Beyond Intent

by Karice Bolton

  Jason and I stood up and followed Sally out of the conference room while I got ready to answer some of the toughest questions of my life.

  Katie’s furniture had arrived early this morning. Jason and I’d picked out a cute toddler bed that looked like a miniature version of a Jenny Lind twin bed. The intricate, white posts accented the pale pink that we’d chosen for a quilt. The matching dresser was bolted to the wall, and a fluffy throw rug was in the center of the room. Jason and I’d spent all yesterday painting the room an oyster pearl color, and it looked great. We passed the interviews with flying colors, but neither of us spoke of the interviews to each other. The home check went well, and they gave us a list of changes to implement before her arrival.

  I’d finished at the bakery and was sitting in a Starbucks in downtown Seattle. I planned to meet up with Lily and Brandy to go shopping. I had a long list for Katie’s room, and it warranted a downtown trip. We also planned on meeting with my dad and stepmom over dinner to tell them about our newest addition. Jason was going to be meeting us later.

  I spotted Lily at the entrance to Starbucks and gave her a quick wave before I bolted from my seat.

  “So excited,” Lily gushed, giving me a hug.

  “Me too. Do you want anything?” I asked.

  “No. I’m full up on caffeine. Brandy texted that she’ll meet us at Land of Nod.”

  “Okay,” I said, kind of surprised she didn’t text me that herself.

  We walked out of the Starbucks and followed the sidewalk down to the large gallery of shops. There was a Pottery Barn Kids, which was also on my list, a few doors down from Land of Nod. But the place I was most excited about was Target.

  Lily looped her arm through mine when we went through the doors to the first store.

  Standing in front of us Aaron, Brandy, and my parents all beamed, holding pink balloons. It was impossible not to have tears spring to life as I saw Jason step out from behind them.

  He flashed his devilish grin, and my body went completely crazy for him as he watched my reaction to this amazing surprise.

  Carla had tears in her eyes as she held out her arms and motioned for a hug. The moment she wrapped her arms around me, my dad embraced us both.

  “Gabby, I’ve never been more proud of you than I am today. You’ve really grown up.”

  Hearing my father’s words wrapped me in a loving moment of acceptance and respect, and I felt so lucky to have my family with me.

  Dabbing the tears away, as everyone let go of me, seemed useless as more came in waves.

  “Thank you. We were going to tell you tonight,” I said, feeling Jason slide his hand around my hip.

  “I thought you’d like some more company for the fun stuff,” Jason said. The look in his eyes literally made me weak in the knees. How did I ever get so lucky?

  “I thought you were at the shop,” I stated.

  Jason grinned. “Priorities shift slightly when these things pop up,” he laughed. “Being with you is more important.”

  “Anything you find today for Katie is on us,” my father said, and my mouth dropped open.

  “That’s too much,” Jason said, shaking his head. “There’s no…”

  Dad knew very well that Jason had more than enough money to cover anything, but my father raised his hand, cutting Jason off. “It’s already a done deal. I won’t hear of it any other way.”

  I couldn’t help but laugh as I caught Carla beaming.

  “Well, let’s get started,” Aaron said, rubbing his hands together. “Does anyone have any clue about what we’re supposed to buy?”

  Brandy and Lily laughed.

  “Not a clue,” Lily confessed.

  We scattered through the store. Lily found a teal elephant and Brandy picked up a pink and white striped chair, and it dawned on me that Katie’s room was going to be so full we might need to find somewhere else for her to sleep.

  By the time we made it to the restaurant for dinner, we were all dragging. My father had arranged for everything to be sent to our home, which I was so grateful for. It was evident that Katie no longer only had one room. We’d have to designate another guest room for her toys so she wouldn’t be suffocated by a rogue panda or a pink zebra.

  We were sitting around a large circular table, and Aaron was spinning the lazy Susan in the middle, watching the salt and pepper shakers go around and around. It always amazed me at how men never really grew up.

