by Jon Mayhew
Traditional proverb
Chapter Eleven
The Governors
Edgy followed Sally through the silent corridors. Stuffy portraits stared out from the shadows. Henry kept at Edgy’s heel, his ears back, glaring at Sally as she stalked ahead of them. One portrait caught Edgy’s eye. It was filled by a portly-looking gentleman with serious eyebrows and a black fur cloak. The shadows seemed to swirl behind him, shifting somehow as if something lurked there.
Sally glanced back. ‘Don’t gawp at them,’ she snapped. ‘There’s trapped demons in them paintings. Look too hard and the creature inside might leap out and drag you in.’
‘Blimey,’ Edgy said and threw his eyes to the floor. He fell quiet for a while, trying not to look at anything.
‘Oh yeah.’ Sally gave a bitter laugh. ‘Full o’ surprises is the old Society of Daemonologie, I should know. Some charmin’ customers walked these corridors in days gone by, I can tell you.’
Edgy’s stomach turned over. What are these governors like? What are they going to do?
They stopped at yet another oak-panelled door. Edgy had lost track of the twists and turns of the passages.
Sally drew a breath and knocked twice. A muffled voice bid them enter. Edgy sat Henry down outside and went in.
The governors sat around a long, polished table laden with food. Three men and one woman. He recognised Sokket from their encounter in the exhibition hall, sitting there pulling a sour face at a bunch of grapes. The others were murmuring to Janus, who stood in front of the table. More portraits dotted the panelled walls of this grand room. A large one hung over the glowing fireplace. The sober features of James I stared down at him.
‘The boy, Lord Mauldeth,’ Sally said to the tall, dark gentleman at the centre of the table. She gave Edgy a sharp shove, making him stumble.
‘Thank you, Sally,’ Lord Mauldeth said, looking down his long nose at Edgy. A cat sat on Mauldeth’s lap, as haughty as the lord. ‘Now, boy, tell us your name.’
‘His name’s Edgy Taylor –’ Janus began but a fat, red-faced man sitting next to Mauldeth cut him off.
‘Can’t he speak for himself, Envry?’ the man bellowed, huffing and puffing. ‘He’s got a voice, what?’
‘Very well, Plumphrey.’ Janus inclined his head but Edgy could see flashes of red on his cheeks.
‘My name’s Edgy Taylor, sir,’ he said, his voice sounding dry and squeaky. He felt stupid and small in front of these grand people. Maybe Talon was right and picking up dog dirt off the street was all he was good for. He twitched his head.
‘Can’t you keep still, boy?’ Mauldeth said, as he scratched the cat behind its ears.
‘No, sir. Sorry, sir. It’s just something I do,’ Edgy said, avoiding Mauldeth’s gaze. Edgy didn’t like him already.
‘Probably brought cholera in with him off the street,’ grumbled Sokket, heaving a huge sigh. ‘Or some other malady. Wouldn’t be surprised if we’re all dead by dawn.’
‘Don’t be so melodramatic, Mortesque,’ said the lady next to him.
She easily filled her end of the table, looking taller and wider than any of the men in the room. Her wiry brown hair stuck out in all directions, a wild curly mass that she had obviously tried but failed to contain with pins and bands. She struck Edgy as being brown in every way – brown eyes, brown skin, brown tweed clothes. She reminded him of a huge tree.
‘Don’t worry, Edgy. We’re pleased to meet you,’ she said. ‘I’m sure Envry has a very good reason for ossifying three demons and bringing you into our midst.’
‘He always does, Professor Milberry,’ Plumphrey said, slapping the table, his moustache bristling. ‘That’s the trouble!’
‘Yes, little brother, do tell us.’ Lord Mauldeth’s sharp features twisted into a smirk. He snapped a biscuit in half. ‘Why did you compromise the security of the Royal Society so flagrantly?’
‘I believe the boy may be useful,’ Janus said, ignoring Mauldeth’s accusation. His neck was red too now, Edgy noticed.
‘Hmmph,’ snorted Sokket. ‘You said that about the last one and look what happened to him –’
‘Bernard.’ Milberry’s brow creased into concerned furrows.
‘What?’ asked Sokket, obviously confused.
‘He had a name,’ Milberry snapped back. ‘Bernard Green.’
Edgy’s stomach churned again as he thought of the boy crumpled in the mud of the street. Bernard Green.
