She beamed at him. “I’ll be on my bestest behavior, pinkie swear!”
Elisabeth ushered him inside, taking his jacket from him as he shifted the packages he held. “Mom and Dad and Lina are gathered in the family room. We were watching old I Love Lucy episodes and talking about busting out charades or some kind of drawing game. Tell me you’re good at drawing? You could be like my secret weapon.”
“I can’t even do a recognizable smiley face,” he admitted.
“Well that’s settled—you’re on Lina’s team.”
Even though he’d never been in the Donnelly home at the holidays before, he’d once predicted that they went all out for Christmas. He’d been right.
It was different than the spectacle at his sister’s house, where everything was twinkly and automated and new from the box. Patti Donnelly’s living room boasted a mishmash of handmade decorations, like a white pillow upon which someone had cross-stitched Peace on Earth in blue and green, and antiques, like an expensive looking snow globe from a bygone era. Blankets and pillows were strewn about the room. This was clearly not a house where Christmas was greeted with formality. He was guessing that the small beanbag with the Kaylee-shaped dent in it was where Elisabeth’s daughter had been sitting. The Donnellys presided over their family from a pair of matching recliners.
Patti Donnelly popped out of her chair to come give him one of her customary hugs. Mr. Donnelly took the more relaxed approach of simply waving. “Welcome, son.”
Justin presented them with the basket of gourmet meats and cheeses he’d picked up yesterday. “Merry Christmas.” He turned to where Lina was sitting on a love seat, cocooned in a fleecy green blanket. “I have something for you, too, troublemaker.”
She hitched an eyebrow at the square box he handed her. “I don’t hear any ticking. That’s a good sign.” She tore through the snowflake dotted tissue paper and laughed at the sweatshirt that spilled out of the package. Then she held it up for her family to read the wording across the front: I AM THE EVIL TWIN. “Well-played, slick.”
He sat down on one of the leather ottomans in the room, and Kaylee came to his side, inspecting the two large boxes wrapped in SpongeBob SquarePants paper.
“Is one of those for me?” she demanded.
Elisabeth delicately cleared her throat. “Manners.”
Kaylee wrung her hands, looking uncertain. “Is, uh, one of those for me please?”
He pushed the bigger of the two toward her. “This gift is, for lack of a better explanation, unfinished. There may be some accessories you need to get before you can use it.”
Kaylee frowned. “Aunt Lina told me her super high heels are accessories. I can’t wear those. Elisabeth says I’d break both my legs.” Suddenly she straightened and faced Lina. “I just remembered. Do you know Justin calls you my ‘crazy aunt Lina’?” The girl giggled. “That’s funny.”
Lina looked less amused. “You should hear some of the things I call him. Now, open your box already! I’m dying of curiosity.”
When Kaylee saw the snowboard, she was almost beside herself with excitement. “Can we go use it now?” she begged.
“Probably not right now, and definitely not without a helmet,” Justin said. “But we can go shopping for one soon, and I can start teaching you. I taught my sister, Arden, when she was about your age.”
He’d never wanted to have kids, but now it occurred to him that, if he didn’t, he wouldn’t be teaching sons and daughters, wouldn’t be passing on his skills or knowledge. So what? You have a beautiful niece, and one day when she’s old enough, you can take Hope out on the slopes. Nephews and nieces would be plenty to keep him fulfilled.
He slid the other box across the floor toward Elisabeth. “And this is for you.”
As soon as she got the wrapping paper off and saw the picture of the desk lamp on the box, her shoulders began to shake with laughter.
“I, uh, have it on good authority that you can use a new lamp, on account of some clod breaking yours.”
She grinned. “I know just where I’ll be putting it.”
From across the room, Patti Donnelly lifted the glasses she wore on a slim chain around her neck. “Did you say that’s a lamp, dear? From here it looks...kind of like a dismembered leg.”
Lina was laughing now, too. “It’s the lamp from A Christmas Story.”
“Well, a miniature replica,” Justin said. “Not the full-scale one.”
