“I’d like to think I’m not just anyone.”
“You were at one time.” She hadn’t meant the words to pack such a punch, but he reeled from the impact. “I’m sorry, I meant when we first met.”
“That day seems like a lifetime ago. So much has changed in a couple of weeks. We shared things, Leigh.”
“This was one thing I couldn’t share.”
“Even though you could tell that I was starting to fall for you? Forget that, what about the fact that you can deny it all day long, but I know you’re falling in love with me, too. Didn’t that make things different? Didn’t that put me on the list of people who should know what your plans were?”
“I never expected...this.”
“Never expected what, Leigh?” he demanded, taking long strides toward her.
She shifted on the bench and averted her gaze. This was a nightmare. Why couldn’t he just walk away? Leave?
He crouched in front of her, forcing her to meet his eyes. “Never expected what, Leigh?” he repeated.
“I never expected to fall in love with you. It doesn’t make a difference, though, does it?” She jumped up and moved away from him. “I’m adopting a child, Logan, in a few weeks. I’ve met with the birth mother. I’ve seen the ultrasound. I love this child already and it’s everything I’ve always wanted, so me loving you changes nothing. You have your daughter to think about and I’m getting the family I’ve always dreamed of.”
“Really? The family you’ve always dreamed of seems to be missing a piece.”
She stiffened.
“Have you even considered how hard it will be to raise a child on your own?”
She swung around, her eyes blazing. “How dare you? Of course I have—every day for the last four years, in fact. I can’t have a child of my own and it turns out that no men around here want a woman who can’t give them a house full of kids.”
“Neil was not every man,” Logan said.
“What do you know about it, anyway, Logan?” Tears threatened to fall and she was desperate to get away from him.
“I know what it’s like to grow up not knowing where you came from. Leigh, this child will wonder...”
She swallowed hard.
“This is going to be hard, and doing it alone will make it that much harder.”
She somehow found the strength to say, “I can do it,” proud that her voice remained steady, despite her churning anxiety.
“Okay, maybe you’re okay with doing this alone, but what about this child? Don’t you think he or she deserves a father?”
Her shoulders shook and the tears she’d been successful in holding back gave way, trailing down her cold cheeks. That nagging thought had been the one thing over the years preventing her from going ahead with adoption before now. The uneasy feeling that maybe she would be cheating a child out of a home with two parents—a mother and a father.
Common sense had convinced her that families came in all shapes and sizes, and if you waited for the ideal situation, you would be waiting a long time. But now hearing the words from Logan brought back all her self-doubt. She wouldn’t allow him to do that to her. Clearly, she didn’t know him as well as either of them believed. “You can go now.”
“Leigh—”
“No, Logan. Nothing you can say will change this ending.”
* * *
“WHAT CAN I GET YOU?” a distracted female bartender asked fifteen minutes later, placing a square paper napkin in front of Logan on the bar. Her tone was curt, short, not quite unfriendly, but definitely preoccupied.
That was fine with him. The last thing he wanted right now was to entertain small talk with anyone. That evening should have gone a whole lot differently. He should be celebrating the end of the book, the end of the series and the beginning of something with Leigh. Instead he was sitting alone in the town’s hot spot.
The pool-hall portion where he sat appeared to be the club section of the room, as he noticed a few girls dancing on a ten-by-ten tiled dance floor near the pool tables in the corner. Through a set of glass doors to his right, he could see a bowling alley, currently flashing neon lights for glow bowling and a sign near the washrooms indicated the movie theater was just at the end of the hall. “Just a soda.”
“If that’s all you want, there’s a convenience store about two blocks east.” The woman pointed to the left, one hand on her hip.
Logan almost smiled. Aah, finally some attitude, finally a bit of realism in this twilight zone of a place. Finally an attitude that mirrored his own that evening. “Yes, well, I’m very much enjoying the pleasant atmosphere in here, so if it’s all the same to you, I’d rather have a watered-down, overpriced soda from the bar.”
The woman’s face broke into a wide grin and she shook her head as she reached for a tall glass and poured the drink. She set the drink down on the mahogany bar. “On the house.”
“Why?”
“Because that’s my first smile all day. I’m Melody.”
“Logan—”
“Walters, I know,” Melody said with a nod.
“Does everyone know?”
“Let’s see, you’ve been in town almost three weeks...so yeah...everyone in Brookhollow knows...and probably everyone in Brook Haven, the next town over.” Melody turned her attention to the drink order slip the waitress from the bowling alley placed on the bar. She poured several beers from the tap and set them on a tray, sliding it toward the girl. At the till, she punched in the drink order before turning her attention to a textbook on the counter in front of her.
“Studying?” A moment ago, he hadn’t been in any mood to talk.
“Attempting to.”
“Must be difficult with all the noise and distractions in here,” he said, taking a sip of the soda.
“Believe it or not, I get more done here than at home.” She nodded to the pictures of twin boys posted to the mirror behind the shelves stacked with liquor bottles.
