by Brea Essex
“Wait,” I interrupted, jumping to my feet. “What do you mean she’s the same girl from the Shadow Imperium?”
“The one I fought when I rescued Raena?” Logan asked, sitting up.
“Lay back down, Logan. You need to rest,” Andrei said. “Yes, she is the same girl you fought.”
“This is confusing,” Nuada said.
“It isn’t really, if you think about it. Serafina happens to be good at glamour, more so than most devils. It’s why I chose her for this mission. I knew she would make it so Rae didn’t recognize her.”
Now Logan did get up. He struggled to his feet, despite our protests. He staggered over to Andrei and got in his face. “You chose her for this? You did this to me — to Raena?”
“Lay down, little brother, or I will make you. Yes, all of this was my fault. I take full responsibility. It was before my redemption. I’ve already offered my apologies to Rae. In fact, I’ve sworn myself to her service. Now I offer my apologies to you. I’ve done terrible things to both of you. I will spend the rest of my existence trying to atone for them.”
“Andrei, you don’t deserve forgiveness for what you’ve done any more than I do. You three figure out what to do about Sera. I think I’ve done enough damage here.” He walked out.
I started after him. Andrei stepped in my path. “Let him be for a moment. We need to decide how to deal with the witch.”
“Move, Andrei. He’s obviously not okay.”
“He needs to fix this on his own.”
“Do you honestly think that after everything I’ve been through to get him back, I would just abandon him? If so, you’re insane. He needs me.”
“He needs to sort this out for himself — without your interference.”
“Is that all I am? Just someone who’s in the way whenever I’m not conveniently useful?”
“No, of course not! That’s not what I’m saying at all.”
“Then what are you saying?”
“He has to deal with this darkness within him. Otherwise it will destroy him… and quite possibly the rest of us.”
I gave him a confused look. “What are you talking about?”
“Don’t you understand how key Logan is in all of this? That’s why my mother sent me after you, then later had me send Serafina after Logan. It was always Logan, just as it’s always been. You were just supposed to be the catalyst.”
“What?”
He looked uncomfortable. “Originally, something was supposed to happen to you. Our mother hoped it would send him over the edge.”
“So you were going to kill me.” It wasn’t a question.
“You already knew that. But I never would have let them kill you. I still wouldn’t. That’s why I swore myself to you. You must be protected.”
I thought about that a moment. “I need to go after him.”
“Rae…”
I held up a hand to stop him. “If your mother thought I might be the catalyst that sent him over the edge into the darkness she wanted, we can’t let that happen. Maybe I can be the catalyst that sends him toward the light side of himself. But in order to do that, I have to go now.”
Andrei stepped aside finally, but not without protest. “What about Serafina? We need to decide how to handle her.”
“Why don’t you think about that while I talk to Logan?” I glanced at Nuada. “Are you coming?”
She shook her head. “I’ll stay here and try to work out an idea with Andrei. I’ll meet you at home later.”
“Suit yourself.” I sprinted out the door after Logan. I caught up to him easily in his weakened state. “At least let me drive you home,” I told him when I reached him.
He stared at me, his eyes dark with emotion. He scrubbed a hand through his hair, finally loosening his waves to tumble across his forehead once more. “Why don’t we go out to the pier?”
“I’m not sure that’s such a good idea…”
A short laugh escaped his mouth. “Fine. Let’s go to the beach and stand above the cliffs.”
“That’s a better idea.” I helped him into the passenger seat of my car and we headed for Capitola beach.
Chapter Thirty-One
Logan
“Logan, you don’t know what you were like when you were under that spell,” Raena told me. “You were horrible. You called me crazy, delusional… you told me to see a psychiatrist… you beat up Father Matthias. I don’t mean to make you feel guilty, but you need to know.”
I cringed at her words. She had explained everything to me — all about the spell, my “amnesia”, Andrei being my brother…even about Ismene, who was apparently a devil named Serafina, tricking her into killing me. I had apologized and apologized, even though she tried to assure me that she was the one who should be asking me for forgiveness, as if any of this could possibly be her fault.
We were standing at the end of the pier. I had brought her here, rather than above the cliffs as she had asked. Despite everything, it was still her favorite spot — and her least favorite. She seemed to be inexplicably tied to the pier and the ocean. Everything major thing that had happened to her recently had been here. Now she would have one more bad memory of this place. I was breaking up with her.
I began to cry softly as I met her eyes. “I don’t think we can make this work. You don’t need to be with someone like me.”
“Logan, I don’t need to be with you, but I want to be with you… because I love you.”
I sighed. “I did terrible things to you. No one should want to be around that.”
“You weren’t yourself. You couldn’t help it.”
“How can you forgive me, just like that?”
“I told you, because I love you.”
“Stop saying that!” I ordered. “You can’t love me. I’m not worth loving.”
She stared at me with an incredulous look on her face. “But of course you are. No matter what you do, you will always be worth loving.”
