by Nikki Ash
Giselle
“So when are you due?” Celeste asks.
“Excuse me?” I glare at her.
We’re standing in the bathroom of Assets. Celeste is reapplying her lipstick, and I’m washing my mouth from having just thrown up. When Olivia found out I briefly worked at a high-end strip club, she insisted we all go and check it out. She’s never been to one, and apparently four months pregnant is the right time to experience half-naked women dancing on poles for the first time. Nick and Killian laughed, thinking she was joking. Olivia pouted. Nick, of course, gave in. So here we are.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I grab a paper towel and dry my face.
“Do you have the flu?” she questions.
“No!” I snap. “I think it’s just nerves. It’s my first time leaving my mom home alone. I’ve been working remotely from home since she got out.” My mom has told me several times she’s fine and I need to go about my everyday life, but I’m scared. The last time I came home, she was on the floor of the bathroom, a few minutes away from her death. Every time I attempt to leave, I imagine coming home and finding her too late. It’s been over a month since she moved in and I’m still not ready to leave her yet.
“Yeah, okay.” Celeste rakes her eyes down my body. “So, is it the nerves that are making you put on weight?”
“Not all of us pay a trainer to keep us in perfect model shape.” I glare, and she shrugs.
“Whatever you say. Looks like I’ll be throwing two baby showers instead of one.” She winks and walks out of the bathroom just as Olivia walks in.
“You okay?” she asks.
“Yeah, Celeste is just being her usual bitch-self.” My side cramps up and I rub it with my fingers. It’s been doing this the last few hours. Maybe I am getting sick. I’ve heard the flu is going around…
“What did she say?” Olivia asks with a laugh.
“That I’m getting fat.” The pain in my side strengthens, and I place my hands against the sink to steady myself.
Olivia now looks at me concerned. “You’re hardly fat.”
“What do you mean hardly?” I turn the water on again to splash my face. My eyes meet hers in the mirror
“Well…” She flinches. “I mean…”
I turn toward the full length mirror and assess my body. I look the same…although, my pants were a tad harder to put on. I just chalked it up to Killian drying them by mistake.
“When are you due?”
Celeste’s words send me running back to the toilet. There’s nothing left to throw up, though, so instead, I spend the next five minutes dry-heaving. Olivia doesn’t say a word. When I rinse out my mouth again, I catch her face in the mirror. She looks concerned.
“What?” I hiss. My stomach contracts—the pain radiating down my side.
“Is it possible?” Her gaze goes to my stomach.
“No, I’m on the pill.”
Olivia scoffs. “Have you missed any? I only missed a few… and POOF”—her hands shoot open at the same time her eyes go wide—“came Reed, and now this baby.” She covers her adorable protruding belly.
“No…” I shake my head. “No, no, no. That shit happens to you, not me. I take them every goddamned day…” Except a few nights I ended up sleeping at Killian’s place but left my pills at mine… and then when we went to North Carolina and then Cozumel. Holy fucking shit! I am just as irresponsible as Olivia.
“Giselle,” Olivia says, “are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m just going to go pee. I’ll be right out.”
“Is it possible…that you’re pregnant?”
“I don’t know,” I lie. “Please…just go tell Killian I’ll be right out.”
Olivia agrees and heads out of the bathroom. I wait a few seconds and then go out the back door. This seriously can’t be happening. I’m so stupid. I thought I was invincible, like if the pills were there, I wouldn’t get pregnant. There’s a reason doctors tell you to take them at the same time every day and not to miss any.
I flag down a cab and give him my address. I need time to think. This is my fault. I should’ve been more careful. I’ve been throwing up on and off for weeks. I knew deep down there was a good chance I was pregnant. I just didn’t want to deal with it. I saw how Melanie having an abortion affected Killian. Could I do that? Could I abort a tiny baby that we created? No, I couldn’t. Which is why I chose to live in denial.