  “Family style okay with everyone?” my father asked, opening the menu.

  We all nodded in unison while my dad scanned the menu. He liked having a purpose so figuring out our meal would be perfect for him.

  Jason had become slightly reserved by the third stop this afternoon, and that had me a tad worried, but I hoped it was nothing more than SFS, shopper’s fatigue syndrome. The restaurant was bouncing with activity and had a great view of the city.

  “So when does she arrive?” Brandy asked.

  “Three days and fourteen hours,” Jason said.

  I laughed, a bit surprised he was literally counting the hours until she arrived.

  “Once she’s settled we’re going to do a fun little party. Theoretically the weather will be a more reliable by then too,” I said, glancing around the table.

  “I’d love to help,” Carla offered.

  “That would be awesome. It’s going to be at the house, though. Probably a little more low key than you’re used to,” I teased.

  I knew Carla loved nothing more than to throw a party, but this was going to be a Gabby party, not a Carla party. I hoped she understood.

  She nodded. “Those are the most fun.”

  The server came by and my father placed our order.

  “We do hope you’ll lean on us all and not try to figure out everything on your own,” Carla said.

  Brandy nodded in agreement. “With my school schedule, it’s easy for me to scoot over to the island.”

  “Me too. A perk of working for Brandy’s brother.” Lily wriggled her brows and I cracked up.

  “Thanks. I’m sure some days will be nothing like we’re used to,” I said.

  Jason remained silent, but rubbed my shoulders gently.

  “I can’t believe all the different things we had to do to our house,” I said. “Gates for this, plugs for that, locks for everything that’s not gated or latched.” I shook my head.

  “I think so much of that is overkill,” Brandy said. “I know we didn’t have all that stuff buttoning down the hatches when we were growing up. And look, we survived.”

  Aaron was now playing with the sugar packets, and I chuckled. “Maybe Aaron got into something when he was little that we never knew about?”

  Aaron tossed the packets on the table and rolled his eyes. “I didn’t lick the Lysol, people.”

  “Well, I’m trying to get everything just right, but I have to admit after the people installed the latches on the kitchen cupboards I couldn’t eat until Jason showed up. There was no opening the pantry.”

  “It’s all in the wrist, baby,” Jason whispered, and I couldn’t hold back my laughter.

  My dad had no idea what Jason said, but he beamed at us both.

  “I’m really excited for your future. I’ll admit, I was a little apprehensive when you two first started dating…” my dad paused.

  That was news to me.

  “But I couldn’t have chosen better myself. Jason is truly a kind and talented man.”

  “He has his moments,” I teased.

  “Thank you, sir,” Jason said, smiling. He held me a little closer.

  “Don’t sir me,” my dad said, and everyone laughed.

  “I’m surprised how you two have it together so soon in life,” my dad continued. “It took me way too long to realize what’s important in life, and my two children already have it figured out.” My father held up his glass, and I glanced at Aaron who was grinning. They must’ve talked about his exhibit.

  “Here’s to a life that is full of love and all o
f the happiness that will bring. Both of you, follow your hearts and whatever dreams you have will come true. The journey might take a few wrong turns now and then, but if you believe and focus on what’s important in life, things will fall into place. Jason and Brandy, I’m so happy to have you as part of our family. You’re both incredible partners for my kids.”

  I stared at my father trying to figure out what had gotten into him. Whatever it was, I liked it, but he rarely ever showed emotions like this.

  Lily cleared her throat and my dad started laughing. “And of course, Carla and I couldn’t imagine our lives without Lily either.”

  “Thank you,” Lily laughed. “I feel the same.”

  The rest of the dinner was pure bliss and because of that, I wasn’t prepared for what conversation would surprise me at home. Jason and I both drove back separately. He managed to sneak on the ferry before me since he was on his bike, so I arrived about thirty minutes later.

  I came into the house as he was walking down the stairs, his hands gliding along the banister.

