"I didn't know that. She did mention years ago that he needed to keep his head where it belonged. New York was where she always said he needed to be. She didn't want anything standing in his way. I never thought she was talking about you. How do you know that?" my mom asked.
"I heard her say something at the funeral home," I said. "I asked her about it tonight after everyone was gone. She said we both had different dreams and didn't belong together. I found out she had been telling him that since we were in high school. I heard something else today."
"What?" she asked.
"I found out that Zander has been paying everything my insurance doesn't cover for me and the kids. I heard him talking to the doctor about his parents. When he found out I heard him, he seemed a little nervous. I thought for a moment about how I've never paid a penny since the divorce. I assumed my insurance was covering all of it. When I tried to say something, he moved away from the subject. It really made me think."
"About what?" she asked nervously.
I could tell my mom was thinking, and I needed to figure it out. Did she know something I didn't, I wondered?
"I thought he didn't care about me. He quit talking to me when I married Mike. I thought he was done with me. I went to New York. You never knew it."
"When?" she asked with wide eyes.
"Before I accepted Mike's proposal. I wanted to see Z. When I got there, he was hugging kissing a woman outside of his apartment. I never even let him see me. I came back home and married Mike. Zander had a life, and I wasn't a part of it. He told me tonight that he's never even had a girlfriend since he left. He's been with women, but it's never been anything more than a few dates."
I watched my mom closely for her reaction. There was something going on. I had to know what it was. She was quiet and her hands were shaking around her book. She was so cute. She didn't know she was giving herself away.
"I thought he never cared about me. So many things have happened over the years, and he's never been there for me. He said he didn't want to hear about my happy life with Mike. Carol told him we were happy and in love. He said it was too hard for him. That was why he quit calling me. Finding out about the medical bills made me realize he hasn't been gone all these years. It made me wonder if there was anything I didn't know about."
I saw a tear slide down my mom's face. She had always liked Zander. I knew she did. She liked Mike as well in the beginning of our relationship but felt bad about that after he cut my arm up.
"Mom," I said.
"Yes," she answered.
"I need you to be honest with me right now. I can tell you're hiding something. I'm begging you to tell me what it is."
She shook her head.
"I can't," she said.
"He's leaving, mom," I said. "In just a few days, Zander is going back to his life. A life where I thought I didn't belong. If you know anything at all that would let me know he cared about me even the tiniest bit, I need you to tell me."
"I promised him I would never tell you, Olivia. He would be so upset with me."
Her answer told me so much. We sat in silence for a moment before she put her book down and looked at me.
"He cares about you, Olivia," she said. "He always has. I've seen it since the day he moved in. You two bonded like nothing I've ever seen. I hadn't heard from him since he went to New York, not until the divorce."
I looked at her with narrowed eyes.
"You know I got money from your dad's passing," she said.
I nodded.
"You gave me the money for the divorce," I said.
"Yes," she said. "You paid me back. You know how every month or two I give you a little money? I get the kids a few things. We all go out for a nice dinner."
"Yes," I said. "You get payments from the life insurance you had on dad. I tell you that money's for you, but you insist we all use it."
She looked down at her hands.
"Mom," I said. "What's wrong?"
"It's not from life insurance," she said. "That money comes from Zander, Olivia. He calls me every two or three weeks to see how you're doing and if everything is okay with the kids."
"Since when?" I snapped. "How have I never picked up the phone?"
"Since the day his mom told him you were getting a divorce. He always calls while you're at the bakery. You can't say anything to him. Do you hear me? That man cares. I can't believe I never knew you went to New York. The two of you are something else. I promised him that I wouldn't tell you about the money. I was supposed to use it to make your life easier. I did the best I could with it. You can't tell him I told you."
"I thought he didn't care about me, mom," I said. "I've been so angry with him for so long. He left me. That's how I've always seen it. When I saw him kiss that woman, I knew he would never want me. His mom's right you know. He's too good for me. I'm so damn confused. He's going to walk back out of my life in a few days. I'm going to lose him again. I don't know if I can handle it."
