by Ginny Dye
“Like Robert,” Carrie said softly.
“Like Mr. Robert,” May agreed. “But,” she continued in a strong voice, “Mr. Robert got somethin’ them other people didn’t have. He have you. It ain’t been long at all since Mr. Robert got home. I know it seems like a long time ‘cause you want things to be diff’rent, but it only been less den two weeks.” She moved forward and laid a hand on Carrie’s arm. “Two weeks ain’t nothin’, Miss Carrie. You just keep right on lovin’ Mr. Robert. I reckon he’ll come back to you when he’s ready and his heart done healed from all de bad things that man seen.”
Carrie took a deep breath and gazed at the two strong women looking at her with so much love. “What would I do without the two of you?” she murmured. “I am so very lucky.”
“That you are!” May snapped with satisfaction. “Now it’s time to get on out of my kitchen so I can make some food for the army that’s about to show up.” She reached over, grabbed a handful of molasses cookies, and shoved them into Carrie’s hands. “You and Miss Abby go on out to the porch and eat these while you watch the storm that will be rolling up soon.”
“A storm?” Carrie asked in surprise. “I was just outside. I didn’t see evidence of a storm.”
“That’s ‘cause your heart be too stuck in your problems,” May snorted. “You go on out there and see if I be right. And don’t you let them cookies spoil your appetite or you won’t get any more!”
Carrie and Aunt Abby were laughing as they walked out on the porch and settled on the swing. Carrie’s eyes widened as she looked at the horizon and saw a boiling mass of gray clouds scurrying in their direction. “May was right!” she exclaimed. “There is a storm coming.”
Aunt Abby looked at her and then glanced at the approaching storm. “You sound rather happy about it.”
“I love storms,” Carrie replied. She looked closer at Aunt Abby. “You seem a little nervous.”
Aunt Abby shrugged, trying to hide her concern. “Let’s just say I think storms are best experienced from within the house.”
“You’ve never been outside in a storm?” Carrie asked in astonishment.
“I’ve chosen to experience them differently,” Aunt Abby replied, jumping when a roll of thunder was followed by a bolt of lightning. She eyed the front door longingly.
Carrie laughed and moved closer to her in the swing, taking her hand. “It’s high time you learned to enjoy a powerful spring storm,” she replied firmly. “Father and I used to always sit outside on the porch to watch the storms.”
“Where was your mother?”
“Hiding in the house,” Carrie admitted, grinning when another bolt of jagged lightning split the sky. She squeezed Aunt Abby’s hand when a rumbling roll of thunder seemed to wrap around them, the air almost electric.
“I’m thinking your mother was the sane one of the family,” Aunt Abby muttered, but she didn’t close her eyes when the next lightning bolt struck. She leaned forward and stared up at the sky. “The clouds are rather amazing,” she said slowly. “They seem to be swirling in their own kind of dance. I must admit they are rather beautiful.”
“Now you’re catching on,” Carrie laughed.
“When will it start to rain?”
Carrie cast a practiced eye at the sky. “Oh, I’d say we have a few more minutes of the light show before the rain obscures it.” She smiled at Aunt Abby’s look of astonishment. “Don’t forget I’m a country plantation girl, my dear lady. My father taught me everything he knew from the time I was quite little. Just because I didn’t want to stay on the plantation doesn’t mean I didn’t love it and learn all I could.”
“And now, Carrie?” Aunt Abby asked suddenly. “What about now? I know how much you want to go home.”
Carrie took her eyes away from the sky and gazed into Aunt Abby’s eyes. It was time to talk about what she was feeling. “Yes, I want to go home,” she replied. “I want a sense of normalcy. I want to get out of the city. I’ve felt trapped here for so long. I long for fresh air and open spaces.” She paused. “And I also believe the plantation will help Robert. That’s his world. He needs to be able to breathe real air that isn’t clogged with dust and fumes.” She stopped and gazed at the sky as the first huge raindrops plopped onto the dusty roads, creating their own kind of dance. “And I want Father to go home. He will need me,” she said simply.
