All I could think about the entire time was how I asked one thing from him. That man never listened before. I don't know why I thought he would be different after all those years. He had always taken care of me when something happened in high school. It wasn't high school anymore, and he had been out of my life for so long. It was my job to take care of myself, not his. I asked him to mind his own business and not leave me shit to deal with when he left. Could he listen? No. Little accident my ass.
Chapter 21
Zander
Livie took the kids inside to give them baths and get them ready for bed. I cleaned up all of the food and did the dishes. There was no way she was going to let the situation with my face go. I knew her well. She was going to be on my ass about it. As soon as I was done with the dishes, I took off for the woods, hoping the kids would keep her so busy that she wouldn't come looking for me. She was pissed. There was no doubt in my mind. She didn't like other people trying to fight her battles. I would take whatever shit she gave. Keeping her safe was more important.
I pulled the blanket out of the container and placed it nicely on the ground. Then I got comfortable. All I could think about was the look on her face when I looked up at her. She was going to kick my ass for sure.
When I opened my eyes, I jumped.
"Shit," I yelled. "How long have you been standing over me? You look like your planning my demise, woman."
"Spill it now, Z," she snapped through clenched teeth.
Her eyes were narrow. I swear it looked like she was going to shoot lasers at me.
"What?" I asked.
"Do not what me, Zander Nero," she growled. "What the hell did you do?"
"I didn't do anything. He sucker punched me when I wasn't watching him."
"Where were you at when this happened?" she asked, like she was asking one of the kids.
It took all I had not to laugh at her tough girl attitude. She had her shoulders back, hands on her hips, and a mean look on her face. It was adorable.
"The shop," I said.
"Were you having car trouble?" she asked.
"No," I answered.
"You were at the shop for no good reason that I can think of. You didn't say a word to him, and he punched you. Is that what happened?"
"Well," I said.
"Uh huh," she responded with a tilt of her head.
I pushed off the ground and got to my feet.
"I couldn't take it after I heard he was at the bakery. Do you have any idea the things I've seen? I've seen women beaten so badly. I've seen them die. All from the hand of a man that would never hurt them. He's not touching you. I don't care what I have to do. If he touches you, I'll be in jail. I don't have a problem with that, but I don't plan on giving him the chance. I'm going to do whatever I need to do to let that fucker know that I mean what I say.
"Z," she started. "You can't do that. You can't be gone for that long, come back into my life, and think that you can take care of everything. It doesn't work that way. What am I supposed to do next week when you're gone?"
I reached out to grab her arm, but she took a step back.
"I'm not going to be out of your life again. I don't want to be. I never wanted to be. I thought I was helping you with the money. I didn't do it out of guilt. I wanted to help you. I wanted to know that everything was okay for you. So much time had passed. I couldn't exactly call you. It wouldn't have been that easy. You know that. You never would have welcomed me back with open arms, and you know it. I know you better than that. What was I supposed to do?"
"How about try," she said sternly. "You never even tried. My dad died, I got divorced, and I took care of your parents. You were nowhere to be found. You could have at least tried. Money wasn't what I needed. You know that. I didn't need your damn money. I needed you."
She sat down on one of the chairs and put her head in her hands. I could tell she was fighting her emotions. She didn't want me to know that I was getting to her. I walked over and knelt down in front of her with my hands on her knees.
"I know. I'm so sorry," I said softly. "If you'll let me, I will never be out of your life again. I don't care if you fall in love and get married. I won't run, not again. I missed you so damn bad. When I came back and my eyes saw you, I realized just how much I missed you. I'd gotten used to the feeling of being alone. It was normal for me. My life has felt so different since seeing you again. I can't go back to feeling like that again, Livie. I can't be without you in my life anymore."
She looked up at me with so much emotion. I didn't want to cause her anymore pain. I honestly didn't realize that I ever had. She never called me, not one time. It hurt so badly. I had no idea she had been to New York. I would have gone to her. I would have explained. So much would have been different if I had known she had feelings for me. I thought she was in love with him.
"I have something to say. I need you to stay quiet until I'm done," I said.
She rolled her eyes, and it made me smile.
"I know you," I said. "Don't talk until I am finished. If you do, I'm going to take you over my knee and spank that ass for every bit of shit you've been giving me since I got back."
"Don't talk like that," she said, as her cheeks turned red.
"Why?" I asked. "You think you might like that?"
"Zander," she whispered with her eyes wide. "You can't go around talking that way."
"I can, and I will. Now keep quiet. I mean it."
She looked at me and tightened her jaw. I knew she was just itching to say something snotty. The look on my face dared her to do it. I wasn't joking. The thought of spanking her ass turned me on. If I had anything to say about it, I would definitely do it one day. I had some things to tell her. That would have to wait. I took a deep breath and began.
