh, eat your food!” She snapped at the two old biddies at the next table who were eyeing them with interest, like they were putting on a show for them. More things for people to gossip about. They turned away disdainfully as though she was a drunk or something and she had the urge to throw her coffee cup at them.
“Easy.” Jamison said warningly; and she jumped guiltily.
“I am looking for her.” He said in a pissed off tone. “I believe she is still alive because I haven’t found a body and because I want to believe she is, I will keep on assuming she’s all right unless something proves otherwise. I’m looking but I just don’t know where else to look.”
The waitress came and set their plates in front of them. She was a pretty middle aged woman with clear blue eyes and dyed blonde piled up on her head.
“Don’t worry about them.” She said with an evil look at the women at the next table; and they got up angrily, muttering to each other as they left.
“There went that tip.” She said with a smile at Tina, as she patted her on the shoulder.
“They’ll find your little girl,” she said kindly before she walked away.
Tears burned the backs of Tina’s eyes. Jamison pretended not to notice as he attacked his food, allowing her to regain her composure.
Leaving the restaurant, Tina promised to call Jamison after she was home. She felt better after having eaten, although the sun hurt her eyes. She was surprised that he did not ask her where James was. Standing by his patrol car he hesitated. He looked searchingly at her and she stood waiting, looking directly at him with her clear, although bloodshot, direct eyes. He thought once again that this was not a woman who could have hurt her child. He had seen some ugly things that people had done to each other in his years as a cop; but that was one thing he did not believe. He believed in his heart that her beautiful little girl had gone wading, slipped and had hit her head. At least that was what he wanted to believe. But why they had not found the body was eating at him. They were pretty far off the road for a kidnapping, although it wasn’t unheard of, even in a quiet town like theirs. But there was no way that her mother had killed her. The scar of something that ugly and unnatural had to show. He needed to believe that anyway. His mind made up on his opinion, he turned abruptly and opened the car door.
“Talk to you later.” He said as he got in and drove away.
Tina released the breath she hadn’t even been aware that she was holding.
She had the weird feeling of having passed some sort of test. She pushed her hair back tiredly and thought that she needed a shower. She felt like she could sleep for a week even though it was still early. It was time to face going home, there was no putting it off any longer. She was anxious to get there, but dreading it at the same time. She needed to be in Hailey’s room to touch her things and smell her smell. And she needed to call her husband and hear his voice. She wondered if he was mad at her for leaving. She missed him already and was second guessing her decision to come back alone, it was his little girl too. She just didn’t know how to tell him what had happened and it seemed private somehow, a secret just between them. She got into her car and headed for home.
Chapter Four
Day 12
Everything was just as they had left it, just as it had always been. But somehow it was not the same at all. The house sat quiet and brooding, it’s dark brown shutters like heavy eyelids half closed. Watching and judging her and finding her wanting for losing her daughter when she had been right there. She told herself angrily to stop being stupid. She parked out front and stood for a moment looking at the lake. The sight of the dark, still water did not bring the dread that it might have. She did not believe that her daughter lay anywhere in its depths. She felt that if Hailey were there, she would be able to look at the water and know that it had hurt her child. She knew deep down that that was nonsense but she clutched it to her anyway. She sensed no danger from the lake. She entered the cool quiet and closed the door softly behind her. She thought that the house had never been this quiet. The message light on the phone blinked a red 12, messages from people meaning well and trying to help, she knew. She couldn’t bring herself to play them. Her brother and his family already knew, she had talked to them every day since it happened. And as bad as he felt she knew he wouldn’t come unless there was a funeral. He didn’t deal well with stuff like this and she was actually glad that he wasn’t there. It would be too much to deal with, with his wife fluttering and clucking over everyone and shoving food down people’s throats, his kids fighting nonstop. She would go crazy if she had to deal with all that drama. The living room was clean, the brown couch set had its cheerful plaid pillows centered neatly. The dark wood coffee table gleamed and smelled faintly of lemon. The throw rugs with their cabin and tree print were freshly vacuumed. It hadn’t been this clean when they left. She suspected that Eddie had done it since she was the only one who knew where they kept their extra key, unless James had told someone. It seemed like an Eddie thing to do anyway. She remembered the police carefully combing the house, vacuuming carpets and bagging the results. She felt a chill remembering, as though a crime had been committed here. Did that mean they thought she killed her little girl and shoved her body somewhere? It seemed completely ludicrous but she supposed that it did happen. She carried the shattered bottle in her right hand gently, as though it were her only friend and must be protected. It felt cool and smooth under her fingers. She set it in the middle of the dining room table. She opened the fridge and saw that someone had taken care of all the leftover donated food. The containers sat clean in the dish drainer and the fridge was spotless. She supposed it should be strange to think of someone coming into their space while they were gone but it didn’t, it just seemed kind. It was comforting to think someone was looking out for them. She took out a Pepsi and guzzled it standing in the kitchen and tossed the can in the garbage. It fizzed and burned her chest and she burped loudly in the quiet. It broke the spell that the quiet had been holding; and everything became real again somehow. She went to shower.
