"Talk to your dog about it," said Bird, eyes still closed.
"I already know what to do about it. We've got to step up the investigation. Follow Ted twenty-four hours a day!"
Bird opened one eye. "Isn't that a little excessive?" he said.
"You never know when we might see something. We really don't have any leads, no sense of his enemies," said Max.
"He hasn't got any," said Bird.
"But if we tail him night and day we might uncover someone. Maybe even discover some secret life, some dark side to the guy."
Bird chuckled. "Ted Rhoades, Man of Mystery? I doubt it, Max. From what I can see, he lives a quiet life."
"Well, let's examine his life some more. Like today. Where did he go?"
"Here and there. Nothing out of the ordinary." Bird rolled over and turned his back to Max.
"Well, he must have gone to the drugstore, right?"
"Right. Drugstore," said Bird in a drowsy voice.
"Then where? The supermarket? When did he go to the candy store?"
"First he went to the candy store, then the drugstore, then here and there. So many places. Hard to remember all..."
Max spied the corner of a lottery ticket sticking out of Bird's back pocket.
"So," said Max, "first he went to the candy store, then he went Here and There. Then of course, he went GAMBLING!" He pulled the ticket out for Bird's pocket, rolled him over and waved it in his face.
"Uh, Max, I realize this looks bad but-"
"I trusted you, Bird! How are we supposed to solve this thing if you're out gambling? And what about the Policy of Non-Involvement?"
"I swear, Max, I haven't broken my vow," said Bird.
"But I'm in charge! I have to know everywhere you go. If you don't watch out I'm going to put an electronic tail on you!"
"Now Max, you know it's against regulations to tail your partner. Williams versus Bozinsky, remember?"
"Then don't tempt me, Bird! And no more investigating on your own! I know you've-"
Loud shaking noises reverberated from the bathroom.
"Bluebell! Stop that shaking or I'll take away your submarine," shouted Bird. He ran to the bathroom door.
"Listen to me, Bird! You've got to listen to me! Follow the rules!"
Bird took one look in the bathroom and bounded for the outside door. "We'll talk later, Max, I've got to get some more towels!"
"Wait, Bird! I'm in charge!" yelled Max. Right, he thought, as Bird flew away. I'm really in charge. He buried his head in his bed.
The Linker buzzed.
"Max? It's me, Leo, again. I speed zapped to the Broken Heart Ranch, Max, and I'm ready to talk to your Grandma. But it's just…I'm…well, could you come with me? Your Grandma kinda scares me."
"Leo, you know I don't have clearance to leave here now!"
"Well, couldn't we LightNeen you in? At least then she could hear you and see your hologram."
"I don't know, Leo. The LightNeen stream could be picked up by the NSA and they wouldn't know what it was. Probably they'd think it was a UFO or something."
"C'mon, Max, by the time they detect it, we'll be done."
"Okay, Leo, but we've got to make it quick!"
"No problem, Max, I've got it all set up. Attach your viewer."
Max unbuckled his belt, unzipped the hidden compartment on the inside of the leather, and pulled out a pair of collapsible spectacles. He molded the soft, flexible ear stems over his ears and clipped the Linker antennae to the nose bridge.
The Linker buzzed for thirty seconds, then the green, wooded, familiar sight of Grandma's "little backyard," as she called it, came into view. Leo held the Linker up and he and Max searched for Grandma in the immense garden surrounding the Broken Heart Ranch House.
The BrainBlog articles about Grandma always made a big fuss over the twentieth-century ranch house that she set smack in the middle of an English-style garden. An English garden that she had set smack in the middle of the Great Prairie. But then, everything Grandma did was a little eccentric.
Max had brought Leo to the Broken Heart many times. Each visit held the unique delights of Mr. Louis' delectable, bountiful meals and the sport of chasing each other through the garden's intricate hedge maze – something Leo never tired of - even if Max already knew each twist, turn, and blind alley by heart.
"There she is," said Leo.
"Hold me higher, said Max.
Leo clipped the Linker to his shirt and directed his body toward Grandma.
"Okay, I see her," said Max.
Grandma knelt next to the row of holes Mr. Louis dug for her near the east wall of the hedge maze.