"I know I have to go back to my life. It's what I do. You've made it clear that we are both going back to our normal lives. I get it. I know that I've never wanted kids. I still don't. You know my views on that. I will never do to any child what my father did to me. After talking to Mike today and hearing him say certain things about April and Jack, I realized he will never be there for his children. I don't want to be their dad. I would never try to take his place. I don't want Jack to grow up with a father that is never there and treats him bad. It feels horrible to live like that. April has you to look up to. Jack doesn't have a man in his life. I want to be a part of their lives. I don't want them to get attached to me and have me leave either. I want to talk to them, see them, and help them after I'm back in New York. They won't be my kids. I don't want that. I do want to be someone they can count on and go to if they need anything at all. I want them to know they have a man in their life that will be there when they need him."
She burst into tears and opened her mouth to speak.
"Hush, woman," I said. "I'm not done yet."
"I'm not talking about showering them with money. Don't say a word about that. I'm talking about being a friend to them. I do plan to send them gifts on their birthdays and holidays. I'm hoping you'll let me visit them. I don't want to stay away anymore. If you don't want me to, I understand. You're their mom and know what's best for them. At least let me be there from a different state. I can picture Jack in my mind, sitting back here talking about wanting to get out of here, and it breaks my heart."
"Stop," she said through her tears.
"What?"
"What happens when you change your mind, Z? What do I do when your life gets busy and your forget about them. You don't understand. You coming in, being there, and then leaving would be so much worse than never having anyone in the first place. I can't take that risk. They are my babies. They aren't your responsibility. None of us are. You have a life already. We aren't a part of it. I accepted that a very long time ago. You've been doing just fine without us for sixteen years. It's not easy sometimes, but I do what I need to do to push forward. I can't let my kids get hurt. Me being hurt is one thing, but it won't happen to them."
"I'm not going to c
hange my mind. I promise you that. They are so smart and wonderful. I don't know how he could walk away from them. I will always be there. I listened to him talking and couldn't help but think about my dad. I wanted to make him happy. It was the only thing I wanted. I did everything I could think of to please that man. I went to a big name school to make him proud. I became a surgeon. I lost the most important person in my life trying to please him. He didn't care. I never once heard him say he was proud, not once. He never gave a shit. I sit and wonder why I was never good enough for him."
I felt my arms shaking as the words came out of my mouth. That wasn't where I was going with our conversation. I don't know what happened.
Livie was on her feet hugging me in seconds. When her arms wrapped around me and held me tight, I lost it. Thinking about Mike and the way he treated those two little ones brought it all to the surface. Everything I worked so hard to push down came spilling out. The tears came with it, and I couldn't stop them.
"He's gone," I mumbled. "I never made him proud, Livie."
"That's not true. Sit down," she said.
I sat down in the chair and was surprised when she sat down in my lap. She turned to look at me with a smile.
"I spent a lot of time with your dad the last two years," she began.
Livie went on to tell me so many nice things my father had said about me. He told her he thought pushing me would make me a better man. He wanted me to do better than he did. She told me the day before he died he told her how proud he was of me.
"You're just saying that stuff to make me feel better. Don't do that. I would rather have the truth."
"No, I'm not," she said. "I cried with him, Z. He asked me to tell you how much he loved you and how sorry he was. I told him I would if I ever spoke to you again. He begged me to tell you. I told him I would, but it had to be the right time. This was that time. He loved you very much. He just chose the wrong way to show you. He said he wanted to fix it between you two, but he didn't know how. He was afraid you would turn him away."
I wrapped my arms around her and held her. We sat silently. After some time passed, she looked over at me. My tears had finally stopped, and my breathing was back to normal. I hadn't had a moment like that ever in my life.
"Don't think you're getting away with not telling me what happened between you and Mike," she said.
That woman had a one track mind. I got down onto the blanket, pulling her with me. It wasn't the time to talk about him. I just wanted to hold her.
"If it means anything, he looks worse than I do."
Chapter 22
Olivia
We were both on our back, looking up at the stars.
"You can't do stuff like that," I said. "I don't want you putting your career at risk because of me. I'm not sure it would look very good if you went to jail. I would never forgive myself if you did."
"If that's what it takes to keep him away from the three of you, I'll do it."
Zander wrapped me in his arms. I knew I'd never want to leave them. He was so warm and safe.
I opened my eyes to the sun shining. Oh shit! I had to get to work and had no idea what time it was. I looked over at him and couldn't help yet another gasp over seeing his eye. It looked horrible. I shook him to wake him up. He looked over at me with a smile.
"You sure you don't need to see a doctor for that eye?" I asked.
"Very funny," he said sarcastically.
"I've got to go. I'm most likely late for work," I said, as I reached over and grabbed his phone.
When I turned it on to see the time, I turned it right back off and threw it at his chest.
"Might want to check your messages."
I was up and gone. He was right behind me.
"It's not what you think," he said, as he grabbed my arm to stop me. "I told you I haven't been perfect. I've tried to get you out of my mind. I'm not with anyone. I wouldn't lie to you."
I pulled my arm away.
"None of my business. It has nothing to do with me. I'm late," I said, as I took off for the house.
When I walked in, my mom was standing there looking at me.
"Not now," I said. "We fell asleep talking. I'm late for work."