She stood under the hot spray until her muscles felt limp. She washed her hair and let the conditioner sit on it for a couple of minutes. She toweled off briskly and brushed her teeth and felt almost human again. She pulled on brown jogging pants and a soft white T-shirt and stretched out across the bed. It was made and she noticed and the bedding smelled like fabric softener. She rubbed the softness of the comforter between her fingers. A soft half-light came through the brown curtains and the fan turned slowly above the bed with a shhh, shhh sound. The need to call James warred with the quiet and the exhaustion in her heat relaxed muscles. The alcohol still sat in her system, dragging her down. Her eyes weighed a ton each and they slowly closed. She would call him in a minute she thought. The minutes slipped silently away marked only by the sound of the fan and the distant ticking of the grandfather clock from the living room. The phone rang in the living room, a shrill demanding sound in the quiet. She didn’t hear it or stir.
James stood listening to the phone ring on the other end. He stared out the front window at the gathering dusk. She should have been there by now. He hung up when the answering machine kicked on. He should leave a message but he had always hated answering machines. He pulled the letter slowly out of his pocket and stared at it.
Please don’t follow me.
I have to do this alone.
&n
bsp; Please don’t follow me.
I have to do this alone.
Those lines ate away at him. They had kept him from following her all day. She said that she hadn’t hurt their baby and it killed him that she was afraid he thought that. Didn’t she know that he knew her better than that? People kept telling him to give her time and he was sick of it, she was his wife and he was going through the same thing she was.
He shoved it back into his pocket. He was going after her. She was his daughter, too, and Tina didn’t need to do this alone. It gave him hope that she believed so strongly that she was still alive. And if she wasn’t; then he would be there to help her through this. Although God only knew how he would get himself through it either. His mind made up, he went to tell his parents he was leaving.
The house was still and quiet. She walked barefoot through the stillness. Weak sunlight shone through the windows and she frowned. She couldn’t have slept clear through the night, could she have? She walked into the living room and her steps faltered. Their furniture was gone. A giant old wooden couch was against one wall and wicker shelves covered the opposite one. A short oak entertainment center that had seen better days took the place of their coffee table. The room was clean and homey in spite of the being a little worn and tattered. A baby bassinet sat by the couch. She forced her feet to carry her over to the bassinet. She was afraid to look in it, afraid that there might be something terrible in it. She knew that she was dreaming but was once again she was struck by how real it seemed. A beautiful little boy lay sleeping in the bassinet. He was probably only two or three months old, dressed in a little blue sleeper. His eyes were blue she knew, and then she wondered how she knew that. She reached hesitantly to touch his cheek, still a little afraid. His cheek was soft as butter and she very gently ran the tip of her finger down it. The baby didn’t stir but made little sucking motions with his lip. Nursing in his sleep, it made her smile. Hailey used to do that. She continued on her way and walked out the front door. The grass prickled her feet again, still tinged with brown and starting to die. The old dock was back again; but she wasn’t surprised any more. Not much could have surprised her anymore. The girl stood down by the water, about ten feet down from the dock. This time she wore a bathing suit, a one piece with bright stripes circling it. She made a bright little mark against the water in the red, blue, and green. It still seemed an odd choice for a fall day, far too cold for a bathing suit, just as the purple sundress had seemed odd the last time. Tina wondered again if she were cold. The girl walked along the edge of the lake away from Tina. Her long blonde hair was plaited in a braid down her back and her frame was slim and lean. Tina followed her. She only made it about twenty steps when the girl turned and stepped out into the water. Tina knew that the water sloped down gradually for three or four feet and then dropped abruptly to maybe fifteen or twenty. The water reached her thin little knees and Tina’s throat closed up with dread. She had no idea why she felt such panic; but she knew that the girl shouldn’t go into the water. She knew it with such certainty that her heart pounded, her throat went dry, and she cried out. The girl turned and looked over her shoulder at her. Her clear blue eyes were sad, the same color eyes as she knew the baby had. How do I know that? She wondered again. The girl reached the drop off and began to swim. She was a good swimmer in spite of her thin little arms; but somehow that didn’t make Tina feel any better. She waded into the water after the little girl.
It was early evening before James reached the house. He made good time and broke some traffic laws on the way. He tried the phone several more times but had no more luck than the first time. The anxiety settled in the pit of his stomach like a knot. The shadows chased each other about merrily in the corners of the house as he pulled up the drive but he could still see. It didn’t really get fully dark this time of year anyway. He saw Tina come out of the house and walk along the lake. His instinctive gladness and relief faded into uneasiness. There was something almost zombie-like in the way she walked. He called her name and she didn’t turn or even flinch. She gave a cry, a pitiful little cry full of alarm and fear that wrung his heart; and then she walked out into the water. He broke into a run. She had walked off the drop off before he reached her. She never was a great swimmer, more of a dog paddler. What was she doing? He wondered. Has she lost her mind, came all the way here to swim in a cold lake. The thought that she might be trying to kill herself flashed through his mind and fear swelled up, choking him. The weird way she moved scared him even more, as though she were in a world of her own. She swam straight out into the lake. He reached the water’s edge and kicked off his shoes and dove in after her. The water closed around him like a vise and he caught his breath at the cold. Tina was about fifty feet out and already floundering when he reached her and he caught a glimpse of her wide panic stricken eyes before he grabbed her. She fought like a tiger and managed to clobber him one over the eye. A starburst of pain went off behind his eye.