"Leo, what a pleasant surprise. And Max!" She talked to Max's holographic face floating above Leo's chest. Nice of you to drop in, too, dear." She turned to Mr. Louis. "Imagine, Mr. Louis, my grandson LightNeen me all the way from a hundred years ago. And it isn't even my birthday."
"Hi, Grandma, hi, Mr. Louis," said Max. From Grandma's tone of voice, Max got the sinking feeling that maybe this wasn't the best way to approach her.
"Hey, Maxie! How are ya! Looking good, buddy!" said Mr. Louis. He waved his trowel like a hanky.
"Are you on a – what did they call it then – a coffee break, dear?"
"Uh, not exactly, Grandma, I – I'll let Leo explain." He wished with all his might for a cosmic storm to disconnect them and get him out of this awkward situation. But you could never count on a meteor shower when you needed one.
Leo unclipped the Linker and placed it on a large granite boulder so that Max hovered above and had a clear view of them all. Leo looked at Grandma, and seemed for a moment to be on the verge of bolting, But he gathered up his courage and dove in. "Mrs. Livingstone, I am here on a mission of extreme importance," he said, formally.
Grandma smiled, unconcerned, and dropped a Daf-faux-dil bulb into the dark earth. Leo lowered himself awkwardly, trying not to dirty the knees of his pants.
"You see, Mrs. Livingstone, I talked to the Chief and she's set on going ahead with the Spinelli sting on Friday. O'Malley's due to go on another case and he's complaining about the delays."
"Yes, Leo," said Grandma, packing the earth around the synthetic bulb.
"Now you see, Friday is two days before the capsule closes and Ted gets killed. Max can't come until Sunday, at least. So he'll miss the sting," said Leo.
Grandma planted another bulb.
"And if Max isn't here, the whole case could fall apart. A dangerous criminal could be turned loose on an unwary society," Leo added ominously.
Grandma shot Max a look that could melt glass even over the span of a hundred years. "You know, Leo, Max and I had a discussion about this before he left and we decided that it might be a good experience for him to miss an occasional sting."
Max squirmed from his seat on the bed and felt her disapproval fill the room.
She opened a small mesh bag of bulbs and handed one to Leo. "I think it's too bad you'll miss the sting, Max. But it's in your capable hands now, Leo."
Leo looked at the bulb in his hand and turned it over, trying to decide which end to put in the hole. He laid it sideways and quickly covered up the hole.
"But Mrs. Livingstone, that's not all there is to the story." He glanced nervously over his shoulder to Max's face. "Could, uh…could we talk privately?" he asked her.
"Of course, Leo." She waved a finger at Max. "Turn him off."
"Sorry, Max," said Leo, pushing the MUTE button.
"Hey, wait a minute! Turn me back on!" Max stared at Leo and Grandma talking over the Daf-faux-dil bulbs and mentally called up the Lipreading Mode on his infochips. Ha! He thought about the times he eavesdropped on Grandma and Mr. Louis discussing him at a distance. Just like old times. He watched Leo bend toward Grandma and talk earnestly.
"To be honest with you, Mrs. Livingstone, Max told me to come and ask you to bring him back. But, well, I wasn't going to do it," he said, hanging his head.
What? thought Max.
<
br /> "You know Max. He's real competent, takes charge of things. He doesn't know this, but when we do well on a case everybody thinks Max is the reason. So this time I just wanted to do well on my own."
"Perfectly natural reaction, dear," said Grandma.
Mr. Louis patted Leo's hand sympathetically, then, setting a bulb on the dirt, he pounded it into the ground with one blow of his fist.
"Of course, I felt guilty. But then I had this dream," said Leo.
"Oh, yes. Max has told us about your dreams. Fascinating," said Grandma.
"Yeah, I like the one about the dancing rutabaga," said Mr. Louis.
"I think Max was teasing you, Mr. Louis. Your interest in vegetables and all," said Grandma.
Max chuckled.
"That Maxie! What a sense of humor," said Mr. Louis.
"No, this dream was about Max. He was in danger, Mrs. Livingstone!
There was a clock ticking and a gunshot. I try to analyze my dreams and-"
"That's a good idea, Leo. A analyst could do you a world of good. Helped me," said Mr. Louis.
"Louis, dear, go dig over there," said Grandma. She took a sharp weeder and powerfully flung it. It landed just inches from a planting bed twenty yards away.