I feel that sharp pain on my side once again, and my hand goes to my belly. “Sir, I’m going to throw up. Can you please stop?” He pulls over, and I barely make it out of the cab when I start throwing up nothing but acid. My knees hit the cement, and I try to release whatever is making me feel sick and nauseous. My stomach cramps are now so unbearable, I can barely stand, so instead I remain on all fours.
“Ma’am, should I call you an ambulance?” the driver asks. I’m in so much pain, I can barely speak. It’s like the wind has been knocked out of me. I’m dizzy and queasy. Maybe I have food poisoning. This can’t be how morning sickness is. Something is wrong.
“Yes, please,” I choke out. I stay doubled over as I wait for the ambulance to arrive. The pain is now so horrendous it’s hard to see straight, hard to think. This isn’t like any flu or food poisoning I’ve ever had. I’m losing my baby. I know it. I was afraid to admit I was pregnant. I considered, even if only briefly, not having this baby, and now I’m about to lose it.
When the pain gets so intense, my arms cave in, and I fall to the ground. Worried about my baby, I cushion my belly, and my shoulder hits the cement hard. I pull myself into the fetal position, praying the ambulance gets here soon. My eyes close. It hurts so much. I can hear the sirens. I try to open my eyes, but I can’t. I hear the driver speaking to the medics.
“I-I’m pregnant,” I try to tell them. “I’m pregnant.”
“Okay, miss. We’re taking you to New York General. We’re just going to find your identification in your purse.”
I think I nod, but I’m not sure. They lift me onto a gurney and push me into the ambulance. My eyes are squeezed shut as I try to block out the excruciating pain as they let me know what they’re doing every step of the way. They place an oxygen mask over my face. I’m not sure when it’s finally too much for me to handle, but at some point I feel myself begin to black out. My last thought: a plea to God to not take my baby. The baby I was in denial of, the baby I want more than anything in this world but was too afraid to admit, until the idea of losing him became all too real. Isn’t that how the saying goes? You don’t realize how much you love someone until he’s gone…
Thirty-One
Killian
“She’s not in the bathroom!” I shout. “I’ve checked every fucking stall. She’s not there! Where is she?” Celeste and Olivia are both wearing nervous looks on their faces. Not scared like they’re afraid something happened to my wife, but nervous like they know something I don’t.
“Olivia, you have to give me something here. Did she leave? Did something happen?” Giselle has been off the last few days. She told me she was just stressed and tired, but it felt like something more.
Olivia glances between Nick and me. Then her eyes go to Celeste. “I-I don’t know…”
“She’s pregnant,” Celeste blurts out. “She was throwing up and I pointed out she’s pregnant. She probably got spooked or something and left.”
“Celeste,” Olivia hisses.
“What? I’m sorry but the guy is assuming the worst here. She wasn’t kidnapped or anything. She’s just pregnant.”
Pregnant.
Giselle is pregnant.
And she ran.
That may not be the worst case scenario to Celeste, but that’s only because she doesn’t know Giselle doesn’t want to have kids. She’s terrified at just the thought of becoming a mother. And then it hits me…She ran! Like Melanie ran. I pull my phone out and dial her number. It rings and rings and rings and then goes to voicemail.
“We have to find her,” I say. “She�
�” I can’t say the words out loud. That there’s a real possibility of another woman, who’s pregnant with my baby, and is about to…fuck! I can’t even think the words. This can’t be happening. Could I forgive Giselle if she does what I think she’s about to do? Could we get past it?
Olivia’s phone rings and she pulls it out of her back pocket. “Is it Giselle?” I ask.
“No, I don’t recognize the number.” She answers the call. “Hello?” Her eyes dart over to me. “Yes, I am.” Her hand that’s not holding the phone goes to her mouth in shock. “Okay…Okay, thank you.”
She hangs up and tears pool in her eyes. A million scenarios run through my head of what could’ve happened, but there’s only one thing in this moment I know for sure. I can forgive Giselle for anything as long as she’s okay. I knew she didn’t want to have kids. We didn’t use protection. Yes, it’s on both of us, but she’s not over what happened with her mom. She’s been afraid to leave her for weeks since we brought her home. She’s alone and not in her right mind. Fuck! This can’t be happening…not again.