I threw my hair up, brushed my teeth, threw on some clothes and flip-flops, grabbed my keys, purse, and phone, and ran out the door. He was standing right next to my car. That man was going to drive me insane. I was sure of it.
"I'm late," I said. "I'm not kidding. Get out of the way."
"I'm making dinner again tonight," he said.
"Okay, now move out of my way."
I got in the car and hurried off to work. It wasn't going to look very good for me to be late. That wasn't a good example for my employees to see. It was the first time it had ever happened. That damn man was turning everything I knew upside down.
The next week passed quickly. I hadn't heard from Mike, so that was a good thing. Zander made dinner every night. We all ate together. The kids spent most of their time with him. They were so excited about cooking dinner. I told him it was like a vacation for me. I wasn't sure how I was going to go back to the busy nightly schedule I usually had. The poor guy was using his vacation time to work hard every day. I was surprised when they asked him to read them their story and tuck them in. It was so nice to have the help. He reminded them every day that he was going back home but would be there for anything they needed.
Sunday morning came, and I was a mess. He was leaving the next day. I didn't know how I was going to go back to normal. He made such an impact in my life in that short time he had been back. It made me realize just how much I missed and cared about him. I was so afraid of losing him again.
I was sitting on the couch with my face buried in my e-reader. When he cleared his throat next to me, I jumped. He caught the tablet before it hit the ground. When he handed it back, he was laughing.
"What's so funny?" I asked.
"I know what I just saw on that screen. I know what you're reading," he said through his laughs.
"Maybe it would be better for me to spend my evenings with different men? Then I could have them all sending me text messages. That sounds pretty good," I said, as I turned off the screen and put the tablet on the table.
"I don't think so," he said, with his jaw tight. "Just read your stupid book."
"I don't believe I heard you knock. Did my mom let you in?"
"Very funny," he said. "I want to take you and the kids out for the day."
"You can take them. I trust you," I said.
He let out a heavy breath through his nose, and I shook my head.
"Why do you have to be so difficult?" he asked. "You're going with us. I just want to spend a day together. Is it really that much to ask, Livie?"
"Fine," I said. "Where are we going?"
"The kids can choose anyplace they want. The day is theirs. Don't you say one thing about it. They can eat what they want and everything."
Zander didn't even wait for my response. He walked over to the steps and called them both down.
We had a very nice day. He took us to play mini golf, to the park, and to get ice cream. My favorite part was going to the movies. Zander sat next to me. Jack sat next to him, and April was on the other side of me. Z kept his arm around me the entire time. It took all I had not to beg him not to leave me again. I knew he had to go, but that didn't make it any easier. We picked up chicken on the way home so our moms could eat with us. The kids begged to stay up later than usual. It was going to be hard on them when he left. He read them their story and tucked them each in. I could have sworn he had tears in his eyes when he walked out of the bedrooms. When I turned around, he was gone.
Chapter 23
Zander
Livie walked out to find me sitting on the step at my house. She sat down next to me, and I pulled her closer.
"I feel so relaxed. The thought of going back to my empty house doesn't feel so exciting. I will be back to visit as soon as I can."
"You say t
hat until you get back there. It's going to get busy. Before long, you'll be glad you went back," she said.
"You'll see," I said. "I'll be back more than you want me to be. I'll probably be here so much that you'll be begging me to go home."
All I could think about was missing Livie and the kids.
"You say you don't want to be a dad. You're afraid you'll disappoint them. You're not him. You're you. I see you with April and Jack. They adore you. I don't think you could ever do anything to disappoint them. You're amazing with both of them."
"That's different," I replied. "I'm not with them every second. They have no expectations of me. I don't have to discipline them or tell them what to do. I just get to enjoy them. They are both great kids."
"You're going to make an amazing husband and father one day. You just have to find the right woman. When you find her, you'll change your mind. She'll be worth it. You'll see," she said.
There wasn't a moment to respond. I heard the screech of tires and the loud crash before I even saw the car that ran into the tree across the street from Livie's house. We both took off running down the driveway. She stopped and gasped when we had made it halfway.
"What?" I yelled.
"It's Mike," she said in shock.
"Call 911, Livie," I snapped out at her. "Get in the house and call now. Do not come back out. Make sure the kids don't see anything."
I took off running through the yard, as she ran back to the house. The car was demolished. The front looked like it was sitting in the front seat. Luckily, the door was smashed enough that it was kind of open. I pulled as hard as I could and finally budged it enough to fit through. There was blood everywhere. She was right, it was Mike. I couldn't stand that man. He had everything I wanted but let it all go. He had gotten her. She had chosen him. Then he hurt her and his kids. He was the cause of that giant scar on her arm. He had made her suffer for four years by refusing to take care of his responsibilities. He had shown up at her job and backed her into a corner. I never thought I could feel hate toward someone. He was the closest I had ever come. I stood there looking at his bloody body and knew what I had to do. As much as I couldn't stand him, I had to try and save him.
A Blast from the Past (A Second Chance Romance) Page 12