"Nice throw, Mrs. Livingstone! Your aim just gets better and better," said Mr. Louis, heading for the bed.
"Little trick I learned from Wendy the Weeder," said Grandma. "Murdered people who showed little regard for her flowers. You do like gardening, don't you, Leo?" she asked.
Leo quickly burrowed his hands into the soil. "Yes! Yes, yes! Love it!"
"I'm glad, dear, now about this dream…"
"It was the worst dream I ever had. I heard the gunshot and then I saw Max fall! That's when I changed my mind and came to see you," he said.
"You're a good friend, Leo. But I think your dream has more to do with your guilt than with Max's safety," she said.
"Please! I really think Max is in danger!"
Grandma stopped her planting. She looked into Leo's face and saw his fear. The lines in her forehead deepened.
Keep it up, Leo, thought Max. This scary dream stuff might convince her, after all.
"Yes, I see, Leo," she said solemnly. "I promise to consider what you've said. Now run along, dear. I'm sure you have better things to do than entertain old ladies. Now turn Max back on so I can say goodbye."
Leo did as he was told, and Max returned to the sound of song birds in the garden.
"So, Grandma, what did you two decide?" Max asked.
"You read our lips, Max, so I'm sure you know," she smiled coyly.
I give up, thought Max. She's always a step ahead of me. Two steps, even. "Okay, Grandma, I'll see you when the Watcher is over."
Leo took the Linker and made his goodbyes, walking off slowly past the brook and the low stone wall. "Sorry, Max. I tried," Leo said. He clipped the Linker to his shirt and Max saw the moss-lined path unfold in front of him.
"It's okay, Leo, Max said. "Grandma can be pretty hard-headed sometimes."
Leo turned back to wave and Max saw Mr. Louis return to Grandma's side.
"Oh, Leo! I forgot!" she called out. She picked up something from the ground and hurled it at him. "Here, Leo, catch!"
Leo screamed and rolled into a ball to avoid being hit by the imagined weeder. Max's view rolled and reeled with him, coming to rest next to the small mesh bag of Daf-faux-dil bulbs Grandma had thrown. Max heard Grandma's voice faintly in the distance. "Nervous little fellow, isn't he, Mr. Louis?" she said.
Max hung up after assuring Leo repeatedly that he would be careful and take no unnecessary chances. After a few moments, Bird returned with an armload of towels, whistling "Anchors Aweigh." He looked from Max's doleful expression to the Linker lying in is lap.
"So, bad news?" asked Bird.
"Yeah, kinda."
Max spotted the bunny mug he'd bought as a present for Nickie, resting on his bureau.
"Are you disappointed, Max?" asked Bird.
Max stopped a minute and noted with surprise that he wasn't.
Chapter 17
Planetary Earth Date: 19.7.2015
The next morning Max roused Bird early.
"Just fifteen more minutes, Max, and I'll be on my way." Bird rolled over and pulled the blankets under his chin.
"Right now, Bird! I'm going with you to make sure you stick with Ted and don't go on any gambling sprees."
"Max, Max, Max. We went over all that last night. I promised not to slip up and you promised to trust me again." He gave Max one more pleading look, gave up, and grudgingly went to the bathroom to shower.
The two arrived outside the Rhoades' apartment building by 7:30 and watched the doorman who stood guard.
"How do we get around him today, Max?" Bird rubbed the last of the sleep from his eyes.
Max was just working out the details of an attention-diversion tactic when he spied a custodian walking toward a side entrance marked MAINTENANCE.
"Follow me!" said Max slinking behind a tall man in gray overalls, workman's gloves, and a low-slung cap. He walked with a slight limp so the detectives had to slow their pace.
"Now!" said Max, sprinting for the door before it swing shut. Once inside the building they soon took their familiar hiding place in the hallway outside the Rhoades' apartment.
Bird fidgeted. "I really should have visited the Little Boy's Room before we came. I hate it when you rush me in the morning, Max."
"Hop on one leg, Bird, he's bound to leave for work any minute now." Just then, the apartment door opened and Nickie stepped into the hallway.
"Bye, Dad. See you at lunch," said Nickie before closing the door.
"Going without him, I guess," said Bird.
