by G. Howell
After that I heard whispers hissed in low voices and I thought I may have heard a subdued chitter, then came the sounds of bodies shifting and claws on wood and after a while the door in the outer door opened and closed again. Then, there was silence.
“Was it good for you too?” I asked out loud and only then allowed the breath I’d been holding to gush out and my suddenly rubbery knees to give. I folded down to kneel on the mat, closed my eyes and lifted my face to the light. The straw was smooth and the sunlight, even crazed by the bulleyes panes in the windows, was wonderfully warm. It was the first time I’d felt it in what seemed like a long while and for a minute I just knelt there, basking in it.
Inevitably, the mat moved a little as footsteps crossed it and then a shadow blocked the light. “What did you just do?” I heard.
I opened my eyes to see Escheri’s features. She was kneeling on the mat before me, leaning forward to peer at my face. “Hi,” I said and she pulled back a little. “You know, I think that was the best sex I never had.”
She leaned back, resting back on her heels and cocking her head. “What did you just do?” she asked again and jerked her nose toward the door. “What happened? She didn’t look happy.”
“See? I can play stupid games too,” I smiled thinly.
A sigh, or perhaps it was a hiss, escaped her. “This was serious.”
“No,” I corrected. “This was idiocy. This was… “ I tried to find the words and failed. “Controlling people’s minds?! That is ridiculous! What do they think I am, some kind of monster?”
She lowered her muzzle slightly. “They don’t know.”
I heaved a lungful of air. “It’s... ridiculous. And you... you knew this was going to happen, didn’t you. That story about my clothes so I would wear that... robe. You knew.”
“I had my orders,” she replied evenly and her head cocked the other way.
“What orders?” I asked. “Be kind to me? To earn my trust; my friendship. Have sex with me?”
She flicked her ears and, surprisingly for a Mediator, looked awkward.
It wasn’t difficult to fill in what she wasn’t saying. “Shit,” I muttered to myself. And then the other little shards of that thought tumbled into place and I rocked back and stared at her as I ran through some other facts. Her muzzle went back, just fractionally.
“That was all, was it?” I asked quietly. “There were other mediators around: doctors, other staff, but they asked you to look after me.”
“I was familiar with you.”
“True,” I nodded. “And you were friendly. And you were kind. And you always showed up when I was about to crack... It was Shyia, wasn’t it.”
“Shyia? What do you mean?” she asked it in tones that carried a dark undercurrent of, ‘I know what you’re talking about but I’m not about to confess anything’.
“He had something to do with this?”
“Huhn,” she still had that guarded expression and scratched precisely at the side of her muzzle with a claw as she considered that. “He did make it known that you were attached to that teacher in a way that’s a little different from normal. Apart from that...”
“He encouraged this... this little encounter?”
She didn’t answer.
“He did!” I laughed, just an exhalation of incredulity and exasperation that sounded more like a punch to the guts than anything that denoted humor. “You were trying to tie me to the Guild? You thought I would act as I had with Chihirae, with Mai. You… the Guild was trying to get me to... love you?”
Her muzzle creased and her head tipped the other way yet again. “What is this thing called ‘hhufv’?” she asked.
This time my laugh was genuine; a proper outburst of humor that made her recoil. It was almost exactly the same maneuver her ladyship had been intending that night. Was that what they really thought of me? Did they really think that was how I ticked? That I could be manipulated into siding with a faction by getting me emotionally attached to someone? It was all so ridiculous and convoluted and meticulously planned out and ridiculous in that serious forethought. I had a picture of Rris generals around a table poring over plans as they plotted this whole thing and that set me off again.
Escheri looked startled and uncertain. “What’s wrong? Are you ill?”
It was a while before I could answer. “I’m sorry.” I wiped tears out of my eyes. “I haven’t laughed like that for a while.”
Her muzzle tucked down fractionally. “That was a laugh?”
“A,” I nodded and choked back another spasm.
“Oh.” She seemed a little taken aback. “I’ve never seen you actually laugh before. What was so amusing?”
I waved my hand in a gesture encompassed her and the Guild and let her make what she would of it. “You. Rris. It’s sometimes just so... Sometimes when I think I understand you or you understand me, something like this goes and happens.”
“And that’s amusing to you?”
“I never expected something so... preposterous. I never expected that anyone could think that. It’s... It’s like a bent and twisted mirror: all the things I show you come back all... changed and out of proportion and that shouldn’t be funny, but at moments like this it is.”
I could almost see the gears grinding away in there as she tried to work that out, and then her muzzle creased. “I don’t understand,” she said.
“That’s my line, isn’t it?” I asked. Damn, my guts hurt after that laughter. I flashed her a full-on, shit-eating grin. “Look, this... thing, this emotion I have with Chihirae... you can’t... it’s not something you can manufacture or force. It just... happens. You meet someone and something just... works between you. I don’t know the words in your language to describe it. I’m not sure there are many humans who can define it, but there are moments when it happens and those times are... special. I don’t like having them... toyed with. Tell your superiors that.”