“The bigger one wouldn’t fit on an end table,” Elisabeth said, her eyes twinkling.
Kaylee had come over to investigate the lamp shade atop a woman’s stocking-clad leg. “Hey! This lamp is wearing a high heel. Man, everyone gets to wear fancy shoes but me.”
Elisabeth stepped over the little girl to hug Justin. He took the opportunity to hold her close, wondering if it would be inappropriate to kiss her in front of her whole family. Probably.
“Thank you,” she murmured near his ear. “I love it. That movie may be completely goofy, but it cracks me up anyway.”
“Now it’s my turn!” Kaylee declared.
“Did you want a hug, too?” Justin asked.
“In a minute.” Then she went racing out of the room, leaving the grownups perplexed.
“Mom,” Elisabeth said, “do you have any idea what she’s talking about?”
“Almost never,” Patti smiled. “But I love her anyway.”
Then Kaylee came back into the room, holding what looked like a wad of trash. “I wrapped it with some magazine pages, like how we made our Christmas ornaments,” she told Justin proudly. She held it out to him. “This is for you.”
“I like the crinkle method you used to keep it all together,” he said, unfurling the edges. “Really saves on tape.” Inside the balled up paper was more paper, this one a lined sheet from a spiral notebook.
He smoothed it out and looked at the picture. There was a tall stick figure man in a red coat and skis, with black hair that stood straight up, a stick figure woman with orange hair, green eyes and a big smile on her face, and between the two of them, a much smaller stick figure with crazy brown curls that took up a quarter of the page. They were drawn inside a big heart, holding hands beneath a bright blue sky and a smiling yellow sun. Justin found himself blinking rapidly so he wouldn’t do something as unmanly as shed a tear.
“Kaylee, I... Thank you. This is perfect. I’ll hang it up at my house.”
“On your fridge-er-rator,” she said. Stumbling over the pronunciation didn’t detract from the authority in her tone. “I used to make pictures for Mommy, and that’s where she always put them. I wish she could be here.”
Justin locked gazes with Elisabeth, who had frozen like a startled rabbit not sure which way to flee. As far as he knew, it was rare for Kaylee to bring up her mother. He was no expert, but it seemed like a good sign that she was willing to talk about her so openly, with no prompting from others.
“I think Mommy would like the funny lamp,” Kaylee continued. “And she could watch me when I learn how to snowboard. I’m going to be very good at it.”
Justin reached out to pull her into a hug. He suddenly needed one. “I’m sure you will be.”
“Do you think she can see me from heaven?” Kaylee asked.
“Yeah, I do.” And he hoped that somewhere up there Rebecca Cade and Michelle Truitt were smiling down on their children on this Christmas morning.
“Good.” With that apparently settled to her satisfaction, Kaylee straightened. “Are we going to play that drawing game now? I can help both teams. I’m very good at it.”
* * *
OUTSIDE THE KITCHEN window, silvery moonlight bathed the snow-covered yard. Elisabeth sagged against the wall with a contented sigh. It had been a wonderful Christmas. One of the best of her life. The games had been fun, dinner had been yummy and the p
eople most important to her had shared it with her. She’d even felt as if Michelle was with them in spirit.
She wished it didn’t have to end, but after an active night of little to no sleep and the early morning trip across town to her parents’ house, she was tired. Kaylee was clearly exhausted. She’d crawled into Justin’s lap so he could read her a funny story about a pig who wanted to fly, and her eyes were closed by the end of the first page. It wasn’t like her to miss out on Justin’s funny voices.
“What are you doing in here?” Lina asked. Her sudden presence might have made Elisabeth jump, if she’d had the energy.
“Psyching myself up to give one last gift,” she said. What had seemed like a poignant idea yesterday, as she and Arden dug through a box that had belonged to Rebecca Cade, now seemed like a huge gamble. Arden had assured her repeatedly that it was a fantastic idea, but then, Arden was madly in love with the man she was about to marry and their beautiful daughter. She was high on life. And she wasn’t exactly subtle in her attempts to nudge Elisabeth and Justin closer.
