I just sat there, tears rolling down my face, my hands shaking and my head spinning. How could someone I don’t even know want to hurt me in this way? Raye got off the phone and said that AOL had gotten a position on the person and the police would let us know what happened once they found him or her. We left the computer lab that night, and as we walked into our house, we were petrified. I flung on every light in the house. Every sound outside made me jump out of my skin. If I saw headlights shining through the window, my pulse quickened. I kept telling myself that it was okay and that we would be fine. Raye kept doing the same, but we both had a degree of fear and doubt in our voices and eyes that was impossible to mask. The next day, after not sleeping all night, we went on campus to speak to university officials. They informed us that they had contacted the person in charge of the web site and our information was taken down. They tracked the AOL conversation to a seventeen-year-old boy living in New Jersey who was in no way affiliated with Pennsylvania State University, which made the university officials ecstatic since it meant they avoided any potentially harmful press, even though the incident got plenty of press coverage across the state. I had reporters from Harrisburg and Pittsburgh calling me for information. I gave interviews because I wanted people to know what was going on and the hate that existed in the world. I wanted people to know me and know that I was a good person who didn’t deserve this. Through all this, my recovery was tested. In my past, things like this were the driving forces behind my drinking and drugging, but not now. This event only made me stronger in my resolve. I wasn’t going to be someone’s victim. I wasn’t going to relapse over this and lose everything I’d worked so hard for. That wasn’t the person I was anymore. Instead, I decided to use the incident to fight back and create change. I couldn’t believe a seventeen-year-old boy was behind all this, and it made my heart ache for him and his family. He was charged with seven counts for my incident alone, including being charged with a hate crime—a crime that I would come to find could not have been charged in the state of Pennsylvania, because our state’s laws didn’t include sexual orientation as a protected class. I used the Serenity Prayer in every aspect of my life and believed strongly in the part that says “the courage to change the things I can.” This was something I could change, and I set out to do so.
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ALIFE OF ACTIVISM
AFTER THE REALIZATION THAT THE HATE CRIME charge couldn’t have been added if the offender in my case had lived in Pennsylvania, I decided I was going to do everything in my power to help with the existing efforts to get a hate crime bill passed in the state. I just couldn’t fathom that this person’s pure intent and motivation for the crime against me was his hatred toward gay people. I began working with my mentor, Dr. Rankin. She had helped form a statewide coalition called the Statewide Pennsylvania Rights Coalition (SPARC) that advocated for fully inclusive rights for all lesbian, bisexual, gay, and transgender people. The coalition had no paid staff and was run by representatives of other organizations throughout the state with similar missions. They spoke in one unified voice to the legislature regarding issues concerning gay rights. They had a student activism arm, and I became the co-chair of the group. I learned a tremendous amount about legislation, civil and legal rights, and victims’ rights. SPARC had been working for several years to push through an inclusive hate crime bill that would add sexual orientation, gender, gender identity, and mental and physical handicap to the existing bill. It would further add the wording “actual or perceived” before all the categories, because many crimes being committed in the state were based on one’s perceived status.
I remember one time in State College when a fraternity brother was walking home after a party with a friend, and two guys approached them and started yelling insinuations that they were gay. The altercation led to an attack on one of the guys and left him with a fractured arm. He wasn’t gay, but the offender thought he was, and that motivated the attack. Under the current law, the hate crime enhancement would not have been able to be included.
As graduation came into focus, it became abundantly clear by my passion and motivation that I was not going to become a drug and alcohol counselor. College and my experiences had molded me into an activist and advocate, and I wanted nothing more than to get a position to further my work in these areas. Raye and I graduated together, and my parents threw us a huge joint graduation party, which was one of the happiest days of my life. I got to wear a cap and gown for the first time ever and walk in a graduation ceremony, while my parents, brothers, and loving partner watched from afar. I was robbed of that experience in high school, having never been able to walk in graduation due to my delinquencies. It was an amazing feeling knowing that I broke a cycle in my family. I had broken the cycle of addiction, and I became the first person in my entire family to ever graduate from college. I felt so much pride in the moment when I walked on stage and accepted my degree. I felt so accomplished. I had finished something important in my life.
In the program they say that when the student is ready, the teacher will appear, and I believe my career teacher was Dr. Rankin. She informed me that SPARC had just received a grant that would enable them to hire their first full-time managing director, and she encouraged me to apply. I applied, interviewed, and was offered the job in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania. Only a few months after the drama and trauma of 9/11 and my own brush with hate crimes, Raye and I packed for our new life in Harrisburg. It felt like, once again, God’s plan for me was being realized—I was being placed exactly where I was meant to be. It was also validating in a way to know that all the turmoil I went through on campus was for a reason. It was so I could move on and create more change in society.