‘Yes, well. A simple case of carelessness crossing the street,’ Janus said, shaking his head. ‘That wasn’t my fault.’
‘No, it never is,’ Sokket muttered, ‘but someone always ends up dead, don’t they?’
‘That’s not fair,’ Janus said.
The room fell silent for a second. Edgy tried to swallow but his throat felt so dry that he ended up coughing and spluttering.
‘And then there’s the budget,’ Plumphrey said, sitting back heavily in his chair and making Edgy jump. ‘We’ll have to pay for the last one’s funeral, y’know. And then can we afford to feed another mouth? Do you realise the size of the food bill for this month alone?’
‘Yes, well, if you insist on collecting demons of gluttony, then we will be eaten out of house and home, won’t we?’ Janus said. His whole face glowed red now. ‘You only collect them because it’s so easy. All you do is invite them to a slap-up meal and then clap the irons on them!’
‘How dare you?!’ Plumphrey roared, jumping to his feet and knocking his chair backwards. The cat leapt from Mauldeth’s lap. Sokket just shook his head and threw the grapes down in disgust.
‘Gentlemen.’ Milberry held up her hands, casting a shadow over Plumphrey. ‘We should conduct ourselves as fellows of the Royal Society. This is not some public house to brawl in.’
‘Apologies, Anawald,’ Plumphrey coughed. ‘But he’s always mocking my collection.’
‘Envry.’ Milberry raised her eyebrows at Janus. ‘You said the boy might be useful. Tell us how.’
‘Yes.’ Janus straightened his waistcoat down and gave an embarrassed cough. ‘I found the boy, having tracked down Thammuz, Scourge of the Innocents, captain of twelve demon legions.’
Edgy frowned at Janus. He’d never heard Talon described in that way.
‘We are aware of Thammuz’s status,’ Mauldeth cut in, picking up a glass of port. ‘The boy was with him?’
‘He was,’ Janus said, ‘and – what’s more – Edgy has demon sight.’
Edgy stared, blank-faced, at the panel of governors who leaned forward as one and raised their eyebrows at him as if they’d been told he could juggle live canaries.
‘So you can see demons, can you, boy?’ Plumphrey asked, twisting his moustache.
‘I think so, sir.’ Edgy’s voice sounded croaky again.
‘Can you see all demons?’ Mauldeth said, rotating his glass and staring at it through the candlelight.
‘Well, I could see Mr Talon, the one you called Tha . . . mmuz, all red like and with horns. He’d get proper angry and beat me, you see, sir.’
‘Well, well, a demon with a bit of respect for discipline at last.’ Mauldeth grinned.
Edgy didn’t see anything funny. He looked away from Lord Mauldeth, trying to ignore the sting of tears in the corner of his eye.
‘And the ones that chased me,’ Edgy said, coughing roughly. ‘I could see them quite plain, sir.’
‘Ah, yes, Janus ossified them too.’ Mauldeth raised an eyebrow at his brother.
‘One thing at a time, Mauldeth. How do you think he’s come by this talent, then, Envry?’ Sokket’s codfish mouth drooped as he sniffed in Edgy’s direction.
‘I don’t know yet.’ Janus shrugged. ‘He’s not a demon himself, so far as I can tell.’
Almost in unison, the panel donned the red-lensed spectacles that Edgy had seen Janus wear earlier. They stared hard, looking him up and down. He coughed and looked at the floor, trying not to meet their gaze.
‘These are Hades Lenses, E
dgy,’ Milberry explained, smiling and lifting her spectacles so he could see her warm brown eyes. ‘Some demons disguise themselves as humans – well, as all kinds of things really, cats and goats, even teapots and saucepans. The lenses can see through most glamour spells that demons use. We don’t need them inside the Society as most demons reveal their true nature to us here but outside it’s a different matter.’
‘He doesn’t look like a demon,’ Plumphrey muttered, pulling off his specs.
‘Are you a demon?’ Sokket leaned over the table and squinted through the lenses at Edgy.
‘No!’ Edgy snapped. ‘Erm, no, sir, I’m not.’
‘He says he used to help Thammuz solve riddles too,’ Janus said, nodding and pointing a finger in the air.
‘Good at riddles, eh, lad?’ Mauldeth sneered. He raised one eyebrow and smiled triumphantly. ‘Tell me then, what is as ancient as the earth but only one month old?’ He sat back in his chair, looking sidelong at his fellow governors with a self-satisfied grin.