Elisabeth had tasted one of her lemon bars so she knew that they’d turned out well, but had they turned out right? She had no basis for comparison, and Arden had admitted she didn’t even remember her mother making them. Would the tart sticky bars be what Justin recalled from childhood, the memory that would make him feel closer to his mother? Or would it just seem presumptuous that Elisabeth had tried to duplicate something so personal?
Lina came and stood next to her. “You ever wonder why Mom and Dad chose such butt-ugly wallpaper in here?” It was a distorted pattern of alternating fruits—misshapen pears and striped watermelon and hairy brown kiwis.
“I try not to think about it.”
“I mean, Mom and Dad are smart people. They had no problem decorating the lodge beautifully, so you’d think their home would show the same good taste but I guess we all make mistakes. Last week, you said Justin was a mistake. Do you still believe that?”
“No.” The answer was instantaneous. “I don’t know yet what he is—or what he’ll allow himself to evolve into—but he isn’t a mistake. He’s a good man who has been hurt badly.”
“He is a decent guy,” Lina agreed. “Much better than I used to think. Watching him with Kaylee today, and with you...either I misjudged him before, or he’s matured a lot since the two of you dated. You say he’s been hurt, but you’re the one who had to pay for it last time. How is that fair? I don’t want you to go through that again.”
“I’m being smarter this time,” Elisabeth vowed. “When I fell in love with him, I had stars in my eyes. I thought he was The One, and I scared him away. Now we’re just living in the moment. I can’t get disappointed if I don’t have expectations, right?”
“Living in the moment?” Lina echoed disbelievingly. “That sounds like the kind of dumb thing I’d say if I didn’t want to admit my actions have consequences or I wasn’t ready to face the future. The thing about the future is, it’s coming whether you’re ready for it or not.”
But Elisabeth wasn’t ready to think about the future. Imagining one without Justin in it was too damn depressing, yet trying to picture him in her long-term future didn’t seem fully realistic. “Go away, Leen. It was a lot more peaceful in here when it was just me and the butt-ugly wallpaper.”
Lina squeezed her hand. “Maybe I’m worrying for nothing. He really does seem like he’s changed. And what do I know about guys, anyway? Did you notice any blue-eyed hunks bringing me kitschy lamps today?”
Pep talk over, Elisabeth decided it was time to be bold. She retrieved the plate of lemon bars and returned to the living room. Her mother was working a crossword, and her dad was snoozing in his chair. But at least he was sleeping in a more dignified position than Kaylee. The little girl lay across Justin’s lap with limbs flung in all directions.
“She’s out like a light. Guess the picture book I chose wasn’t enough of a page-turner,” Justin said. When Kaylee let out a rumbly snore, he nodded. “Yep, that was pretty much my reaction to Literature class in high school. Rhyme of the Ancient Whosits and Tess of the Whatchamacallit? Bleaah.”
“You should’ve tried reading more Shakespeare,” she said. “Some great insults in Shakespeare. And some pretty good dirty jokes, too.”
He laughed. “I didn’t know you straight-A valedictorian types appreciated dirty jokes.”
“I’m exceptionally well-rounded,” she lied. High school had been a difficult time for her, particularly since it had always seemed so easy for Lina. “If I had one regret, though, right now it’s that I never took Home Ec as an elective.” She held the plate out. “I made these. For you.”
He sat forward as much as Kaylee’s outstretched body allowed, glancing at the plate. “Lemon bars? Thanks, Beth. That’s a really sweet gesture.” He bit into one. “You’ve really—” He stopped, his eyes fluttering closed as he took another appreciative bite. “This is them, these are it. I mean...how did you do that?”
Elisabeth’s heart was so full she was giddy. I did it. Her goal had been that look of happiness on Justin’s face.
He’d had a Christmas that didn’t suck. They’d awakened in each other’s arms, he’d experienced new, kooky traditions like Pajama Day and she’d found a way to give him back one he’d thought lost. Too happy to stand still, she rocked back and forth on the balls of her feet.