“But…”
Carrie smiled, not bothering to ask how Aunt Abby knew there was more. “But, I don’t want to stay there,” she admitted. “I still want to go to medical school. It seems even more impossible now than it did before the war,” she said, “but everything I did in the hospital only made me hungrier to learn more — to do more.” She took a deep breath. “I’m meant to be a doctor,” she said simply. Then she flushed. “Does that make me bad?”
“Excuse me?”
“I have a husband who is gravely ill. My Father needs me to help him rebuild his life on the plantation. I fear I am incredibly selfish to still dream of being a doctor.”
“Rubbish!” Aunt Abby snorted.
Carrie shook her head. “I’m not a girl anymore,” she protested. “I’m a woman who has responsibilities. Perhaps I was just supposed to help in the hospital and then relinquish that dream so that I can care for the people who need me.”
Aunt Abby reached forward and turned her head, forcing her to look into her eyes. “I don’t believe you mean that,” she said softly.
Carrie flushed but met her eyes squarely. “I believe I should mean it,” she whispered, tears filling her eyes.
Aunt Abby sighed and pulled her into her arms. “Carrie, I know life can be nothing but a confusing mess at times, but I believe with all my heart that you’re meant to be a doctor. God would not have given you your passion, or your gifts, if it was not the plan for your life. But that doesn’t mean we can understand the timing of everything.” She paused. “I’ve discovered over and over again that life is what happens after I make my plans. I have to be willing to roll with whatever is happening and believe the time will come if something is meant to be. I simply have to keep walking toward my dream.”
“Keep walking…” Carrie murmured.
“Yes,” Aunt Abby replied firmly. “You can’t go to medical school right this minute, but that doesn’t mean your chance isn’t coming. You have to continue to do all you can right now to prepare for that time.”
Carrie sighed. “I would love nothing more than to get my hands on the latest medical books,” she said longingly. “I know there must have been huge advancements in the last four years that I know nothing about.”
“Then you’re going to love the shipment coming in on the train tomorrow,” Aunt Abby said smugly.
Carrie gasped when she saw the dancing light in Aunt Abby’s eyes. “You mean…?”
Aunt Abby laughed. “I spoke with Dr. Strikener while I was in Washington, DC.”
Carrie’s eyes widened. “The good-looking doctor I met in the hospital ward? The one who seemed to be quite taken with a certain gray-eyed businesswoman from Philadelphia?”
Aunt Abby snorted but grinned. “I suppose that would be the one,” she admitted. “Anyway, he agreed to put together a box of all the books being used in the first year of medical school right now. They should be here tomorrow. I believe they will keep you busy for quite some time.”
Carrie was both laughing and crying when she fell into Aunt Abby’s arms again. “You are wonderful!” she cried. “If I ever become a doctor, it will be because of you.”
“Nonsense!” Aunt Abby responded, her eyes shining with pleasure. “It will be because you have persevered through enormous challenges to make your dream come true. All I will have done is lend a helping hand.” She smiled. “And I will be the proudest person in the audience when you get your medical degree.”
*****
The storm had blown out its fury by the time May put a fresh plate of molasses cookies on the table for dessert. A strong breeze swirled through the cur
tains as lamplight flickered and danced on the walls. The smells of rain, magnolias, and spring drifted in, mingling with the lingering odors of ham, biscuits, and collard greens.
Rose leaned back in her chair and sighed deeply. “I used to dream of times just like this one when I was in the contraband camp. All of us together…”
Moses nodded. “The idea of it kept me going through the worst of the war. I had to believe that someday it would be over and I would just get to sit around a table like a normal person.”
Jeremy chuckled. “It seems rather surreal to me. It wasn’t that long ago that I was an only child with a single father. It still amazes me that I have a big family. Most of the time I feel I’m living in a fantasy world, but it’s one I hope never ends.”