‘The moon, sir. Beggin’ your pardon, sir,’ Edgy muttered. He felt awful answering so quickly but it was an old riddle and simple really.
Mauldeth’s neck went red this time and Janus beamed at his brother’s discomfort.
‘He has you there, Mauldeth,’ Plumphrey chortled. ‘How do you do that, lad?’
‘I don’t know, sir. Tal . . . Thammuz taught me to riddle as a nipper, sir.’
‘Riddles are the basic currency of demons, Edgy. They greet, trick and challenge each other with them, trade with them, all kinds of things. Demons love complexity and challenges. It is said that a demon can never resist a riddle,’ Milberry said, noticing Edgy’s confused expression and taking pity on him. ‘Being good at riddles is a must when dealing with demons.’
‘Either that or being a good shot with an ossifier, eh, little brother?’ Mauldeth said, sipping at his port and shooting a barbed smirk at Janus. ‘Four in two days. It’s getting to be like old times.’
‘I had no choice.’ Janus gave Edgy a meaningful glance. ‘I had to ossify them.’
‘You had to?’ Milberry asked, narrowing her eyes.
‘They were threatening the boy,’ Janus said. ‘I suspect they would have killed him.’
‘You know we only use ossification as a last resort, Envry.’ Milberry looked stern. ‘How can we encourage more associate demons if you go around killing them?’
‘One almost killed me,’ Janus said quietly. ‘If it wasn’t for Edgy, it would have.’
‘So the boy saved your bacon, eh?’ Mauldeth said, regaining some of his composure.
Edgy could see Janus’s jaw muscles tighten as he bit back a retort.
‘Well, I for one would be happy to see more of these blasted creatures turned to stone,’ Plumphrey muttered, breaking the tension. ‘I remember Thammuz. Very fond of sending plagues of buttock boils to make people miserable.’
‘Could he do that?’ Sokket went a lighter shade of grey.
‘He’s nothing more than a stone gargoyle now, Mortesque.’ Mauldeth shook his head. ‘Your buttocks are safe . . . from him, anyway.’
Sokket shuffled in his seat and glanced sideways at Plumphrey. ‘It’s just that, well, remember the curse of the whistling flatulence back in thirty-two? Most embarrassing . . . and inconvenient.’
‘Lasted a month.’ Plumphrey’s red face faded to a mild pink and a haunted look came into his eye. ‘The shame . . .’
‘You think we can use the boy?’ Milberry gave Janus a hard stare.
‘Think of it: he could detect demons without them knowing. They get wise to the Hades Lenses. One sniff of a pair of red spectacles and they’re off!’ Janus said. ‘And he’s a sharp wit with the riddles.’
‘But the budget –’ Plumphrey began.
‘Give over, Roland,’ Mauldeth yawned, filling his glass again. ‘We’re rolling in cash – hardly anybody in the government even knows we exist.’
‘But if there was an audit?’
‘When was the last one?’ Milberry cut in.
‘Not sure, really,’ Plumphrey said, glancing around the room and shuffling through some dusty old documents in front of him. ‘Ah, here we are . . . 1703,’ he said, drumming his fingers on the table.
‘Go on then, Envry.’ Mauldeth raised his glass to Edgy. ‘Have your servant boy. All agreed?’
‘But try to avoid any more ossifications,’ Milberry said. ‘We simply must get away from our past reputation. We are scientists, observers and recorders – not demon hunters.’
The panel grunted and murmured in a fairly positive way. Janus nodded, grabbed Edgy’s elbow and steered him out of the door.
‘Shouldn’t we record it in the minutes?’ he heard Plumphrey say.
‘When were the minutes last taken, Roland?’ Sokket asked with a weary roll of his eyes.
‘Oh, er, 1705 . . .’
A smirk crept across Edgy’s face.
‘Try to keep him alive this time, Envry, there’s a good chap,’ Sokket called after them.
Edgy’s smile faded.
Trotting after Janus seemed to be becoming a habit. Edgy looked down at Henry, beginning to understand how he must feel as Janus stamped down the corridor.
‘Well, that went better than I expected,’ he said over his shoulder. ‘But did you hear the pompous oaf?’ Janus put on a nasal drawl that sounded surprisingly like his elder brother. ‘Have your servant boy. You see why I don’t tell them my concerns about Salomé, Edgy? They wouldn’t understand. I was so pleased when you guessed his riddle right off. Ha! That put his nose out of joint!’