They watched as the elevator doors opened, Nickie got on, and the doors closed. A few moments later, the apartment door opened again and Ted walked into the hallway, stepped toward the elevator, then, remembering, went back to the apartment to lock the door. He hummed a tune as he returned to the elevator, pushed the button, and the doors opened.
"Ted Rhoades, come on down!" whispered Bird.
Without a glance down, Ted stepped out into empty space and fell out of sight.
"Hey, I didn't mean it literally!" cried Bird. He lunged toward the elevator but Max grabbed him and shook his head sadly.
"This is what we're here to witness, remember?" he reminded Bird.
Suddenly, Ted's head popped up from the shaft. The two lurched back into cover.
"Whaaat?" said Max.
"I guess it only lowered a few feet," said Bird with relief.
Ted climbed out of the shaft, fingered his torn trousers and went to the stairs in a daze. As he opened the stairwell door, a woman's voice rang out. "Run!"
Ted startled, swooned, then slowly turned down the hallway and followed the signs to another elevator. Max and Bird ran to the shaft for a quick look.
"Yep, only went down about five feet," said Bird. "A pretty poor attempt at murder."
"Let's see if we can find out who the bunglers are," said Max. They raced to the stairwell and Max nearly tripped over a walkie-talkie dropped carelessly on the landing. It crackled a moment, then a man's voice said, "SHUT UP, woman! I can't get the basement door open! Open the hatch!" There was a CLANG! WOOMPH! and the sound of a heavy door slamming.
Max and Bird stared at each other for a split second, then ran down the stairs to the basement. But when they got there all they found were a few drops of blood, another walkie-talkie lying on the floor, and a pair of faded Acme Elevator coveralls. The name embroidered over the pocket was "Clooney."
"C'mon," said Max, "let's try to catch up with Ted." They found him downstairs talking to the doorman. Ted swayed a bit, and the doorman took his arm. Ted leaned on the doorman for a moment, then made a reassuring little wave and staggered to the corner.
The detectives trailed him to an athletic club. He showed the membership card to the attendant at the front desk and passed by. Max and Bird
stepped out from cover behind a potted palm and attempted to stride past the attendant.
"Hold it," said the muscle-strangled man. Max noticed that his arms were too bulky to lie flat at his sides so he carried them slightly away from his body, as though always poised for action.
"You guys members?" he asked, skeptically eyeing them up and down.
"Actually no," said Bird. "But the lad here and I thought we'd like to start pumping iron. Get beefed out."
"That's BUFFED out!" whispered Max.
"Exactly! We want to get that no-neck look you're sporting. Veeery attractive. Could you give us two guest passes so we can look around?"
The muscle man looked uncertain as to whether he should feel insulted or complimented, and a storm of emotions passed over his face before he gave up and handed them the passes.
"Thank you so much, we'll be back to buff up in a jiffy," said Bird. The two hurried into the men's locker room. Wrapped in a towel, Ted turned the dial outside the sauna, stepped inside and closed the door.
"He's staying in there for an hour? He'll melt!" said Max.
"Oh, no!" said Bird. "In my tribe we sit in the sweat lodge for hours at a time. Clears the mind, improves the consciousness. We can set up something like it in the bathtub if you want. We'll build a fire and-"
"But its 8:30 already," fretted Max, closing his eyes and consulting the inner clock projected inside his right eyelid.
"And Nickie will be waiting for you," teased Bird. "If only you could trust ol' Bird to handle this alone, you could fly to her side!"
"Shut up, Bird." Max considered the alternatives a moment. "Alright, you stay and trail him back to the office. And no funny business!"
"No problem, Max. I'll stay and pump up. You won't even recognize me when I get back. I'll look just like Arnold Schwarzenfeffer!"
"That's Arnold Schwartzkopt, Bird." Gnartz, doesn't this guy know anything?
On his way to the office, Max wondered if he made a mistake leaving Bird unattended. He'd have to find a way to put an electronic tail on him after all. He could explain the circumstances to the Chief if he got caught. And if he didn't get caught, so much the better.
"Max! What could you be thinking?" He was sure it was Grandma's voice he heard, but he shook his head and met the hazel eyes of Nickie, who waited just outside the building. "It's nearly 9:00. I almost left without you!"
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