  “Hey, baby,” he said, his voice stirring crazy things inside me.

  “Hey. I was thinking of a little bath time…”

  “Is that so?”

  I nodded and ran my fingers along his arm. “Would you care to join me?”

  His eyes filled with an intensity that I recognized, but he shook his head and dropped his gaze to the floor.

  “What’s bothering you?” I asked. “Since dinner you’ve been quiet.”

  I reached out my hand, which trembled slightly, and touched his cheek, hoping to coax an answer.

  He reached for my hand and grabbed it, bringing it to his lips. “This. This right here is what’s worrying me.” He kissed my hand softly, but I was unable to follow. I didn’t know what he was talking about.

  Jason released my hand. “I feel like everything’s really taking a toll on you, and you’re not taking care of yourself.”

  I laughed. “That started once I opened the bakery. I promised Emily I’d start paying more attention. It’s just going to take a while to get back on track,” I assured him, but his expression looked heavy with thought. “That’s not all that’s bothering you, is it?”

  He started walking down the hall, and I trailed behind him, not liking where this was going. There was a tension in the air between us that didn’t exist this morning. Jason and I sat in front of the fireplace. The flames did little to warm me up.

  “Tonight with your family, I realized how much you’re giving up because of me. I’m forcing something on you that isn’t anything we’d ever planned,” he began, and my heart tumbled into a dark abyss.

  “It’s not like that.”

  “But it is.” He touched my cheek softly and my body quivered. “You’re still young and have so much ahead of you. I feel like asking you to do this is taking away your choices in life, and you just don’t see it because…”

  “Because what?” I asked, anger biting at my words. “I’m in love?”

  “Yeah because we’re in love. But I keep asking myself, will you be happy in ten years? Will you be resentful? I feel like I’m stripping you of a choice, and that’s not fair of me. I love you more than I ever thought possible and because of that, I don’t want to dictate your life with a choice my family thrust on me.”

  The lump in the back of my throat was growing as he continued to speak. What was he trying to do?

  “You think I don’t have a choice?” I asked.

  He shook his head. “You don’t have a choice. I’m worried you’re doing this because you’re afraid of losing me and that’s unfair of me to take advantage of your love and kindness. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself, knowing what I took away from you.”

  I wanted the tears to come. I felt the sorrow thrashing around inside, building up, but the tears stayed hidden as I stared at Jason in disbelief.

  “What do you think I’d be missing?” I asked. My gaze centered on the fireplace mantel.

  Jason let out a deep groan, and he held his head in his hands for a couple seconds before looking at me. “Everything. Believe it or not, I remember all those nights we’d stay up talking about a wedding, about spending time being engaged before the wedding—when you wanted kids—when you wanted to open another bakery…” his voice broke off. “Everything was planned out.”

  I raised my brows, confused. I wasn’t losing anything. I was only gaining something, a chance to love more.

  “You’ve gone through so much, Gabby,” he murmured.

  “So have you,” I replied, not liking where this conversation was going. “It’s called life, remember?”

  The tears finally came, blurring Jason, while I attempted to blink them back.

  “The order doesn’t matter. None of that matters. Life is full of adventures. You heard my dad, we’ve got it all figured out.” I tried to smile. “I want to be with you. The man I love.”

  Jason clasped my hands in his. “Gabby, we’ve talked about having kids. How you wanted to have them a few years after we got married, after we traveled. You wanted to see the world and gain inspiration for your recipes.”

  “We can still do all of that. The timing doesn’t matter. Who cares?” I replied, desperate for him to believe me. “They’re recipes! Having a little person with us won’t matter.”

  But I could tell in his gaze, he was about to choose another life for me, one that I didn’t want. I wanted this one. The one we were about to begin. Why couldn’t he see that? Did he not want to see it?

  “I didn’t start dating you with terms and conditions attached,” I tried again, unable to hide the anger in my voice. “I didn’t come into the relationship with all these stipulations. You’re the only one causing the problems.”