“Raena, please! I might have been under a spell, but everything I said, everything I did, it was still me. You know that. I would never do anything to purposely hurt you. Please believe that. I can’t believe I acted like that. It was that witch’s fault… hers and Andrei’s. My brother.” I hung my head. “I can’t believe that psycho is my brother. After everything he did to you — I’m ashamed to be related to him.”
“Logan,” she interrupted me, “It has nothing to do with the fact that you’re related to Andrei.”
“Still, until all of this is over, I think it’s better if we’re not together. Andrei and whoever else can obviously use our relationship against us. He may say he’s on our side, but I don’t think I believe him yet.”
“Logan, don’t do this to us. Not when we’ve just found each other again,” she begged.
It took every ounce of strength I possessed to not give in and say I didn’t mean it. “I don’t want to do this. You can say it wasn’t my fault all you want. I still feel like… I don’t know, if I really cared then I would have been strong enough to withstand her spell.”
“You do care. I know you do!”
I couldn’t stand to see the tears streaming down her face. “I never stopped caring for you the whole time. I just forgot everything. It was like she wiped my mind of all that had happened between you and me, but she couldn’t erase my feelings for you. It was just like I forgot you returned my feelings.”
“Do you have any idea what it was like, seeing you with her, knowing that the hands that held hers once held mine?”
“Wait a minute. Nothing happened with her. You know that.”
“I don’t know that,” she said quietly.
“Well, I’m telling you that it didn’t. You know me better than that. She didn’t make me forget you.”
“But you did forget. Maybe you didn’t forget I existed, but you acted like I was such a nuisance! Do you remember accusing me of stalking you? Do you remember calling me crazy?”
“I remember,” I admitted. “Which is o
ne of the reasons why we need to end this now. I can’t keep hurting you like this.” She opened her mouth to say something, but I held up a hand to cut her off. I didn’t want to hear any more. “Look, I’ll help you and Andrei defeat my… mother,” I shuddered at the word. That evil thing would never be my mother. I couldn’t comprehend that I could have come from a creature like that. It only proved to me that I was worthless. Maybe I really was evil. “I don’t understand why you need my help, but I’ll give it. Other than that, I want you to stay away from me.” I looked away. I couldn’t bear to see the look on her face when my next words registered. “Maybe you should go back with Andrei. He’s proven to be a better man than me. You deserve to be with someone who treats you better.”
I heard her sharp intake of breath. I fought to keep from looking at her. “Sounds familiar,” she said.
Now I did look at her. “What?”
“Didn’t you once say that to me about Andrei? And I asked you if you would be the one to treat me better?”
She was right. “That was then. I was wrong. He’s changed. I have too, except I’ve changed for the worse.” I looked her straight in the eyes, trying to add in some sort of compulsion. I had heard it was a power that devils had. Maybe I could use it now. “Go with my brother. Forget about me.”
“Logan, he told me the same thing. I refused. He may have sworn his service to me, but my heart still belongs to you. I’m not going to give up on us.”
So my brother had been trying to steal her while I was under the spell of his making. Maybe he wasn’t as good as I thought. Still, he might be able to make her happy where I obviously couldn’t. I needed to get things under control and figure out exactly what was going on before I could be with her. Not that I deserved her. It was just like I had always thought — she was too good for me. Despite her faults — her temper, her… well, I couldn’t think of any others.
Still, she was good, pure. If she was still insisting that she wanted to be with me despite everything I had done… I would just have to walk away from her. This was killing me, but it had to be done. “Maybe when this is all over, we can try again. Until then, this is just the way it has to be. Goodbye, Raena.” With that, I turned and walked away, trying to ignore her calling after me.
I heard her footsteps behind me. Grabbing my arm, she hauled me around. She crushed her mouth to mine and our tears mingled. I could have stood there and kissed her forever, but instead I broke away. Her face mirrored my sorrow. I didn’t say anything else. There was nothing more to say, so I walked away, leaving Raena staring after me.
About the Author
Brea Essex was born Gilroy, California, called the “Garlic Capital of the World”. She graduated college with a degree in Medical Assisting. She lives near San Jose, California with her husband, their dog, three cats, and enough books to start her own library.
Also by Brea Essex
Chapter One
Raena
The flat tone of the monitor reverberated through my head as my mother’s lifeless hand began to turn cold in mine. I stared into her empty eyes as a doctor came in and pronounced her time of death. A nurse reached over and disconnected the monitors, asking if I needed anything. “I’m fine,” I insisted.
“Take as long as you need,” the doctor told me, his voice low.
In all honesty, I couldn’t wait to get out of the hospital. I’d grown sick of the cold, sterile environment. I was tired of their sympathetic looks. I had been there for weeks on end while my mother had lingered on the brink of death. I had no reason to stay now that she was gone. “It’s okay. You can take her now. I’ve already said my goodbyes.”
“We’ll call you when her remains are ready,” the doctor informed me.
“Okay.”