“It will never end,” Carrie said firmly. “You’re stuck with all of us, my dearest uncle.”
“Ah…” Jeremy said smugly. “It does my heart good to hear my strong-willed niece acknowledge me as her wise uncle.”
Carrie snorted. “I remember saying dearest — the wise part must be another segment of your fantasy.”
Everyone was laughing as Miles walked into the dining room holding an envelope.
“You’s got mail, Miss Carrie.”
“My father?” Carrie asked eagerly, reaching for it.
“Not unless Master Cromwell be in West Virginia.”
Carrie took the envelope but still looked at Miles. “You know you don’t have to call my father Master Cromwell anymore, don’t you? You’re free now.”
“Yessum,” Miles agreed.
Carrie was concerned by what she saw in his eyes. “What is it?” she asked quietly. “You know you can talk with us,” she added when he hesitated.
Miles stared down at her for a moment before he answered her. “It’s gonna take a while for things to be right down here,” he finally said.
“What do you mean?” Carrie pressed.
Miles shrugged. “Just ‘cause I be free don’t mean folks see me that way. It ain’t smart right now to go ‘round callin’ Master Cromwell anything but that,” he said firmly.
May swung in through the door carrying a fresh pot of coffee. “You know Miles ain’t gonna tell you nothin’, Miss Carrie,” she snapped.
“But you will,” Aunt Abby prompted.
“Yes, I will. There’s talk about a lot of black folks being beaten the last few days because they wasn’t showin’ the proper respect for their old owners,” she said bluntly.
“What?” Carrie gasped.
May nodded her head briskly. “Miles be right. Just ‘cause we be free don’t mean folks are gonna see us that way. The black folks who gonna make it through this time are the ones who are smart. We’s been playin’ the game for a long time. We knows how to play it for a while longer.”
“But you’re free now,” Carrie protested. “You don’t have to—”
“They’re right,” Moses interrupted quietly.
“But…”
Moses held up his hand. “Right now there are soldiers here to keep the peace. They’re doing a good job, but they can’t be everywhere. There are a lot of white men who are determined to make sure our kind remembers their place.”
“They ruled by fear for a long time,” Rose added. “Just because the slaves are free doesn’t mean they have walked free of that fear. It also doesn’t mean they don’t have a reason to be afraid, Carrie,” she said bluntly. “A Constitutional Amendment is a wonderful thing that has changed the law, but that doesn’t mean it has changed people’s hearts. That’s going to take a lot longer.”
Carrie wanted to protest again, but the quiet acceptance in Rose’s eyes stopped her. “It’s wrong,” she said simply.
“Yes,” Moses agreed, “but we all knew freedom was just the first step. We aim to do everything we can to make sure that freedom means something, but it’s a good idea to do what we can to live through the transition,” he said flatly.
“Just how bad is it?” Aunt Abby asked quietly.
Moses shrugged. “Everything is so new right now, but I can promise you that white men aren’t going to sit back forever and just let us be. The soldiers won’t always be here. The government won’t always be around to take care of things. We have to prepare for that time.”
“And how are you doing that?” Aunt Abby asked.
“We’re forming societies,” Moses replied. “The identity of everyone in them will be kept secret. The freed slaves are pouring into Richmond because they think there is more opportunity here.”
“Is there?” Carrie asked.
Moses shrugged. “For some, but it’s going to take a long time for Richmond to get back on its feet. In the meantime, every black person who comes to town is seen by the whites as competition for a job. They’re seen as a slap in the face to the southern way of life.”
“You sound rather calm about it,” Aunt Abby observed.
“Not calm,” Moses admitted. “I think I would prefer to call it resigned. I had to resign myself to a lot in the military. Instead of wasting my energy fighting it, I looked for ways to work around it.”
“And that’s what the secret societies are for?” Carrie asked.
“Yes. Black folks have known for a long time how to take care of each other. We’ve always only had ourselves to count on. We don’t see that changing anytime soon. The societies will be in place as an insurance policy. Everyone will contribute what they can, and then they will take care of people who need it.”
