by Rye Hart
“I doubt that,” I said. “I’m sorry, but I really do have to go. They’ll want breakfast. Plus, I really want to get back in there and see Sean again.”
“You miss him already?” Janie asked.
“I do,” I admitted softly.
“Girl, you’re in trouble.” She laughed and we said goodbye.
I hung up the phone and shook my head, still in disbelief that something so amazing had really happened to me. As I made my way back inside, Sean came out of his room. We both made it to the kitchen at the same time.
“Are the kids up?” he asked, glancing around.
“No.” I shook my head. “Not yet.”
“Come here.” He growled and grabbed me roughly around the waist. Pushing me against the counter, he kissed me passionately and gripped my ass in his hands. I laughed, but it quickly turned into a moan as our kiss deepened.
“Emily!” Sarah yelled from the top of the stairs.
Sean sighed and stepped away from me, running his fingers through his hair. I could still smell the shampoo he’d used, and it made me want to kiss him again, but instead, I turned toward the stairs.
“Down here, sweetie!” I called.
Sarah ran downstairs and immediately plopped herself down at the kitchen table. I hugged her good morning and got her a bowl of cereal. I planned to make a big breakfast, but after my conversation with Janie, I didn’t have time. The kids would both be too hungry to wait around for an hour. Sure enough, when Tommy joined us at the table, he announced that he was “starving!”
I laughed and got him a bowl as well.
The four of us sat together and ate slowly. Tommy and Sarah relayed their dreams from last night to Sean and me. They were silly, and we all laughed until Philip finally made it down to join us.
“Hungry?” I asked. “We’re just having cereal today.”
“Slacking already?” he teased.
“Ha. Ha.” I nudged him as I walked by to get him some coffee.
After our talk, I felt closer to Philip. We became friends in that moment, and I was glad. He obviously meant so much to Sean and the kids that I wanted to be a part of his life too. Sean and I had only spent one night together, but already, I wanted something more from him. I wasn’t sure what exactly that was yet, but I knew I wanted something real.
“What should we do today?” I asked, looking from Tommy to Sarah and back again. “Any idea?”
“Water park!” Tommy said.
“The closest waterpark is two hours away,” I said sadly. “That probably won’t work today.”
“Okay,” Tommy said. “Then can we go to the bookstore? You said you wanted us to read more!”
“I was thinking something a bit more exciting,” I said, my voice leading.
Sean frowned at me, but I just grinned. I already had a plan forming that I knew everyone would love. Tommy frowned, too, trying to puzzle out what I meant.
“What do you guys think of the zoo?” I asked.
“Really?!” Tommy screamed. “We’re going to the zoo?”
“If you want,” I said. “What do you think, Sarah?”
“I love the zoo,” Sarah said with a mouthful of fruity pebbles. “But isn’t it far away?”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“The zoo is all the way back in California, isn’t it?” she asked. “Where we used to live.”
I laughed. “There’s another one here,” I said. “Just a few minutes away.”
“There is?” Her eyes lit up.
“Yup.” I smiled. “It’s not as big as the one in San Diego, but they do have elephants.”
Sarah’s mouth fell open, and she bounced up and down in her chair. I knew she loved elephants. That one word was enough to push her into overdrive. She didn’t bother finishing her cereal. Instead, she jumped out of her chair and ran around the table.
“Elephants! Elephants!” she chanted. “Elephants!”
“Go get dressed,” I said, laughing. “I’ll be up in a minute to help you. Tommy, you too.”
They ran upstairs together and each disappeared into their rooms. I shook my head, still laughing to myself, and cleared their bowls.
“That was a good idea,” Sean said. “They’ll love it.”
“I thought so,” I said with a grin.
“Well, I should go get dressed too,” Philip said. He finished his coffee in one gulp and laid his mug in the sink. Once he followed the kids upstairs, I walked over to sit in Sean’s lap.
He grinned and pulled me down, wrapping his arms around my waist and holding me close to him.