“I... see,” she said, and I wasn’t sure if she really did. Then she ventured, “Mikah, a question?”
I hesitated. “Is this going to be about... this situation?”
“Well,” she waved a shrug and narrowed her eyes a little. “Why did you chose her?” she gestured to the door.
I tipped my head back, looking up at the glass of the windows. High beyond the crude glass the sun was a hot glare, diffracted and multiplied through the multitudes of warped panes. “Ashiri?” I asked and gave her a hard look. “You’d rather I chose you? That was the plan, wasn’t it? You had your orders, but did you really want to...to scruff bite with someone like me?”
She started to say something, then closed her mouth again. For a second I saw her eyes flicker across my body, down my arm, to a small U-shaped bruise before she looked away again.
“Escheri,” I said, a little more gently, as if she could discern emotions from my tone of voice. “I... think you’re a friend. I don’t have many of those around here, so those I do have I treasure. Thank you for your kindness and openness, but I don’t want to be… tricked into that sort of situation. There is a term used for forcing someone to sexual acts, directly or otherwise.”
Her face didn’t move. “So you chose her.”
And Escheri was still a Mediator. How much did I want to tell her? I just nodded and gave her a little smile. “A. I thought she wanted a live demonstration, but for some reason she didn’t seem very enthusiastic when she had to do the deed. I suppose sometimes naked reality is a bit more real than stories that might be floating around, a?”
“Huh,” she grunted. “You were playing games. You knew she would balk.”
I shrugged and let her make what she would of that gesture.
She studied me, then said, “you may have made a mistake there. You know she’s in the enclave assigned to handle you? It probably wasn’t
a good idea to upset her like that.”
I rolled my eyes: she could get to the back of the line of people who had bones to pick with me. “Oh, it’ll just make things interesting.”
“Obviously a usage of the word ‘interesting’ that I haven’t encountered before,” she mused.
“At least now she might drop those stupid ideas of me controlling people. If people don’t want anything to do with me, they don’t have to stay around. And now I’ve got a question for you,” I said. “That’s all your friendship has been? Your work? Your orders?”
She just blinked, then glanced past me at the door. “Actually, I do like you, Mikah. You’re a bit... different. It’s refreshing. The sex I’m not so sure about, but I had my orders.”
“Take one for your Guild, huh?”
“Don’t be snide. There are more distasteful duties. Actually, I do like you. I think I can see what some of these others have seen in you. I think… I think I would like to consider you a friend.”
And she was a Mediator and I couldn’t tell if she was lying or not.
“So,” I said resignedly. “What happens now? I’ve pissed them off so I go back to my cell?”
“What? Hai, no. No,” she leaned forward to pat my knee. “The decision was already made. You’re being kicked out.”
I blinked and reran her words in my head. “What? That’s it? After all this...” I gestured around me, “you’re... what?”
“You’re released.”
“I can just go?” I wondered if it was some kind of trick.
She cupped her hand in an affirmative. “A. If you wish, I can take you to the gates.”
“So, I’m free to just walk out of here?”
“A,” she pursed her features in amusement. “Of course.”
“Oh,” I blinked. “Great.”
“You’re not happy?”
“Oh, I am. Joy. Happy. All that good stuff. Just...umm, perhaps I could get some clothes first?”
------v------
I stepped out of the darkness of the Guild entryway and onto the cobbles of the forecourt, out into something approaching freedom for the first time in a while. Slightly bewildered freedom, but freedom nonetheless.
The morning air was fresh and cool. The sky was clear, marred only by a few high clouds smeared across the blue of the heavens. Early sunlight slanted in over neighboring rooftops, throwing odd-edged swatches of warmth across the courtyard. Over in the dappled shadows of the big oak trees apprentices were already out and busy sweeping away fallen leaves with rudimentary brooms. Beyond them were the front gates to the Guild and beyond those...
Halfway across the forecourt to those gates I slowed, then stopped as realization hit. Free. Yeah, free to walk out into the city. And what then? I didn’t know exactly where I was. Where was the Land-of-Water embassy? Where was the palace? Was I supposed to walk around by myself until I got my bearings? Escheri had given me a long tunic that might have been spun from sack-cloth, but my leg was sore enough to keep me limping and I didn’t even have any shoes. If I went out there and tried to walk across town to find somewhere familiar I’d attract attention: stares at first, but that could well get worse. Almost certainly would get worse. I bit my lip as I slowly headed toward the gate, wondering what my chances were.
The pair of Mediator guards at duty on the gates noticed me as I crossed the yard and both of them turned to watch me. Until I was about halfway there and something made them prick their ears up and look at the street outside. A team of elk in their traceries moved past the gates, then a carriage. It slowed to a halt directly outside. It looked like the same type that’d brought me to the Guild: an unpretentious and anonymous Mediator transport without any decoration save the elaborate carved privacy grills over the windows. The door was opened and one of the guards stepped forward. Some brief conversation ensued with whomever was inside and then the guard turned and gestured to me: a curt beckon. I limped over until I could see the occupants.