"Then do something about it," she said.
"What am I supposed to do?" I asked. "I can't ask him to stay. That is his life. He has a job. People count on him. I would never want him to not be doing that. It's so much more important than being here with me."
"Go to him," she said.
"What?" I asked. "I can't leave here. What about you? What about Carol?"
"What about us?" she asked. "We are grown women. We'll be fine."
"What about the bakery I've always wanted to own. It's mine. I can't just leave it. I can't just pack the kids and go. Their dad lives here. Zander doesn't want kids, mom. What if I pack everything and go there and he turns me away? What will I do then?"
My mom stood up and turned to walk up the stairs to her room.
"I guess you don't care about him as much as I thought you did," she said before leaving.
What was that supposed to mean, I wondered? She expected me to pick up my entire life and both of the kids and move to a huge city. I had no idea if he even wanted me there. He never said he did. Maybe he was just happy throwing a little money toward me. Maybe that made him feel better about leaving me and cutting me out of his life. There was no way I could take a risk that huge. I had the kids to think about. They needed to come first. I had always lived in that city. I didn't see him coming after me. He was only there because of his father. If it hadn't been for his dad's passing, I would never have heard from him.
My mind was a jumbled mess. I had no idea what was really going on. Trying to figure him out was like a puzzle. I wasn't sure it was one I was willing to try and solve.
I crawled into bed next to April and pulled her against me. All I could think about was him and how good he had been with her and Jack. Why did he have to come back? Why was I letting him get to me? I was angry with him. I couldn't let him into my life. I just couldn't. He was the only one that could destroy me. There was no way I was letting that happen.
Chapter 18
Olivia
I was up before the sun and on my way to work the next morning. When I got into my car, I looked up at his bedroom window. It was dark. I couldn't help but wonder what he was dreaming about. Was it me? Did he ever dream of me?
As soon as I got to work, I started baking. The whole town was still sleeping. I was busy making bread, cookies, cakes, and so much more. Baking really was my stress reliever. It helped me through some rough moments. Anytime I worried or felt sorry for myself, I baked. I came up with some pretty creative things in my craziest moments.
I cleaned the front of the store while I waited for some things to finish in the oven. It was pretty clean considering everything I had made for the funeral. Thoughts of Carol and the things she had said about me popped into my head. I sat down in a chair and put my head on the table in my arms. It hurt so badly that she could talk about me like I was less than her or Zander after everything I had done for her. I never expected money or even credit for anything. I spent hours and hours with her and Pete those last few years. It was tim
e I could have spent working or playing with my kids. Instead, I helped them.
Honestly, it helped me feel closer to Zander. I felt like I was doing something to help him. Maybe that was how he felt about helping me. I didn't care about money. He knew that. I had no idea why he would think money was what I needed. It probably made him feel less guilty for not being there in person.
I peeked up from between my arms when I heard the bell on the door jingle. It was too early for my employees, and I wasn't opened yet. It was still dark out. When I saw Mike standing at the door, with his nose wrapped, looking over at me, I was up and away from my chair.
"What do you need? The bakery's not open yet," I said with confidence, even though I was shaking like crazy.
"You two looked pretty happy," he said. "What do you see in him anyway? I want to know what he has that I don't."
"What are you talking about, Mike?" I asked. "I helped his parents the past four years. There was no way I wasn't going to be there for her. You know that. There was nothing going on between me and Z. I helped with the funeral and dinner after. I don't know why that even matters to you. We aren't married anymore, Mike. You can come back when the bakery is open to get the stuff you need for work. I need you to leave."
"You're mine," he said. "I was the one that was here when he wasn't. What did you tell him about me?"