“She’s at New York General,” Olivia says, snapping me out of my thoughts. “They couldn’t tell me anything over the phone, but I’m her emergency contact. All the nurse could say is she’s in surgery and should be out within the next hour and will need someone to bring her home once she’s released.”
My heart plummets. Giselle had surgery. There’s no way she ran straight to the hospital to have an abortion. Something else has to be wrong. Without waiting for anyone else to follow, I start to run toward the entrance. We came in a cab tonight in case we both drank…which Giselle didn’t. I hail a cab and Olivia, Nick, and Celeste jump in as well. After I tell the cab driver where to go, the drive is silent with worry.
We get to the hospital and I go straight to the front desk. “My name is Killian Blake. I am Giselle Blake’s husband.”
“Killian,” Olivia says, “when the nurse called, she said Giselle Winters.” Shit! We hadn’t gotten around to getting her driver’s license changed yet. We’re still waiting on the documents to go through.
“Giselle Winters,” I say. “I’m her husband.”
“And you are?” the nurse asks Olivia.
“Olivia Harper.”
“I have permission to speak to you. She’s just coming out of surgery. She’ll be moved into recovery, and once the doctor has checked on her, she’ll be able to have visitors.”
“Why is she in surgery?” I ask.
“She was brought in for appendicitis.”
I let out a sigh of relief. She didn’t run… maybe the throwing up wasn’t that she was pregnant, but that her appendix was about to burst.
“Do you know if she’s pregnant?” I ask.
The nurse’s expression gives nothing away. “I don’t have that kind of information. I’m sorry.”
Everyone sits down to wait, but I head over to billing to make sure whatever my wife needs, she gets. I know she doesn’t have insurance, and we haven’t added her to my policy yet, but I’m going to make damn sure they understand she gets the best treatment.
After requesting a private room for her recovery, and giving the woman my credit card to charge everything to, I sit down to wait with the others. I remember Giselle’s mom is at home and would want to know about her daughter, so I give her a call to let her know what I know. When she tells me she’s on her way, I offer to go and get her, but she scoffs. “I’ve been hailing cabs since before you were born,” she says before we hang up.
For the next couple hours we wait to hear something from the doctor. Sarah shows up and lets me know she called Adrianna, who is on her way, despite her mom suggesting she should wait until we hear from the doctor.
“Family of Giselle Winters,” a nurse finally calls out, and we all stand. “I can only bring one of you back at a time until she’s brought to her private room.”
“Go ahead,” I tell Sarah. As much as I want to see my wife, I know she’s been waiting a long time to be able to be there for her daughter.
“Thank you,” she says. Pulling me into a hug, she murmurs, “Thank you for loving my daughter.”
Thirty-Two
Giselle
I’m staring at the ugly, dreary-looking pictures on the wall as I wait for Killian to walk through the door. I don’t know what I’m going to say…what he’s going to say. I don’t know what he knows or doesn’t know. I left without telling him and ended up having emergency surgery to remove my appendix. Instead of telling him something felt wrong, I chose to hide it and run. I put myself and our baby at risk. I can only imagine how mad he must be with me. Mentally, I’m preparing myself for the shit he’s going to give me. And I deserve it. So, I’m shocked when, instead of Killian, in walks my mother.
“Oh, Giselle,” she coos. She frames my face with her hands and gives me a kiss on my forehead. “I’m so glad you’re okay.” The tears, which were threatening, spill over. My entire life all I wanted was for my mom to be a mom, and here she is doing just that. My side is in pain, the drugs are barely helping because my options are limited due to being pregnant, but none of that matters, because right here in this moment, my mom is holding me.
“I-I’m pregnant,” I blurt out.
My mom smiles. “Did you finally figure it out on your own or did the doctor tell you?”
I gasp. “You knew?”
“Well, I have been pregnant a couple of times.” She winks.
“Did everyone know but me?” I laugh, but then remember Killian doesn’t know…or maybe he does but didn’t mention it.