There were three of them. Two Rris I didn’t recognize sitting on the rearmost seat seat. The other was Shyia. Of course. Why wasn’t I surprised. I remembered the last words I’d heard him saying about Chihirae and other emotions boiled up.
“You don’t want to walk, do you?” he inquired.
“Not really,” I grated, choking back the anger.
“Then get in,” Shyia said and then watched me standing there, looking from the street to the carriage and back again. “I thought you didn’t want to walk,” he said, sound carefully neutral.
“I don’t, but compared with the alternative it has its attractions.”
He sat back. “Get in.” Now he sounded exasperated. I clenched my fists, and took a breath, trying to calm down before clambering in, rocking the carriage on its crude leaf-spring suspension and folding myself in through the door. The cab was a typical layout, with bench seats facing each other fore and aft and a distinctly musty funk of wet Rris. The only available seat was beside Shyia on the rearward-facing bench, which meant I’d be traveling backwards. I settled myself on the thin padded seat facing the two strangers. They were Mediators, that was obvious. A grizzled elder one who might have been male and a younger one I tentatively pegged as female.
The sentries down on the street closed the door and Shyia banged a hand against the carriage roof. We lurched into motion. Of course there was no engine noise, but it’s amazing how much noise iron-rimmed wheels can make against cobblestones.
“What’s this I hear about you causing trouble this morning?” Shyia growled at me. “You’re trying to heap more problems on your plate?”
“I don’t think I was the one serving,” I returned and met his green stare. I wondered what would happen if I punched him in the face. “Who’s been spreading those other stories about me? About my sex life?”
“Huhn, is that what it was all about? That was a problem?”
“A problem? That people seem to think that I can be controlled by manipulating my affections? That I get miscellaneous people trying to get me to fuck someone I hardly know for an audience?! That rumors and outright lies are sneaking around behind my back… Strangely enough, it does annoy me.”
He waved a shrug, “The way you react to some people, it’s an easy enough assumption.”
“What does that mean?!”
“There’ve been two females. You get into sexual relations with them and form some strange attachments that seem to skew the judgment of all involved parties. That would seem to preclude some connection.”
“I’m not entirely ruled by my genitals.”
“You should try looking at yourself from outside sometime,” he said. “You seem to be in season all year long. Just the fact that the mere mention of sex draws erratic emotional reactions from you is an indicator that it has some influence on you.”
My jaw clenched. “And you’re so good at reading my reactions.”
“It does pose a challenge,” he returned and looked at the pair who’d been watching this exchange silently and expressionlessly. “That is one of the reason these are present.”
“So,” I said, eyeing the two. “Who are they?”
“Constables Rohinia and Jenes’ahn,” he said, using a bent finger to indicate the older and younger Rris respectively – jabbing a claw toward someone is bad form. “They will be your monitors.”
“My what?”
“Monitors,” he repeated and cocked his head. “You were told they would be assigned.”
I did remember. Back in the hall they’d said something about monitors. “Oh. So that’s what they meant. And these Monitors, what do they do?”
“They will watch you,” he said.
“Watch me what?”
“You misunderstand. They will watch you.” He gestured to the male, Rohinia: “Please, repeat your ord
ers to Mikah.”
“We’re to accompany you at all times,” the other replied in a voice that growled and rasped. I saw there was a patch of fur right across the front of his neck where the fur didn’t lie properly: a really nasty scar of some kind. Huh, I could match that and then some. “We’re to observe and note your behavior; your life and your reactions to what goes on around you. We’ve been cautioned that you react in ways that our experience may not be able to predict. We’re to see if this is true, and if so, why. We’re to study you, to evaluate just how much of your story is true. We’re to find out where you did come from and if there are any more like you.”
“You’re trying to see if I’m a spy,” I interpreted with a sighed, bracing myself as the carriage rattled around a corner with a grinding of metal on stone. Sunlight washed across the faces of the Rris opposite, making their pupils contract to black slits. “Is that all?”
“No,” he said. “We are also to attend all future meetings you may have with any private individual or representatives of government or industry. Any request for knowledge or technology you might receive is to be evaluated by the Guild. The Guild will decide if it’s to be provided.”
I nodded, thinking the ramifications of that through. There were a few interesting things that came to mind. “I... understand,” I said slowly and then asked, “And the Guild will be capable of doing that?”
The only sign that they might have considered that question an insult was the two sets of amber eyes and one green pair coolly leveled at me.
“You think we won’t?” Shyia asked.
I scratched at my beard, ruminating how best to answer that. “I think that perhaps it may be a bit more complex than you are imagining,” I hedged.