He would guess the boys were seven, maybe eight—around the same age as Amelia. He recognized them as two of the kids Leigh had taken to the pumpkin patch. “Children can be the biggest distraction of all.”
“I’ve heard that staying at the bed-and-breakfast can get a bit loud sometimes.”
“It can, but it’s a good loud...though I didn’t always think that way.” When he first arrived the sound had nearly broken his heart and in the midst of his writer’s block, the sound had been torturous.
“I heard that, too.”
Logan cocked his head to the side. “What else have you heard?”
“That you broke your wrist trying to help Leigh, so in turn she helped you with your book...and that you two have created quite a stir with your appearances around town, including a run-in with Neil and a pair of orange boxer shorts with... Wait a second...what was it on his shorts?” She tapped the bar.
“Happy faces,” he said.
“Happy faces, that’s it!”
“Well, it seems like the rumor mill didn’t leave out any important details. That’s a relief. Anyway, I’ll be leaving in the morning,” he said, taking another swig of his drink.
“Really?”
“Yes. We finished the book about an hour ago. I have no reason to stay any longer,” he said wryly.
“You don’t honestly believe the lie that just came out of your mouth, do you?” she asked with a smirk.
His mouth gaped.
“Mel, we need another round of shots for the pool table,” the waitress called over her shoulder as she passed with empty glasses.
“Coming up, Lynn.” Turning back to him, she said, “Think about it for a minute. I’ll be right back.” She grabbed six shot glasses and a bottle of gold tequila, lined them up on the bar and expertly filled them to the brim without wasting a drop of expen
sive alcohol. She placed them on a tray for the waitress and turned her attention to Logan. “Well?”
He sighed. “No.”
“So, why don’t you stay? I mean, you’re a writer. It’s not like you have to rush back to the city, right?”
The fifth book released the following week, and the launch party was a big deal. His court case the following Monday morning was a much bigger deal. But he wasn’t about to be a cliché and start telling his sorrows to the bartender. “It’s complicated and besides, she doesn’t want me to.”
Melody hesitated, but then smiled sadly. “You’re probably right about that.”
That wasn’t the pep talk he’d wanted. “Wow, you really know how to cheer a guy up.”
“Sorry, it’s in my nature to tell it how it is. My feet are firmly planted in reality and I don’t believe in leading others to believe in fairy tales with disappointing endings.”
For the first time he noticed she wasn’t wearing a wedding band. “Divorced?”
“Widowed.”
His track record for saying the wrong thing tonight must be at an all-time high. “I’m sorry.”
Reaching for his glass, she refilled it and set it in front of him. “My husband died in a car accident almost three years ago. It’s just that I know firsthand that real life never works out the way you plan it.”
“Real life, no.” When he first met Kendra, he’d thought they would be together forever. He certainly never thought they’d face off in court for custody of their child. “Well, I appreciate you giving it to me straight.”
“I mean, it couldn’t hurt to tell her how you feel and see if it makes a difference.”
“I did. It didn’t.” He shook his head. “I doubt she’ll even want to say goodbye to me at this point.”
“Leigh’s upset with you?”
Logan nodded.
“Leigh never gets angry with anyone. What did you do?”
“Stuck my nose in her business where it didn’t belong.” He gave a wry laugh.
“I wouldn’t worry about Leigh. She’ll come around.” She paused before adding, “But let me be the first to warn you—her grandmother Norris is another story. You do not want to mess with that woman or her family.”
Leigh’s grandmother. “Yeah, that warning is coming just a little too late.”
* * *
WITH THE HURTFUL words still ringing in her ears, Leigh entered the nursery at the end of the hall and collapsed into the rocking chair. Scanning the room, she felt her mind reeling. Was she doing the right thing by adopting a child alone? Every child did deserve both a mother and a father.... She pushed the thought aside. What every child deserved was to be loved and cared for, and she could certainly offer that and much more.
She tried to tell herself that his words had come from a place of anger and hurt over his own fight for his family, but it was hard not to internalize it.
Worst of all, despite her disappointment over the way things had turned out that evening, the other thought plaguing her was the way his lips had felt pressed against her own. His kiss had come as a complete shock, despite the growing attraction she’d felt, as well. She’d never expected him to act on it. Not after he’d refused to kiss her before.
And she refused to entertain the what-if scenarios playing on repeat like an old cassette tape in her mind. After all, his reaction to her news hadn’t exactly been accepting or warm. Resting her head against the cushion on the chair, she closed her eyes. What a mess. How had she let this happen?
She sat in the chair for a long time in the dark, the only light coming from the open butterfly-patterned curtains at the window. The gentle swaying of the chair helped to ease her tension. Everything would be fine. Logan would leave and life would go back to the way it had been. It had to and it would.
The ringing of her cell phone in her pocket, and the corresponding vibration made her jump. Logan? She glanced at the caller ID. The New Jersey Adoption Center. She checked the time above the flashing number. It was almost nine o’clock. Her heart pounded in her chest as she accepted the call. “Hello?”