“I’m sorry I didn’t ask you first,” I said softly. “About the zoo. The idea just came to me, and I sort of ran with it.”
“It’s fine,” he said. “They’ll have fun. We’ll all have fun.”
“I think so.” I smiled. “It’s not as fancy as San Diego’s.”
“Eh.” Sean shrugged. “San Diego’s is overrated.”
“Really?” I laughed. “Isn’t it supposed to be like the best zoo in the country?”
“No,” Sean said, shaking his head. “I’m sure this zoo is way better.”
He was teasing me, but I didn’t mind. We kissed a few times before I managed to pull myself away from him. The kids were waiting for me upstairs. They would both need my help picking out the right shoes for the day. Sarah was in the middle of a flip flop phase, and I knew she would try to sneak them past me if she could.
I winked at Sean as I walked over to the stairs. He watched me until I disappeared from view. The smile I woke up with still hadn’t left my face. As I made my way toward Sarah’s room to check on her progress, I was grinning from ear to ear. It wasn’t just about last night, although that certainly didn’t hurt. It was about the prospect of spending the entire day with the kids I loved, and with the man who was becoming more special to me every day.
“Emily,” Sarah said when I stepped into her room. “Is this okay?”
I laughed and shook my head. Sarah was wearing a sundress with her little high heels. I walked over to her and helped her pick out something more comfortable before we could finally be on our way.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN - SEAN
We made it to the zoo quickly. Tommy and Sarah were arguing over which exhibit to see first. Sarah insisted the elephants were obviously the best, but Tommy said the tigers should be their first stop.
I promised them we would see everything, but that didn’t stop their bickering. For the first time, though, it didn’t bother me to listen to them fight. I sat behind the wheel of my car, Philip beside me, and Emily in the backseat between Tommy and Sarah, with a smile on my face. The radio was on softly, and I had my window rolled halfway down. The cool breeze was whipping against my face.
“You look happy,” Philip said softly so no one else could hear.
“It’s a good day.” I shrugged, and Philip just eyed me closely. There was too much understanding in his expression, but I ignored him and stared straight ahead. When we arrived, there was a sea lion show going on right at the front. Tommy and Sarah took off running, throwing themselves against the railing to peek over. Philip hurried after them. He scooped Sarah up in his arms so she could see. I watched from a few feet away while the sea lions jumped and did tricks. Tommy and Sarah were both alive with excitement as they watched the show.
Emily stopped beside me, and I glanced over at her. My hand twitched as I instinctively went to reach for hers, but then thought better of it. Even if the kids didn’t notice, Philip certainly would. Knowing him, he would make some joke about it, and then Tommy and Sarah would piece things together.
“How are you feeling?” I asked Emily. “After last night, I mean.”
“Good. “She winked. “You?”
I grinned mischievously and leaned over to whisper in her ear. My lips grazed her ear lobe, and I felt her shiver.
“Do you want to go again?” I asked, my voice low and husky.
“Maybe,” she shrugged, teasing me.
”
“You’re evil.” I groaned and turned back to face the sea lion enclosure.
The animals continued to jump and spin, swimming beneath the water and then jumping out to get a fish or a treat. The trainers seemed to be having fun, and the audience loved it. I could hear Sarah’s laugh from where I stood, and the sound warmed my heart. Emily’s idea to spend the day here had been great.
“You know them so well already,” I said, gesturing toward Tommy and Sarah. “It’s amazing.”
“It wasn’t hard,” Emily said with a shrug. “I just pay attention.”
“That’s more than most people can say,” I said. “Especially with kids. I never realized it until Telissa died, but very few adults actually give children the time of day. Most people just ignore them or sit them in a corner somewhere.”
“That’s their loss,” Emily said. “Kids are great, especially yours.”