I sat in the chair and watched as they covered my mother’s body. They brought in a stretcher and moved her from the hospital bed, wheeling her out of the room. Everything felt as though it moved in slow motion. I wished they would hurry up so I could get out of there. I followed them to the door and watched until they reached the elevator. When the doors closed, cutting off my view of her for the last time, I gathered my things and began to leave.
A voice stopped me in the hall. “Excuse me, Miss Davenport?”
Hmm… I’d never been called “Miss” before. “Yes?” I turned and froze. The person standing behind me wore a police uniform.
“I’m Officer Miller.” He flashed a badge. “I’m sorry for your loss.”
I bit my lip, determined not to cry. “Thank you.”
“Would you mind coming with me?” he asked.
“Am I in trouble?”
“No, not at all. I just need to speak with you.”
I agreed, and he led me down the hall to an office. My mother’s doctor sat behind the desk, and a woman in a suit sat in one of the chairs facing the desk.
“What’s going on?” I demanded.
“Raena, sit down, please,” the doctor said. “This will take a few moments.”
Moving on autopilot, I sat in the only empty chair. Officer Miller leaned against the wall. “Will someone tell me what’s going on?” I asked.
No one answered for a moment. The woman sitting next to me finally spoke up. “Hello, Raena, my name is Sonya. I’m a social worker with Child Protective Services.” She paused, as if waiting for an answer to a question she had yet to ask.
“Umm…hi.” What else did she expect me to say?
“We’re sorry for your loss,” she continued. I suspected I would be hearing a lot of that in the near future.
“What’s this about?” I asked. “My mom’s insurance should have covered all of her bills. Her cremation’s all paid for.”
“This doesn’t have anything to do with bills, Raena,” the doctor told me.
“Then what?”
The social worker spoke up again. “Your mother’s will names Genevra and Shane Deville as your legal guardians.”
“Yes.” Genevra and my mother had lived down the street from each other when they’d been little and had stayed friends up until my mother died. So Genevra and Shane had been the logical people to name as my guardians, especially since they already had another foster daughter. “And?”
“Well, I’m afraid we cannot contact them at the moment.”
“What do you mean?”
“It means we have to take you to a children’s shelter until they can be reached to pick you up.”
I stared at her, not quite comprehending. “I can’t go home?”
“Since you’re still a minor, we cannot legally allow you to return home by yourself.”
“But I’ve been living by myself this whole time while my mom has been in the hospital,” I protested, my voice rising.
“I’m sorry. We will try calling them again, but until we can contact them, I’m afraid we will have to take you to the shelter.”
“Look, my mother just died. Isn’t that enough for one day?”
“There’s nothing I can do. You will have to come with me.”
“Can I have a few minutes?”
The social worker began to protest, saying that she couldn’t let me out of her custody. “Why don’t you take her down to the cafeteria, Sonya?” the doctor suggested.
Great. I had been hoping to get away from her. “That’s fine.”
We headed downstairs to the cafeteria. “Do you want some coffee?” Sonya asked.
I sighed. “Look, I know you’re just doing your job, but I’m not in a talking mood. We can get some coffee, but please don’t expect me to spill my life story to you.”
Her expression closed. I hadn’t meant to hurt her, but I meant it when I said I didn’t want to talk. I opened my mouth to apologize. She had turned away to order her coffee.
While she ordered, I turned around to look at the people crowding the cafeteria. I wondered how many of them had just lost parents, children, friends. Across the room, I spotted someone—a man who could only be described as a golden god. I couldn
’t help but stare at him. He looked only a little older than me, and he was incredibly hot. I realized my jaw had dropped, and I quickly snapped it shut before the heavenly vision positioned directly across from me noticed my brief stupidity. I rapidly looked him over, hoping he wouldn’t notice my scrutiny. He had slightly spiked sandy hair with tips bleached by the sun, and a golden surfer tan. I took an involuntary step toward him.
“Raena?”
I turned. Sonya held her coffee. “Are you going to order?”
I looked back to where the golden man had been standing, but he had vanished. I had missed my chance. I shook my head to clear it. My mother had just died—I didn’t need to be thinking about some guy. Still, talking to him might have been a welcome distraction— much better than talking to Sonya.
“You don’t want anything?” she asked.
I pasted a strained smile on my face. Forget about the guy, I told myself. “No, I’ll get something.” I glanced at the menu. They didn't have chai. “I’ll have a latte,” I told the girl behind the counter.
As I waited for my drink, I looked around the cafeteria for the guy I had spotted. No sign of him anywhere. Still, looking for him had to be better than listening to Sonya ramble on.
But the longer I sat here and listened to her talk, the more time Genevra and Shane would have to get here. I had absolutely no desire to go to a children’s shelter. I just wanted to go home, but that obviously wasn’t going to happen, other than to pack. At least I was familiar with Genevra and Shane's home. Yes, definitely better to sit here and listen to Sonya talk. I sat back and sipped my latte, pretending to listen to her.