  I felt hollow inside, watching his expression turn guarded.

  “You deserve a happily-ever-after,” Jason murmured. The pain in his eyes lodged a blade in my heart. He thought he was doing the right thing. His intentions were pure, but the outcome would haunt us for the rest of our lives, and I wasn’t going to let that happen. I ran away once, and I would never do it again.

  “You act as if I can’t have one with you,” I said, my fingers nervously tracing along his shirt.

  He shook his head and let out a deep breath. “I’m not sure there is one with me.”

  Determined to make this man understand that this was my choice, I stood up and took a step back. His face registered confusion, and he turned slightly to watch me. Behind him, the flames in the fireplace shot through the darkness that now surrounded us.

  “There’s only one way to find out,” I whispered, beginning to unbutton my oversized shirt. “And that is to spend the rest of my life with you.”

  My fingers worked each button slowly while Jason’s gaze stayed linked to mine. There was need growing between us, but I wasn’t going to hurry. I wanted to cherish every second of our love. I wanted him to feel every sensation of what we had before he made the wrong decision.

  I slipped the shirt off my shoulders, and it fell to the floor in a crumpled pile. I skated my hands down my bare skin, over my lacy bra. I felt empowered standing in front of him, watching his expression darken with yearning, my hands traveling lower.

  “I need a way to show you,” I said, catching the glint of desire in his eyes. A slight twitch of Jason’s mouth signaled that I was doing something right.

  The lower my hands went, the more evident the depth of his longing. His eyes canvassed my body, and my pulse quickened when he stood up, and I saw what I had done to him. He took a step toward me, my body responding to his.

  “I like this way,” he murmured, my gaze falling to his lips.

  He smoothed a wisp of my hair back and took another step closer, narrowing the gap between us. His hands moved mine aside, and he unfastened my jeans, bending slightly as he moved them down. I skimmed my hands against his back, wishing he wasn’t wearing a shirt. His hands ran along my legs, sending my body into overdrive with desire. T
he softness of his touch made it hard to concentrate. Lifting the hem of his shirt, I pulled it up over his back and he laughed, turning to look at me. He slipped it over his head and tossed it on the growing pile.

  Jason’s hands circled around my waist, resting on the small of my back while I looked up into his eyes. The glow of the flames bounced off of Jason’s skin, and I ran my lips across his chest.

  “You make it so hard to make the right decisions,” he murmured.

  “Maybe the right decisions are the easy ones,” I whispered, draping my arms over his shoulders, feeling the warmth of his skin against mine.

  Jason’s fingers wandered along my body, exploring the softness and curves, and I could no longer wait. I needed to be kissed. Seeing the longing in my eyes, he held my chin, bringing my mouth to his. Backing me up against the wall, his kisses intensified. I pressed against him, but his body was like a fortress. There was no pushing him away so I succumbed to his strength. He peppered kisses across my chest, and my breathing hitched as his eyes connected with mine. The intensity behind his expression made me crumble in his arms. I unbuttoned his jeans, and he kicked them off. Feeling his body press against mine, made me dizzy with anticipation.

  “I want to exist in this life we’ve created,” I begged. “I’m choosing this life with you because I love you. I belong...”

  “You belong to me,” Jason said in between kisses.

  The tension in the air traded for a longing to become one. Jason made me lose track of everything but myself. He gave me the ability to see what I wanted in life, what was important.

  He wasn’t in a hurry. He was taking it slow, tightening his hold on me. His tongue tasting and teasing my body with a motion so loving it was mesmerizing. It barely registered that he’d unfastened my bra until his hands traced along my breasts.

  “I love you, Gabby Sullivan. I always will,” he murmured.

  In his arms, I felt lightheaded, but I wanted more. Bracing myself against him, our bodies moved together in our own rhythm. The ecstasy of his love entangled with the desire to be claimed built a connection like no other. I only hoped it was enough.