I smiled and continued watching the show. My eyes kept flicking back to Emily’s face. I couldn’t bring myself to look away from her for too long. She looked like a dream with her shorts and tank top that highlighted my favorite parts of her body. As I stole glances, I imagined pulling her into the bathroom and tearing those shorts from her body.
“Stop it,” she whispered as the show ended.
“What?” I asked innocently.
“I know exactly what you’re thinking,” she said.
I grinned as the kids ran over to us. They were both jumping up and down and telling us all about the show we all just saw. I laughed and tried to calm them down, but it was no use. They were too excited. They pulled us along, dragging us from one exhibit to the next. Tommy read all the plaques that were situated in front of the cases or glass enclosures, making sure we were all educated on each animal.
It wasn’t long before I lost interest in the animals, but my children’s faces were enough to keep me going. They never lost their bright-eyed wonder, no matter how many animals we saw. When we reached the petting zoo, I thought Sarah was going to burst from happiness. She ran through the animals, feeding them and petting them nonstop. Tommy hung back, slightly more nervous, but he eventually got up the nerve to feed a few of them.
Emily went inside the fence with them, helping them maneuver the animals and keeping them supplied with feed. She was laughing the entire time, the smile never leaving her face. From where I stood with Philip, she seemed to be having almost as much fun as the kids themselves.
“How are things going with you two now?” Philip asked. “I’ve been getting a vibe.”
“Dude, did you just say vibe?” I asked with a laugh.
“Make fun all you want,” Philip said. “But it’s a vibe.”
“Things are great,” I said. “At least, I think so. It’s not like we’ve had ‘the talk’ or anything, but last night was amazing.”
“Last night?” Philip asked. I just raised my eyebrows in response. He laughed and nodded. “Well, all right then. Glad to see things are working out.”
“I like her,” I said honestly. “I really do, man.”
“Good.” Philip nodded again. “Don’t fuck it up.”
“I’ll do my best.” I laughed and went back to watching my kids run around the petting zoo.
Emily chased after them for a few minutes, but eventually got too tired. She walked over to join Philip and I, but stayed inside the fence in case the kids needed her.
The three of us talked and joked about the kid’s excitement until Tommy ran over to announce he was ready for lunch. Emily corralled Sarah, and we all made our way to the food trucks and snack stands. Emily took Sarah into the bathroom, and I took Tommy so they could wash their hands before lunch. When we were all back together, we found a table, and I went to grab everyone food.
We sat and ate, scarfing down the zoo food and snacks. Sarah kept insisting she needed more ice cream. I was feeling soft and happy, so I obliged her wishes and bought her two extra scoops. When were done, we walked through the zoo again.
It was small so it didn’t take us long to make it from one end to the other, but it was worth it. As I watched my kids, Emily, and Philip, I came up with more story ideas than I could remember. They flooded my brain rapidly and overwhelmed me. I desperately wished I had my notebook with me so I could jot them down, but I didn’t. Instead, I just fell silent and tried my best to remember each one.
“Are you okay?” Emily asked after I’d been quiet for too long.
“I’m great,” I said. “Why?”
“You just got quiet.” She shrugged.
“Tired, I guess,” I said. “Someone wouldn’t let me get much sleep last night.”
I grinned, and she smiled back, but it didn’t reach her eyes. She was still worried about me. I thought about telling her the truth, confessing my desire to become a writer finally, but I resisted the urge. Emily was sweet and kind, but I worried she wouldn’t understand my ambitions. What if she thought going from a lawyer to a writer was stupid? What if she ridiculed all my ideas? Worse, what if she asked to read my stuff?
No, I wasn’t ready to tell her the truth. Not yet. Still, my mind raced with ideas throughout the rest of the day. I dreamed about getting home and slipping away into my study for the evening, but I knew that wouldn’t happen. By the time the kids were ready to leave, it was already getting dark.
We were all walking slower as we left the zoo. When we climbed into the car, I wasn’t surprised to see Tommy and Sarah both fall asleep almost instantly. They each laid their head on Emily’s shoulders and drifted off easily. I smiled at the sight in my rearview mirror and drove us toward home.