It was sad for me to leave State College. I had undergone so much growth in that little town, had come so far, and had made such amazing friends who were my family. I knew that I would keep in touch with each and every one of them, but it would be different. I wouldn’t be able to walk into a meeting and see them every week or walk into my college office and see my favorite boys and know that I had unconditional support all around me. I would have to rebuild that in Harrisburg. But I knew I would be okay, because throughout those years in State College, that was the one certainty recovery gave me. If I didn’t pick up a drink or a drug on any given day—my life would be okay. And no matter what I was going through—I would be okay! That is the one great gift and promise of recovery.
EPILOGUE
IN 2002, SPARC DID HELP PASS THE MOST INCLUSIVE hate crimes legislation in the nation, and I was given an appointment by the governor, Edward G. Rendell, to serve as a commissioner for the Pennsylvania Commission on Crime and Delinquency. After the law’s passage, I was given an opportunity to interview for an executive director position at a nonprofit agency that serves crime victims, and I got the job in 2003. I continue to serve as both a commissioner and the executive director of the Victim/Witness Assistance Program. I am living my life’s purpose, and it is with great pride and joy that I do so.
My earlier premonitions about Raye were correct, and she and I did end up getting married; however, it was a short-lived union. We were young and both not quite ready for all that we tried to have. We still remain very close friends and share custody of our dog Tanner. Magi is still in my life and serves as my sponsor, mentor, best friend, and sister. We speak daily and continue to learn so much from each other. My second sponsor, Rose, was killed suddenly one day while pulling out of her driveway. It was a freak accident; a truck was traveling past her home and she did not see it as she backed out. I was devastated. She was a wonderful lady and provided so much of the foundation of my recovery. I miss her and think of her all the time.
I would have none of the experiences and accomplishments in life that I have today without recovery. I am one of the lucky ones; I got into recovery at a young age, and to this day have managed not to pick up a drink or a drug. I still go to meetings. I still call my sponsor. I still read recovery literature because recovery is a lif
elong journey. I treasure and protect my recovery with the fierce knowledge that without it, I have and am nothing. You can do anything and get through anything without using. I am living proof of that. I try to spread the message of hope to many others I encounter that recovery is an option and it can create a life beyond your wildest expectations if you allow it to. It has for me, and it can for you. So keep doing the next right thing and enjoy the ride. I sure as hell am!
RESOURCE GUIDE
These are just a few resources for you to seek out in case you need assistance as I did in early recovery.
Alcoholics Anonymous
www.aa.org
Gay, Lesbian and Straight Network
www.glsen.org
In the Rooms
www.intherooms.com
Narcotics Anonymous
www.na.org
National Organization of Victim Assistance
www.trynova.org
Rape Abuse Incest National Network
www.rainn.org
The Second Road
www.thesecondroad.org
JENNIFER STORM, AUTHOR
LEAVE THE LIGHT ON
JENNIFER STORM WAS BORN AND RAISED NEAR Allentown, Pennsylvania and attended Northampton High School. She graduated from Pennsylvania State University with a Bachelor of Science in Rehabilitation Services and a Master’s Degree in Organizational Management from The University of Phoenix.
In August 2002, Ms. Storm joined Victim-Witness Assistance Program (VWAP) as the organization’s second Executive Director. Before joining VWAP, Ms. Storm was the first full-time director of the Statewide Pennsylvania Rights Coalition, a nonprofit coalition dedicated to securing and defending fully inclusive civil rights for LGBT people in Pennsylvania. During her tenure at Pennsylvania Rights Coalition, Ms. Storm worked diligently on obtaining inclusive hate crime legislation.
In 2002, the Pennsylvania legislature passed one of the most inclusive hate crime statutes in the country. Governor Edward G. Rendell appointed Ms. Storm as a commissioner to the Pennsylvania Commission on Crime and Delinquency. She was later appointed to the Homeland Security, Law Enforcement and Justice Systems Advisory committees where she also serves on the Terrorism Prevention and Local Law Enforcement Subcommittee.
Ms. Storm is active in many local committees and on boards such as: The Greater Harrisburg Foundation EGAL Board, Dauphin County Domestic Violence Taskforce, Joint Investigative Taskforce, Dauphin County Elder Abuse Taskforce, Northern Dauphin Human Services Advisory Panel, and Criminal Justice Advisory Board of Dauphin County.
Her media appearances are vast and include frequent appearances on all major networks, including ABC, FOX, NBC, NPR, CBS, and PBS as the county spokesperson for victims’ rights. She has been featured in Curve Magazine, The Advocate, Time Magazine, Rolling Stone, WE Magazine for Women, Women Magazine, and many more.
Recently, Ms. Storm was selected to appear on the cover of WE Magazine for Women. The selection was based on her business acumen, community service, and life experiences, as well as her compelling story of triumph over tragedy. Her story was featured in the magazine’s Fall 2009 issue.
This is Ms. Storm’s second memoir. Her first memoir, Blackout Girl: Growing Up and Drying Out in America, was published in 2008 by Hazelden.
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