“Leigh, it’s Michelle Bennett.”
“Hi.”
“Sorry to call so late. I hope I’m not interrupting your evening.”
No. Her evening had already been interrupted with an untimely kiss and harsh words all in a matter of moments from a man she was completely falling in love with and couldn’t be with. She suspected that was too much to reveal, so she said simply, “I welcome a call anytime, Michelle. Is everything okay?”
Lise? Was she okay? Was the baby okay? Had she gone into labor? She stood and paced the hardwood floor.
“Everything is fine. But, Leigh, I’m afraid I have bad news.” The woman’s voice was strained.
Leigh’s hand shook violently on the phone and the lump in her throat prevented a response.
“Lise has decided to go with the other family.”
Her worst fears realized, Leigh fought to swallow past the lump that refused to go away.
“I’m so sorry, Leigh.”
Clearing her throat, she lowered herself back into the chair. “Did...um...did she say why?”
“I can tell you it was a very difficult decision for Lise. She went back and forth a number of times this afternoon before making a final decision...but, well—”
“You know what, don’t say any more.” Hearing a reason wouldn’t change the outcome and would only make her doubt her decision more.
“I can’t tell you how incredibly sorry I am, Leigh.”
“It’s okay,” she choked out. But it was far from okay. She’d gotten her hopes up so high this time it felt as though she were plummeting.
“I assure you, your file is on the top of our list...and if anything comes up—”
“I appreciate everything you’ve done, Michelle, thank you.”
“Again, I’m sorry to have to give you this news. Good night, Leigh.”
Leigh disconnected the call, allowing the phone to fall out of her hand as she leaned forward in an effort to stop the spinning.
Another child that wouldn’t be hers.
CHAPTER TEN
LEIGH SCANNED THE menu items on the paper napkin at Joey’s through swollen eyes, glancing through the front window every few seconds, waiting for her grandmother. Their Friday-morning early breakfast was usually one of her favorite parts of the week, but today she wasn’t looking forward to seeing the older woman with her bloodshot eyes. Her grandmother knew her better than anyone, and she suspected her pain wouldn’t go unnoticed. The night before had been one of the worst night’s sleep she’d had in a very long time. Tossing and turning, she couldn’t help wondering if she would ever have the family she longed for. And she fought against the nagging voice that wondered whether walking away from love in search of family was the right thing to do—it certainly sounded wrong.
“You ready to order, Leigh, or are you going to wait for Ginger?” April asked as she passed the booth.
“I’ll wait, but a chamomile tea would be wonderful, thanks.” What she really wanted was coffee, but she didn’t think adding caffeine to her already anxious state was the way to go. Her hands were unsteady enough and the pounding in her temples would only be aggravated by the stimulant.
“Sure thing.” The waitress disappeared behind the counter, poured the tea and returned, placing it on the table in front of Leigh. She lingered, twirling a strand of strawberry blond hair around her finger. She looked about to speak, then shook her head.
“Everything okay?”
The young woman took the question as an opportunity to dive into the booth across from her. “I’m fine. I’m worried about you. You look awful.”
“Wow, thank you for that.” Reaching up, she smoothed her hair.
“Y
eah, that didn’t help. Your hair is fine, but your eyes look like you’ve been crying...a lot,” she whispered.
Great. She shouldn’t have left the house today. “I’m good, really. Just lack of sleep, that’s all.”
“So, everything is okay between you and Logan?”
There was no her and Logan, despite whatever the people in town might believe. “Of course. We were just working on his book together, that’s all.”
April looked disappointed. “Oh. That’s too bad.... I thought—”
“You know, you can’t believe everything you hear around town, April.”
April stood as they saw Ginger come in. “Yeah, I guess the idea was kind of crazy, seeing as how he wasn’t planning to stay long. He’s such a great guy, though. It’s really too bad he’s leaving.”
He was already gone. His truck had been gone from the parking lot of the Brookhollow Inn when she left that morning. She should feel relieved. After all, they had nothing left to say to each other...but she already missed him. Despite their argument and harsh words, she couldn’t stop thinking about all he’d been asking. Give up everything here to follow him to California? She wasn’t sure she could leave it all behind, even now that the adoption hadn’t worked out. But the nagging voice in her mind kept asking the same question. Was what she had in Brookhollow worth losing everything she could have with Logan? She shook her head. It didn’t matter now. He was gone.
“Who is leaving?” her grandmother asked, sliding into the booth across from her.
“Just Mr. Walters.” Leigh hoped her dismissive tone sounded genuine. “How are you, Grandma?”
“Too old to still be running that bakery,” Ginger said, shrugging out of her light jacket. Turning to April, she said, “I’ll have a coffee please, dear.” When April left, her eyes narrowed. “I knew this would happen.”
Leigh pretended to scan the menu on the back of the paper placement. “Knew what would happen?”
“That you would be hurt when he left.”
“What on earth gives you that idea?” She forced a scoff before reaching for her tea.
“Other than your puffy, bloodshot eyes?”
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