Traffic stopped us a few times, and Philip decided to make conversation by telling Emily all my embarrassing stories.
“That didn’t happen,” I said firmly after he relayed one of the worst.
“It didn’t?” Emily asked with a laugh.
“Oh, it happened,” Philip said. “He rubbed nacho cheese all over himself as a disguise and then ran screaming through the quad. I’ve never seen so many cops afraid to arrest someone in my life. It was like they didn’t want to touch him.”
Emily was laughing uncontrollably in the backseat. Tommy and Sarah stayed passed out, their exhaustion too much to fight, but I was surprised Philip’s guffaws and Emily’s giggles didn’t coax them awake.
“I wasn’t as bad as this guy,” I said, pointing to Philip. “He once streaked past the Dean’s window and then ran along sorority row in a nothing but a banana hammock.”
“I don’t think that’s worse than nacho cheese,” Emily said, still laughing.
“Ha,” Philip said. “I told you. Yours is way worse.”
“It is,” Emily agreed. “But also, a better story.”
“Hey,” Philip said. “I take offense to that.”
“Ha,” I said, mimicking his earlier insult. “I have better stories.”
“I think the best stories probably involved the shit we did together,” Philip said with a laugh. “Like that night in Nancy’s hot tub or the time we flew to Prague for one night just to meet up with that girl who never fucking showed.”
“What?” Emily asked. “You flew to Prague?!”
“There was this exchange student we were both into,” Philip said. “She never wanted to choose between us so instead, she promised to meet us in Prague on New Year’s Eve.”
“She said she would finally tell us her choice,” I said. “But she never showed. We waited for hours, and eventually, we had to catch our flight back home.”
“Did we ever see her again?” Philip asked.
“No.” I shook my head. “She just bailed on us forever. And now, we’ll never know who she would have chosen.”
“Yup,” Philip said. “We’ll never have our answer.”
“She gave you her answer,” Emily said wisely.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Well, she didn’t show up,” Emily said. “It’s obvious, isn’t it? She didn’t pick either of you. That was her
choice.”
Philip and I looked at each other in shock. Neither of us had ever thought of such a simple answer to our decade-long dilemma. As we looked at each other, we both burst out laughing. Emily joined us, and we spent the rest of the car ride telling her more stories.
I realized, while we drove, that I already had a million things to write about. All the stories I thought of at the zoo were nothing compared to the things I could pull from my own life. It wasn’t just my shenanigans with Philips. It was everything. My life with Telissa. My kids. Everything.
As we neared home, I fell silent again. Philip continued talking a mile a minute, trying to embarrass me further with Emily, but she was barely paying attention.
She was watching me through the rearview mirror, searching my face and silently asking me to talk to her. I didn’t. I wouldn’t. Not yet.
My writing was still something that was so personal to me, so precious, that I couldn’t risk sharing it with someone else. Instead, I forced myself to listen to Philip’s stories and add my own memories to the mix. By the time we pulled into the driveway, I was certain Emily knew every embarrassing, humiliating, uncool thing about me.
When we climbed out of the car, she picked up Sarah, and I carried Tommy through the front door, hoping Emily would still want me after all the stories Philip shared.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN - EMILY
Sarah rested her little nose against my jaw as I carried her slowly up the stairs. Her arms were wrapped tightly around my neck, and I held her close, smiling at how small and fragile she felt in my arms.
When I laid her down in her bed, she snuggled under her blankets and rolled over to face the window, her eyes still closed and her mind blissfully free of all worries. I smiled as I tucked her in, enjoying the small moment of innocence with her.
“Hey, you,” Sean said from the doorway.
I spun around and smiled, happy to see his eyes were clear now. He’d seemed so preoccupied in the car and at the zoo. Something was on his mind, but I didn’t want to pry. Now, his smile was genuine, and his blue eyes were full of nothing but exhaustion and happiness.