‘Just doin’ what comes natural, sir,’ Edgy said, blushing with pride. Mauldeth deserved the humiliation, he thought. Janus was right. Mauldeth was a snob. At least Janus treated Edgy with some respect.
‘Good man.’ Janus grinned over his shoulder. ‘Right, get some rest and report to me first thing tomorrow. You’re now officially an employee of the Royal Society of Daemonologie! And our first mission is to find out where the corpse of Moloch lies.’
O, where are you going to?
I am going to my school.
O what are you going there for?
For to learn the word of God.
I wish you was on the sands.
Yes, and a good staff in my hands.
I think I hear a bell.
Yes, and it’s ringing you to hell.
‘False Knight on the Road’, traditional folk ballad
Chapter Twelve
The First Errand
‘Thought you weren’t coming back,’ Sally muttered, standing by the door to his room one morning. For all her saying she wasn’t a ghost, Sally did a grand job of haunting Edgy’s bedroom.
‘Yeah, well, it’s not that bad, is it?’ Edgy snapped, barging past her. ‘Three good meals a day, indoor work an’ clean clothes. An’ I don’t have to do anythin’ more dangerous than climb a ladder to get a heavy book from a high shelf.’
‘That’s what he said too,’ Sally hissed.
Edgy froze as he closed the door. He could feel the cold draught of her gaze. ‘Who?’
‘Bernard,’ Sally whispered. ‘Thought it was all beer an’ skittles until he got his skull caved in . . .’
Edgy twitched. ‘That won’t happen to me,’ he croaked, trying to sound brave.
Although he’d been there less than a week, Edgy already had a rough idea of the layout of the upper floors of the Society. By day, he kept busy, carrying books for Janus and cleaning his study, and the fellows sent him scurrying about the passages with memorandums and letters. By night, he would sit beside Janus as he pored over ancient manuscripts, searching for any clue as to the whereabouts of Moloch.
‘Take this to Professor Plumphrey and be quick about it,’ Mauldeth would snap. He glowered at Edgy whenever they met and, to make matters worse, Henry was banned from Mauldeth’s quarters because of the chancellor’s bad-tempered cat.
‘Tell Trimdon that I need more roast chicken,’ Plumphr
ey would bluster, barely acknowledging Edgy, while Sokket would just stare at him or leave notes as if he couldn’t bring himself to actually talk to him.
Milberry was different, though. While the other fellows’ rooms – and even Janus’s study – were dull, with leather seats and book-lined walls, her office teemed with all manner of plants and flowers. It was like a small forest. Vines tumbled from pots on shelves, huge palms sprouted from massive vases. Small finches even flitted among the branches of some of the larger specimens, and in the centre of all this sat Professor Anawald Milberry.
She had been writing at her desk when Edgy first entered the room. She stopped and smiled at him. Edgy smiled back.
‘And how are you settling in?’ she said, taking the memorandum from Edgy.
‘Fine, ma’am,’ he replied, glancing around at the thick foliage that filled the room. Had he just seen a pair of emerald eyes glaring out from one of the bushes to his left?
‘Don’t worry, Edgy,’ Milberry smiled, running her stubby fingers through her brown wiry hair. ‘The demons I collect are friendly on the whole. They’re nature spirits. Quite harmless unless provoked.’
‘Right, ma’am,’ Edgy nodded. He wasn’t convinced. Looking more closely, he could see that some of the plant specimens actually had eyes and mouths deep within their foliage.
‘They’re my family,’ she said, picking up a watering can and pouring its contents into the nearest plant pot. She turned and frowned, looking at Edgy with kindly concern. ‘Do you have any family, Edgy Taylor?’ she asked.
‘No, ma’am,’ he said, scraping the toe of his boot on the tiled floor. He looked up. ‘Have you, ma’am?’ He flinched. The question had just come out. He hadn’t meant to ask. She would think him so impertinent.
Milberry gave a sigh and a shrug. ‘Only these,’ she said, waving her hands at the plants that surrounded her.
‘I’m sorry, ma’am. I shouldn’t have asked,’ Edgy said, blushing under her gentle gaze.
Her face crinkled into a kind smile. ‘Not to worry, young man, you and I are in the same boat, it would seem. We can look after each other,’ she said. Her expression became serious. ‘So tell me, have you been out yet?’