“There are lots of freed slaves who are too old to work,” Rose added. “There are people who are sick. There has to be a way to care for them.”
“But isn’t the government going to take care of them?” Carrie asked, her head spinning as she gazed at Aunt Abby for help. “What about the new Freedmen’s Bureau?”
“It’s not going to be easy,” Aunt Abby said carefully. “There is a lot of fear, a lot of anger, and a lot of battered pride. When you add all that together…”
“You gots a big mess!” May said flatly.
“I’m afraid you’re right,” Aunt Abby agreed softly. “There are certainly plans being made to get help to all the freed slaves, but it’s a daunting task to provide for over two million people, while also working to get people to see things differently.” She straightened her shoulders. “It doesn’t mean it can’t be done,” she said firmly. “The government will do what they can, but each one of us needs to step up to do what they can.”
“Like starting a factory,” Carrie said.
“Yes. That’s what I do,” Aunt Abby agreed, “but every one of us has something to offer. Rose will be teaching. Jeremy’s expertise in finance will be critical. Moses will be a leader for those who are lost and confused. Carrie will provide medical care.” She paused. “The most important thing we all offer are hearts of love and compassion. It will take massive amounts of love to offset the hatred and prejudice that are still rampant throughout our country.”
A thick silence fell on the room as everyone thought about what she said.
Carrie suddenly remembered the envelope in her hand. She smiled when she looked at the return address. “It’s from Hobbs,” she said, as she used her knife to open it. She smiled as she envisioned the red-haired young man who had become like a little brother to her during the last four years. He had been her friend and her protector. Robert had saved his life during battle. Hobbs returned the favor during Antietam and then gave his all from that time on, taking care of Carrie while Robert served.
It took her just moments to scan the contents. “He made it home safely,” she said with relief. “He’s glad to be back with his family and says his farm was mostly untouched. He just finished helping plow the fields.”
“On that leg?” Jeremy asked in astonishment.
Carrie smiled. “I didn’t suppose Hobbs would allow a shortened leg and crutches to keep him from farming. He always found a way to compensate.”
“Has he gone camping with his dog yet?” Rose asked. “I re
member him saying how much he wanted to do that.”
Carrie grinned. “First thing when he got home. He and Jasper took off for three days into the woods. I imagine that was the best possible thing he could do to begin to wash away the memories of the war.” She grew thoughtful. “He’s just one of hundreds of thousands of men who are being forced to rebuild their lives.”
“And women,” Aunt Abby added.
“Yes,” Carrie murmured, her mind drifting back.
“Have you heard from Georgia?” Jeremy asked.
Carrie shook her head, thinking of the young woman from the Deep South who had dressed as a man and gone into the Confederate Army with her brother. He was killed, but Carrie had saved Georgia’s arm, as well as saved her secret by taking her out of Chimborazo Hospital and treating her at home. “I keep hoping a letter will come, but nothing has. I don’t know if she lived through the last battles in Petersburg. I haven’t wanted to ask Robert.”
Another silence fell on the room as their thoughts drifted to Robert lying in the bed just above their heads.
Moses cleared his throat. “Is he any better at all?”
Carrie shrugged. “I just don’t know,” she admitted. “His heart and mind are still closed down, but he seems to have put on a little weight.” Her eyes sharpened as she realized Moses’s eyes held more than his question. “What’s on your mind, Moses?”
Moses gazed at her steadily for a few moments and then spoke with the ease of an old friend. “I’ve got to go after Mama and Sadie,” he said gently. “Before I do that, I need to get Rose and John settled on the plantation.”
Carrie nodded. “You should do that,” she said briskly. “I’m afraid to move Robert until he’s stronger, but that doesn’t mean you can’t go.” Once she had thought that far, her mind flew forward. “There’s no reason for you to stay here in the city. If you went, you could also take Eddie. He would be safe with you.”