"I'm not yours," I said. "That was over the day you sliced my arm open with a broken bottle. He didn't know anything about us until after that stunt you pulled at the funeral home. My only connection to you is April and Jack. Other than seeing them, you need to leave me alone."
"You know I didn't mean it. I'm not like that anymore. I'm a good man, Olivia," he said.
"I'm sure you are. I've never spoken badly of you, Mike. We just aren't together anymore," I said.
I was nervous. I couldn't tell if he had been drinking. He said he wasn't anymore, but he was pretty upset at the funeral home. I couldn't be sure. There was nobody around. The bakery door should have been locked. I never locked up when I got there. Nobody ever bothered me that early.
"Do you love him?" he asked.
"What?" I asked. "This has nothing to do with him. He came in for his father's funeral. He'll be leaving in a few days. I don't understand why you're even asking me that. You need to go."
"You loved him before he left. I know you did. Why don't you just admit it? That's why you weren't a good wife to me."
"Bullshit," I snapped out at him. "I was a very good wife to you. I worked, cleaned, cooked, and took care of the kids. You didn't have to lift a finger. You were the one that ruined it, not me."
I moved to step away from him toward the kitchen. He moved forward and had my back against the counter.
"You're my wife, not his," he said. "There is no way he's getting you."
A light shined on the window from the headlights of a passing car. I quickly pushed him off of me.
"Leave now," I said. "I'm not with him or you. He's leaving in a few days to go back home. We will never be together again. I'm sorry you feel the way you do, Mike. I'm just trying to raise the kids and spend time with them. That's all I want."
A ding rang out from the kitchen to tell me my food was ready.
"I need to get that before it burns. You need to go."
"I'm a changed man, Olivia," he said.
"I'm happy for you. I want you to find someone to be happy with, Mike. I'm not that person. Go home."
He turned and walked toward the door.
"You were the one I always wanted. I was so happy when he left," he said before walking out the door.
I got to the door quickly and turned the lock. It would never happen again. I would never leave the door open.
When I grabbed my phone from the kitchen counter, I dialed the police station. I wanted something on file in case he ever did anything like that again. He drove by my house every now and then, but I never thought anything of it. He never said anything or got out of his car. The funeral was the first time he had really said anything in those four years. He came in to get baked goods for work every day, but it was always business. He never even asked about the kids or anything. Something set him off at the funeral, and he wasn't letting it go.
An officer came to the bakery and took down some information so they could have on file that Mike had been there. The rest of the morning went pretty quickly. I had been worried about April and wanted to get home to check on her. As soon as noon hit, I told one of my employees I'd be back in about an hour. Everything was already made for the day, so the afternoon would be pretty easy. I tried to make sure when I came back from lunch the hardest part of the day was usually done. Some days, I only went back to clean and close up. It was nice owning my own business. I felt like I had accomplished something important.
When I got home, the car Zander was driving wasn't in the next driveway. I found myself feeling relieved. As soon as I walked in, both of my reasons for living ran up to hug me. They told me about their morning while I made lunch. As soon as they were finished eating, they took off to their rooms to play. I sat at the table talking to my mom. We had a whole conversation before I finally told her.
"You're not going to believe my morning," I said. "Mike showed up at the bakery before it was open."
"No way," she said. "Why would he do that? He hasn't talked to you in four years. I don't understand why he would suddenly want to talk."
"I didn't tell you about the funeral home," I began.
I told her about Mike and what he said. Then I told her about Zander punching him. She was surprised. None of the other guests had heard a thing.
"I think that was what got him all pissed off. Zander shouldn't have done it. He doesn't have to deal with Mike's shit. He gets to go home. I'm the one that has to see his ass. When I looked up and saw him in the doorway this morning, I stood quickly."
I went on to tell her the stuff Mike had said about our marriage, me, and Zander.
"I don't get why he got all bent out of shape. We haven't even spoken in four years. It seemed strange that he would come in to confront me about it. When he had me backed up against the counter," I said.