“Tina!” He bellowed and she went limp and let him tow her back into the shallows. He stood her on her feet and she hung onto him like he was the only safe thing left in the world. She was shaking like a leaf and he saw the tears running down her face. The cold lake water soaked her clothes and streamed out of her hair. Her teeth were chattering. The cold made him feel numb and shriveled.
“I couldn’t reach her, I couldn’t reach her.” She sobbed over and over.
“Hailey’s not out there, Baby.” He said soothingly.
He held her tightly, absorbing her shaking.
“She’s not out there.”
The sobs continued to shake her and he picked up his wife as though she were a baby; and carried her into the house.
Jamison sat at the bar in town. He had come straight here after work, something he hadn’t done in years. He hadn’t come here much since Marcie had left him thirteen years ago. Thirteen years and it still felt like yesterday. He could still see the tears mixed with the resignation in her eyes. Still see the way she looked him right in the eyes when she told him why, in a few clear simple words. Over the years and the ugly cases he had slowly come here more and more after work. He had been home gradually less and less. After she had told him that she was leaving him he had realized just how much he had been gone. There had been no changing her mind no matter how much he had pleaded, the long, lonely years of marriage had driven her to the point where leaving him was the only option. Even the great years they had spent together at first had not been enough to tip the balance in his favor. He still blamed himself and he still missed her. He missed her throaty laugh and her clear brown eyes and the way she had looked directly at him when he talked to her, as though what he had to say was the most important thing in the world. Missed the way she always told him exactly what she thought whether it was what he wanted to hear or not. The way she never let anybody or anything intimidate her. And yeah, he still loved her. She had moved about three months after she left him and he had never allowed himself to find out where, he figured the torture of constantly wondering was punishment for being a bad husband. He still thought about her every day and wondered what she was doing, wondered if she had found someone else, maybe someone with kids. The kids her body wouldn’t let her have. Oh, but it hurt to think of her having that with someone else. The thought of her having kids and carpools and the whole soccer mom thing with another man stung. Barbeques and Saturday night parties, family vacations and date nights. Especially date nights with all that followed on the heels of those, his memories of those nights with her were too clear in his mind to allow room for imagining her doing that with someone else. But unfortunately he could imagine it all too clearly. He had never wanted to adopt kids and he had never been able to tell her why. Maybe if he had told her how he grew up she would have understood why he didn’t think he would be able to raise a child. He had told her that his parents were dead but nothing more. He hadn’t talked about it since the day they died, the day his mother killed herself and he disowned his father for slowly dr
iving her to it, leaving him to drink himself to death in a hotel room with his regrets for company. As Jamison sat at the bar his wife was not the only thing he was thinking of for once, although she still held a big spot in his mind. Hailey was also what he was thinking of and her picture sat on the bar next to his half empty mug of beer. She watched him with her clear eyes so like her father’s and her sweet smile so full of innocence. The afternoon’s research had his gut churning and the beer wasn’t helping like it used to. He only allowed himself one anyway. He needed to talk to Tina and his stop at the bar was to help him organize his thoughts and get his emotions fully under control. It was going to be a hard conversation. He had searched the data base for related cases, not really expecting to find one anywhere near here and he had found two. Both pretty little girls between ten and thirteen. The first one was fourteen years ago and the last one was six years ago. Actually the last one was twelve days ago, if the cases were connected. He hoped they weren’t because six years ago there had been a little body found in the lake in the next county. She had been weighed down by a heavy old chain wrapped around her, pulled down and imprisoned under the dark water that took her away from her life and the people that loved her.
But a man had been arrested for that murder, a man that had lived four houses down from her. A man who had pictures of her in his desk drawer, over fifty pictures the case file said. Joseph Harper, age thirty-two. He would have been eighteen when Amanda Douglas was taken. And Joseph Harper had hung himself in his cell the day before going on trial. He hadn’t handled that case but he knew the pain the family must have went through. He wondered if anyone had connected the cases then if it would have made a difference twelve days ago. Would Hailey Hansen be safe at home in her own bed? Statistically if a missing person’s case wasn’t solved in the first twenty four hours then the chances plummeted drastically. Hopefully her parents didn’t know that statistic. He blamed himself for not connecting the dots earlier. A suspicion of a serial killer opened up new avenues for him, the FBI would come in now with their better technology and unlimited data bases. He needed them but did not want to be pushed aside either. He hoped he wouldn’t get the snotty son-of-a-bitch that they brought in last year when the idiot senator got himself lost for three days in the mountains. The bar tender came up to him, pulling him out of his thoughts. She smiled and leaned seductively over the bar, making sure her ample cleavage was in view.
Down in the Lake Page 3