“I think you always knew,” Mom says, grabbing a chair and sitting next to my bed. She’s right. In the back of my mind I knew something was off, but didn’t want to have to face it.
“I think I did too,” I admit.
“Is the baby okay?” Mom asks.
“The doctor said so far everything is good. They did an appendectomy. Luckily, I’m only ten weeks, so they were able to go in and do the surgery easily. They’ve ordered an ultrasound for the morning to check everything over, and I’ll be here for the next few days.”
Mom grabs my hand and squeezes it. “I know you were brought in here because of your appendix, but it seemed like maybe your husband didn’t know where you were until Olivia got the call from the hospital. Were you running?”
I let out a sigh. “I was…I told Killian before we even got married I didn’t want to have kids.” I hate having to admit this to my mom, that because of what she put us through, I didn’t want to have my own children.
Realization dawns on my mom, causing her to frown. “Oh, sweetie.” She pulls me in for a gentle hug, and I melt into her arms. I’ve missed my mom so much. Why couldn’t the doctors have figured out what was wrong with her years ago? “Please don’t do this to yourself or to your husband.”
“You said it yourself. Dad couldn’t handle you being sick. What if I become Bipolar? What will it do to Killian and our children?”
“That won’t happen because we know what to look for. We will recognize the signs and get you the help you need. I wasted so many years unable to be the mom you girls deserved. The wife your father wanted. We won’t allow that to happen to you.”
“What if I get sick and Killian cheats on me like Dad did to you? He says he’ll handle it, but what if he can’t? What if he leaves me?” But even as I say the words, I know in my heart Killian would never do such a thing.
“You can’t live with what ifs, sweetie,” Mom says. “That man loves you so much.”
“She’s right, I do.” I startle at the sound of Killian’s voice as he walks into the room. “We were told only one person at a time, so I let your mom go first, but I couldn’t wait any longer.” He shrugs unapologetically. “So…where were you attempting to run to?”
“I’ll leave you two to talk,” my mom says, standing. She bends at the waist and kisses my forehead. “You’ve spent enough time being affected by my illness. It’s time you start living, sweetie. It�
�s time we all do.” Then she whispers into my ear, so only I can hear, “I’ll be back in the morning to check on you and my grandbaby.”
Once she leaves, Killian sits in her place. He takes my hand in his and gives the inside of my wrist a soft kiss. “I was so worried,” he murmurs. He kisses the center of my palm. “I was so mad when I found out you ran, but when Olivia got the call from the hospital…” He kisses the top of each of my knuckles. “Every worst-case scenario ran through my head, and my only thought was that you had to be okay.” He looks me in the eyes. “I just found you. I can’t lose you.”
“I’m pregnant,” I blurt out. He grins but quickly schools it, unsure how I feel. I hate that he can’t just simply be happy. “I forgot my pills a few times, and I haven’t gotten my period in the last two months…” That was my first red flag I might be pregnant, but I chose to ignore it.
“I’m ten weeks along. The doctor said as of right now the baby is okay, but they’ve scheduled an ultrasound for tomorrow.”
“And how are you?” Killian asks.
“I’m okay. The doctor said I’ll be here for a few days and then I need to take it easy for a few weeks once I’m discharged.”
“And how do you want to handle the pregnancy?” Killian asks softly.
“What do you mean?”
“You have choices, Giselle. Abortion, adoption, or keeping the baby. I’m your husband, and I’ll stand by your side no matter what you choose to do.” I stare at this beautiful, selfless man who loves me so much. There was never a choice. I always wanted a baby with him. I was just too scared to admit it. Scared I would end up like my mom. Scared Killian would end up like my dad. But we aren’t them. We’re us. And it’s time I start throwing that damn ball so he has something to catch.
“I want to create a family with you, but I’m scared,” I tell him honestly. My hand palms his cheek, and he moves closer.
“Then I’ll be brave for the both of us,” he vows, then gives me a passionate kiss that I feel all the way down to my bones.