“Arden has a box of stuff that used to belong to your mom. Mostly girl stuff, like an old jewelry box and a diary. When I explained what I wanted, she helped me look through everything until we found something promising. This recipe’s got a couple of ingredients you don’t normally see in lemon bar recipes. Applesauce, for one.”
Justin’s eyes shone with admiration. Maybe something deeper. “You are a genius. If we were somewhere without an audience right now...”
Heat spiraled through her. “Back at you,” she mouthed. If they were alone right now, she could prove to herself that last night had been every bit as good as she remembered, that it had been real and not some erotic dream. But reality and fatigue were beginning to crowd into her perfect-day bubble.
“I should get her home to bed,” she said. “And get myself tucked in, too. Let me round up some of her stuff, and I’ll take her from you in just a minute, okay?”
She started at the back of the house with the things Kaylee had brought in her princess backpack for the sleepover—toothbrush, stuffed turtle, change of socks—and worked her way forward, gathering presents as she went. She hoped Justin had room in his schedule soon for those snowboarding lessons. Kaylee was revved up about learning and anxious to get started.
As she consolidated smaller gift bags inside large ones, she heard a sound like a whimper. Was Kaylee having a nightmare? Knowing that the girl often woke up in a blind panic, Elisabeth rounded the corner, planning to take her from Justin, but apparently Kaylee had been able to jolt herself out of the bad dream. Elisabeth’s daughter opened her eyes and peeked around, then closed them again. “I love you, Justin,” she murmured sleepily. “Don’t ever go away.”
Elisabeth witnessed with perfect clarity how the blood drained from his face. Thank goodness Kaylee didn’t see his appalled expression. He looked like he wanted to drop her on the floor and make a run for the nearest exit.
A sob rose in Elisabeth’s chest, and she choked it back. What had she told Lina, that as long as there were no expectations, no one could get hurt? How was she going to stop a six-year-old from developing expectations? Justin himself had encouraged Kaylee’s faith in him, making it sound as if he’d be right there every step of the way as she learned to snowboard. But he was just as terrified of committing to another person, letting them depend on him, as he always had been.
Stupid. Elisabeth had tried to convince herself this would work because she wanted him so badly, because she’d never stopped caring about him. But of course Lin
a had been right. Actions did have consequences. And this time around, when Justin dropped her and ran from what he was feeling, she wouldn’t be the only one devastated. Kaylee desperately needed some security in her young life. Elisabeth had been wrong when she’d thought Steven was the man to provide it. But she’d been equally wrong to think, even for a minute, that Justin could fill that requirement. If Kaylee hadn’t been in his lap, he probably would have sprinted out the door already.
No. Elisabeth wasn’t going through this again. This time, she wasn’t waiting for him to say goodbye first.
* * *
JUSTIN ONLY HALF heard Elisabeth when she said she was going to warm up the car. His mind was whirling with everything that had happened—her wanting him to make love to her last night, this unforgettable day with her family, Kaylee’s touching yet unnerving devotion to him. It was a lot to take in for a man who, two weeks ago, considered himself footloose and fancy-free.
Was that freedom in jeopardy? Elisabeth and Kaylee had somehow managed to infiltrate not just his daily life, running into them about town and including him in their plans, but also unexpected corners of his existence. Songs on the radio that suddenly made him think of Elisabeth, bites of dessert that left him overwhelmed because she’d thought him worth going through so much trouble. An eccentric little tree that made him think of Kaylee every night when he plugged in the lights.
He jerked himself out of his thoughts when he realized that Elisabeth had returned and was saying her goodbyes to her family. “I’ll carry her out for you,” he said, nodding to the little girl so trustingly curled up against him. “It only makes sense, I’m headed out, too.”
Elisabeth nodded, not meeting his gaze. After they buckled Kaylee into her booster seat, would he finally be able to kiss Elisabeth the way he’d wanted to all evening? He wanted to wish her a merry Christmas in a way that went beyond the mere words that everyone from postal workers to store clerks to strangers used. Truthfully, he didn’t have words to capture how he felt about her right now.
Second Chance Christmas (The Colorado Cades) Page 16