"What?" I heard from behind me. "Did he touch you?"
I swung my head around to see Zander standing behind me with his hands clenched into fists and a bag in his hand.
"How long have you been standing there? Have you ever heard of knocking? You can't just walk into my house. You gave that privilege up sixteen years ago," I said.
He walked in, set the bag on the kitchen table, and held my shoulders in his hands.
"Don't give me that shit. Finish what you were saying. Did he hurt you?" he said in a rough tone.
"No," I said. "He ended up leaving. I had the police write up a report in case it happened again."
"Why was the door unlocked if the bakery was closed?" he asked.
"I never lock the door in the mornings. I've never had a reason to," I answered.
"I can't believe you," he said.
"I'm not a child, Zander," I said. "If you hadn't punched him, he wouldn't have come there in the first place. He thinks I've got some stupid high school crush on you or something. I let him know that there is nothing there and you were leaving to go back to your wonderful life in just a few days. He was just being a jealous ass."
"I don't care why he was there," he said. "He will never touch you again."
He turned and started for the door, but I stepped in front of him.
"No you don't," I said. "You will stay right here. Do you hear me? This is my home, not yours. You made that clear the day you moved and every single day after that. I'm not going to have you come back into my life, shake it all up, and walk back out again. You need to mind your own business. You came here for your mom. Take care of her. Leave my shit alone. I'm not going to spend years picking up after the storm you make while you're here. He's my ex-husband not yours. I will deal with him."
"Oh really," he yelled, as he grabbed my arm a
nd held it up. "You did a fine job of dealing with him before. This could have been so much worse. A man should never touch a woman. I don't care what she does. It upsets me so bad knowing that I didn't know about your dad in high school."
I heard my mom gasp from beside me.
"Zander," I yelled.
"I can't help it. I'm freaking out over here. How could you have not told me? What else did you keep from me?"
"What did I keep from you," I got even louder. "Are you serious? You moved. When you found out I was getting married, you cut me off. I spent all those years thinking you never cared about me. All I could think about was you, on your front steps, kissing some woman. I went through my father's death. Then I went through a divorce. Do you know how many times I heard from you? None. You were never there when I needed you. You were my best friend, and you were gone. You haven't called me in thirteen years. Do you know that? I haven't spoken to you since I got married."
He stood there looking down at his feet.
"I felt horrible. My life was a mess. The one person I needed was nowhere to be found. He checked out. I was so alone. Everything was crashing down around me. You didn't care. I was of no value to you. It hurt so badly. I would cry myself to sleep at night. Was it because of my dad? Was it because of the divorce? Was it because my husband hurt me? No. It was because the man I needed was gone."
I took a step back from him.
"Then what happened. I cared so much about him that I took care of his parents for four years. I watched his father suffer and die. I stood by his mother every moment. Why did I do it? I did it for him. I did it to be close to him. I did it for a man that didn't even know I existed anymore. The whole time I was with your parents, all I could think about was you. I would sit in your room and cry because I still missed you so badly."
"Livie," he said softly, as he reached out for me.
I shook my head and took another step back.
"Then you came back and turned my world upside down. I had to hear about how worthless I am in your mother's eyes. Her son's too good for me. I'm a good person, just not good enough for him. I was good enough to drive her around and do things for her. I was good enough to cook her food. I was good enough to do her shopping. I was good enough to take care of her husband. She never once made me feel less than her. When I heard her saying those things about me to other people, it broke my heart. To find out she had always felt that way made it even worse. Then I found out that you couldn't take time out of your precious life to talk to me, but you could find a way to pay all my medical bills for me. Was I your charity case? Did it make you feel better about ditching me? You're a big time doctor. I get it. We all know you have money, Zander. It was a wonderful thing you did. It did help financially. Do you want to know something? I would have rather had my best friend than his money. Did you do it for me, or did you do it to make yourself feel better?"
A Blast from the Past (A Second Chance Romance) Page 10